Rating: T
Disclaimer: For the twelfth time, I own nothing.
Author's Note: So first, I put it to you: does anyone find it as... well... freaky as I did to hear that of the billions of names on this planet, Wilson's dog was named HECTOR?! What are the odds?! Haha let's just say I nearly spat out my diet Pepsi whilst watching last week's episode. That aside, I am once again sorry about the long wait. What can I say, mate, it's final exams time. Ergh. Anyway, I do hope you enjoy this installment, and the next will put them in the grand old city of Boston, Massachusetts. Comments of all shapes and sizes are always welcome in my home! Got any for sale?
SIDE NOTE: I'm in the market for a beta reader. If you're interested in my specific brand of editing torture, send me a PM and I'll take the first one or two who respond!
Chapter dedication: the scrumptious JellyBean30 who... well, has a name that makes me long for Easter candy... and ALSO reviews faithfully :-)
Tap…Tap…Tap…
"Could you… Not?"
House gave a start and quickly glanced over to the woman currently driving what he considered to be his prison on wheels. It had, in actuality, been only fifteen minutes since the untimely demise of his headphones, but the grouchy diagnostician would have sworn on his less-than-reputable name that lifetimes had passed by under cover of the heavy silence. In that time, he had grown tired of counting telephone poles, and had since moved on to absently tapping his cane against the window. It was that specific action that brought him to the current situation of being the subject of an annoyed stare.
"Am I annoying you?" he asked with an incensing grin. May as well get the woman to admit that he wasn't good company, as she obviously hoped.
Allison Cameron, who was doing the driving and the admonishing, cast him a calculating glance out of the corner of her eye. Judging by his tone, he was testing her—Hmph. Well, she certainly wasn't going to give him that bit of satisfaction. "No," she retorted with forced good will, adding a smile of her own for emphasis. "Keep tapping, if that's what floats your boat."
Tap…Tap…Tap…Tap…Tap…
He kept it up for another full minute before deciding reluctantly that there was little allure to the motion after she had called it to his attention. Dropping the offending item down to rest between his knees, he sighed melodramatically. But he wasn't giving in—Never! He was just going to find some other way to crack her… The scruffy doctor assured himself, before opening his mouth to let out his best whine.
"I'm bored," he announced, as if it weren't the most painfully obvious thing in the world. Cameron scoffed.
"And I'm having a wonderful time stewing in awkward silence with my misanthropic employer," she chuckled harshly, shooting her companion a sidelong glare. After another relapse into quiet, however, she cleared her throat. "Alright, since the rather large, ADHD-seven-year-old part of you requires entertainment…"
House looked over at the profile of his immunologist in mild surprise. She was going to humor him..?
"Why don't we play a road game?"
The surprise turned to slight bewilderment, but it was mere moments before that turned into a positively lecherous leer. "Well okay, but make sure you put it on cruise-control," he grinned, making quite the show of leaning across the center console and reaching for his zipper in the same motion.
"STOP! You're sick!" Cameron half-screeched, half-laughed. She swatted at his reaching hand and scooted to the other side of her seat.
"Excuse me, you're the one who suggested—"
"That is not what is meant by the term 'road games'!" She yelped, and once satisfied that he wasn't about to continue with his dastardly advances, the pretty, young doctor shook her head. "C'mon, you can't possibly tell me you've never played License Plate Bingo or the Animal Game?"
House immediately opened his mouth to retort, as per usual, but quickly shut it again as her words registered. Had he ever played those games..? An unfamiliar expression crossed his face, as memories of car-rides in his youth surfaced in his nimble mind—sitting in the backseat alone, save the family's belongings that were occupying both other seats and half of his own…his father driving, his mother knitting, the dull murmur of talk radio mixing with the sound of the tired Buick engine…trying to speak and being abruptly cut off by the colonel… The gruff doctor shook his head quickly, snapping to just in time to catch the openly questioning glance from his immunologist.
"What?" he spat, with more acid than he intended. "So I've never played a few of your Mid-West bumpkin games that I'm sure were invented in Cowsville, Nowhere—For the record I've never gone cow-tipping or jumped out of a loft into manure, either."
And at that obviously defensive remark, Cameron jerks her eyes away from his face apologetically. Having grown up with brothers in the back of the family station wagon, she was now kicking herself for not having thought of the fact that obviously House hadn't had the same sibling experiences. She just had to bring up some unpleasant bit of his past while trapped in the car, hadn't she? Feeling a tinge of guilt and desperate to make amends for the blunder…
"Platypus!"
If House had felt himself caught off-guard when she told him to stop tapping his cane on the window, it was nothing compared to the incredulity that crossed his face at this latest exclamation. Allowing his blank stare to linger on her features until he felt she had turned a sufficient shade of red, he took his time in responding.
