Chappie Four: Chess...in a way...
"Open communications to the Klingon ship, Lt. Uhura." Kirk said on the bridge.
"Frequencies jammed." Uhura replied.
"As I expected, Captain." Spock said. "The Klingons obviously do not wish to speak with us."
"I don't care what they wish, we're speaking with them!" Kirk said.
"Can't we unjam a frequency?" Takei asked.
"That vould be too easy." Koenig replied.
"I wish we could just fire at the ship." McCoy said. "Dammit, there's no Starfleet telling us what to do here! Let's destroy the Klingon ship now and play innocent in the future."
"Doctor, that violence would be unnecessary and illogical." Spock replied. "The Klingon ship is-"
"Yeah, I know, 6 times the size of the Enterprise." McCoy muttered.
"Actually," Nimoy argued, "it's 6.34."
"Shut up."
"And it'd be useless to attack such a larger ship." Shatner finished. "Then what can we do?"
"I guess the only thing we can do is to find out the Klingon's next move." Kirk said. "Try to guess what they're going to do and their plan of attack. Any logical guesses, Spock?"
"He doesn't guess." Nimoy said. "He speculates."
"Exactly, Leonard." Spock replied, nodding to his counterpart.
"You're just doing that to piss me off, aren't you, Spock?" McCoy asked.
"That is his name." Spock said.
"I guess things can't be too bad if Spock and McCoy are still fighting." Nichols joked.
"That's nothing." Uhura said. "You should have seen the time when they thought Kirk was dead! They were going at it so bad..."
"You did think I was dead!" Kirk exclaimed. "And you did see that tape, didn't you?"
"Tape?" McCoy asked. "What tape?"
"Oh, I remember that episode!" Shatner said. "The Tholian Web, wasn't it?"
"Yeah." Takei said. "That was a crazy episode."
"I got to try to hit you, Leonard." Koenig laughed.
"His name is Nimoy!" McCoy snapped.
"And you saw Captain Kirk in the mirror but no one believed you. You were restrained in sickbay." Nichols said to Uhura.
"Yeah, I did not deserve that-"
"Any logical guesses, Spock?" Kirk asked loudly.
"The Klingon ship forced us to beam Mr. Shatner aboard. Obviously their plot has to do with showing beam ups. And showing their own vessel as well. They could easily hide their vessel but they chose not to."
"If we can't even attack the ship," Shatner said, "how are we going to get it back to the future?"
"It would be most illogical for the Klingons to stay in the past." Spock replied. "Their plan should, logically, involve them returning to the present."
"Since when have Klingons been logical?" McCoy asked.
"They haven't." Nimoy replied.
"Yeah, they're always causing trouble." Takei said.
"And trying to destroy Federation ships." Koenig added.
"They're just evil in general." McCoy said.
"Maybe that's why tribbles don't like them." Nichols wondered.
"You've met tribbles!" Uhura exclaimed.
"They were furry pillows." Shatner said. "We didn't meet the real things."
"Thank God!" McCoy snapped. "Those things are annoying."
"They're cute!" Uhura argued.
"They're off the subject!" Kirk exclaimed. "We have to find out what the Klingon ship is going to do next."
"Like playing chess." Spock said. "We are on the defense. We must interpret their attack, and create a counter-attack that will leave them with no other options: a checkmate."
"Damn great chess game we're in." McCoy muttered. "I don't remember signing up to play the Klingons."
"I was speaking figuratively, Doctor."
"Yes, Spock, I sort of guessed that." McCoy said sarcastically.
"Let's check out CNN." Shatner advised.
"Yeah, the news network is monitoring the Klingon ship." Takei said.
Sulu pressed a button and the channel popped up.
"Star Trekked." Carlotta was saying. "The search continues- not just for Spock," she chuckled at her lame joke, "but for all of the main characters of Star Trek. And later on, a closer look at the strange UFO hovering over Earth. A key to the disappearances of Shatner, Nimoy, Takei, Koenig and Nichols, or another plot all together? This is Carlotta Richards speaking on tonight's top story.
"It all began when many of Star Trek's main characters mysteriously disappeared, apparently at or within the same time. A few hours after the disappearances, a picture of an unidentified flying object taken by NASA, used with permission, was taken. 'Trekkies' quickly realized that the UFO was really a...Klingon bird-of-prey." A picture of the Klingon bird-of-prey was shown, then compared with a Klingon bird-of-prey from the TV show was used. "Note the similarity."
