Disclaimer: Still searching for the spell to make Sessy or Inu real…care to help? Nope, no own.
His Past, Her Present, Their Future
Chapter 2 - Acceptance
Kagome stared at the bodies in front of her, laid in a row. She choked back a sob. InuYasha, Sango, Miroku, and Sesshoumaru: now nothing more than shells. Rin stayed inconsolable across the body of her Lord and wouldn't let Jaken near him, giving an ear-piercing scream if he dared to approach. The only time she had let anyone close was for Kagome to desperately try and wield Tenseiga. It hadn't responded at all, and she cursed the sword with every bit of her.
She held the completed Shikon Jewel in her hand, gagging on her sorrow in the waning light. There was only one thing left to try. 'She knew it was a selfish wish, and with it the jewel would become tainted. It would not disappear, but Kagome couldn't bring herself to care. ot with her entire life laid out in front of her, not with the two crying children sobbing before her. She grasped the jewel in her hands, the tears still falling uncontrollably down her face as she concentrated. "Lady Midoriko," she whispered. "Please, hear my call. Please. Just let my voice be heard. My friends did not deserve to die. They did not deserve this pain. Please, please hear me."
The white filled her vision, blinding and forcing her eyes closed. She cracked them back open slowly to observe the room she found herself in, a room so bright she could hardly see. The vision before her seemed the source of the light, a vision of blinding ethereal beauty. She walked to Kagome with a fluid grace that was like floating and placed a hand on her shoulder. "My child, why do you call me from battle?"
Kagome's voice hitched in her throat. "L-Lady Midoriko, please. I know I am meant to make a selfless wish. I know I am meant to p-purify the Shikon Jewel. I know all of this, but I can't just let my friends be dead. Please, there has to be a way."
The miko frowned and pursed her lips. "Kagome, my child, you know things are not so simple. If I were to allow this wish, you yourself would be changed forever, and there would no longer be a being in the world strong enough to overcome to tainting pull of the jewel."
"But how can they just die? They gave their lives for this stupid jewel, there has to be a way for that to be given back to them!"
The older miko's gaze softened and she took Kagome by the hand. The blinding light around her dimmed slightly. "I must not tarry long here, lest the battle sway too far in my absence. But you have a choice to make, my child." Midoriko lowered herself, pulling Kagome to sit beside her on the stone edge of a pond. "There is a way, but you will need to sacrifice much."
"Anything!" Kagome almost screamed, her grip on the older miko's hand tightening. "I would do anything for them."
"Then listen to me well. For me to give them back, the wish must be for Naraku to have never interfered, which would mean that the jewel would be shattered once more, and that you would have to collect the shards again."
Kagome's gaze lowered. "Then… they would forget all about me - all that we've been through - wouldn't they?"
"No. I would not turn back time, simply take away the interference of the hanyou who was once Onigumo, and only since the shattering of the jewel. This means your former incarnation still sealed the hanyou, the monk's hand is still cursed by the Wind Tunnel, and the Demon Slayer still lost her family tragically. I cannot rewrite all of time, only... facets of reality."
Kagome worried her lower lip pensively. "So, it will just be like Naraku hadn't collected all the shards back, and like he never…" her voice cut off as she raised her eyes back to the priestess in front of her. "What else?"
"This is the most difficult part, my child. Until you have collected the Shikon Shards, you will be held in this time. You may have one passage to tell your family there goodbye. But then, however long it takes," Midoriko was stroking the back of her hand, soft and gentling, "once you have collected the shards together you may no longer stay in the Feudal Era."
"I… what?" Kagome's voice caught in her throat as she stared in shock at the woman, her hands flying to cover her mouth. She had to lose her family long enough to collect the shards…and then she had to lose her second family forever in order to get back to the first. Tears stung the back of her eyes like fire.
"It is the only way. Someday, if the need arises, the well may reopen. But this is only in dire circumstance. I am sorry, my child, that it must be this way, but there must be sacrifice if this battle is to be won. When you complete the jewel, you will be taken out of this era, and by that sacrifice it will purify forever."
Kagome's lower lip quivered as she nodded, agreeing to the conditions. She would rather her friends live on without her than for them not to live at all, but that didn't stop a sob from tearing through her.
Midoriko rose up, turning away from the weeping girl. "Fear not, Kagome, sometimes fate is not as cruel as it seems."
In that tiny, sheltered part of her mind that was still aware, Kagome mulled over her meeting with the legendary miko. But it remained locked away. Her grief was still too fresh, her heart too decimated, her soul too weak and darkened for her to awaken. To be awake was to think, to think was to remember, and to remember would surely kill her. In those deep recesses of her being, something screamed. It howled and shrieked, its never ending lament of heartbreak resounding through her. Misery rolled off her body in waves, her aura tugging on the souls of everyone in the small hut.
None of her companions knew how they had been brought back to life, just that it was by the providence of the jewel. None of them knew of the sacrifices Kagome had and would make for them. Late in the night, as the group slept soundly, a whisper in the wind was all that signified another presence. He stood in the doorway to watch the young miko sleep.
