Fuel - Most Of All (song lyrics are in italics)

CHAPTER 17 - Crying Out For You To Love Me

I see our stars tonight
Do you recall that light
Or do you ever think of me

It'd been a few days since Brooke and Lucas had last spoken. But, only a few minutes since they'd last they'd last thought of each other. It was hard to love someone, but it was even harder to admit to loving someone. It was for them. So, instead of screaming it out to everyone, like they wanted too, they kept there feelings to themselves and threw each other frosty gazes every time they'd pass. It was easier to do that, than to admit the truth. And, that's the route Brooke Davis and Lucas Scott had always preferred to take, the easiest one.

Brooke sat alone in her dorm, not with a thought of Lucas…that's what she kept telling herself anyway. Rachel entered the dorm and immediately broke Brooke from her thoughts; of anything other than Lucas.

"We need to talk" she said, just as fast as she had appeared

"I don't think that we do" Brooke replied with an expression of doubt. She and Rachel never 'talked', they only fought

"I don't really know why I'm telling you this. Maybe I feel guilty seeing you and Lucas all bitter and lovesick" the red head rolled her eyes at the latter, like it was lame to be lovesick or something

"You feel guilty?" Brooke scoffed out in amazement. Rachel Gatina never felt guilty about anything. She'd slept with her last boyfriend numerous times, and if that didn't make her feel guilty; which it didn't, surely nothing would

"I said maybe" Rachel faked a smile before continuing "I lied" she informed Brooke like it was nothing, like she had caused no trouble at all

"What?" Brooke asked, a little confused by Rachel's sudden confession

"Lucas didn't make the bet with Chris and he didn't sleep with me either" once again, she spoke like what she was saying didn't have an effect on her, like she needed to be somewhere and this was just on the way, like it wasn't a main priority of hers

And in your world somewhere
Do memories rip and tear
The ones that always keep you hanging on
To all that might have been

"So, once again you screwed things up with a guy I liked?" Brooke said, through gritted teeth. She was more than angry right now, but that was always how Rachel made her feel

"No, the first time I actually screwed the guy you liked. This time I nearly screwed things up with the guy you love" she told Brooke, who looked a little shocked at Rachel's use of the word love. Was it really that obvious that she was in love with Lucas? "You've still got a chance to put things right" Rachel turned for the door, before turning back to Brooke, who was still a little taken back by what had just happened in the last minute and a half "And, do it soon coz all this broken hearted crap is really starting to bore the ass off of me" she smiled at Brooke before leaving the dorm

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And I love you now
And I hate you now
And I miss you most of all
All those times we laughed
The scars that you left
Still I miss you most of all

It was time to do some grovelling, well it was for Brooke anyway. She'd accused Lucas of doing something that he clearly hadn't done, and now that she knew the truth she wondered how she could ever have been so stupid to believe it to begin with. She saw him and a bunch of his friends, including Nathan, walking down the corridor towards her but as she prepared herself to apologise to him, he threw her an icy glare before brushing past her.

That just made it harder, it just made her more nervous than she was to begin with "Lucas" she called him, after taking a deep breath inwards, and she let it out as he turned to face her

"What?" he shot back at her fiercely, whilst his buddies crowded around him to hear the words about to be exchanged between the two

"...Rachel just told me what really happened" she admitted coyly, before looking down at the ground "I'm sorry" she apologised, sincerely

Lucas' facial expression of anger, and bitterness immediately softened as he saw the broken young woman he'd fallen in love with in front of him. He wanted to throw his arms around her right there and then, but there was something stopping him, his reputation.

"Come on man. Let's go" his buddy, Ryan told him before gesturing to the door at the end of the corridor. His friends didn't want him to get involved with Brooke again. They'd told him that. They'd told him that he was getting soft, and he wasn't about to prove them right

"Lucas, I'm sorry" Brooke repeated her words, this time looking him in the eye.

Lucas looked back at his buddies, who were still gesturing for him to leave Brooke behind "Yeah, and so am I" he said, with a bitter tone to his voice before turning his back on her and leaving her alone. And it was then that she made the decision to walk away from him too. She knew that there break up had been her doing, but Lucas' failure to admit his feelings had also been part of the reason too. So, Brooke did what she did best, she acted just as bitter as he had just done and that's how it had continued for the next few days.

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And by the water's side
The tall grass where we lied
The nights we cried ourselves to sleep

It was just like any other Saturday night for everyone else, packed into a house belonging to one of the cheerleaders whilst the music blazed out and they're bodies became overly consumed with alcohol. Sure, Brooke and Lucas were there, they had to be, it was what was good for there reputation, but that didn't mean that they actually wanted to be. Lucas stood with his buddies in the kitchen, when he spotted Brooke coming his way, but instead of them talking through there problems, they both threw each other an icy stare before Brooke pushed past him and headed over to the drinks table that was situated right behind Lucas.

