Okay this is the next chapter to Longing, its sort of a follow up from the first chapter except in Roy's point of view and what he did while Edward and Alphonse are in the other world. If I get enough good comments ill probably do Alphonse's point of view next or something lol! Enjoy!

Jade xx

----------------

Chapter 2- I won't cry.

----------------

Brigadier General Roy Mustang was not going to cry.

He wasn't going to because he wouldn't let himself give up, not yet, not now; everyday he had the overwhelming urge to just let everything out what he had bottled up inside of him and burst out into tears that were so out of character for the man. Everyday we went through the routine of just wanting to cry, gasping for breath as he struggled to take control of the feeling before he managed to bottle it up again, returning to normal. There were many reasons why Roy Mustang wouldn't cry but only one person was behind why he wanted to.

Edward Elric.

Just thinking about that name, that person made the feeling come back in full force, but he forced it down before it swallowed him, before he lost control of it, and most of all before he accepted defeat. He would not cry, because if he did, he knew he'd be accepting, no, he knew he would be giving in to the fact that the teenage prodigy would not be coming back.

Not now, not ever again.

Roy swallowed and looked around his office; everything in it made him think of the blonde alchemist; the sofas where many a time Ed, had flopped on his couch in a bored or tired manner to give his report on what he found even though Roy had always been almost half a step ahead of him, his desk were Ed had slammed his automail fist into the old polished wood, making many dents in it as Roy once again made a smart comment in his height, his fireplace where on those rare occasions the two had not argued but rather reflected and Roy could see the man, the truly mature side of Edward.

But what made him think of Ed the most was when Alphonse Elric himself used to walk in his office; the teenage boy who after gaining his body back, had become a state alchemist like his brother. Alphonse just didn't know how much he looked like the elder Elric, of course their were subtle differences; Al's hair was slightly darker and his eyes were more a bronze colour than gold, but every time he saw the younger Elric brother, the dark haired general had to stop himself from calling Alphonse by his older brothers military name, and it hurt.

It hurt to think that the boy he'd teased since he was 12 was gone, the boy he'd at first thought of as nothing more then a child who had grown up far too fast, the same kid who could take what he got especially when they traded insults, the same boy who's eyes flashed with fire and hope whenever Roy gave him a mission concerning the philosophers stone, the same teenager who he'd fought in the battle assessment and just beaten him, the same man he'd grown to respect and admire, the same man he had fallen in love with.

Roy was gasping for air now as his chest seemed to tighten painfully, his eye were beginning to brim with tears as he tried desperately to lock away his feelings, as he tried desperately to shut away his heart, to regain control, but it was hard and it hurt so much. Roy managed to take a few deep breaths as he regained control of himself and his usual passive mask fell back into place, even though there was no one there in the dimly lit office to see it, he picked up the pen he had dropped and tried to get back to work, but he mind refused to move from the current topic.

Roy wasn't quite sure when he began to fall in love with Edward Elric, he really didn't know but if he had to guess it was sometime after he had first met the boy without automail limbs; Roy was 23 when he'd gone down on that stormy October night to see the Elric brothers and he'd felt something tugging at his heart when he saw what had become of Hoinhiem's eldest child. At that time he'd brushed it off then as nothing more than pity, but now Roy wasn't so sure, there had been many other feelings like that throughout the time he'd known the blonde alchemist, each one made his heart go out to Edward.

Like the time when Barry the chopper had tried to kill Edward, he'd watched the blonde sob his heart out and Roy could do nothing but stand and watch from afar as his armoured younger brother did the best he could in comforting him. Then when Nina was killed by Scar, the despair and anguish on Ed's childishly young face had made the flame alchemist desperately wanting to hug the boy to his chest, to comfort him in some way, just to see the pain and desperation leave from the blonde's face, but back then it hadn't been the time nor place and he knew that it wouldn't help, so he'd scolded the boy and reminded him of his objective, even to this day the dark haired alchemist didn't know if he'd done the right thing, but back then he saw that the familiar fire in Ed's eyes, the same fire he saw when he vowed to find the philosophers stone, when he saw that look back in the blonde's eye's and he noticed it, Roy felt immense relief.

Edward had seen so much that a 15 year old teenager shouldn't have seen and many men didn't see in their lifetimes, it was depressing to think that Roy was the one that had gotten him involved in the military, but then again he was glad; he had a feeling that if he hadn't invited Ed, the blonde would have joined the military anyway, only under someone else's service, and the outlook probably wouldn't have been very pretty, in fact it probably would have been worse; many a high ranking officer didn't give a rats ass about their subordinates and many were raped or killed within weeks of being assigned to their commanding officers, Roy was different he made sure he kept his men alive, hence why they were loyal to him.