He said nothing, but he breathed in the misery and pain that surrounded her. He drank it in and shared her burden for just a moment, only too aware of her losses. And without a word, he was gone.
Through the blackness, a pinprick of light shone bright, enveloping her. She clenched shut her eyes.
"Kagome? You have to wake up now."
"Inu- InuYasha?" she gasped out, her throat constricted.
"Yes, wench. Now get up."
Her eyes fluttered open, hesitantly and painfully, to see him standing before her in front of Goshinboku. Pain seized her. "But… how are you here? How am I here? Was I just dreaming?" She clambered to her feet and ran to stand before him, panic and something like hope etched into her features.
He shook his head and tucked a small lock of hair behind her ear. "No, it wasn't a damn dream; this is." His gruff tone was, as always, belied by the gentleness of his eyes and actions. "It's the only way I could see you. Kagome, you can't stay this way forever, you have to get up and fight. There's too much shit left for you to do."
"This is a… dream?" Tears filled her eyes but she fought to hold them back, staring into InuYasha's golden eyes.
The sadness radiated off of her, and his eyes softened minutely as he spoke. "Hey, wench, knock that off," he said softly, gathering her into his arms. "You can't mourn me. I made my choice."
"But… why?" she asked as she pulled back, gold meeting blue. "We needed you here, InuYasha; I needed you here. Why would you take my best friend away from me again?"
He looked away uncomfortably. "Keh! You act like you lost me or something. I'm always here Kagome, but you can't spend another month lying in bed. I had to do what I had to do. I thought we talked about this a year ago? You knew the choice I'd made, and ya knew I had to go with her. I never could've been happy if I had shirked my duty."
"But… but… I didn't expect it to be so soon!"
He sighed and drew her close, but not before the saw the dark, embarrassed red that flushed his cheeks. "I- damnit, I love you, wench. You were the best thing that ever happened to me, and I dunno what I woulda done without you. What's life without someone to smile for ya? Maybe in another life things can work out differently, hm?"
She nodded, knowing it was just pretty words but snuggling closer to his chest nonetheless. "Maybe next time you won't be so dense until after it's too late."
"Yeah? And maybe next time you won't whine so much."
"Oh yeah? I could sit you, you know."
"Feh! C'mon, bitch, isn't being dead enough for you?" he said snidely, but the smirk twitching his lips ruined the effect.
She dropped her fake indignation, laying her head back on his shoulder. "I wish you were here, InuYasha. There's so much I need help with."
"Keh, you'll be fine on your own, woman. You have people all around you to help."
"But none of them are you."
His face darkened as he pushed her out to arm's length. "Hmph. What happened to that whole 'love you as a friend' crap?"
She snorted. "Don't worry, InuYasha. I love you as my friend, my best friend, but I've grown up since I was fifteen. And I can see when I need to grow up and move on."
He smiled slightly and met her gaze again. "So, you gonna wake up or what? There's a little runt who's going crazy without you."
"Shippou? How long have I been asleep?"
"I've been gone an entire moon cycle, and you haven't moved. There've been times you were conscious, but you've never really woken up You have to let this shit go."
"I know…" she looked up into his eyes with a smile, despite the stray tears that meandered down her cheeks. "InuYasha?"
His sigh was heavy, though amused, as he met her shy glance. "What do you want, wench?"
"Can I…?"
InuYasha rolled his eyes heavily and walked up to her, dipping his head. "Go on."
She giggled and reached up, running her fingers across the downy fur of his ears with a grin. 'Just like the first day I met him. Fuzzy ears and Goshinboku…'
As he backed away she sighed, knowing it was time to part. "Will I ever see you again?"
"When you need me, I'll be here. I'll always be here."
"Thank you, InuYasha," she said, scrubbing at her wet cheeks.
"Goodbye, Kagome. Smile for me, would ya?"
When she awoke, the darkness was a shock. She moaned silently, her muscles and bones aching from weeks of disuse. And good gods did she need a bath, she could smell herself! Her nose wrinkled. She moved slowly to sit up, careful to not call the attention of the group that dozed peacefully on the futons around her. If InuYasha had been there she would have already been caught, but the group that remained was not nearly as sensitive of sleepers. But if InuYasha were there... she choked off the tears that threatened at the thouht. She would mourn, yes, but she would not be a slave to her depression. InuYasha wouldn't have wanted that for her.
After long minutes of flexing her aching muscles, she was finally able to support her own weight and quietly stumble to the door. The air was crisp, and the darkness was nearly overwhelming in the moonless night. She smiled at the sky, imagining InuYasha's relief to no longer have his human night of weakness.
She stumbled, less coordinated than ever, as she tried to fight through her foggy mind to get to the hot springs just outside of the village. As the darkness began to smother her, she remotely wondered why she hadn't thought to bring her bow and arrows along, or even her bath supplies. It had been simple at the time: make no noise. Do not get surrounded by well-meaning friends and smothered. Not yet. She wasn't ready yet... and it came down to that.