"Oookay…" he began finally, as if talking to the mentally infirm—which, after that interjection, he felt he might be. "She's gone completely bats." The diagnostician shook his head mournfully, before edging away and managing to appear uncomfortable. "Great—stuck in a tin can of a car with a delirious chipmunk-lover. Hey listen, if you still have control of your faculties, it'd be great if you could hold off on singing 'Kumbaya'…"
Cameron rolled her eyes, wondering secretly if she should start singing just to make him more uncomfortable—huh, it would serve him right. However, realistically having no more desire to sing "Kumbaya" than he had to listen to it, she settled for explaining her previous outburst.
"Noo, Greg," she began exasperatedly as one would do if speaking to a small child. "That's the game."
"As great as the game 'Platypus' sounds… I think maybe I'll pass—"
"Okay, 'Platypus' is not the name of the game, it's how you play—"
"Not sure I follow, and come to think of it, I'm pretty sure I'm allergic to any sort of game that has to do with web-footed billed-mammals. You know, I get all itchy and swollen and you unless you want to rub calamine lotion on my—"
"If you would shut up for a second, I could explain that the game really doesn't have anything to do with web-footed billed-mammals!" Cameron finally shouted, having come to the end of her patience. Predictably, House smirked gloatingly at the fact that he had ruffled her at last.
"Uh oh, Allison, don't tell me you're beginning to find me annoying..?!"
Recomposing herself, the young immunologist relaxed her grip on the wheel and had to let out a short, half-sigh/half-chuckle. Point one for House—but she'd get him next time. "So—in order to play this game," she started loudly, effectively ignoring his comment. "I name an animal and you have name a different one that begins with the letter that my animal ends with."
"I think the appropriate response to that masterful explanation would be: What?"
"It's really not as complicated as it sounds—although I guess I could just give you an example…" Cameron thought briefly for a moment before continuing. "Alright, if we were playing and I said 'antelope,' you could say 'elephant' because antelope ends in 'E. Do you… get it?'"
Well, he had gotten it the first time around, so this time wasn't any more of a mystery. House considered feigning more confusion, you know, to keep up the annoying factor… but the truth of it was that this game actually sounded interesting enough to play along with. Well no, not so much interesting as a game he was pretty sure he would beat her mercilessly at. Winning always had held an undeniable allure for Gregory House, after all. So thinking, he nodded. "Yeah. So how do you win?"
"You win by getting the other person to miss— basically by taking too long to think of one, or repeating an animal that's been said, or…"
"Yeah yeah yeah, I get it—start already!" he flapped a hand at her impatiently, to which she stuck out her tongue.
"I already said Plat—"
"Good God woman! Haven't I mentioned that I'm allergic to—!"
"HIPPOPOTAMUS, THEN!"
Allison Cameron and Gregory House paused for one long moment, each sizing the other up as surreptitiously as possible.
She was completely insane for agreeing to this… she thought.
He was completely insane for agreeing to this… he thought.
Why couldn't he stop being an ass when she was trying so hard to do him a damn favor?!
Maybe he should stop being such an ass, since she was doing him a favor..?
Because he's… House. She concluded uneasily.
But he's… himself. He concluded… uneasily?
The silence drew out like a knife, neither party aware at how close their thoughts actually came to mirroring the others. Finally, and perhaps surprisingly, it was he who snapped the tension.
"So… Hippopotamus ends in an 'S'," he affirmed, if a bit quietly, and it was difficult to tell who was more surprised at his sudden acquiescence. Huh, it looked like the Grinch did have a heart—even if it was two sizes too small. Not the Grinch would admit it, nor was Cindy Lou stupid enough to call him out on it. One more moment of held breath, and it seemed that the two doctors could understand each other, if only for a thin slice of time. "Steve McQueen."
"No, House—you can't use proper names," even as she spoke, Cameron released a sigh that was more therapeutic than she wanted to admit and rolled her eyes.
"First off… Speaking of proper names, there's a new rule for this ride: for every time you forget to call me 'Greg,' you owe me five bucks, and the same goes if I forget to call you 'Allison,'" the diagnostician challenged. "And secondly: do you even know what I'm talking about?"
"First off: you're on," she replied, her voice smooth and almost laughing, "and second: yes, you're talking about your pet rat—but you can't use his name. You'd have to say 'rat.'"
House hesitated for a moment, if only for a second—a feeling of slight surprise rising in his chest at the idea that she would remember such a thing. Part of him was secretly pleased, too, but he pushed it away gruffly, thinking negative thoughts on purpose to quell the unfamiliar, nice sensation. The woman had a stupid girl crush on him, after all—probably had a whole diary full of notes on himself hidden under her bed.