But Ed…He'd failed when it came to Ed.

Roy heard something splash against the desk and looked down; he saw a drop of water, he touched his face and realised, that he'd been crying without noticing, that he'd given up and not even noticed. Roy covered his eyes with one gloved hand as his shoulders shook, he cried silently as he finally, finally let everything out as he finally admitted defeat.

Edward Elric was never coming back.

The man; Roy couldn't called him a child anymore, not after the last time he'd seen him, the man he was in love with was in another world now with his brother, if he didn't know Ed so well, he'd have said that Ed would have settled down in the other world gotten married and had kids, but somehow he couldn't make himself see it.

He wondered if Edward ever knew how much Roy really cared and loved the blonde, how much he would have done and did do to protect him kept him safe and how much regret he felt when he failed. Roy snorted as tears continued to fall silently down his face; Edward Elric was a prodigy when it came to Alchemy, but when it came to emotions, love and sex, the blonde probably had as much knowledge as a 5 year old.

But that had never bothered Roy because he'd dreamed that he'd teach Ed everything, that he'd sacrifice his job, his one ambition of being Fuhrer, to be with the blonde, that he'd accept the taunts and insults of being a pervert and a paedophile, because for the first time in his life he wasn't playing around with a one night stand, he was deeply and utterly in love and there was fuck all he could do about it.

He remembered that day, the day he'd left Edward four years ago, so he could kill the Fuhrer and Ed could stop the Homunculi from using the philosopher's stone that was inside Al's armoured body, back then Roy wanted to tell Ed how he'd felt because he'd known that this would probably be the last time he'd see the blonde…but he hadn't done it, he couldn't bring himself to, if he'd made such a confession at that moment, the dark haired Colonel wasn't sure what would have happened, but he knew at least, that if he kept silent Ed would go his way down the road and Roy would go his in the opposite direction, so he had kept silent and they had parted ways.

After that he heard from Riza, that Alphonse Elric had managed to get his body back and at first he'd felt overjoyed, thinking that both Elric brothers had succeeded in achieving their goals, but his heart was crushed when no sign of Edward or his body had been found, but then again after hearing what happened from Rose's point of view, Roy didn't feel surprised; Al was Edward's only living blood relative, he cherished his younger brother, it seemed fitting that Ed would sacrifice his own self to bring Al back from the gate.

He however, ended up in hospital for three months due to his severe injuries after his battle with King Bradley and became blind in his right eye after Archer shot him. He was put up for court martial for treason, but because of lack of evidence and eye witnesses (His subordinates including Riza Hawkeye had refused to testify against him) he had been merely demoted and sent to the middle of nowhere as a corporal, below the ranks of even Feury.

Alone and in the middle of nowhere he brooded, blatantly refusing to use his fire alchemy while he was there. What surprised him was that Al had visited him a couple times during Ed's two year absence, reminding him not to give up on his brother because he knew he was alive, the younger Elric brother had dreamt of his older brother at night in another world beyond the gate. Roy had smiled a genuine smile at the boy and nodded his heart believing what his mind did and he had faith that Al wasn't wrong, that Ed was alive somewhere.

Flashback

"Nii-san will come back Colonel" Al had said determinedly the same fire his brother had was now in Al's eyes and, even though he'd been demoted Al refused to call Roy anything else "I know because he cares about everyone…even you" Al's words had made him feel hope that perhaps Ed really could come back, and even though months had passed Roy didn't let his hope die.

Then it had happened, two years after Ed had disappeared a huge gate had opened up from the sky and a battle had started from another world, armoured monsters had crawled towards Central HQ and Roy felt his old flame of ambition and bravery spark within him once again and travelled to Central as fast as he could, as soon as he did he'd pulled on his gloves and snapped away like he'd always done when he'd been a Colonel, blasting many of the armoured walking dead in one blow, he quickly dished out orders to his former subordinates, even though he was now a lower rank they still respected the man and had obeyed. Roy had seen the ship that was attacking Central and ordered Armstrong to make him a balloon so he could fly up and meet the ship.

Once the balloon was ready he had instantly used his flame alchemy to get hot air into the balloon and get up into the air, he flew for miles above the city of Central until he saw something shooting out of a building straight towards the ship, he saw a flash of red and gold and knew Ed and Al were there, he didn't need to look twice, he just knew in his heart it was them. Roy used his alchemy, raising the balloon higher in the air using the hot hair from his flame, when the ship suddenly transmuted a gun turret out of nowhere, Roy's one eye widened and without thinking he snapped his fingers, destroying the turret. "Now lengthen it Fullmetal!" Al turned too looked at him and grinned and Ed turned; 18 year old Edward Elric turned to face him and smiled.

