Here's the next chapter! up until now i've been updating somewhat quickly...but that might change for the next week or so since i have mid-summer finals coming up. -sigh-
anyways, thanks for the support everyone! and here's the next chapter!
:-)
When Sakura woke up the next morning, I was standing in the same exact spot from which she had left me.
"Wow…you weren't kidding when you said that you'd be 'right there', where you?"
Turning around and holding out a scroll, I informed her that she had received a message from Tsunade while she was sleeping.
Taking it cautiously, she asked, "Did you read it?"
"Of course not. It's not addressed to me."
"But you could have easily read it and then…"
"Stop accusing me of something I did not do. I am not a liar."
Tearing her attention away from me, she now focused on the scroll.
Opening it, I studied her as she read it.
I watched as her green eyes shifted back and forth…those eyes…the ones that had haunted me and brought me a world of trouble. And now I was supposedly "dating" the owner of them.
I laughed inwardly at such nonsense, stupid humans and their pathetic need for affection and love.
There that word was again: human. The word that came up when I asked the question 'what am I turning into?'…but it couldn't be true. I'm not human, I'm a monster!
I'm…being hugged by this girl once again.
Sakura's sleepy smile pressed against my neck and I found myself moving without my mind's permission and wrapping my arms around her as well. As a result from my action, she was pulled closer to me and I felt as her heart beat calmly against my chest. Each beat sent sensations throughout my body…and for some reason I wanted that heart to beat for me and me only.
"Gaara…" I heard her ask in a sleepy voice, "what do you think about when that look takes over your face?"
"What look?" I asked her confused.
She pulled away from me slightly so that she could look at my face once again. "You're eyes go distant and your mouth turns downward more…"
"I don't know what you're talking about." I informed her.
I wasn't aware of my face ever changing expression, except when I was blood crazed.
"Oh well," she said as she pulled away from me, "I'll point it out the next time you do it then…are you hungry?"
"Are you cooking?" I asked.
She nodded a very enthusiastic 'yes' to my question, and I winced.
"What's wrong? You don't think that I can cook?"
"I've had my fair share of 'home cooking' from Temari, and I found it…gut wrenching."
She laughed at me then and said, "Well, maybe I can help improve the reputation that cooking has in your mind."
Then she disappeared into the kitchen.
I leaned against the wall next to the window as I listened to pots and pans being banged together.
She was being way too noisy…my heightened hearing was screaming for her to stop her torment.
I walked into the kitchen to tell her to be quieter when I noticed that she was about to drop a pan onto the floor.
Before it could hit the tiles and make the loudest noise to come out of that kitchen yet, my sand caught it and returned it to the counter.
"Thanks!" she said as she juggled more pots and pans.
"Do you need help?" I asked her unenthusiastically.
The last thing I wanted to do was cook breakfast for this stupid girl.
"If you want! I would really appreciate it if you could make the pancakes while I make the potatoes…" she said making her eyes really big and sad.
They reminded me of a puppy…which meant that I was now dating a dog…
I nodded in agreement, I would do anything so that she would stop representing an animal.
She smiled and tossed me a box full of powder.
"What's this?" I asked her, grasping the box between my fingers and holding it away from my body, disgusted at the smell that was coming from it.
"It's the pancake mix. Just add water and you have the batter!" she said as she rummaged through more cupboards.
Rolling my eyes at the laziness of the people in Konoha, I placed the box onto the counter and walked over to a cupboard that I assumed had food in it since it was the only cupboard not open.
In little time, I found the ingredients that I needed to make pancakes.
"What are you doing?" she asked me, obviously confused.
"Making pancakes. Like you asked me to."
"But the box is eas…"
"I am not accustomed to such a lazy way in making pancakes. In Suna, this is how they are made. If you do not want them, tell me now and I will stop my actions immediately."
Staring at what I held in my arms: flour, milk, eggs, sugar… she shrugged and said to continue.
A few moments of blissful silence passed, but she broke it by asking, "Do you always talk like that?"
"Now you're complaining that I talk? I remember you would complain that I didn't talk."
