Chapter 4, The Ups and Downs of Life

Two days later, the gang returned to school, everybody pretended that what happened on New Years never did. Ashley and Brandon both appreciated their friends not talking about it. Ashley felt sort of guilty about being with Dylan around David and Brandon, but they both acted as if they didn't mind. Before lunch, Ashley told Dylan to meet her by the library so they could be together guilt-free. "Hey there," Dylan said, walking up to her.

"Hi," she said, kissing him, "Wanna come over after school?"

"With our friends?"

"Nope. Just us," Ashley responded.

"Sure."

Later that day, Ashley and Dylan parked the car outside of the pool house. They talked and did homework together, and he got up to leave at about 6:00. They kissed, and he walked out, but about a minute later, Ashley heard a huge commotion outside. Her eyes widened in fear as she heard Dylan yelling. She could faintly hear another voice, yelling at Dylan. Ashley reached into the closet, grabbed a baseball bat, and ran onto the sidewalk where Dylan was trying to fight off someone, who seemed to be a mugger. He was just about to get a hold of Dylan's wallet. She quietly snuck up behind them, and hit the mugger over the head. He fell to the ground, out cold. "Oh my god. Are you okay?" Ashley asked, helping Dylan to his feet.

Just then, Michael came out of the house, "Jeez, what happened out here?"

"Go call the cops, Michael," Ashley demanded, "He tried to mug Dylan."

Michael nodded and ran back into the house. Ashley hugged Dylan, pulled away, and suddenly felt wet. She looked down, and was covered in blood. "Oh my god, Dylan!" she said, trying to hold him up. By now, people were coming out of their houses. "Help!" she shouted, and heard footsteps coming up from behind her.

"It's-It's all right," Dylan said soothingly, "Don't worry. You did good back there."

"Ashley! What happened?" Brandon asked, looking from the mugger, to the baseball bat, to the blood, as Brenda did the same.

"He...He got mugged. Michael's inside calling the cops, but I didn't realize he was hurt. Oh my god, Dylan..."

"Come here," he said, helping Ashley move Dylan. They walked down the street and Brandon put Dylan in the back seat of his car. Brandon got in the driver's seat, and told Ashley to wait here, who was trying to keep it together as best she could.

"No way, I'm going with him," Ashley replied.

"Won't your brother be a little nervous when he realizes both you and Dylan are gone?" Brandon replied.

"Don't worry about it," Brenda said quietly, "I'll stay here and tell Michael you guys went to the hospital. Go, Ashley," Brenda responded. Ashley hugged her, "Thanks."

"Okay, go, hurry up," Brenda said, as the car zoomed down the street. She ran back to the Gilmore's house, where Michael was looking confused and the two cop cars were just pulling up.

"What happened?" a tall, balding cop asked.

"This guy tried to mug my friend. My other friend and my brother took him to the hospital, he was bleeding pretty badly."

"Okay, Rogers, handcuff this guy and bring him to the station. Baxter and I'll go to the hospital to question the kids," said the cop.

Ashley paced back and forth in the waiting room. She hadn't heard a single word about Dylan yet. She was so nervous, she had no idea what to do. Ashley had finally decided to try things out with Dylan, and he might be taken away from her. How was that anywhere near fair? Then again, who ever said life was fair? Ashley could feel her whole world falling apart. Then, she heard, "Miss Gilmore?"

She spun around, and saw two police officers coming toward her. "Hi, I'm Officer Hughes, and this is Officer Baxter. Can you tell us what happened outside your house this evening?"

Ashley sighed and squeezed Brandon's hand, "Dylan was leaving my house, and all of the sudden I heard screaming. I grabbed a baseball bat and went outisde. Dylan and a man were fighting, and I saw him try to take Dylan's wallet. I panicked and hit him over the head with my baseball bat. I went to hug Dylan, but I felt...I felt wetness. So I looked down, and...and he was drenched in blood. Why didn't he just give the money up?"

"Some people are too proud to, Miss Gilmore," Officer Baxter replied.

Just then, a doctor came into the waiting room. "Ashley Gilmore?"

"Yeah?" she said, peering over at the doctor. But then, Michael and Brenda came bursting into the waiting room. They came over to stand by Brandon and Ashley. "Is...Is he okay?"