"Yeah, like it's hard to miss!" McCoy snapped.
"Vhy are you talking to the screen?" Koenig said. "It's distracting."
"Your Russian accent is distracting!" McCoy replied.
"You are such a racist." Nimoy said.
"Shut up."
"Terrible to Vulcans and Russians-"
"Dammit, I'd be just fine with both if Vulcans weren't so damn logical and Russians had a better accent and less of an ego!" McCoy said.
"An ego?" Chekov asked.
"Yes!" McCoy growled. "Everything is from Russia! Scotch, Alexander the Great, the Garden of Eden...dammit, everything is from Russia according to Russians! In other words, yes, you do have an ego! It's as big as the Fesarius!"
"Well-"
"Incoming message, Captain!" Uhura said, rushing over to her station. "The Klingons! They've unjammed the frequency."
"So they can unjam frequencies but we can't?" Nimoy said.
"So unfair." Takei muttered.
"Put them on speaker." Kirk ordered. "This is Captain James T. Kirk of the USS Enterprise. What are you doing? You are going against-"
"Yes, I know." sneered the Klingon commander. "The Prime Directive."
"What are you doing?" Kirk repeated.
"I thought you had a Vulcan on board." the Klingon said. "Hasn't he figured it out if your puny human mind can't?"
Kirk glanced at Spock. "You are behaving in a most illogical manner that I am unable to decipher."
The Klingon laughed. "Illogical to you, maybe, but not to us."
Spock raised an eyebrow.
It was Shatner who first thought of it. "You aren't worried about provoking the wrath of Starfleet because..."
"...Starfleet won't be there when we return." Kirk finished. "You're going to erase Starfleet from history!"
"Of course." Spock said. "The Klingons will act in such a manner that will frighten the primitive Earth people-"
"Who you calling primitive?" Takei muttered.
"-And the humans will be so frightened they will not wish to explore deep space-"
"-So they'll never met the Vulcans!" Nimoy cried.
"And the Federation vill never exist!" Koenig finished.
"Exactly." the Klingon said. "Our wildest dream. The Federation will be finished, as will the Enterprise and the cast of the Enterprise."
"How did you know about Star Trek?" Nichols asked.
"We, unlike some lazy Federation bums," the Klingon replied, "know how to use a history card. In fact, that history card is how we're going to show the Earth about how terrible life in space is. On that history card, an author's name popped out. H.G. Wells. Heard of him?"
"Shit." whispered Nichols. "The War of the Worlds."
"Just imagine the wonderful city of San Fransisco, the birth place of the Federation." the Klingon laughed. "When phasers, or heat-rays, explode from the sky and destroy the whole city. The same will be happening to New York, London, Ho Chi Min City, Sydney, Hong Kong, Berlin...every major city that you can think of. After being destroyed by aliens, do you really think they're going to want to explore space?"
"You really are sneaky. So you put Kirk's name in the envelope for the next contestant," Shatner said, "so he'd beam me up? And I'd want to beam up the rest of the cast..."
"Chain reaction, puny human." the Klingon said. "The world's already on tenter-hooks because of you all's disappearance and the 'UFO' sighting, wait till they've been phasered! Ha!"
"Well, Jim," McCoy muttered, "I don't know about you but I think this is one hell of a chess game we're in. We should start thinking of a checkmate."
"One last thing." Nimoy said. "Why are you telling us this?"
"Yeah." Takei whispered to Koenig. "We can just beam down and warn everyone about the attack!"
"But the Prime Directive..." Kirk moaned.
"Dammit Jim!" McCoy snapped. "We have to save the Federation here! Without the Federation there'll be no Prime Directive to follow!"
"True." Kirk said. "You think you are so tough, you Klingons. By exposing your plan to us you're exposing it to the world!"
"I don't think so, Captain Kirk." the Klingon said. "Because there will be no one left alive on the Enterprise to tell the tale. Vorg out."
"What does he mean by-" Koenig began, before he was cut off by a wailing Klaxon alarm.
"Scotty to da bridge!" the Engineer cried. "Something has beamed into da transporter room!"
"Red Alert. Send Security there-" but it was too late. Five Klingons rushed aboard the bridge.