"No, I'm not complaining that you talk…it's just… you talk like you're informing the Hokage or the Kazekage of a mission that you were just on."
"That's how I talk." I said, returning my attention to the slowly cooking pancake in the pan.
"Why?" she asked.
I knew that was coming…but stupid me, I had hoped it wouldn't.
"Because that's how I was taught to speak: to only speak when spoken to. Short, to the point sentences. And always in a respectful manner. That is how the Kazekage's son talks."
I paused then. I had unwillingly just repeated, word for word, what my father had once lectured me on once when I had talked out of turn growing up.
"Who told you that?"
Again with the questions. Flipping the pancake before I answered, otherwise I would have plunged the spatula into the girl's head… I said, "My father."
Making a face of disgust, Sakura returned to her task of cutting the potatoes and placing them into a pot full of butter, onions, and garlic. "He sounds like a dick." she said.
I was so shocked at her statement that I dropped the spatula onto the floor.
No one had ever talked about my father in such a manner…not even his children, and we had every right to…
Calmly picking up the spatula off of the ground and washing it off in the sink, I found myself smiling slightly.
"You have no idea." I said to Sakura as she noticed me smiling and returned the smile.
"That was amazing!" Sakura declared as she rubbed her now bulging stomach.
She had eaten all of the pancakes, except for the one that I grabbed for myself. "Where did you learn how to cook?"
I just played with the leftover potatoes on my plate, avoiding the question.
I had talked enough about my past for one morning…
"Hello…Gaara…are you in there?" Sakura said waving to me from across the table.
I snapped my eyes up at her and she smiled back at me.
"Welcome back." she said as she crossed her arms over her chest.
"Are you going to answer my question? Or shall I annoy you with more of them?"
"If I answer your first question, will you start cutting back on them?"
She nodded in agreement and extended her hand out to me.
I brought my sand up and used it shook her hand instead of using my own. I also had enough physical contact for one day as well…
"I learned how to cook at a very young age…" I said.
"How young?"
"I thought you said you were going to cut back on the questions?" I was becoming extremely agitated now.
This girl would not stop questioning me!
"But these questions pertain to the original first question, so it's fair game…"
So that's how she was going to play.
Rolling my eyes, I sat back in my chair crossing my arms and said, "I was almost six when my Uncle stopped bringing me food to my room. I now assume it was because he had accepted my father's order, and no longer saw a reason to fake affection towards me. So in order to eat, I had to cook things on my own. After I killed him, I no longer trusted anything that anyone brought me to eat due to any kind of poison they could have slipped into it, so I just cooked for myself from then on."
"Oh…" was all she had to say. I could tell that she was sorry she asked.
I got slight pleasure in this.
"All of the answers you give me are so miserable…" she said with a frown and leaned her arms against the table supporting herself.
"Would you rather I lied?" I asked her, finding amusement in her misery.
"No…I'm glad you tell me the truth. It lets me know that you trust me."
This girl had an uncanny way of shocking me.
She was right…I did tell her the truth about everything…so did I truly trust her?
That concept alone was maddening.
"You're doing it again…" she said.
I was once again broken away from my thoughts and stared at the pink-haired one across from me.
"You got that look again…are you talking to…"
"If you're smart, you will not finish that sentence."
My sand immediately jumped to life and Shukaku stirred within me at the implication of his name.
Talking about me? he asked as he shifted and pulsed within me.
I grabbed my head, and forced him to disappear again…then it hit me, I was trying to protect this girl.
She had started this attack to begin with, and here I was, protecting her.
It seemed like only yesterday when I was fantasizing about her gory and repugnant death by my sand in that hospital room…so what had happened from then to now to change everything?
"Leave." I told her, barely getting the words out past my gritted teeth.
I heard her stand up from her chair cautiously.
I couldn't look at her, not that I didn't want to though…I wanted to see her scared. I wanted her to realize that she was the reason why this was happening to me. But due to the added pressure on my head and body, I was physically incapable of lifting my head up so that I could look at her.