"Hi, I'm Doctor Landry. Dylan was stabbed twice, and lost a significant amount of blood. We're doing everything we can," Doctor Landry said.

"Will...Will he be okay?" Ashley choked out.

"If you didn't bring him when you did, it could have been a lot worse."

"Can we see him?" Ashley asked.

"Just one of you," Dr. Landry responded.

"Send him our best, Ash," Brenda said.

Ashley gave her a small smile, and followed Dr. Landry into the room where Dylan looked half awake. Ashley sat beside him, and held his hand. "Hey," she said quietly.

"Hi," Dylan replied, smiling up at her.

"How are you feeling?" she asked.

"I'm okay. Thanks for hitting that guy over the head. And can you thank Brandon for...for getting me here?"

"Sure. I'll be back first thing tomorrow morning," Ashley promised.

"Okay. I love you."

"Yeah well...Get some rest," Ashley said, kissing him softly, getting up, and leaving.

The first day Dylan was home, Ashley went over to his place to see him. She was so happy to see him up and about. She hugged him and kissed him about seven hundred and eighty four times per minute. "Ashley...Can I ask you something?"

"Anything," Ashley said, sensing the seriousness in his voice. She sat across from him.

"Do you love me?" Dylan asked. It looked as if he had been mulling this over for a long time. Ashley froze up, not being able to speak. She sighed and looked down. "Where is this coming from, Dylan?"

"I've never heard you say those three words to anybody, except your family. I tell you I love you all the time, and you've never said it back. When I was in the hopsital, I told you I love you, and you said, yeah well get some rest, and you left."

"Yeah, I know," Ashley said, not looking directly at him.

"So, you don't love me?"

"It's not that, Dylan," Ashley said, looking into his eyes, "Believe me, it isn't that."

"So, you do love me?"

"Dylan-"

"Forget it, even now, after everything, you still won't let your guard down," Dylan told her.

"Dylan, don't-"

"Just forget it, Ashley," Dylan muttered angrily.

"Fine, if you want to pressure me into saying something, then while I'm forgetting about it, I'll just forget about us, too," Ashley said angrily, storming out.

"Shit," Dylan muttered.

Ashley ran angrily from Dylan's place when she heard footsteps behind her. She spun around, ready to tell Dylan off, but it wasn't him. It was a man in she had never seen before. Ashley tried to scream, but her mouth was covered. She felt herself being dragged into one of the rooms of the hotel. He had her mouth covered, and with his free hand, he held a gun in front of her face. "If you scream, I swear to god, I'll shoot you. Now, are you gonna scream?" Ashley frantically shook her head in response. "Good," he whispered, letting go of her mouth. He took off Ashley's shirt, then her pants, her shoes. He undressed himself a bit, and Ashley fought back tears.

Ashley had never seen a point in crying. Crying never fixed anything. Crying was just a sign of weakness, and Ashley Gilmore was anything but weak. He stepped closer to her, and she instinctively kneed him in the balls. He fell to the floor for a moment, and she ran to the door, but he hit her over the head. She was knocked out, and when she woke back up, she was tied to the bed. "That wasn't very nice," her attacker said when he noticed she had awoken.

"Neither is this," she choked out. And then, things got worse. He began kissing her, and an hour later, Ashley Gilmore was raped. She was washed of all emotion. She was a robot, immune to all emotions. Ashley went home, took a shower, and stayed there. The next day, Dylan stopped by after school. She opened the door, and wordlessly sat back down onto the couch, leaving the door open for him.

"Ashley? What's the matter?" Dylan asked, getting ready to give her a hug, but Ashley jumped about four feet backward, "What's gotten into you?" Ashley cringed at the wording, and sat down, "Are you gonna talk to me?" Ashley merely shook her head in response, "Is this because of what happened yesterday?" It was, but not the same part of yesterday that he was thinking of. Ashley shrugged and curled up like a cat on the chair. "With us?" he added. Ashley shook her head in response. Dylan went to stroke her hair, but Ashley jumped up again, "Why don't you want to be touched?"

Ashley spoke her first words since the incident, "Go away."