As the hot spring came into view she sighed happily and began pulling at her clothes. That was another thing she'd forgotten. With a sigh she yanked her blouse over her head and dropped it next to the steaming water, "Well, guess I'll just take my clothes in with me and wait for them to dry," she mused aloud to the silent forest. "I think my skin and muscles won't mind staying in for a while longer."
She finished undressing and slowly dipped into the spring, relishing in the cold night air against her skin. The water nipped at her senses, her bones quickly turning to butter in the perfectly heated water. Her sigh was low and wistful as she pulled her blouse and jeans into the water, trying to scrub away the month's worth of sediment and sweat in it. After she was satisfied with the results, she stepped from the water, shivering, to hang her clothes over a low branch nearby before running back to envelop herself in the heat once more.
Tears fell slowly as her mind drifted to InuYasha, but the tears were not anguished ones, simply those of the pain of the loss of a friend, and the knowledge she would never again be able to ride on his back through the beautiful forests of the Feudal Era or listen to him argue with Shippou over the last morsels of food. She smiled as she thought of those times, of those memories. But, because of her dreamtime meeting, she knew things would be alright. He hadn't abandoned her, he just did what he needed to. And for him, she would force herself to go on.
Dawn was breaking as she finally pulled herself from the water, grimacing at her wrinkled fingers as she pulled on her mostly dry clothes. The day would be a warm one. As she ambled her way back to Kaede's village, a sense of calm was over her. Maybe Midoriko was right, maybe fate didn't have to be such a terrible thing.
"Miroku! Sango! Wake up!" Shippou yelped, hopping up and down on top of a very annoyed monk. Miroku groaned and flung an arm at the fox, knocking him away from where the couple's bedrolls were, only to have a bushy tail shoved in his face. "I said wake up! Kagome is gone!"
He sat bolt upright at that, and Sango did the same. "What do you mean?"
"I mean she's gone, she's not there anymore, she's vanished!"
They clamored about the hut, searching for any sign of where their friend could have gone, only to find nothing. Her backpack laid next to her cot, her bow and arrows were still propped near the head of Sango's bedroll with her Hiraikotsu. "Shippou, can you smell her? She wouldn't have gone far without her things," Sango asked, trying to calm him enough for an answer.
"Unless someone took her!" he wailed, his eyes streaming.
"Aye, child, but let's not be thinking of that. Can ye not smell where she's gone?" Kaede asked, stepping from the adjoining room of the hut.
The fox stopped near the bamboo door, sniffing gently before bounding outside. With a small glance between them, Sango and Miroku followed him into the dawn light. As they exited, they could hear Shippou's rejoicing howl of, "KAGOME!"
She was exiting the woods, her hair damp and with a small smile on her face as the fox leapt into her arms. "Kagome, Kagome, Kagome! I was so scared because you were gone and I didn't know where you had gone and I thought someone had taken you and-"
"That's enough, Shippou, give her a chance to breathe," Sango laughed, lifting him from their friend's arms. Her face was gaunt from lack of food; they had forced her to eat daily since she had been in bed, but it wasn't enough to prevent the weight loss. The smile she tossed her friends wasn't quite enough to reach her eyes, and Miroku held back a frown as Sango bit her lip sadly.
"Hey, what's wrong with you?" Kagome asked her, linking their arms together as they moved back towards Miroku.
"Nothing, I was just wondering the same about you…" Sango said before catching herself. "I mean, you don't have to talk if you don't want to, but…"
"It's all right, Sango. I'm not going to break if I'm asked questions. You all deserve the answers, too." Tears made her eyes bright, and Miroku waved at a bench in front of Kaede's hut for her to sit. "Do you want to know what happened that day?"
"We don't need details, Lady Kagome, but I think closure would do us all good," Miroku said softly.
She wrung her hands, and Miroku resisted the urge to hold them between his own. Sango wouldn't take well to that, and it was probably inappropriate in the situation. "I came back from being in my time, I was already devastated enough…" she trailed off, remembering that InuYasha was the only one who knew about her inability to go back to her home for who-knew-how-long. He hadn't known about her inevitable departure, though. No one did. "But, anyway, I sensed a lot of energy, and I was worried. I snaked through the forest and came across-" her voice broke and she had to take a deep breath to continue, swiping at her tears. "InuYasha and Kikyo. She told him that that night was the night she wanted to take him with her to hell. He agreed, and as the earth opened up to swallow them, he turned to me. He just told me goodbye, and I screamed. Oh god, I screamed. But I couldn't move…" a sob overtook her and she buried her face in her hands. She left out the words exchanged between them, or a few other details she didn't want to think about.
"Oh Kagome," Sango said mournfully, her eyes overflowing.
Miroku put his arms around his fiancée and grimaced. "We all mourn with you. He was a friend to all of us."
Shippou climbed into Kagome's lap as she cried, joining her and pressing his wet face to her blouse. She clung to him.
And it was a day set in mourning for them all, but life's inevitability made the following day shine brighter. Because life always moved on.