I expected that she was gone by now. Running scared down the streets to the Hokage.
But suddenly, I felt her hand on my back, pressing it lightly.
I felt as she pulled my body into hers and gently moved me back and forth in a rocking motion.
"I'm sorry…I'm so, so sorry Gaara. Relax, it's okay…" she whispered into my ear as we continued to rock.
What the hell was she doing to me?!
I wanted her to stop.
I wanted her to let me go.
I wanted her to…keep doing what she was doing.
Shukaku eventually stopped his attack on me, but even after I had visibly stopped suffering, she continued to hold me.
Once again this girl had reduced me to the weak child that had died years ago…
I found that my hand was grasping onto her arm, begging her to not let me go.
"Gaara…when's the last time someone held you?"
Again with the questions, but this was an easy answer that didn't require any thinking at all on my part…
"Never."
At my answer, her grip tightened on me and I couldn't think of any other time where I had felt more comfortable and more at home in my life…it was a peaceful feeling, and for once, that word "peace" now had a meaning to me.
We sat on the floor in silence for a long time.
Eventually, I decided to end the torment that this girl was probably going through by holding me and said, "What did the Hokage want?"
Jumping slightly, she said, "I completely forgot! I'm supposed to bring you to see her as soon as I can!"
Loosening my grip and tearing myself away from her all too welcoming embrace, I extended my hand out to help her up as I said, "Then let's go."
She took my hand gladly and then fell into me and gave me another hug, one of which I responded to immediately and pulled her in so tight my senses didn't know where I ended and she began.
"Are you okay?" she asked me barely above a whisper.
Loosening my grip on her slightly, I asked, "Why do you show me so much kindness when everyone else shows me hate and fear?"
Smiling at me once again, she responded, "Because I'm not like everyone else."
I let go of her then and moved for the door. I had to get out of that house…
When I noticed that she wasn't following after me, I stopped at her door and turned around. Finally catching on to what I was doing, she grabbed her bag off of the couch and ran after me.
As we advanced on Tsunade's office, I slowly began to pick up the pieces of my normal self, and by the time we were at her office door, I was back to being the cold self that I usually was; Sakura didn't seem to notice however.
Before opening the doors, she grabbed my hand and smiled sheepishly at me, "I don't know how else to tell her…"
Before I could tell her to not tell Tsunade, she had pushed open the doors and dragged me in after her…much to my disliking.
"Well, it's about time that you got here…I was beginning to think…that…you…got…lost." Tsunade apparently found it harder and harder to form words as she turned and found us holding hands.
Sakura straightened and stared at her Hokage proudly, I on the other hand, brought my hand to my forehead as an after-wave from this morning's attack rippled through it; this girl was bringing me more pain then pleasure it seemed.
"What's wrong with him?" Tsunade asked Sakura.
"He had an attack this morning." she replied.
I was amazed that these two women could talk about me as if I wasn't even in the room…
"Was anyone hurt?" Tsunade asked in a protective manner.
"No, no one was hurt at all…except maybe for him, but I helped him through it…"
"I can see that." Tsunade said motioning to our hands. "Does this mean that you two are now…"
"Yep!" Sakura said proudly, as if by dating me she was now the luckiest girl in the world.
She couldn't have been more wrong.
"I see my plan worked then…I knew that if I left you two alone in that hospital long enough something would start to happen…"
So THAT'S what she was planning the whole time! My sand stirredand I cleared my throat agitated at the fact that I was being ignored, even though they both clearly knew I was in the room
"Why did you call me here?" I asked her. "Because it's clear to me that I do not need to be present."
"Relax Gaara." Tsunade said waving my comment away, "We're just having some girl talk is all. But let's get down to business. I called you here because I want you to help your siblings teach in Konoha's school when they return."
So my siblings were alive…but where had they gone? And WHY were they teaching?
"Where are they?" I asked.