Dylan's eyes widened at the shakiness in her voice, "Have you been crying?"

"Dylan, I need to be alone," Ashley said nastily.

"Fine," Dylan said, putting up his hands in defense and walking out.

The next week at school, Ashley didn't utter a single word. She jumped when someone was within a foot of her. She was a complete wreck, trying her hardest to keep it together. She could see the expressions of worry everyone wore. Ashley was completely embarrassed. How could she have let this happen? Was there anyway she could have fought harder - ran quicker? Or was this meant to happen? Would it make her a stronger person, or would it completely take her down?

Ashley cried herself to sleep all week, when one day, she just couldn't get up, and she stayed in the same spot all day, everything just replaying over and over in her mind.

Ashley didn't go to school the next day either. There was knocking again then, and she just yelled, "Go away!"

"Ashley, please let us in," Donna begged.

Ashley rolled her eyes, stood up, and opened the door. Donna, David, Steve, Kelly, Brandon, Dylan, and Brenda all came charging inside. They all wore expressions of worry and concern. Ashley pressed her back against the door, and folded her arms. She sunk to the ground, shaking uncontrollably. David walked over to her and took her hand, "What's wrong?"

Ashley grabbed him by the back of the head and pulled him closer. She cried and shook in his arms, not being able to hold it in any longer. She felt so helpless. She had a reputation. Ashley didn't take shit from anyone. She was tough, and that was all thrown away. "I can't say it," she whispered to him. Steve walked over and rubbed her back. Kelly followed Steve and she took Ashley's free hand. Everybody else sat down on the floor beside her.

"Ashley...We're here for ya, hun. We're not going anywhere. Now what's going on?" Brandon asked.

"The night that Dylan and I got into that fight...I...I...I got raped," Ashley told them, closing her eyes.

"What?" they all cried out.

"Yeah. He...He hit me over the head, and it's...it's still pretty sore," she said, rubbing her scalp.

"Who...Who did this to you?" Dylan asked.

"Your guess is as good as mine," Ashley shrugged. David hugged her tighter, and Ashley felt safe, with those she cared about most surrounding her.

"Ashley...You have to tell the police," Brenda said.

"No way! Then everyone'll know!" Ashley shouted.

"I know it's embarassing, Ashley," Donna said.

"How? Have you ever...ever been raped? It's like I'm not myself anymore. I used to be strong and tough. How could I let this happen?"

"Hey, don't say that," Steve said, "You're still the strong, tough girl we've always known. This isn't your fault. God, I wish I could find this guy..."

"He's right, Ash. It's not your fault," Dylan said, "it's mine."

Ashley looked up and wiped away her tears. "How is this your fault?"

"I picked a fight with you. If we hadn't been fighting, I would have taken you home myself, and this never would have happened. I'm so sorry, Ashley."

"Dylan, this isn't your fault. You're right about me. I'm sorry, Dylan. I really am. I love you," Ashley said, completely sure of herself. She smiled for the first time in days.

"I love you too, kid. If you love me, can you do me a favor?" Dylan asked.

"What's that?"

"Please tell the police. If you don't, this guy could rape somebody else tonight, tomorrow. Your sister, your best friend. Please, Ashley," Dylan pleaded. Ashley looked around at all of the faces in the room.

"Okay, I'll do it. If you guys promise to all stay with me tonight," Ashley said, "I need you guys." They agreed, and Dylan drove Ashley down to the station. They reported the rape and Ashley was asked to describe him. She told him about his eyes first. They were gray and cold. He had sandy bonde hair, with a beauty mark right above his lip. He had stuble on his chin and was alarmingly tall, and that was pretty much all she could recall. His voice, too. He had a raspy voice, and she knew he was definitely a smoker from his breath.

They got back to the pool house at about 6:30, and they ordered Chinese, trying to forget everything that had happened. About an hour later, the phone rang and Ashley was told that a second woman had come in describing the exact same man. They ran some tests on her, and she was told that from the sperm on the girl, they were able to detect who this man was, but she needed to come in the following day to pick him out of a line-up.

