okay folks, i need everyone's input on this chapter...i went into some Suna culture that i just pulled out of my ass...er...imagination. yeah, that's it...my imagination.
so i need to know if you like it or not. if not, i will be MORE than happy to rewrite this chapter...i just thought i would do something a little different since everyone knows the story of Naruto and such...
so please let me know!
thanks everyone once again! i send you all my love and gratitude!
:-)
The lessons that Tsunade had us teaching were pointless and tedious.
We were in charge of the littlest kids in the school…needless to say I sat in the corner of the room the entire time we were there.
Temari encouraged me to help them, but I shook my head 'no', "This is something that you agreed to, I'm only here because of your stupidity."
Every now and then, Sakura would stop by in-between her training just to say 'hi' to all of us, and to see if we needed anything.
I'm still waiting for her to bring me new siblings…
At night, I would disappear from the company of Temari and Kankuro and join Sakura. To say that we had grown 'close' might be an overstatement, especially since I have never become close to anyone. But our interaction with each other had grown into more of a need for me, instead of the curiosity it had started out as.
And for some reason, I didn't seem to mind.
It had become almost second nature for me in the past few days to just make my way over to her house when class was dismissed.
My siblings constantly asked me where I was or where I was going, but I simply dismissed them with a small motion that could have been interpreted as a wave, and kept walking away from them.
I knew they wouldn't understand my new fixation.
"Where are your siblings?" Sakura asked me one night.
I shrugged, "Around."
"Do they know you're here with me?"
"No. They wouldn't understand."
"Understand what? That you're capable of being close to another person without killing them?"
I nodded as my answer. "That and…they wouldn't understand this whole 'dating' thing..."
I could tell that she was confused, "It's the same thing as it is in Suna."
Shaking my head I responded, "In Suna there is no 'dating'."
"Then what do you call it?"
I could tell that this girl had no idea about our culture…
"We simply procreate for the sake of the village. You find a worthy partner, have a child, then move on to the next one. You have as many strong children as you can for the sake and well-being of the village. Especially since most babies do not live beyond the years of five due to the harshness of our climate. Foreigners that visit our village often say that our nights are often hotter then our days in only good ways..." I couldn't help but smirk at this.
The look on Sakura's face was a mixture of utter shock and confusion.
"So you don't date…you just sleep together and have children…well, what about marriage?"
I shrugged once again, "Marriage is usually reserved for the political persons in Suna. Marriage to us is more of a business proposition then anything. Most marriages are arranged in order to strengthen the bond between two countries or the bond between two different ethnic groups in the village. Everyone can get married of course, but who would want to assign themselves to one person when you can have multiple persons all your life?"
"Love is what would cause that." Sakura said, her ignorance of Suna was shining strongly now.
"That emotion doesn't exist in my village. It's the mutual respect and shared notion of survival that keeps our town from tearing itself apart."
Sakura seemed like she was trying to soak up the vast difference between our two countries.
"So why did you agree to date me then? Because I'm telling you now that I'm not having children yet…"
"Relax. That was never my intention to begin with."
"Then why?"
I didn't know how to put this delicately. I knew that she was easily angered and hurt by my words, but I didn't know how else to say this, "I thought it would be a fun…experiment."
That's when she blew up. Once again she stood up huffing and stormed off. Rolling my eyes and sighing I waited a few minutes and then transported myself into her house since I knew the door would be locked.
I found her ranting to herself in incoherent words.
"You're upset." I said coolly.
She jumped and let out a loud yelp, apparently she hadn't noticed my entrance during her tantrum. But she quickly recomposed her anger and directed it fully onto me.
"I'm upset? I'm upset?! Gaara, I'm far from upset…livid is more along the lines of describing my emotional state right now. All this time I thought that maybe, just maybe, I could possibly mean something to you just like you mean something to me. And now I find out that it was all just this little experiment that you thought might be interesting to do?! You can't treat people like that! You can't just play around with them like little toys and then leave them scattered on the floor when you're sick of playing with them!"
Throughout her whole rant, I remained calm as I leaned against one of the wall.
"You misunderstood me." I said calmly, contrasting greatly the heightened emotional level that she was at.
"I meant it started out as an experiment, but now…it has grown to something more."
Taking a deep breath to calm herself down, she responded in a much more even tone laced with anger, "Like what?"
I smirked at her then, "A lifestyle change."
Her jaw dropped open. I pushed myself away from the wall and slowly approached her.