Tsunade sat down behind her desk, put her hands together and explained, "They returned before you did, and when you were so far behind them, they got worried and went looking for you. I told them that if they didn't find you in 72 hours, then they were to come back and I would send out ninjas with them to help look for you. As an exchange for my agreement to help in your pending search, they said that they would help teach in our school until our teachers, who were injured during a mission, were fit to return. And I want you to help them."
Once again my siblings went to utterly idiotic extremes to watch out for me…
"Fine." I said, rolling my eyes.
"Good. They should be back by tomorrow night. Until then, make yourself at home in Konoha. We will meet again when your siblings have returned." and with that, she motioned us out of her office and returned to her paperwork on her desk.
Sakura was once again dragging me out of the room. When were down the hall, I violently wrenched my hand out of hers and pinned her against the wall forcefully.
"I told you to not drag me."
She was too surprised to say anything, but I knew she was going to ask another dumb question along the lines of 'why not?'
"My uncle used to do it all the time when I was little…"
I released her from the wall and stared at the floor.
Rubbing the area where I had pinned her, she managed to smile at me and say, "I never asked you why…"
"You didn't have to, I knew it was coming."
"I'm sorry Gaara, it won't happen again. I had no idea…"And with that said, she reached out her hand halfway to me, clearly wanting me to make the decision to hold hers or not.
I was surprised at myself as my hand grasped hers and we continued to walk side by side through the streets of Konoha.
We returned to the field and my mood was darkened slightly now that I knew that I, once again, had to stay in Konoha for a while, Sakura apparently picked up on this because she asked me what was wrong.
"I don't want to stay here." I told her, unaware at the fact that such a statement could hurt the girl.
"Oh…" she said "is there someone at home waiting for you?"
I was taken back by such a statement. Of course there was no one there waiting for me. How stupid could this girl be?!
"No, no one wants me to return, you already know this."
"Then why are you so anxious to return?" the 'and leave me' was implied in her eyes.
"Because…" and I trailed off there. Was I really going to explain to this girl why I wanted to return home so badly?
"Because Konoha's culture is so much different from Suna's. I don't like it."
"How is it different? I always thought our two countries were almost exactly the same…"
I chuckled at her stupidity. "Our cultures are as different as our environments."
"How?" she asked.
I looked at her, expecting to see an uninterested girl who was just making small talk for the sake of conversation. But when I saw the look on her face, I felt that she was genuinely interested in what I had to say.
"I can't tell you. There's just too much, I'd have to show you…"
What was I doing? I was practically inviting this girl to return with me to Suna!
Maybe that last attack from Shukaku had forced me to lose more of my sanity than I thought…
"I would love that." I heard her say, cutting off my train of thought.
I looked at her again, still amazed that this girl was so eager to learn about the ways of Suna.
"I love learning about culture and things. It would truly be a treat if you showed me around your home." she said.
"I never asked you why." I spit her own words right back at her.
Smiling at my verbal game, she responded, "You didn't have to, it was in your eyes…"
I suddenly had the urge to kiss this girl. I wanted to. I needed to… closing the gap between our faces, I leaned in and kissed her. But this time, pressing our lips together wasn't enough for me, I wanted more…when her mouth opened slightly, I took advantage and grabbed her tongue with mine. I didn't know what I was doing since I had never done such a thing before, but she gladly and eagerly responded to my action, so I figured she liked it...
Maybe keeping this girl around wasn't such a bad thing after all…
She pulled away slightly and laughed softly and shyly as she gently brushed her hand up my side.
I jolted away immediately.
My actions not only resulted in ruining the moment that had just consumed us, but also replaced the look of satisfaction on her face with one of worry.
"What was that?" I demanded harshly.
"What was what?" she threw right back, obviously confused.
"What did you just do to my side?"
"I didn't do anything."
"Yes you did. Hold out your hands."
She obeyed my command and innocently held out her hands towards me. Expecting to find her holding an object of some sort, I was surprised when I didn't find anything.
"What did you just do to me?!" I demanded again, confusion started to turn into malice.
"I just went like this…" she said as she walked towards me. I immediately backed away from her.
"Trust me…I'm just going to show you what I did…" she reassured me.