She got some rest and the following morning, Ashley told her mother everything that had happened. She went with her mom and Dylan to the station, and was asked to pick out the man that had raped her. She looked at the men standing before her, when her eyes rested on him. The guy who had made her life a living hell. The guy who had raped her. "Number six," Ashley said breathlessly.

"Thank you," the police officer said, escorting her, her mother, and Dylan out. A few moments later the police officer came back out and told her that he had been taken into custody, and that she'd have to testify in court in a week. Ashley really didn't want to, but Dylan told her that it was the only way to keep this guy behind bars.

Three days passed, and Ashley came to a shocking realization. She was a week late for her period. She began panicking, and she called all of her friends over to her house. She broke down crying, as she did so very often these days. She couldn't help it. Her whole life had just come crashing down. This was too much. What had she done to deserve such a thing? She held Dylan's hand for support, and told her friends, "I...I think that...I think that guy got my pregnant."

The looks of shock and anger on her friend's faces were too much to bare, and she collapsed into Dylan's arms. But then, Brandon made a pretty good point. "Um, Ashley?" Brandon said sheepishly, "Isn't...Isn't there a chance that, if you are pregnant, that it's mine?"

Ashley thought back for a second. The last time she and Brandon had slept together was on December 30th. There was a chance that if she was pregnant, the baby was Brandon's. And if she had to be pregnant at all, she would much rather Brandon be the father than some rapist. She gasped, "Oh my god, you're right. It...It could be yours," Ashley told him, her eyes growing wide. Ashley thought about everything that had happened since the beginning of school. It was all just way too much to take. Losing her virginity, Dylan getting mugged, getting raped, possibly being pregnant. It was way too much. More than any person should have to go through.

That night when everyone went home, Brandon and Dylan stayed behind. "Brandon, do you mind if I talk to Dylan alone for a second?"

Brandon nodded, "Sure." Ashley and Dylan went outside, and Ashley looked up at him, biting her lip.

"I-I'm...I'm so sorry, Dylan. If you don't want to be with me anymore, I'll understand."

"Why wouldn't I want to be with you?"

"Because I could be carrying Brandon or some rapist's baby."

"Hey," Dylan said, lifting her chin, "I'm not going anywhere," he assured her, "If you are pregnant, what are you going to do?" Dylan asked.

Ashley took a deep breath, "I'd ask my mom to help me raise the baby."

"I never thought I'd say this in a million years, but I hope to god it's Brandon's."

"Yeah," Ashley sighed, "So do I."

The next day, Ashley decided to take a pregnancy test. After the longest minute of her life, Ashley went into the bathroom to see the results. She went back outside to Dylan and Brandon and broke down into tears, "It was positive."

They both walked over to her and hugged her, "There's a better chance it's yours," Ashley said, trying to make herself feel better, "I mean - the last time we...we..."

"I know," Brandon sighed, "It was dumb."

"You two...You didn't use a condom?" Dylan asked in awe.

"It was one time," Ashley said solemnly, "But there's always a chance that it was, you know, him."

Ashley put her head in her hands and cried silently, with Brandon on her left and Dylan on her right. She held their hands tightly, wondering how she'd ever ake it through this.

But to cross one problem off of Ashley's list, that night, she got her period.

On January 14th, Ashley headed to court. Her friends had all come to support her, and she was so grateful of them being so supportive. She hated the whole thing about the trial. Having to relive everything that went on that night, when she was finally beginning to let it go was hard enough, but having his lawyer who was always trying to twist her words was more than she could bare. But she kept telling herself that this is what she had to do. She had a responsibility to protect all of the future victim's that he could possibly have.

The trial picked up again the next day, and after that, he was found guilty as charged. His sentencing would be held at a later time. Ashley felt so much relief, that she finally felt like it was okay to smile again.

Kelly and Steve got back together for the fourth time in a year, a week later. January turned into February, and finally things had seemed to go back to normal, which was a huge relief to everyone. Ashley had been spending more and more time with Dylan at the hotel, and their relationship was at an all time high, with both of them openly in love. "I love this feeling," Ashley said one night as they sat together on the couch, just being with each other.

"Yeah, so do I," Dylan said, stroking her hair as he did so often, "I know I probably won't have much of a future, but as long as you're in it, I really don't care."

