A/N: Thanks to: Ilovetommy, Tommys my 21, Duddley111, Judeh05, Erin McKinley, LittleZurawski, Adrienne, burninsecretskept, cecapo3610, lileigh760, 4everobsessed, andiamthatplace for reviewing the last chapter. I'm so glad that you guys enjoying.
And I'm aware that I'm not giving everyone time to read and review (I usually wait to update when there's about 400 hits and there's only been 102) but I want you to be able to read as so as I finish it.
"I know, the infamous Tom Quincy isn't going to his room this early. It's barely midnight," Jude teases.
"I'm getting old remember," I laugh, holding the elevator doors open. "You coming up?"
She shakes her head from side to side. "Nah. I think I'm going down to the beach…it'd be more fun if you with…" she smiles, before turning on her heel and walking away.
I stand there a minute, admiring the view. It's not just her ass either; it's like her whole walk. It's like her hips are speaking to me: Tom, you better bring your ass on before you miss out on something. Don't be a fool Tommy. Go…follow. She doesn't normally walk like that…perhaps it's the dress? Damn, I have to love that dress.
I follow her path, finding her on the outdoor porch/patio. She leans over the railing, eyes closed, letting the breeze blow her hair around hazardously.
"You know Quincy, once I get married, we're still going to have to do this thing," she says, not even opening her eyes. How does she even know I'm there? I don't know, probably the same way I know when she's in the room.
"What 'thing' might that be Jude," I smile, walking towards her, timidly, with my hands in my pockets. As I lean, against a column of the patio, I gaze at her sadly, trying to memorize the little crinkles around her eyes, as she smiles. Committing to my memory, the curve up her lips—the arch of her eyebrow…
"You know our little chats…us hanging out. Just being Tommy and Jude."
All of a sudden, realization shocks the living hell out of me…I've got to tell her.
"Jude, I need to tell you something," I whisper, looking at her solemnly.
Her eyes open as her face falls into the saddest expression you can ever imagine. "What is it?" she asks, turning towards me, shaking her bangs from her eyes.
"I'm not dying," I joke weakly. "Just sit down let me talk to you," I say, leading her by the arm to the wicker armchair beneath the ceiling fan. "How long have we known each other? 6 years?"
"Yeah about 6 years…" she nods, as I take a seat beside her.
"You and Jax are really tight aren't you?"
I cannot believe I just asked that stupid ass question. Hell, might as well bring up the weather while I'm at it.
"Yeah…we are getting married Tommy…" she responds, looking thoughtfully at the ring on her left hand.
"He should be really proud to have someone like you…" I say absentmindedly, focusing on the ugly ass ring as well.
She laughs and looks at me suspiciously. "Is that all you wanted to talk about Tommy? "
"No, no, no," I smile, uneasily. I take a deep breath and try to get to the point. "There's something I've been wanting to talk to you about for about the past few months. Well, actually, about the last year and it's getting heavier and heavier everyday and it's past the boiling point…and I just have to get if off my chest," I ramble, I continue though hoping she's getting the big picture.
"I have a great deal of respect for you girl…" I stutter, placing my hands on her knees, as I sit on the wicker ottoman at her feet. "I'm just…um. You know about my childhood…my dad dying when I was nine." I pause, swallowing hard, clearing the lump in my throat.
"Tom. I know," Jude smiles, warmly, grabbing my hands. "What is it?"
"Just let me finish…" I sigh, looking at her hands in mine. "Over the months that he was sick, before he died, he tried to teach me a little moral lesson everyday. The most important one was probably about the things about the golden rule. You know…"
" 'Do on to others as you want them to do on to you'," we say in unison. I glance up from our hands, and look her in the eyes.
"Yeah. That one. He was such a religious man, so he tried to go over the 10 commandments… don't steal. Don't kill. You know all the things that good parents try to instill into their children," I smile at her, she's looking at me curiously, probably wondering when I'm going to get the point. "And you know as well as anyone that I did some stupid crap as teenager, but I never committed any major crimes…I did skip class sometimes, when I was actually there…"
Jude laughs at that comment. I glance up at her quickly, her smile giving me courage to continue. "I had to wait until manhood to commit a major crime…well according the court of love, you know, if there is such a court."
I cannot believe I just said something that corny, and at this point I get up and start pacing. "But you know sometimes you're sort of forced into things like this, sometimes cupid can shoot his arrow so fast you can't get out the way." I say, more to myself than her. "And you can fall and it's like being in quicksand the more you wiggle or try to get a way from love the deeper you'll sink into it."
"Jude, you know I'm not that good at words, well not at words but you know talking…letting people know how I feel. Letting people in."
"Yeah, Tommy I should know," she says, bluntly, a smile playing at her lips.
I nod, rolling my eyes, "But I have to tell you all of this so I can get to what I really want to say. You know exactly what all the tabloids are saying…what they've been saying from the beginning…that we have a secret relationship going on. And now these last couple of months they've been saying that I'm trying to steal you away from Jax or whatever."
She scoffs quietly. "Yes Tommy, I'm aware."
"But I'd never steal anything or any person away from another person. Because I'd never want anyone to that to me…you know it goes back to the golden rule.
Jude, I've never seen anybody like you, I've never met anybody like you. I've never known any one like you." I ramble. "And some things you just can't help. These last couple of months the only peaceful sleep I've had is when you were beside me that night after you got semi-drunk after Shay's unofficial engagement party. Any other night I'm tossing and turning…I wake up in the middle of the night and I find myself thinking about you. I just can't help it.
And right now if this was the court of love, I'd be standing accused of loving you. And I'm glad it's not a real crime because if it were…" I laugh, nervously, "I'd be facing 25 to life—I'd be guilty. I'd be guilty of loving you…" I sigh, stopping my pacing and just staring out at the ocean.
"I can't help not loving a woman like you," I grumble, more to myself than to her. "I know you're with Jax… I might not stand a ghost of chance compared to Jax in your eyes…but I've tried to keep quiet and ignore it. I was thinking that you were just another phase for me…and I'd never want to hurt you. But like I said, I tried to ignore it…but the only thing I want to do is hold you…I just want to squeeze you tight.
But you're with Jax and it's just not right, that I'm telling you this now. I know you hate lying and cheating and all of that," I glance over my shoulder at her. She's just sitting there in the chair, her mouth slightly agape, and her hands neatly in her lap.
I turn back towards the ocean, leaning over the railing. I can't believe I actually just said all of that aloud. I thought that would be the hard part. I was wrong…that was the easy part compared to waiting for her reaction.
It's deathly quiet in the room, the only sound is the waves crashing onto the beach, but I dare not turn around and look at her.
"Hell, I didn't ask to fall in love with you…I just couldn't help myself," I mutter, trying to comfort myself, to ease the rejection if it was coming.
A few more minutes of silence tick on by, feeling like a half an eon to me. I'm debating with myself to say something…but I've said all I can.
I feel a hand on my shoulder, her hand on my shoulder. I quickly, glance up to see her facial expression. It's absolutely neutral. I take her hand off my shoulder and sandwich it between mine.
"Jude," I sigh, looking her in the eyes. Just tell me what you're thinking girl. I plead quietly.
A/N:So one day I was listening to the radio, and thissong was on the Oldies channel by Issac Haze...and he was rappin' (well not actually rappin', singing his heart out) to this woman (she was engaged to be married) who he just met about how much he loved her...and how he couldn't help it. Basically in Tommy's sitatution. So I jacked Issac's whole "love is a crime and I need to be on trial," metaphor. It just fit.
I know, I ended it right there. I haven't decided how I want it to go yet though...more later probably.