This stuck me to my place, but why it did that, I don't know…
Showing me her hands to prove that she wasn't holding anything, she ran her hands up my side again starting at my hip and ending by my armpit.
I jolted away again, bumping into a tree and stared at her menacingly.
"What is it?" she asked me.
"You're doing something different…that feels weird." I informed her. "I don't like it, it makes me want to do something…"
"Like what?" she asked me.
I didn't answer, I only stared at the grass. I wasn't sure what it made me want to do, it caused my breath to hitch and my skin to crawl and shake. It was something I had never felt before.
Stepping forward again, she asked, "What does it feel like?"
"Like sparks and spiders." I informed her. I figured she was a medic nin, she could tell me what was wrong.
A slow smile crept to her face and she reached out her hand again, "Let me know if you feel it anywhere else."
Lightly she brushed her fingers over my arms, my back, my neck, and my legs. All resulting in nothing but the feel of her fingers against my skin. But once she got to my side again, I jolted away from her touch.
Now she was almost laughing at me…was she doing this on purpose? It was obviously amusing her...
"What's wrong with me?" I asked her.
I wanted this sensation to go away, I had no use for any kind of physical flaw that my body held.
"My diagnosis is that…you're ticklish." she said again and nodded at me.
"I'm what?" I asked her confused.
I had never heard of such a thing.
"You're ticklish." she repeated.
When I only stared at her, she explained, "Most people are, but some people aren't. It's just a physical thing that gets triggered when people touch that sensitive spot, it makes them want to laugh and run at the same time."
This 'ticklish' thing didn't sound like a good thing to me.
"Fix it." I said and extended my arms out so that she could more accurately get to the problem.
"I can't." she said, "There's no cure for it really…you just have to live with it I guess."
"Unacceptable." I told her and again motioned for her to fix me.
"Gaara…there's really nothing that I can do for it. Just make sure that no one touches you there and you'll never get that fluttery feeling that comes up. That's laughter by the way."
"That's what that feeling is?" I asked her as I returned my arms to my side.
I had never experienced happy laughter before, just pure blood-driven, malice filled laughter.
Again she nodded at me and flashed me a smile which quickly turned to a sad one.
"It's amazing that you don't know any of this…did you ever have a childhood?" she asked me.
Taking a deep breath and reflecting on my past, I nodded slowly to her question.
"My father started my formal ninja training as soon as I could walk. But before that, I lived like a normal child…I played with my toys like normal children would I suppose."
I could tell that she was delighted at the fact that I was once again telling her secrets from my past. She walked over to me and motioned for me to sit on the ground with her once again. I hadn't noticed that it had gotten so late because the sun was now setting. This girl made me lose track of time completely...
Once seated, she asked, "What was your favorite toy growing up?"
I smirked slightly and had my sand pull out one of her kunai from her pouch. I dropped it into my hand and showed it to her.
Her face showed alarm and repulsion as I showed her my favorite toy growing up.
"That's not a child's toy!!!" she all but yelled at me.
"It was for me." I said staring at the weapon thoughtfully as some fond childhood memories came flooding back to me. "I used to play with this for hours. Chucking it at anything I could. My favorite game was throwing my teddy bear into the air and pinning it to the wall with this."
Sakura shook her head. "Now a teddy bear is a child's toy. That is a weapon." and she motioned to the kunai.
I handed it back to her and shrugged, "I didn't know any better. If father told me it was a toy, then it was a toy."
"So basically, your training started as soon as you were born and you never had a childhood." she said sadly.
"It was a childhood to me." I told her firmly. "It was the happiest time in my life."
"Do you still have your bear?" she asked me, she was obviously trying to make this conversation better.
But really she was unknowingly digging it a deeper hole.
I shook my head 'no'.
"What happened to it? Did you stick it too many times with your other favorite 'toy'?" she asked, sarcasm dripping from her voice.