Satisfied that the warm fuziness had fled back to where it belonged, "But 'rat' doesn't start with 'S," he pointed out and she shook her head in a defeated manner. If she keeps doing that, her pretty head is going to roll right off her shoulders, he thought. "Alright, alright—Sail-finned Scorpionfish."
With a snort, Cameron glanced over at her volatile passenger before returning hazel eyes to the road. Of all the times she had played with her brothers, 'sail-finned scorpionfish' had never come up… But somehow, she never doubted that such a thing existed. Jeez—playing with House would certainly be a change of pace! "Well… I was expecting 'snake,' or 'swan'… but okay. 'H' it is. Um…. House."
"What? And you owe me five bucks!"
"No I don't—that's my animal. You've got 'E'."
"Oh, very funny, Allison," House scoffed with a roll of his eyes, "but you said no proper names!"
Laughing at his snarky indignation, and even more so at the fact that he's already getting competitive, the female doctor offered him a cheeky wink and a one-armed shrug. "Well if you're gonna whine about it… Hawk."
"Cuddy."
"Cuddy doesn't start with 'K,' and I'm going to remind you, possibly in vain, that our boss is not an ani—"
"I respectfully beg to differ. You'd be singing a different tune if she made a habit of dragging you into her office for afternoon delight—"
"STOP!" she yelled, predictably, but this time the banter was almost comfortable. Almost. House smirked and propped his foot back up on the glovebox, and Cameron didn't bother mentioning the mud on his sneaker. Almost comfortable. Almost.
After a beat, he replied, "Komodo dragon."
...x.x.x.x.x. .x.x.x.x.x. .x.x.x.x.x. .x.x.x.x.x. .x.x.x.x.x...
"Shit… 'E'… Umm…"
"C'mon Allison—I'm about to declare myself the winner!"
"No way, Greg— you had way more time than that to come up with 'Scarlet Ibis,'which I'm not even sure you didn't make up!" Cameron protested teasingly, despite the fact that she, for some strange reason, trusted him implicitly not to cheat at this game. They had been playing the same animal name game for the past two hours, and now it was taking longer and longer to come up with original animals that began with common letters. Why did every animal end with the letter 'E'..?
"I did not make it up," he retorted with a haughty air. "and fine, you can have five more seconds: one… two…"
"Stop counting!" she yelped, voice rising with laughter. "Hang on, wait—Egret!"
"The huge, white, crane thing?"
"Yep."
"Ooh, good one."
Cameron looked over at House, who was already unconsciously poking his tongue out in concentration as he thought, and a grin threatened to over-take her face. He was being sort of… nice. He probably didn't realize it, but he had just paid her a compliment and was being… well… nice.
She was right—House hadn't even registered that a kind word had slipped past his normally guarded persona. Frankly, he was too busy racking his nimble mind for an animal that began with 'T.' "Teh—tahh—too—Tyyy…" he tried, jabbing her in the arm as she giggled at his antics. "Oh I got one: Tiger salamander!"
"Damnit!" she cursed as he pumped a fist in the air happily. "Another 'R'..? Wait—we haven't used rhinoceros yet!"
"Are you sure about that?" the tall diagnostician needled, getting a returned jab as a response. He half-chuckled, in spite of himself. "Alright, then I'll go with 'Sail-finned scorpionfish.'"
Just then, the easy atmosphere within the car was shattered with something akin to a shriek.
"YOU ALREADY SAID THAT ONE!" Cameron yelled triumphantly, causing the man a mere two feet away to nearly jump out of his skin.
"W-what—? I—no I didn't!" he tried to protest immediately, but she was not to be quieted.
"SAIL-FINNED SCORPION FISH! YOU SAID IT AT THE VERY BEGINNING! I WIN!"
...x.x.x.x.x. .x.x.x.x.x. .x.x.x.x.x. .x.x.x.x.x. .x.x.x.x.x...
"Greeeg, stop sulking, would you, please?" the pretty, young immunologist wheedled, only to be confronted by a shoulder as her companion continued to stare moodily out the window.
"I'm not sulking," he sulked, just as he had been for the past twenty minutes. Gregory House did not lose well.
"Sure you're not," Cameron sighed, more to herself than to him. Regrouping, and fully expecting to be fended off again, she pressed him again, "C'mon, don't be such a sore loser—" she cut herself off as he cringed, also cringing as she realized that maybe loser wasn't the best word choice for her proud passenger. "I mean… it was just a stupid game. I probably cheated. How about that?"