In that one moment Roy felt he was whole again.

Ed and Al nodded; together they clapped their hands and lengthened the tall tower until it easily reached the top of the ship. Roy hopped out of the balloon and raced up the platform wondering what to say, seeing Edward like this was so sudden and unexpected, so he said what first came to mind; a sarcastic remark "I figured it would be you that brought this trouble Fullmetal" Roy said with a smirk; he felt like he was normal again, like this was normal, a normal routine, same sarcastic remarks, same playful banter.

"That's all I get? No 'Nice to see you after two years', no 'How are you?' Just sarcastic comments, thanks Colonel Bastard! By the way that eye patch doesn't suit you at all" was Ed's reply and if the situation hadn't been so serious Roy probably would have laughed, he heard Al apologize for his brother just like he had thousands of times before.

When they reached the deck of the ship they took cover for a moment as more turrets transmuted and opened fire upon them, Mustang didn't hesitate to destroy the gun turrets then he turned to Ed. "Go from the front I'll cover you, that's why I came" Roy ordered.

Ed smirked, that familiar smirk at him and nodded "Yeah okay I'll do that" Ed said and ran ahead Al following after him and Mustang allowed himself to smile fondly at Ed's retreating back "I always knew you were alive…" Roy said to himself, then more gun turrets suddenly transmuted on the hull of the ship and aimed at the dark haired man the flame alchemist just smirked to himself as he got to work destroying the last of the gun turrets.

When the turrets stopped transmuting from nowhere and the brothers came back Ed looked…sad, really sad, and Mustang's heart clenched, he just knew something was going to happen. "Hagane no?"(1) Roy questioned, his only reply was a clap of hands, one flesh, one metal, before they were pressed against the floor.

Slowly a piece of the ship broke off from the rest, Al knew something was wrong and called and Ed even tried to run towards him but the dark haired alchemist held him back, waiting for Ed to say something, anything. "With that much material you can make it back safely" Roy's heart clenched in his chest again and he knew that Ed was leaving them again, even so he had to ask Ed, he needed to hear it from the blonde teenagers mouth. "Where are you going?"

Ed sighed before he answered "I'm going to return all of these guys and the ship back to beyond the gate" He said Al struggled in Roy's arms, tears brimming in his bronze coloured eyes "Brother you don't have to go too!" Al cried out arguing as Ed half turned to leave, he paused and turned back around his eyes set in determination "I need to destroy that gate, Al you destroy the gate on this side, so the path between worlds will never open again"

The elder blonde turned around to go back into the ship, but Alphonse was stubborn, almost as much as his bother, "Bother what about us? About Winry? What am I going to tell her?" he called hoping that somehow it would get his big brother to stay to figure out another way of doing this. Ed stopped once again and smiled a small smile at his younger brother and Roy before lifting up his automail hand "Tell her…tell her thanks for this" Ed said before turning and walking back into the ship.

"Brother! Brother!" Al called desperately to Ed's retreating back, Roy's heart clenched in pain, it was almost unbearable for him but it must have been impossible for Al to cope with; he'd only just been re-united with his elder brother only to lose him once again. In that moment Roy made a decision and let the younger Elric brother go; Al deserved to be with his brother, they'd worked so hard to get their body's back and stick together, and Roy knew that they deserved to stay together after what they had gone through. The younger blonde turned to him confused "Transmute the material for me then go with him" Roy whispered. Al stared at him for a moment before he nodded and made a balloon out of the material and climbed onto the ship before it flew away, but the younger Elric brother paused and turned back to him "Colonel…you really love him don't you?"

