Exchange
Chapter 16: Feelings

Kaoru emerged from the bathroom towel drying her hair just as Kenshin was putting dinner on the table. He looked up at her when she walked in wearing a pair of his draw string pants and loose t-shirts. She smiled brightly and he felt his lips curving upward without his permission.

"Dinner's ready," he announced, even though the food spoke for itself.

"I see that," she answered, throwing the towel onto the back of the couch.

Dinner was eerily quiet. It wasn't usually filled with conversation, but usually enough meaningless talk that it was comfortable. There was none of that tonight. They were both silent. Kaoru was beginning to feel unnerved. She was supposed to be seducing this man and they were barely talking.

"Kenshin," she said softly. "What is wrong?"

"Nothing," he answered just as gently.

Kaoru grit her teeth. There was definitely something wrong; he just wasn't talking about it. She put her fork down. She was done anyway.

"Alright," she said, standing up.

Kenshin watched as she moved into the living room to sit in front of the blazing fire. How was he supposed to explain it? 'I think I'm falling in love with you and I don't want you to know'? He didn't think so somehow. How would she react, anyway? She'd probably tell him that he was obviously dreaming and that she was way out of his league, merely because he was a human. But he wasn't. He was only half human.

He sighed. She would never accept him. Despite the mark on her neck that quite clearly showed his claim, he knew she'd reject him. He stood up and walked towards her. He rest his hand on her shoulder while he sat down next to her.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

She looked surprised. "Why?"

"For being so… secluded. I just needed time to think."

She nodded. "Of course."

"Hiko is expecting you tomorrow morning," he told her.

She laughed. "I guess it's too much to hope that he wouldn't notice if I were to skip out on that visit."

"Probably."

"Kenshin, something's still bothering you. I know I may not seem like the greatest conversationalist, but I promise I'm not going to steal your soul the way I did Enishi's," she said.

"That's part of what's bothering me," he lied easily. "I've never even heard of a soul trap."

"Ah," she murmured. "I see. It's really not that complicated."

"Will you explain it?"

"Yes. Technically, it's a spell that's set to the user's fingers in order to suck out the soul of the victim," she explained. "You understand?"

"Yeah," he responded, sweeping his fingers through his bangs.

They were silent for a while after that, just watching the flames flicker in front of them. Kenshin allowed his thoughts to drift once more. His eyes strayed from the fire to gaze at her profile. Her eyes were glazed over, proving that she herself was lost in her own thoughts.

Kaoru tried to think past the feeling of his eyes burning into her cheeks. She hadn't thought it possible to trick him into loving her so fast but… clearly he was infatuated. She was supposed to contact Hiko, presumably about both Enishi and Kenshin, but she was reluctant to do so.

She was confused. Her own feelings were attacking her relentlessly. She couldn't deny the pity she felt for him and she hadn't. She hadn't denied at all. But there was the matter of that growing fondness. Everytime he looked at her with those emotive eyes she felt her resolve to merely play him weaken. She didn't really want to hurt him and yet…

It would never work.

They were mixed races, never meant to be thrown together. She was there for her people and nothing more.

Nothing more.

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"I've been waiting for you," he greeted her as she walked in.

"I aware of that," she answered with a slight smile. "I've been putting it off."

"Did you think you were going to get yelled at?"

She laughed. "Of course not, Hiko. I just knew you wouldn't approve of my methods of… brutality."

"It was unnecessary," he started, "don't you think?"

"If I thought that, I would have never killed him the way I had," Kaoru told him.

Hiko sighed. "It doesn't matter. He's dead now and there's no point arguing about how he died and whether or not it was ethical."

Kaoru chose to keep silent lest she say something to offend either him or herself.

"What about Kenshin?"

"Hmmm?"

Hiko sighed. "Kenshin."

"He's fine," she replied. "I'm fulfilling my role, just as you asked."

He smirked. "You are falling for him."

"Not at all!" she retorted, standing up from her seat in front of his desk. "I can't believe you'd say such a thing! I'm here for my people! It would be silly to get caught up in some romance!"

He didn't answer, just continued to smile. He could see it even if she could not. Even if her first duty was to her people, she still had a duty to her heart.

Kaoru stood up and bid him a good day before walking out of his office. Falling for him indeed! She was in no such position. As much as she'd like to get caught up in her own fantasies, but she simply couldn't do that to her people. They were still expecting a savior to come back to them. Someone they could rely on.

With a sad smile she headed back to the apartment. She had a mask to put on.

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Kenshin looked up from the breakfast he was cooking and smiled when she walked into the living room. "How was your discussion?"

"Avoidable," she responded.

He shrugged and continued what he was doing. "I'll have food ready in a few minutes."

She made a faint affirmative noise and sat on the floor with her knees drawn up to her chest. He frowned. Something wasn't right…

He didn't question her about her behavior right away. Instead, he finished cooking breakfast and laid it out on the table for her. She ate in silence all the while staring into space, lost in her mind.

It wasn't until after she sat back down on the carpeted floor that he approached her. He sat down next to her and examined the wall.

"What's wrong?"

"Hmmm? Nothing," she answered quietly. "Nothing."

He frowned again. She was lying. "Kaoru," he started, "Why won't you open up?"

"Huh? Open up? Kenshin, I don't have to open up," she pointed out.

"Neither did I," he whispered. "But I did."

"That was your choice."

"Would it really hurt you so much to just open up a little? You stay inside yourself all the time, afraid to let people in. Kaoru, someday, it's going to take it's toll on you," he told her softly. "Trust me. Everyone has to come out with their secrets eventually."

She smiled ruefully. "Only some people Kenshin. I have a duty, which you of all people should understand. I have a duty to my people."

"Always your people… what about what you want?"

"What I want?"

"Don't you want anything, Kaoru?" he asked her.

"I… There… No," she answered firmly, shaking her head. "I don't want for anything."

"Nothing?" he repeated, scooting closer until their hips touched. "Not even your freedom?"

She bit her lip; an endearing habit. "One day… You will understand what it is like to give yourself up for the sake of someone else. I have given my freedom to my people and you don't harbor my freedom at all."

"But Kaoru don't you see? I do have your freedom…" His face was nearing hers again and his fingers touched her collar gingerly.

Her breathing was just this side of irregular and she couldn't formulate a response if she tried. Besides, what was she supposed to say to that…?

His lips touched hers carefully and she gasped. His tongue slowly slid along the seam of her lips before slipping inside to toy with hers. She whimpered low in her throat and tried to pull away, but his arms held her fast.

Her hands came to rest on his chest as his mouth cherished hers. He pulled away after a moment, sharing softening kisses with her before he sighed against her lips with a slight smile.

"Are you sure… there's nothing you want?"

His words lingered in her mind and she licked her lips. His eyes were burnished gold and she couldn't look away. But she couldn't answer either.

She was utterly and completely speechless.