A/N: I had planned to have this posted last night, except RL got in the way and I was stuck at a hockey area for almost five hours mumble incoherent ramblings under breath. Anyways, I've added my own thoughts to a few scenarios here, just because I thought it would be a more interesting read instead of following the episodes by the book. Enjoy!
I was in the lab when I got the news, and my heart literally ripped apart: Louie had been severely beaten by Sonny and his gang. I remember tearing out of work and recklessly speeding down to the hospital. I remember the light fading from my brother's eyes, cuts and bruises covering his entire body. I can still hear myself screaming his name despite him being unconscious.
"Louie! Don't die on me! LOUIE!!"
It was all I could do from exploding with rage and helplessness. I vaguely recall the doctors holding me back, but I can still feel the guilt that burned my soul that night. Through tear-stained eyes I watched them wheel him away, hooked up to seemingly endless machines. I wasn't ready to lose him.
---
The life of a cop is a dangerous one. There are always those crazy maniacs who are hell-bent on revenge and will stop at nothing to get it. I had my own enemies out there, but there was one person whom we all hated: DJ Pratt. Aiden was directly involved with his two rape cases, since it was her best friend who was attacked. She worked relentlessly to the point where she made a career-ending mistake by breaking the seal on a packet of evidence, thus forcing Mac to fire her.
I kept in contact with her after that, catching up on old times and such. What I didn't know was that she was pursuing Pratt, waiting for him to make any kind of error. Tragically, it was she who made the fatal stumble. That bastard Pratt ambushed and murdered her in a Cadillac then set it up in flames. We all knew he was guilty, but I let my emotions get the better of me and I lashed out uncontrollably at an innocent suspect, raw fuel igniting in my veins. I felt helpless, but Lindsay was there to dry my tears.
---
"I just…I can't believe she's gone Montana. Aiden was my friend."
Lindsay patted my hand gently. Though she had never met Aiden, she was understanding and seemed to share my pain. "I know. Stella told me how close you two were."
"She wanted to catch Pratt so badly," I said in between choked sobs. "She was so focused on everything related to him. God I'll miss her."
I felt her thumb wipe away a stray tear that had fallen down my cheek. "She wouldn't want you to be like this, Danny. She died doing her job; she finally succeeded in nabbing Pratt for good. She gave her life so a rapist would be taken off the streets."
She embraced me tightly, rubbing my back with her palms. I clung to her with all the energy I could muster, sobbing into her hair and breathing in her unique scent. We stayed in the position for a while before she pulled back, looking deeply into my eyes and still clutching my hand.
"I'm here for you Danny."
"Thanks Montana."
---
I never realized how much I truly loved Lindsay until I nearly lost her. She had bravely but foolishly volunteered to go undercover in a hostage situation. My breath hitched in my throat at the thought of her getting hurt or even killed. I protested but she refused to listen, stubbornly reassuring me that she had to do it. No, no you don't have to. Please don't go, Montana, I can't lose anyone else. But my pleas went unheard as she headed up to the apartment with a determined look stamped on her pretty features.
I prayed to God she would be alright, but I could have told myself that a million times and my stomach still would have done flip-flops. My heart stopped when we realized she had been made. I bolted out of that van before Stella and Flack had even moved. I had to find her, had to save her before it was too late…
I managed to find her in the darkened room, hunched over on the floor. I immediately took her into my arms, and my eyes shifted upwards in a silent thank-you to the heavens. I was so scared – terrified – that I was going to lose her. You know what that feeling is like? When an icy claw is gripping your heart and all you can do is stand there and struggle for thoughts, for breath? When all you can taste is that moment but hope to God that it doesn't last?
"You alright?" I sputtered out the question as I quickly scanned her body. Despite being shaken, she was alive, much to my gratitude.
"Yeah."
---
Never did I imagine love would be so complicated. I was so desperate in knowing what was going on between us. I wanted more that what we had. I wanted Lindsay. But for some reason she backed away, and there was no denying the pain in her eyes when she told me she was not ready, that she needed some space to "work some stuff out that I thought were behind me". I felt sick and confused, but instead of pressing the issue I let her go – for now – and promised that I would always be there lest she need someone.
As I watched her turn the corner and her silhouette fade on the walls, my emotions swirled around me like some great maelstrom, but I wasn't about to back down.
I love you, Lindsay Monroe.