Closing her mouth with my finger I asked, "You said that I mean something to you. Is this true?"
A blush crept onto her face as she tried desperately to avoid eye contact, "How can you even ask me that…you should know that you do."
"Thank you." I said.
She looked at me confused.
"I've never meant anything to anyone before. Thank you."
Taking another deep breath, she smirked at me once again and then leaned in to hug me.
Standing in the middle of her living room, her body pressed tightly against mine, I heard her mumble into my chest, "You said that marriage is reserved for the political bodies of Suna, was your father's marriage arranged to your mother?"
I stiffened then. This was going to be a long explanation that required dragging up a lot of buried family history and secrets…
"Yes it was."
But that apparently didn't stop me from telling her the story...
She pulled away from me slightly and looked at me to encourage me to continue. I let go of her and motioned to the couch.
"It's a long story. You may want to sit down."
She swiftly sat down and I once again leaned against a wall. Once situated, I continued with my story.
"In Suna, there are two major ethnic divisions. There's the original Sunans that were there when the village was created, and there's the people of the dunes that joined the village after it was created. The Duneans' presence in the village brings tension and discourse to the other villagers because they are different from them. They were raised in the dunes of the desert and they are different from the Sunans by not only beliefs, but also by cultural practices.
The Duneans are usually identified by their different hair color. Sunans usually have light or dark brown hair, Duneans usually have blonde or raven black hair, but every now and then a person with red hair will be born. There's a legend among the people that any Dunean that takes the life of his mother will have red hair and will be a natural fighter throughout the course of his or her life. I know that such a story is ridiculous, but it can't be ignored that every red head that has lived in our village has been excellent in the craft of war.
Decades of discourse and atrocities haunts the two groups, and when everything was about to be lost due to the constant warring, a peace treaty was made when my father, who was a Sunan, married my mother, who was a Dunean. The people resisted this union at first, and the hatred between the two people continued. But eventually the Sunans came to realize that the next Kazekage would be half Dunean as well as Sunan, so they slowly began to tolerate it.
However, as in all of the arranged marriages of the Kage's, neither party was happy. It was well known that my father often had mistresses that he didn't try very hard to hide from my mother. My mother was no saint either, there were rumors that she had a secret lover who was a Dunean, although he was never found and they were never discovered together. He was rumored to have red hair... I'm convinced to this day that if I didn't look so much like my father, he would have long ago dismissed me as a bastard child and thrown me out of the village.
Marriage to us is a contract, so when that contract is broken by weaknesses of the flesh, the guilty party is often punished…usually by death. The people could not fathom putting my father to death since he was a well loved and respected Kage, but they had no problem with pointing the finger at my mother, whether she was innocent or not. Her punishment is standing right in front of you now…"
I could tell that Sakura was on the verge of tears.
"Everything sounds so hopeless in Suna…" she said as she visibly fought off the wetness that haunted her eyes.
"We do what we must to survive. Nothing more, nothing less." I responded crossing my arms.
"So that's why you have red hair and none of your siblings do…it's a recessive gene…"
I nodded at her assumption, "Or you could believe the myth if you like. It's more of a romantic idea that way, and you seem to like such things."
That earned me a glare.
But the perfectly good glare was ruined when her face softened as she asked, "What did your mother look like?".
I thought a moment and then said, "I've only seen pictures of her, but from what I can tell, she looked like Temari, only minus the scowl that often graces her face. That scowl is a trait from my father."
"She must have been beautiful then." Sakura said thoughtfully, obviously trying to picture my mother in her head.
"My mother was the strongest Dunean kunoichi and was renowned for her beauty. She was also gifted with foresight. That was what her clan was known for, the ability to see the future. Most Duneans have an ability to foretell things, something that the Sunans feared them for. There are lots of false rumors about the Duneans that started out as fact. For example, there's a rumor that Dunean woman can hypnotize you while they dance. Once hypnotized, they have free reign over you and will do whatever they please, things ranging from robbing you to slitting your throat."
"And that's not true?"
"No. But their dancing is known to bring the most powerful and morally strong man to his knees." I smirked at this too.
"Can you see into the future?" Sakura asked me, obviously curious at such a gift.
"No. But it is where I received the ability to create my third eye."
Her mouth formed a silent 'oh' and then she smiled at me.
"You were right, our cultures are night and day from each other…tell me more."