"What are you talking about?" Ashley asked, not understanding how Dylan came to the conclusion that he wouldn't have much of a future.

"Face it, Ash. I'm not destined for great things the way you are," Dylan responded.

"Of course you are," Ashley told him, as if he were nuts, "Dylan, you can do anything you want. I've got faith in you, you can do whatever you set your mind to."

"You really believe that, don't you?" Dylan asked her, narrowing his eyes.

"Of course I do," Ashley replied.

"Have I told you lately how much I love you?" Dylan asked her. He loved the fact that she had so much faith in him, and that she truly believed from her heart that he could be anything he wanted. It was one of the things he loved so much about her.

"Yeah, but maybe you should refresh my memory," Ashley replied with a small smile. Dylan smiled back and began kissing her, and then she pulled away, and looked into his eyes. "Dylan, I love you." And that was the moment she knew that they were ready. She took of his shirt, but he moved away.

"Ashley, are you sure you're ready for this?" Dylan asked, worried that she may be rushing into something she'd regret.

"I've never been more sure of anything in my life," Ashley replied. Dylan smiled at her, and they began kissing passionately, taking off their clothes. Needless to say, Ashley and Dylan had sex that night.

Soon enough, April had come. Blair Calhoun, a West Beverly senior, was having a party the second Friday of March, and the gang all decided to go together. They went there expecting to have a good time, and they did for the first hour or so, but then things got out of hand. Ashley went with Kelly, Donna, and Brenda to the bathroom, and when they had come back, the guys all had a drink in their hand. Now, this wasn't too bad for Brandon, Steve, or David, but a secret that Dylan had been keeping from everyone but Ashley, was that he had been in AA.

Ashley walked up to him and knocked the drink right out of his hand. "Dylan, what the fuck is the matter with you?"

"C'mon Ash, lighten up, it's just one drink," Dylan said with a goofy grin, but Ashley put her hands on her hips.

"Famous last words," Ashley shot back, "Dylan, you've worked so hard. You've been sober how long now?"

"Wait a second, Dylan, are you an alcoholic?" Brandon asked.

"He was," Ashley said sharply, "But I guess he's off the wagon, huh?"

"Oh my god, Ashley, I'm sorry," Brandon said, "If I had known he was an alcoholic, I never would have let him have a drink."

"I know, Brandon. Don't worry about it, it's not your fault," Ashley told him sweetly. Then, she turned back to Dylan.

"Would you please stop talking about me like I'm not here?" Dylan requested.

"Dylan, I can't watch you go down this road again. You have to pick between me and the alcohol," Ashley told him.

"Don't give me any of those damn ultimatum's, Ashley. Screw this, I'm out of here," Dylan said, grabbing more alcohol and leaving. Ashley took a deep breath and screamed. "Damn it!"

Ashley ran after him to get the alcohol, but Dylan had already sped off down the street in his car, with alcohol in one hand, and the wheel in the other. How stupid could that guy be, anyway? Ashley bit her lip frantically. David had followed Ashley outside, and they stood alone out there, watching the car speed away. "How come nobody knew about Dylan?" David asked.

"He didn't really want anybody to know, and as long as he stayed sober, I respected that. When we were friends, I talked him into going to AA, and he was clean for a long time. But whenever he's around people who are drinking, he just loses it once in a while. He had tried so hard to stay sober, and I really thought that he would stay that way this time. He's a completely different person when he isn't sober. I hate how he is when he's off the wagon. He's cruel, and I can't be with him when he's like that. How much have you had to drink tonight?" Ashley asked him.

"Just a sip of beer," David replied with a shrug.

"Would you mind taking me home?" Ashley asked.

"No problem," David said.

"Thanks, David. I'm really lucky to have you as a friend," Ashley told him, kissing him on the cheek.

David smiled at her, and they got into his car and headed to the pool house. The second they got inside, the phone rang. Ashley picked it up, hoping that it was Dylan. "Hello?"

"Ashley? It's me," Dylan said, sighing.

"Dylan? Are you home already?" Ashley asked him.

"No. Uh, Ashley...I'm in jail," Dylan responded.

"You're in jail? My god, Dylan, this is why you're not supposed to drink. Why did you even call me? I'm supposed to be at the party, remember?"

