Second-to-last chapter, here. It is, admittedly, very Mary-Sue-ish, especially at the end. I request your forgiveness. This is the chapter I had stopped at for about a year before picking it up again, because of it's horrible...well, horrible-ness. It is by far not my best piece of writing, so please struggle through it and read the next chapter. I only ask this because I believe the next chapter to be the best thing I have ever written; and it's kind of ironic how it's preceeded by this fanficion-literary abomination. So, um, thanks again for sticking with me this far!

- - - -

Chapter Nine
Trying Not to Love Her is Like Trying Not To Breathe
or
Hiei's Return

- - - -

A high-pitched scream pierced through the calm night, awaking a certain fire youkai. Hiei's eyes snapped open, his heart beating faster than normal as he leapt to the ground. He cocked his head to one side, trying to determine where the scream originated.

Another cry met his sensitive ears followed by the shouts of men. He took off at once toward the sounds and arrived at the edge of the scene in seconds. There he found a group of five or six lower class demons surrounding a girl.

He was about to turn away and leave them alone when the girl cried out, "Leave me alone!" She struggled against them in vain, only to have another demon hold her down in addition to the one already trying.

The short fire youkai let out a low growl and took a step forward, his pulse racing, when he recognized the voice - it was Rhys.

The demon who proved to be the leader looked in Hiei's direction, motioning for the last two of his goons to check out the area by Hiei. The two demons threw a small spherical object towards him. Before Hiei could see what it was, a restraining wall (A/N Like the one in the Dark Tournament when they had to 'quarantine' Hiei and the Masked Fighter. Yeah.) sprang from it. The wall illuminated him and the demons chuckled at his angry expression.

Hiei ignored them and gazed helplessly at Rhys. Her eyes were wide with fear and she stopped struggling. "Hiei," she said softly, but loud enough for him to hear.

He felt his dark ki surround him, engulfing the area around him in a darkly transparent cloud of energy. It did nothing to distract the gang of demons however, they seemed confident the wall could hold him as they turned their backs on him to face Rhys.

The fire demon smirked to himself, knowing how wrong they were. In one massive energy blast, Hiei let it loose. It tore down the wall, but didn't stop there, continuing on to tear apart the opposing demons.

When the smoke from his attack cleared he stepped forward to see a small body on the floor, among the others. He approached it, halting before with a sick realization. In his haste he had decimated everything...

...Even her -

He abruptly woke up to find himself panting in a cold sweat, cradled in the ever comforting embrace of yet another tree.

That damn dream...he had been having ones like it for days - or was it weeks? He always lost track of time when he was away from civilization, and this time was no different.

But it seemed no matter what time it was, thoughts of the kiyone plagued his mind. There were times he hated her and the spell she seemed to have cast over him.

But there was always that underlying feeling...the one that bound him to the woods surrounding Genkai's temple, forbidding him to go elsewhere.

The next day he couldn't resist the need to at least see her.

He forbid himself to talk and make contact with her, but he would steal a glance if given the chance, and the day was full of chances waiting to be taken.

He waited for the cover of darkness, it was always easier to run in the dark anyway. He approached Genkai's temple, seeing light flooding out of one door in particular, and heard a burst of laughter from it.

He stood a distance from it, but enough to see clearly into the room and not be seen by anyone inside it. No one noticed anything slightly different, or the presence of the fire demon. He wouldn't have had it any other way.

Rhys was sitting with Kuwabara and Yukina and Botan and Yusuke, and they were all laughing at something or other. Hiei gazed at Rhys. Once the laughter had died down her face became serious and she leaned forward to listen to Yusuke.

"You have to tell her, you know," said a voice beside him.

Hiei almost jumped, caught off guard while watching the scene in front of him. He looked away from the kiyone and turned to face the speaker. "Tell her what, fox?"

Kurama gave a slight chuckle. "How you feel."

Inside, panic was slowly filling Hiei, but he contained his emotionless exterior. "And just how do I feel?"

Kurama sighed deeply and stated simply, "You love her."

Hiei's eye's narrowed but he didn't comment, except for, "Hn."

The kitsune looked down at his friend. "I can see it whenever you look at her, Hiei. In your eyes."

"I don't know what you're talking about," was the only reply the fox recieved before Hiei gracefully jumped off the ground and lounged in a high branch.

Kurama sighed again. Why couldn't Hiei just admit it? It was clear that he had feelings for Rhys...maybe he didn't want to hurt her, like Yukina. But, being as he knew the fire youkai well, he knew it was most likely another front put up by the demon to hide his true feelings.