I removed myself from the wall, and sat down next to her on the couch. Reflecting for a moment on another difference between or villages, I said, "The Kazekage position is usually inherited by a male offspring of the Kazekage himself. The position is a family heirloom, not one that just anybody in the village can have."
"So that means either you or Kankuro will become Kazekage?"
I smirked at this and shook my head 'no', "Can you imagine the two of us in such a position?"
"Well, maybe not Kankuro…but I can definitely see you as one!"
"Don't play games with me." I said becoming agitated.
"I'm serious! You're strong, intelligent, politically minded, and seem to have a deep love for your country whether you admit to it or not. You would be a great leader."
"One that would be feared and mistrusted by everyone." I added in.
"Well, that's something that you have to work on."
"I cannot change what I am Sakura. Both sides hate me because I'm a half-breed and because I house Shukaku. In order to change their opinion of me, I'd have to change my genetics and everything else."
"Are you ashamed of your heritage?"
"Of course not!" I replied a little too harshly, "my ancestors do not shame me, I shame my ancestors."
"Gaara…you're one of the strongest shinobi. How could you possibly shame your ancestors?"
"Because, due to my inability to control Shukaku, the tradition of passing on the Kazekage title has been eliminated and now the village hangs in indecision and is left vulnerable to any attack that could come at any moment. A rift is slowly starting to form…and I'm the main cause of it."
"The only possible thing that I can see causing this rift is everyone's inability to see who you really are."
"You don't know me Sakura. You don't know the things I've done. Those people have every right to hate me after the fear I made them live in the past six years. I terrorized and killed just because I could, and no one could stop me."
"But you're different now!" she yelled at me, putting me once again into calm reflection.
She was right. I was different. I was changing everyday, and it was all because of her…but what would happen to me once she was removed from my life? Eventually I would have to return to Suna and she would remain here.
Would I revert back to my old ways once again? Reflecting on the last time I returned to Suna, I went on another rampage, killing an elder and his entire platoon of guards. I was worried that this might happen again…
For once I was actually worried about something…
What did Naruto do to me during our battle to make these emotions come out of me all of a sudden? Everything was fine until I fought him…now everything is upside down. I don't feel right in my own skin anymore, and that's never a good thing. My skin feels too tight on me all of the time.
And this girl. This STUPID girl. Who was she to come into my life all of a sudden and change things more so then they already had been? I never gave her permission to violate my world.
"Why are you doing this to me?" I asked quietly, squeezing my fists together tightly.
"Doing what?" she innocently asked me.
"EVERYTHING!" I yelled as I stood up from the couch forcefully. My sand jumped to life and slithered all around me.
"Why do you always ask me stupid questions that make me rethink my views on my life?! Why do you treat me with such blind kindness when you should just run away?! Why do you accept me and ignore all of my flaws?! I never gave you permission to do this to me! I never said that you could reach out and touch me and change my life!!!"
During my rant I didn't notice her standing up and walking towards me.
When I looked up, she was staring at me calmly as my sand was pinning her against the wall. Apparently she had went to comfort me but my sand reacted and attacked her without my knowledge.
Seeing her against the wall made me feel like my stomach was digesting my heart.
Releasing my sand, I watched as she fell to the ground and held her wrist. There were little cuts and scrapes where my sand had been holding her, and her wrist was bent in an unnatural angle…
"I hurt you." I said plainly.
"It's not so bad, it was my mistake, I shouldn't have moved so quickly to you."
I just shook my head at her, "You're missing the point Sakura…this won't stop. This is how it's always going to be. I will control and you will get hurt or get killed. You were lucky I didn't kill you this time…I can't control it."
"Yes you can. I know you can. You just have to believe within yourself that you can do it…"
Again I shook my head and went to leave. I had to get out of there before I ended up killing her.
"Don't go." she said as she stood up from the floor. She had apparently healed her wrist and cuts already; but the smell of her sweet blood was still lingering around us.
"I have to go. Otherwise you'll get hurt worse."
"Don't run away…that's not a solution. Things aren't going to get better if you keep running from everything."
"What would you suggest I do then? Stay and kill you? I don't want to do that."
"Why? I thought you wanted to kill me. You used to threaten me with it all the time…"
"I don't want you dead."
"But why?"
"I…I don't know. I just know that your death would not make me feel any joy like death usually does."
I was so confused inside…I didn't know up from down.
Fixing my eyes on her I asked, "When did you become so important that your blood in my gourd isn't as good as your breath on my skin?"
Smiling at me, she walked over and disarmed me by giving me a hug.