My first real fight scene, Shatner thought. He had been involved in many fake ones, but had never really fought any alien. The Klingons were shooting on kill, but luckily no one was hit. Shatner tried to hit a Klingon by slamming his hands against the neck of a Klingon, but the alien only shoved the actor against a wall. "What are you doing?" Kirk asked, punching a Klingon.
"Isn't that how you fight?" Shatner asked.
"No!" Kirk responded. "Just punch him!" He demonstrated.
"Well, Gene wasn't right about everything." Shatner muttered, following suit.
Nimoy was pleasantly surprised to see Spock nerve pinching. He vaguely wished he could do the Vulcan Nerve Pinch for real.
"They're very strong- stronger than what I'd expect for a bunch of Federation scum." a Klingon said.
"You know what to do," another Klingon said, running to the turbolift.
The Klingon pulled out a sphere of some sort. Kirk's eyes widened. "LEAVE!" he screamed. "Go now!"
"What?" Nichols asked.
"Leave! Get to the turbolift!" Kirk ordered. The bridge members let the actors go first. Nimoy, however, was by the screen, so he only ducked. The Klingon rushed out of the room, throwing the sphere above their heads.
A deafening explosion occurred, and white light half-blinded Nimoy. He looked around. Kirk was collapsed on the captain's chair, and an unconscious Uhura was ducking behind her chair. Sulu and Chekov were both knocked out. Spock was stirring slightly.
"Spock?" Nimoy asked. "What was that?"
"A grenade of sorts. It causes...internal damage." Spock answered, his eyelids fluttering. "Potentially lethal. Did any of the light hit you?"
"No."
"Then you will be safe." Spock said. He glanced around. "Another situation is arising, Leonard."
"What? What do you mean?"
"Kirk, I, and the rest of the bridge will be unable to perform our duties." Spock said, gasping for breath.
"That's okay...well, at least, Scotty can assume command of the Enterprise."
"No...no." Spock argued. "William Shatner will."
"What?"
"William's DNA matches Jim's. According to Dr. McCoy, Shatner is Kirk. And Kirk is captain. So therefore-"
"Shatner will assume command because he 'is' Kirk."
"And Nichols will be communications officer, and Koenig navigator and-"
"I get the point."
"You are the only exception." Spock continued, almost frowning in pain. "You do not share my DNA. Therefore, I place you as Acting Science Officer and Acting First Officer."
"But...Spock, please!" Nimoy begged. "You have to stay on the bridge; Kirk and the others too! We can't command a starship! Dammit, we acted you all but we can't fill your shoes!"
"I fail to understand why filling shoes has anything to do with commanding a ship." Spock said.
"Why can't we...oh, I don't know, inform Starfleet about this so Scotty can be Acting Captain?" Nimoy asked.
"Were I human I would laugh." Spock replied. "Starfleet will not be created for 102.34 years. I regret that this is only an estimate. Also, if you do not act now, there will be no Starfleet to inform to. You must learn."
"What do you mean?"
Spock raised his hand in the Vulcan salute. "Remember." he whispered, and moved his hand toward Nimoy's face.
"NO!" Nimoy screamed, jumping backward. "I won't carry your katra!"
"You will not be carrying my katra." Spock said. "Only my memories." He placed his fingers on Nimoy's face.
Nimoy could tell that normally mind-melds were supposed to be organized- only a few memories passing between them. But Spock was in pain, and human emotions stirred more when he was in pain, causing a logical mind-meld to be a little more sloppy and emotional. Nimoy gasped in surprise as blankets of memories crowded his mind- a view of Vulcan from the highest mountain, learning chants when he was a young boy in a Vulcan school, trying to hide his human self (much to the disappointment of his mother), but failing (much to the disappointment of his father). Vulcans teased him for being emotional and part human, he tried so hard to master logic, but still frowned when they served chi ti leaves at lunch...those and hundred more memories came tumbling into his mind. His friendship with Kirk, his friendly rivalry with McCoy, his duty, his logic, his information on the Enterprise and of space came twirling into Nimoy's mind. Who am I? He wondered. Am I Spock? Am I Leonard Nimoy? Spock placed his fingers off Nimoy's face. "You are both." Spock said, answering him. "You now know everything you need to know..." Spock panted slightly, his mouth agape.
"Live long...and prosper, Spock T'Xa'Re." Nimoy whispered.
"Live long and prosper, Leonard Nimoy." Spock said back before collapsing.
"Dammit, I'm Leonard!" McCoy screamed, running onto the bridge.