Kurama called up to him, "She has a right to know, it's not like with Yukina - "

"Keep her out of this," Hiei said fiercly. "It's not you business to tell me what and what not to do."

"I'm just suggesting..."

"I don't need your suggestions and I don't want your help."

The fire youkai was about to jump to another tree that was farther away when he stopped, his back to Kurama, and added, "And if you even so much as HINT anything to Rhys, I will kill you," before disappearing into the night.

- - - -

A month had passed.

In that time, Rhys' powers had advanced to the point where she could defend herself against Kuwabara, but she was sure he was holding back because she was a girl. Genkai's training proved to be not only successful, but rough. At the end of each session the kiyone was almost completely purged of all her energy.

But it was worth it. She loved the satisfaction she felt when she finally did something right.

She also found that Yukina and Botan (and Keiko, when she came by) weren't all that unbearable once she got used to them. They were easy enough to talk to and rarely ever too busy to hang out. The four girls spent quite a lot of time together cooking, walking, or doing whatever. Rhys was happy to have friends she could talk to again, but with new friends came sorrow at not being able to see the old. Laina could never be replaced.

But through all the good things now happening to her, it seemed there was something still missing. She couldn't describe the feeling, much less what it was she wanted, but she found herself thinking of it often.

- - - -

After dinner, everyone sat near the edge of the dark forest around a bright fire. Rhys sat apart from them, staring off into the woods.

She was so absorbed in her own thoughts that she didn't notice Kurama standing next to her until he spoke. "What do you see?" he asked, looking to where she appeared to be.

The sudden sound of his voice surprised her out of her reverie and she glanced up at him. "Hm? Oh, I'm sorry Kurama, I didn't see you there." Her gaze returned to the darkness beyond the fire's reach. "I'm just thinking."

The fox sat on the ground as well. "About Hiei?" he guessed - correct, of course.

Rhys smiled into the night. "How did you know?"

The kitsune shrugged. "You're eyes light up whenever you think or talk about him."

Her smile became faint as a look of longing came into her eyes. "Is it that obvious?" she questioned, turning to face the kitsune.

After a moment she looked away and said quickly, "You don't have to answer that." They sat in silence, the laughter of the group by the fire echoing into the deep of the woods before them.

"He never actually left," said Kurama softly, immediately drawing her eyes again. "He just never shows himself. He's been watching, most likely."

Part of Rhys was comforted by the thought, but part was slightly scared. But either way, she still couldn't figure out WHY he had left. All logical reasoning pointed to her. She had probably made him feel uncomfortable, and obviously made him angry, but...she missed him. He was her missing link, made her feel complete.

And now he was gone again.

"Coming, you two?" called Genkai - the only remaining person outside besides Kurama and Rhys - and walked inside.

Kurama began walking in as well, but noticed that she wasn't following and glanced back. There she stood, once again gazing wistfully into the dark forest. He smiled knowingly, then retreated inside.

Meanwhile, the kiyone stood rooted to the spot she had once been sitting in. "Come back soon, Hiei. I miss you..." she whispered into the same warm breeze that teased her hair around her waist, hoping that her message could somehow reach him, where ever he was.

She lingered a few moments more, then turned smoothly and headed back to Genkai's temple.

- - - -

The trees were whispering to each other. The dark night was all Hiei woke to, in a cold sweat and knowing he had been dreaming again.

He sighed to himself, trying to get his heart beat to return to its normal pulse. Calm...the night was so calm, its silence only broken by the spontaneous cries of different creatures and the breeze.

Then, his sensitive ears detected a foreign sound...laughter. He flitted closer to Genkai's temple and the sound of familiar voices echoed his way. Even closer, and he could distinguish who was who. Yusuke. Kuwabara. Genkai. Yukina. Keiko. Botan.

He strained to pick up the missing voices of Kurama and Rhys, but the others were too loud in their merriment. He flitted dangerously close to the group below, the closest he had been in a month.

Now he could see why their voices had been absent: They were sitting away from the others, talking quietly. Hiei instinctively flitted as close as he dared, driven by the need to know what they were saying.

He picked up Kurama's quiet voice. "He never actually left. He just never shows himself. He's been watching, most likely."

The fire demon's eyes narrowed, annoyed with Kurama's accurate statement. Rhys just looked at her hands, a hurt look etched carefully into her small face.

"Coming, you two?" called an older voice, Genkai. Hiei watched as Kurama rose and walked away a little, then glanced back to smile at the kiyone, who was staring wistfully into the forest, and then continue on his way.