"You didn't cheat. How can you cheat at a game about animals?" he groused, voice tinged with petulance as he still refused to tear his gaze from the gray highway outside the car.
"Fair enough. Alright, have it your way: I didn't cheat," she agreed with a shrug, twisting around in her seat in attempt to restore blood flow to her left leg. The tingling was uncomfortable—she felt like getting out and walking around somewhere. That thought gave her an idea, and as fate would have it, it was also at that moment that her eyes alit on a sign heralding a rest area only a few miles up the road. "Well then how's this: if you buy me a frosty at Wendy's when we stop… I won't tell anyone that I beat you at naming animals."
It was too good of a deal for House's pride to pass up, and they both knew it. He wanted to make some sort of comment about a frosty ruining her possibly bulimic diet, but his heart wasn't in it after the abuse his ego had taken. Finally, all it took was a reluctant nod from him, and they were slowing down for the next exit. As the car pulled off of the freeway, the gruff doctor seemed to brighten just a bit, and he looked over at the driver.
"You know, there's really no shame in losing to you, now that I think of it."
"And why would that be?"
"Because everyone knows that you're a fan of all things great and small... and therefore you pretty much corner the field on animal knowledge. You're a mammal-lover."
Cameron knew this was more of an insult than a compliment, but still... she thought for a moment, before a smile crept across her features. "Yes, I am."
...x.x.x.x.x. .x.x.x.x.x. .x.x.x.x.x. .x.x.x.x.x. .x.x.x.x.x...
"Wow, Cameron… all of those comments about you having anorexia were jokes—I had no idea you were actually starving yourself!" House taunted, vaguely amused as he watched the young woman sitting next to him slurp up that chocolate shake like it was going out of style.
Instead of answering, she merely smiled cheerily at him and continued consuming the soft ice cream. "You owe me five bucks, Greg."
Crap. He thought, wrinkling his nose at the obvious blunder and returning his own attention to his large container of fries. The pair ate in companionable silence for a moment, before a pair of blue eyes returned to the face of his immunologist. He snorted at the sight.
"What?" she asked upon hearing the derisive noise.
"Nothing."
"No… what?" Cameron pressed, eager to know what she had done to catch his attention.
"Well…" he smirked, "were you planning on saving some of that for later?"
Blushing a bit at the obvious mention of having something on her face, she immediately brought a napkin to her mouth to wipe away any offending smudges. She missed the area entirely. "Is it gone?"
"No."
More wiping. "How about now?"
"Nope, still there."
This time, Cameron wiped her entire face thoroughly… except for the one tiny spot at the corner of her mouth that was smeared with chocolate.
"Oh for the love of God—c'mere!" and with that, the tall diagnostician leaned across the center console and relieved her of the napkin before using the other hand to hold her face steady whilst he rubbed at the offending smudge.
With her jaw cupped firmly in his hand and her face not six inches from his, Cameron froze, her eyes wide.
"There, see? Was that so hard?" House mocked her, before suddenly realizing just what he had done. They were firmly in each other's personal space, and he was still holding a hand to her cheek. How had that happened? And more importantly… what to do with this new situation?
"Um… H-house..?" she ventured carefully, face still unsure, and suddenly he knew what to do. Knew how to bring things back into familiar territory.
"Two updates: I no longer owe you five bucks; and I've got a new idea for a bet," he grinned, leaning away from her once more.
"What's that?" Cameron asked, despite the fact that all survival instincts told her that she probably didn't want to know.
"Well… since we obviously need a little practice being… shall we say, 'couple-ish'," placing a hand on her knee caused her to jump, and if possible, the older doctor's Cheshire grin stretched wider. Long pianist's fingers walked their way from knee to thigh, before being trapped by another, more delicate hand.
"HOUSE!"
"Now you owe me five bucks for the name… and the bet is that you owe me twenty dollars for every time you flinch when I get too close."
Cameron glanced down at the way she had pinned House's wandering hand, and then let her eyes slowly drag back up to his face. She traced her gaze over his rumpled "Who" shirt and let it flit across his scruffy features before finally meeting his challenging sapphire stare. He was smug, she knew. He didn't think she was up to it.
"So, Allison," he drawled, the swagger in his voice just as apparent as the swagger in his gait ever was. "Are you in?"
One moment she was gazing up at him with uncertainty in those doe eyes, and the next— House jerked back and made a strangled noise of surprise as the lips of his pretty underling met his own in a fleeting, yet undeniably sure kiss. And she was leaning closer—?! A petite hand was suddenly behind his head and those same dainty lips came within a hairsbreadth of his ear, soft breath making him shiver with nowhere to pull away to.
"Gregory House, you owe me fifteen dollars."