"I love you too, Gaara."
My eyes widened at her. That is NOT what I had said…but was it what I meant? Could it be possible that I loved this girl? No way…that word is as foreign to me as respect. But my lack of emotional attachment did not take away this girls feelings for me…
She wanted me.
She trusted me.
She believed in me.
She loved me…
"What are you going to do when you return to Suna?" she asked me, her breath running across my neck, sending shivers down my spine.
"I don't know. But I think I'm going to try to change how people see me. I don't want everyone to be afraid of me anymore…I want to be…accepted. Like you accept me."
"Good, I'm glad to hear that. I believe that you can do it, Gaara. You have the ability within you."
"How did you change my life's goals?" I asked her, the room was spinning around me and the scar on my forehead was throbbing. My grip on her tightened so that I would not be spinning like the room was.
"I didn't. I just showed you what you were denying to yourself all these years."
"I hate you." I said as I pulled her even tighter into me.
"I know." she said as she ran her hand over my back in circular motions. "I know…"
Our teaching ended one day in the middle of the afternoon when the original teachers walked into the classroom, beaming at their students as they played their favorite game: Try to Touch Sensei Gaara.
This is a game that Temari and Kankuro thought up of that, not only got me involved, but also helped to train the students.
What would happen is I would sit in the corner as usual doing whatever I wanted, and the students would try to get past my sand guard and try to touch me.
Needless to say, none of them even got close.
The game would go on all day as the students came up with new and even creative ways to get around my sand. And since the kids were so small and unthreatening, I didn't have to worry about my sand retaliating and killing one of them, which would put Tsunade into a rage. I didn't even mind the game all that much, just as long as I kept them at a safe distance…which was about the classrooms length away from me. I liked this distance because I didn't have to hear them whine and talk to me.
When I saw the teachers enter the room, I dropped my sand guard and started to walk out of the room with Temari and Kankuro close behind me…our debt here was repaid. We were going home.
What I hadn't counted on was all of the kids, who had been working almost all week at getting past my sand guard, rushing at me in order to win the game.
I heard a stampede of freakishly small feet rush at me and I put my sand up just in time to stop them…well, most of them.
My neck felt slightly heavier as I looked down and noticed a small blonde haired girl wrapped around my neck, beaming at the fact that she had dodged my sand. I grabbed the girl by her shirt collar, pulled her off of me, and put her back onto the ground and pushed her gently away with my sand. She laughed and cheered as she joined her classmates and I rubbed my neck where she had touched, disgusted at the stickyness that she had left behind from her afternoon snack.
"That was the cutest thing I've ever seen…" Temari teased me.
"Before we know it, he'll be waving at the crowds and kissing babies…" Kankuro joined in.
Shooting them both a look as I continued to remove the sticky goo that was attached to my skin, I muttered a comment to the children quiet enough so they couldn't hear, "repugnant little vermin…" and then turned to leave once again, this time with my sand swirling around me in order to stop any other attacks.
Tsunade was outside of the school waiting for us to come out.
"Once again, it was a pleasure to have you in Konoha, the children loved your lessons."
I rolled my eyes at this as Temari and Kankuro beamed.
Tsunade continued, "I'll have some shinobi escort you to the gates. Have a safe journey home. Until we meet again…" and then she turned and walked back to her office.
As we were walking down the path that was about a mile past the gates, I heard a familiar voice calling after me.
"Gaara! Wait!"
It was Sakura…
I looked to the side at my siblings who were staring down the path curiously at the girl who was calling after me.
Gasping for breath by the time that she had reached us, Sakura managed to get out, "I thought I was going to miss you…Tsunade had me training so hard today…but I snuck out to say goodbye."
Then she gave me a hug and asked, "Is it okay if I still write you?"
"I think it wouldn't be okay if you didn't write me."
She smiled at this, gave me another hug and then ran away in the direction that she had just come from.
The silence that was emanating off of my siblings was deafening.
I knew I was never going to hear the end of this…
"One word from either of you, and you're crow food." I said as I continued to walk down the path.
Walking in front of my siblings, I let a small smile grace my face.
I wonder what her next letter will say… I thought to myself
Nothing interesting probably.
The silent one speaks…I mused.
I already told you, I'm not going to interfere with this. I'll let you learn this lesson on your own, otherwise you're never going to learn to not trust anyone. Although I have to say, I never expected the girl to fall in love with you…
The smile widened slightly on my face.
Yes…
I am loved…