Hiei had to concentrate on not approaching her then, while she was alone and distracted. She started to whisper something, and he leaned forward to hear what she was whispering.

"Come back, Hiei." His heart skipped beat. "I miss you..."

He didn't even try to stop the surprised look from crossing his face, speechless while she simply walked away.

She...she missed him.

He shook his head, a feeling developing in the pit of his stomach. It felt similar to the way he had felt upon learning Yukina - such a sweet innocent girl - was his sister.

It was the feeling he had tried to stop by leaving.

It was the feeling that had been developing the month he stayed away.

It was the feeling that ate at his dreams.

It was the reason he never strayed too far from the temple.

And it was that reason that made him jump down to the ground and walk to where he knew from a month of watching Rhys' room was.

- - - -

Rhys walked slowly into her room, having already said good night to everyone. She wasn't all that tired, but the usual fatigue of a full day hung about her. She changed into pajamas and climbed into her bed, sinking comfortably into it.

Before she could drift to sleep, though, a soft thud caused her eyes to snap open and her to sit up, blankets falling to her waist. "Who's there?" she called into the darkness, but only to be ignored by the intruder.

She was about to call out a warning when he flashed to her side with a speed that could only mean it was one person. "Hiei?" she said to the dark figure, who's eyes were glowing an eery blood red.

She felt his hand reach out to touch her cheek, but then instantly retract it as if scared she would shock him again. He stepped back wordlessly, eyes still glowing.

Why was he back, and so suddenly? Was he merely an illusion of her lonely mind, had that really been him reaching out to touch her? She didn't want to say anything, or move even, for she may be dreaming and the slightest movement would cause her to wake.

But there was the question that had lingered in her mind for weeks. It was gnawing at her throat, begging to be released, until she could finally fight it no longer. "Why did you leave?"

He silently sat on the bed by her feet facing her. "There are some demons who would stoop so low as to hurt the person his opponent holds dear just to weaken him," he stated, his deep voice a relief to her ears. It was him.

His crimson eyes closed as he looked away from the kiyone, who held her breath, as he continued. "I don't want anyone to hurt you in order to weaken me."

She shook her head and looked at her arm, where more cuts had 'mysteriously' appeared - some deep and dangerously close to her wrists.

"You're already killing me."

He stiffened, partially in surprise, not knowing what to say and settling on nothing.

"When you left, I didn't know when you were coming back...or if you were coming back at all..." Rhys drifted off, the last part a whisper.

"You don't understand," he said, having found his voice. "I left because I can't love or be loved." That had come out a little loud, but he didn't care. He was about to talk again when the kiyone interrupted him suddenly.

"Then why do I?" she said timidly, afraid of making him angrier.

"You shouldn't. I only bring destruction."

"First of all," she said just as loudly, "You can't change the fact that I do love you. Second of all, why can't I?"

Hiei stopped in his anger. 'She doesn't know...' "My mother, a Koorime, had an affair with a fire demon and gave birth to twins. Koorime's don't need a man to reproduce, and to do so was a dishonorable and terrible thing.

"Also at the time I was born there was also a prophecy made. It told of a Forbidden Child, like myself, that would one day murder all in Koorime. Because of that, I was thrown off the island, which floated some distance above Makai. By chance, I survived and was raised by a gang of thieves." He turned from her, hiding his sad expression.

"Was your twin thrown off, too?" Rhys asked to his back.

"No."

"Why not?"

"I don't know," he lied.

"Did you ever find out who the person was?" she persisted.

"Yes."

The kiyone knew his patience was wearing thin, but she had to ask, "Who?"

He turned slowly to face her. "Yukina."

She smiled at him, but there was something...wrong, in his eyes. Shouldn't he be happy that Yukina was his sister?

Before she could even ask, he told her. "She doesn't know, and I'd like to keep it that way."

His hand rested only inches from hers, and she closed the space, receiving a startled look from him. "I won't tell a soul. But there's one thing you haven't told me," she said, a sly hint in her voice.

'She's been hanging around that damn fox too long,' Hiei decided, but gave her a questioning look.

"Why can't I love you?"

He found himself actually speechless. "You...I...it doesn't bother you?" He hated feeling uncomfortable, especially around her. He kept his guard up, prepared for the refusal he knew was coming.

"Why should it?" she asked incredulously, as if it was a minor detail. "That's your past," she continued. "And if you can accept my past, I can accept yours."