"Wow, she really is hating on you" one of Lucas' basketball team-mates told him after seeing the tension between the two

"Tell me about it" Lucas took a swig from his bottle before glancing over his shoulder to check that Brooke was still within hearing distance of his conversation. He didn't want to hurt her, but she'd hurt him, and then she'd tried to make a fool out of him in front everyone. And, that was something nobody got away with doing, not even her.

"Forget about her, man. She aint worth loosing your reputation over" another of Lucas' friends chipped in

"She aint worth loosing anything over, well maybe except the odd night in the sack here and there" Lucas told his friends, knowing that Brooke could hear every word

Most Septembers now
I break down somehow
Remembering all we said
And all those dreams we never got to see

"So, that's all we ever were, huh?" Brooke spat from behind him "We were just sex?" she questioned him fiercely, whilst people began to gather around them.

Everyone wanted to know what the deal was between them, were they together? Did they actually like each other? Was the notorious Lucas Scott still available? Or was Brooke Davis up for grabs? "Well?" she ordered an answer from him as he went silent, and just stared at how hostile she'd become "Coz you know what? It didn't seem like just sex when you beat up my cheating ex-boyfriend, it didn't seem like just sex when you took the posters down from the college walls, and it didn't seem like just sex when you opened up to me about your absent father!!" the increasingly upset brunette yelled, whilst Lucas couldn't take his eyes from her saddened face and the pain that he had caused

Are you somewhere
Without a care
Or are you as alone as I
Did you ever make it home

"Why is it so hard for you to be yourself?" she screamed at him, not caring about the crowds around them, not caring about her reputation. Lucas' friend, Ryan tugged on his shirt a little gesturing for him to leave her behind once more "Just coz everyone thinks your something, it doesn't mean you have to be it, Luke" she cried out at him, cried out for him to hold her, for him to love her "I don't even know why I care. We hated each other to begin with, so its not like where losing anything…" she sighed before turning to leave

"I never hated you, Brooke" Lucas answered, reluctantly. Him still aware of the people around them, her not caring at all

Brooke looked him dead in the eye "Are you kidding? you despised me" she chuckled out slightly, in disbelief that he was trying to deny something so obvious

"I kept telling myself that I hated you, coz it was easier to do that than to admit the truth…" he spoke to her a lot quieter than she did to him

"And, what is the truth?" she asked him, hoping that he was going to surprise her, hoping that he was going to forget about what everyone else thought for a change.

Lucas glanced around at the prying eyes around him, admitting his feelings to one person was bad enough, but to forty or fifty was his worst fear. Brooke threw her arms by her sides and gave up trying with him. She knew what he was thinking when his eyes scanned the crowds, she obviously wanted him to be something he wasn't. She wanted him to be honest. She looked down at the ground, knowing that this was really the end of what, at one time, she thought was going to last forever, she looked back up at Lucas before turning and walking away

And I miss you most of all
And I miss you now

Lucas swallowed hard, and broke through the walls he'd put up around him "The truth is, that for every second that I told myself that I hated you…" he closed his eyes tight, and opened them to see Brooke facing him once again "I loved you for two seconds more" he admitted, whilst gasps came from the crowds "My reputation was always the most important thing to me. But, when I saw you slipping away I realised that it wasn't nearly as important as you" he moved closer to her, as whispers still came form the people surrounding "You just said that if it all ended now, we wouldn't be losing anything…" his eyes now only focused on her, as he too forgot about everything else around them "That's not true, coz I'd be losing everything by losing you" he ran his fingers through her hair, as her expression turned from rejected to surprised "…I love you Brooke Penelope Davis…more than you'll ever know"

Brooke smiled, and wiped away the tears of happiness that had fallen "I think I have a fair idea" she giggled before letting her lips crash into his. It was then that they both realised that nothing would ever be as important as this moment, nothing would ever mean more to them than each other, and although it was the most painful experience to get to where they were today, the pain soon disappeared when they're hearts where fulfilled.

And I love you now
And I hate you now
And did you ever find
The star in your mind?
Or do you miss me most of all?

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Well theres the last chapter of this fic that I enjoyed writing so much. I just wanna thank EVERY SINGLE PERSON thats commented on this fic throughout, your comments helped me a lot. I'm always wary when starting a new story that people wont like it, but you guys have really really shown your support with this idea so I thankyou all so much for that.

And, for the last time pllleeeaaassseee comment!
Love you guys!
Sophia xxx