Roy swallowed at this question, there was no need to guess who 'him' was, silently he nodded and stared at Al "Don't tell him Al, unless you find a way back here, don't tell him otherwise there's no point, now go, I'll deal with the gate" Al blinked then nodded silently before turning and running into the ship. As Roy used the hot air from his alchemic flame to fly away, the ship's engines started and it flew off towards the gate. Roy slowly followed behind the brothers in the balloon, his heart heavy and tears brimming in his eyes as he watched the ship with the Elric brothers disappear into the gate…

End flashback

"Sir? Sir? Wake up sir" Roy recognised the voice, he opened his eyes and realised he'd fallen asleep while thinking of the last time he'd seen Ed, he looked up to see Hawkeye staring down at him, her eyes strangely sympathetic as she shook his shoulder gently. "Sir it's almost midnight, I think you should go home now"

Roy looked up at her and blinked sleepily before he leaned back in his chair; his dark onyx eyes carefully blank "What are you doing here Hawkeye?" He asked her in a flat tone, quickly wiping away the tear tracks that were left on his face, but he already suspected that she had noticed them; Hawkeye wasn't called Hawkeye for no reason. Lieutenant Colonel Riza Hawkeye sighed and withdrew her hand from the Brigadier General's shoulder "I left something in my office and came back to get it and I noticed the lamp was still on in your office sir" Riza said politely, not commenting on the tear tracks on his face.

The blonde sniper knew that Roy Mustang was hurting badly, he had been for two years since Edward left, and she knew it was because the man loved the blonde alchemist; ever since Edward and his younger brother had gone to the other side of the gate, Roy had destroyed the gate as he was asked and later he had been awarded his former rank of Colonel back, for his heroic deeds in stopping the strange ship from completely destroying Central. Since then the dark haired man had thrown himself into work, raising another rank to Brigadier General because of his efforts.

In fact Roy never seemed to stop working, and he hardly slept and if he did, it was usually on his desk using paperwork as a pillow instead of going home to a bed like he should have. The blonde haired women knew it was so Roy didn't have to think, if he stared thinking, his thoughts would eventually wander to Edward, and if they wandered to Edward, he would almost lose control of his emotions before he regained control and he was normal again; no one in the office of Central Headquarters knew the real reason behind this other than Hawkeye herself, but she knew that the rest of Roy's subordinates could easily hear his dry choked sobs from behind the closed door of his office, and none dared speak of it, not because they were threatened by Hawkeye, but because out of pure respect and loyalty to the man.

"Sir…" She started and wondered if now was a good time to bring up his most sensitive subject. Roy looked up at her, his face paler than normal and his onyx eyes blank, but had heavy bags under them and she hardened her resolve "Sir…I know you loved him very much, and we all miss him…but you can't harm yourself like this"

She saw his body tense up, he turned his face away from her as he spoke. "I don't know what you're talking about Hawkeye I'm fine…" He muttered his voice sounding strained. The blonde Lieutenant Colonel wanted to slap the man she admired and respected for so long for being an idiot, but she knew it would do no good; if one thing Roy Mustang and Edward Elric where both good at and had in common, it was that they were both as stubborn as mules, and no amount of threatening him with her gun was going to change that. "Very well sir" She whispered stiffly, forcing her self to turn to walk out the door and not pull her gun on her superior, she paused at the door and turned back to Roy "If it's any consolation sir, I believed Edward loves you too, he just never realized it" Riza whispered before walking out of his office and closing to door with a faint click.

When the flame alchemist was once again greeted with silence he stood slowly and looked out of his office window, his eyes full of sadness as he looked up at the stars and placed a pale un-gloved hand on the window and watched as a shooting star flew by. Roy sighed, he knew what he was about to do was utterly pointless and even childish, but right now he didn't have the heart to care weather wishing upon a falling star it was childish or immature or even that wishing on a falling star never worked. "I wish I could see him again even if it's only for a little while, I just wish I could tell him the truth" Roy whispered as he watched the star disappear from view. With a sigh the dark haired man turned from the window and walked over to where his jacket was hung up.

"Riza was right about one thing, I believe he loves me too" Roy muttered to himself before he put on his coat and left the office, leaving the echoing memories of Edward Elric lingering in his office.

"You bastard! I'M NOT SMALL!"

"So your telling me you already know everything I've done is that it?"

"Argh I'm gonna kill you, you morally bankrupt Colonel with a god complex!"

"I will find a way to make the stone you can count on that"

"This assesment means nothing to me, if i win you tell me everything you know about Marco, and lets not forget you'll have a new cat"

"I won't cry for you Colonel, if you die I mean, hell I'll probably dance on your grave! So if I die you'd better not cry for me…Right Mustang?"

--------------------

(1) Hagane no- means Fullmetal for those who haven't seen the Japanese version of the anime

Wow some of this didn't turn out the way I thought that it would, I never originally intended to have Riza added into the story, but in the end she seemed the perfect candidate to add in and wake out dear flame alchemist up

So what do you guys think? Good? Bad? Please R&R and tell me what you thought of it, this is almost twice as long as the first chapter and I really put a lot of effort into it so please leave a review.

Jade Rotaski Queen of the Damned