"Yeah, I knew you'd come home though. You wouldn't want to stick around there after that happened. So, will you come bail me out?" Dylan asked.

"On one condition," Ashley replied, taking a deep breath.

"What's that?" Dylan asked, afraid of what was about to come.

"You have to go back to AA," Ashley responded.

Dylan drew in a breath, contemplating his options, "Fine."

"Okay, I'll be right there," Ashley said, hanging up the phone.

"Let's go," David said, leading the way back out to the car. Ashley smiled at him gratefully, and got in with him. They headed off to the police station, and bailed Dylan out. When he came out and saw Ashley with David, his eyes narrowed. "What are you doing here?" he asked David.

"He drove me here to get your stupid ass out of jail. You should be thanking him," Ashley told him angrily.

"I don't thank guys who are in love with my girlfriend," Dylan spat.

"Huh, you and Brandon have something in common then," David said.

"Oh, that was completely different," Dylan retorted.

"In the sense that it was completely the same, you mean?" David asked, "You loved her when she was with Brandon, right?"

"So, you admit to loving her then?" Dylan asked.

"Yeah, I love her," David responded, not backing down to Dylan.

"Oh, you're going to regret those words, Silver," Dylan threatened.

"Dylan, shut the hell up. The only thing you're making us regret is bailing you out of jail in the first place. Maybe a couple of months there would have done you some good," Ashley snapped, "Besides, the last time I checked, you and I were over."

"Whatever," Dylan muttered from the back seat.

"I'm serious about those AA meetings, Dylan. Otherwise I'm marching right back here and asking for a refund or something," Ashley told him seriously.

"And when will we be getting back together this time?" Dylan wanted to know.

Ashley smiled and shook her head, "You really don't get it, do you? Dylan, right now, I don't even think I want us to get back together at all, ever."

"You don't mean that," Dylan said quietly.

"You bet your ass I mean that. The way you're acting, you're skating on thin ice at just being my friend," Ashley told him.

Apparently, Dylan took Ashley's words to heart. He attended all of the AA meetings, and from what it looked like, hadn't touched alcohol. But the thing that was really bothering Ashley was how long it would be until he fell off the wagon again. Dylan had a real problem, and it was only a matter of time before it resurfaced yet again. Ashley's birthday was coming up, and Dylan wanted to make some kind of gesture that would win her back.

At the moment, Dylan and Ashley were friends again. She was having her seventeenth birthday party on April 22nd, and had invited a good portion of West Beverly High. It would be a simple pool party, and Ashley couldn't wait. She was doing surprisingly well with not having a relationship with Dylan. She still loved him and everything, but she hadn't been single this long since back in September, and she had forgotten what it felt like.

But a part of her was still completely miserable about not being with Dylan. She loved him so much, and had hoped that breaking things off would motivate him to stay sober. So far, it seemed like her plan had worked. During the party, Dylan pulled her away from the crowd to give Ashley her gifts in private. He pulled out a large, square shaped present. Ashley opened it, to find a book. She began leafing through the pages and gasped. "Dylan, this is amazing."

It was a scrap book, filled with pictures of her, Steve, David, Donna, Kelly, Brenda, Brandon, and Dylan. "There are plenty of pages left so you can keep adding to it. I have something else for you." Dylan said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out pearl bracelet. "It's got one pearl for each year I've known you. In September, it'll be ready for it's seventh pearl. But, I want to be the one who adds the pearl every year," Dylan said.

"Sure. Wow, Dylan. These are really great gifts. Thanks so much," she told him, giving him a kiss on the cheek.

"I'm trying really hard, Ashley," Dylan told her honestly.

Ashley put her hand on his face, "I know you are."

"You think we'll ever have another chance?" Dylan asked.

"Kiss me and find out," Ashley replied with a smile. Dylan smiled back and the two began kissing, but then broke apart, seeing as Ashley couldn't exactly ditch her own party to make out. It was the longest they had ever stayed broken up. Sixteen whole days. Ashley thoroughly enjoyed her birthday party, and had a blast with her friends and family.

Soon enough, the gang's junior year of High School was complete, and they were preparing for senior year.