All he could do was stare, temporarily amazed at how she brushed the facts off so easily. Then a thought occurred to him. "I...don't know of your past."

"Oh. What would you like to know?" He had told her about himself, the least she could do was return the gesture.

"..." The koorime was silent as he thought of what to ask her, but couldn't decide on where to start. "Everything," was the answer he settled on.

She took a deep breath, then began. "It's nothing compared to your life, but I ran away from home a couple of years ago." It could be compared to being dropped a cliff, she supposed, but she actually chose to run away.

She continued in a low voice, as if afraid of anyone else hearing what she said. "My mother had left a year before that, after I killed Stahr, and my father started to hit me. For no reason but to take out his anger on me. When I finally left, I had no place to go, no family or friends or idea of where to be safe. I met up with a group of other runaways, mostly guys. But I didn't like staying with them, they were always coming on to me. I left and was alone for a while, staying in abandoned houses, sometimes just on the street even."

Her lashes swept downwards and she tilted her head away from the fire demon who was staring at her. "One day, I stole some food from some wealthy man. He caught me and took me to his house, wanting to keep me as his servant in return for not reporting me to the authorities. I couldn't let him to that, because they'd just throw me back in with my father, so I agreed. He kept me in a room in the bottom of the house, probably the basement, I don't know. I was kept there when I wasn't needed for work.

"Then one day, a gang of thieves broke into his house while he was away. They took me away with them, partially because I asked them to and partially because they were on bad terms with the man who owned the house and thought it would be good revenge to steal his servant. That was the group of demons you saw when we first met. They didn't really care that I tagged along with them, as long as I found my own food and didn't bother them too much."

He took her silence as a sign she was done. She hadn't answered all the questions he had, but he wasn't sure if he should press them out of her or not. There was one thing he needed to know, however. "None of that was your fault. Why do you hurt yourself for it?"

She slowly picked up her head to look at him sadly. "It WAS my fault. Why would my mother leave, or my father hit me, or Stahr be dead, or anything else go wrong if I wasn't...me?" She could feel the tears welling up inside her eyes and the need to let them run down her cheeks was burning her throat, but she would not let herself cry.

Hiei let out an exasperated sigh. "Would you stop blaming yourself? Your father was a sadistic bastard who didn't know how to deal with his anger and didn't deserve to live. Your mother didn't leave because of you, she left because she didn't know how to handle your father. None of that is your fault!" Although his voice had gotten quite loud, Rhys couldn't help but notice he had tightened his grip on her hand.

She thought about what he said, now realizing she had been blaming herself for so long that the reasons were hidden in the murky lines of time. Why had she started cutting herself in the first place? Was it because she wanted to control the pain inflicted on her? Because she wanted to prove to her father that no matter how much he hurt her, that she could top it? Well he was dead now...

...Did that mean she could stop?

Would she even be able to?

She turned her eyes up to his beautifully crimson ones, asking him a hundred questions with one look. "Can I stop?" she asked, voice just above a whisper.

"Stop what?"

"...Me," she choked out, finally succumbing to her need to release the years of tears that had been dammed up inside of her. She wanted to be happy and loved and freed of pain. She felt herself being pulled forward, but didn't open her eyes.

A vaguely familiar, pleasant warmth was quickly spreading through her being, and she felt Hiei's arms wrap tightly around her, holding her to him. Was he...actually letting her be close to him? She rested her head on his shoulder and smiled through her tears. She was feeling something she hadn't in a long time. It was what she wished to feel a lifetime of moments ago - happiness, love, and free of pain. His embrace seemed to wash her slate clean, and give her new hope. She didn't want to break away, for that feeling to dissipate in any way.

The moments ticked by in years, until an eternity had passed. They pulled away finally, a few runaway tears still gliding across her cheeks, which Hiei gently brushed away. She caught his hand and gazed into his eyes.

With that look, he suddenly knew why - why he had left, why he hadn't been able to stray far, why he had come back. Because it was only with her did he felt he...belonged. They were matching pieces of the same broken puzzle that had finally been reunited.

He was bound to her with this pleasant feeling that had started with a handprint on his shoulder, and for once he didn't mind. He let himself feel it, let it wash over him, because it felt so right.

He held onto her hand as though she might run away and stopped searching her eyes, for he had already found his answer. "I won't leave you again," he promised her.

She smiled, and he could have sworn his heart had skipped a beat when he saw it light her face. "And I'd never dream of leaving you, Hiei," she replied quietly.

That was what both had been waiting for, what let them know it was okay - so okay that he pulled her into a long awaited kiss.

- - - -