I returned my stare to the sky and said quietly, "After my Uncle's assassination attempt, I was attacking everything that moved. If the wind blew my curtains, I attacked them. If a stray animal moved behind something in the street, I killed it. Obviously I had gotten too far out of control; but I was afraid for my life and I was so young…I didn't know any better. I was constantly on my toes and alert for any other assassins. One night, my father came to my room and tried to reassure me. He told me that he had made no such order for my uncle to kill me and to not worry. He grabbed my bear to reiterate his point and started to move it around in the best playful way that he could. When I had relaxed enough for his judgment, something shot out of my bear and came straight for me. My sand blocked the attack obviously, and I threw my father out of the window and blocked all the entrances to my room…he had managed to destroy what was let of my faith in humans and my other favorite toy in one feat."
As I returned my gaze to Sakura, I could tell that I had just annihilated all of her happiness for the night.
Smirking slightly at her, I returned my gaze above me once again.
"Then I guess there's only one thing left to do…" she said as she scooted closer to me.
I eyed her suspiciously.
"I'll have to show you what a real childhood is like by having you have one now."
"No." I said as she lost all of my interest. "I have no use for such a thing."
"You have no idea how much you need this though…it might make you feel better. I think I'll start with….this!" and her hands jetted forward, aiming for my sides. But my sand armor is the only thing that greeted her mischievous fingers.
I could see the disappointment on her face.
"You still don't trust me…" she said.
"And you're still afraid of me." I responded.
"I am not." she said openly offended.
"When I took your kunai using my sand, your heart rate quickened to a pace which means that you're afraid." I stated coolly. "You're still afraid of me."
She didn't have a response for that…she knew I was right.
"I don't blame you. You should be afraid of me."
"Oh? And why's that?" she asked, regaining her defiant composure.
"Because being around me is like being around a domesticated tiger. I may not bite now, but something will trigger my natural behavior, and I'll revert back to the monster that I am."
She huffed and stood up quickly. She started to walk back to her house and threw an offhanded comment about going to bed and feel free to come back whenever.
When she wasn't too far away from me, she turned around and threw a verbal kunai at me.
"Tell me Gaara, how many times did they have to call you a monster before you accepted such a title?"
And with that knife plunged deeply into my side, she turned around once again and made her way back to her house.
I stared wide eyed at the ground in front of me. Why did she have to ask all of these stupid questions that made me think about things I have never thought of before!? I didn't like it…
As I sat there, licking the invisible wound that she had given me, hours passed.
I heard quiet footsteps approaching me and knew it was her. Her scent had reached me on the wind long before she had.
"Are you okay?" she asked me, hesitation apparent in her actions and her voice. She had obviously realized what she had said to me during her fit of anger while she was at home and decided to come out and see if I was still here.
Which, surprising even me, I was.
"Gaara…I didn't mean it…I was frustrated with everything and I…"
"Once." I said, breaking off her apology. Apologies were worthless to me.
Usually I didn't let people live long enough to even give me one, but this girl was different for some reason…
"What?" she asked, stepping closer and crouching down next to me.
She was shivering in her thin pajamas and I could visibly see bumps on her arms and legs.
"The first time someone called me a monster, I knew I was different from everyone. But it took me until I killed my Uncle to prove that they were right."
I felt her arms wrap around me, but they didn't give me any warmth since they were colder then the wind that was blowing around us.
"You're not a monster," she whispered into my ear. "You're just misguided."
"And you are cold." I said as I stood up.
Before she could say anything, I had transported the two of us inside of her house using my sand.
I sat on the couch and motioned for her to sit by me, and she did.
I wrapped my arms around her tentatively, half expecting her to push me away; when she didn't, I pulled her into me and let my body heat warm her up.
By the time she was warm, she had fallen asleep.
I knew that moving her to her room would once again wake her up, so I decided to just stay there and let her sleep against me.
After all, it's not everyday that someone lets me near them while they sleep, let alone hold them.
Something swelled in my chest and pushed against my ribcage, and I knew it was caused from this girl.
"What are you doing to me?" I whispered into her ear.
She only pushed herself closer to me, and I brought my gaze to the window and stared out of it, waiting patiently for morning...and silently wishing that it would never come.