Disclaimer: Metal Gear, and all characters within, belong to Konami Computer Entertainment of Japan.
After his brief chat with Master Miller, Snake crawled through the claustrophobic, constricted air vents. As he passed over one of the vent covers, he noticed two more faceless guards below, talking, as always, about confidential information in a totally unsecured location.
"Yep, we moved the DARPA Chief alright. He's in the jail in the first floor basement." Said Faceless Guard Seven.
"Yep, and conveniently, we've opened all the vent covers so that we could exterminate the rats." Said his compatriot, Faceless Guard Eight. Unfortunately, Snake wasn't paying attention.
"Good. Oh, and on a completely unrelated note, tell Johnny to keep an eye on that woman in the cell.".
"The one with the nice ass?". That comment immediately shook Snake out of Lala land.
"The very same. It would be a shame for Johnny to get his ass kicked, and his clothes stolen by a hostage.".
"Yup, that would suck. And speaking on the subject of things sucking, somebody's killed three people already.".
"Three people?! Oh God, please don't let it be Rick, the bastard owes me money." Faceless Guard number Seven was shocked by this information. Snake himself was shocked. He tried to remember how many people he axed so far. Unfortunately, Snake lost count at one, so he hoped they hadn't discovered what he did.
"Yes, and I'd say he's using stealth, too.". Snake let out a sigh of relief, knowing that he didn't have stealth camouflage. Unfortunately, he was directly over the two guards. Fortunately, before they could notice him and shoot, Faceless Guard Eight noticed a paper clip. And thus, there was much rejoicing.
Continuing on, Snake found a ladder down, and exited the air vent into the tank hanger. Snake noticed the floors reverberated footsteps. Cool, I make noise when I walk thought the idiot, and he proceeded to run in circles for a few minutes before noticing another surveillance camera. Sneaking past it, he walked past an open pair of double doors, and found a nice set of thermal goggles on the floor. Clearly, the NSGF should've investigated in locks, just in case any random Black Ops soldier came and borrowed their equipment.
After climbing down the stairs that led to the ground floor of the Tank Hanger, Snake snuck past another random guard before approaching the elevator. After entering the lift, he immediately pressed the "B1" button.
Upon exiting the elevator, Snake received a CODEC call.
"Snake, look at you're radar, there's a green dot, it's the chief!" Mei Ling said.
"Got it. By the way, I'd like to save my game here." said the commando.
"Okay one second." The secretary said. "Okay, there you go. And now, here's you're random advice: 'He who knows enough's enough will always have enough'. Okay, buh-bye now."
Snake, after signing off, could only think of one thing. Okay. I'm here fighting terrorists, and she's pretending to be the Riddler. Just peachy.
After walking down the corridor, Snake found another conveniently placed ladder. Clambering up, he crawled through the vents, until he turned halfway down. Passing over a vent cover, he noticed it was a guard at the bathroom. There are some things that human eyes are just not meant to see, and that was one of them.
Right before he started trying to gouge out his eyes, Snake heard the guard speak. "Caught a damn cold. I hate Alaska. Boy oh boy, that woman is built alright.".
Snake recognized that voice from somewhere, as well as the tendency to narrate thoughts. He remembered Outer Heaven, his first experience with fighting superpowered freaks and oddball sociopaths. The first guard he saw... yes, the man he just witnessed using the toilet was him. He remembered hearing the guard say "I feel asleep.". Yes, same voice, same tendencies, same stupidity... they must be the same person.
Snake, letting his old nemesis go, for now, turned, and went further into the vents. Over one cover, he looked down, and noticed a red haired woman exercising in her cell. Fifteen minutes later, he received another CODEC call.
"Uh Snake, you've been there for fifteen minutes. Are you alright? I mean, you've got to activate–er, I mean, deactivate the nuclear warhead." Said Master Miller.
"Uh, I was, uh, doing recon. Y'know, scouting out the territory, all that stuff.".
"Alright. Whatever. I mean, it's not like you're spending time you should be using to stop nuclear holocaust staring at the Colonel's niece.".
"Yeah, of course I'm not. Bye."
"Yeah, I know. If he caught you doing that, well, I mean he does know a few hitmen." the British drill instructor said.
Snake, spurred by this new information rushed forward. Looking down, he spotted the DARPA Chief. After removing the vent cover, he dropped into the room.
"Who are you?" Donald Anderson asked, perplexed at the notion of a guy in military gear dropping out of a vent shaft was a social call.
"I'm here to save you.".
"I see. By the way, let's talk about the terrorist's plan, m'kay?" The chief asked, apparently more excited about talking to a complete stranger about the impending launch than getting out of his cell.
"Okay, fine. Is there a dark, ugly secret that my commanders are hiding from me?" asked Snake.
"Yeah, we've begun development on a weapons project so secret, so powerful, that nobody know's about it. A nuclear equipped walking battle tank."
"Metal Gear?! It can't be!" Snake said, cursing his misfortune. Blowing up giant robots was becoming a thing he could put on his resume.
"Huh, you know about it?" the chief inquired.
"Yep, I get dragged out of retirement to blow up giant robots and kill a bunch of Legion of Doom rejects every couple of years." Snake said, announcing he annual routine to him. Returning to the issue at hand he asked "Do they know the launch codes?".
Anderson deftly replied "Yep. FOX-Hound's psychic, Psycho Mantis, read my mind.".
"So tell me again, why did they bring a long a bunch of unstable lunatics, including a telepath, to serve as security for your mech?".
"Uh, well I don't know. Maybe it's because of Decoy Octopus. He's a really awesome guy, y'know?".
"HEY!" Shouted Johnny Sasaki, the guard Snake remembered from Outer Heaven. "Shut up in there, willya?!". Snake was hiding against the wall, out of sight, so obviously, the fact that the DARPA chief was apparently having a conversation didn't register as suspicious to Johnny.
"No. Anyways, is there any way for me to stop this whole thing without fighting against Metal Gear?".
"Yeah, all you need to do is find three keys and input them into the base computer. Doing so will trigger... er, I mean, stop the launch. To help you, I'll give you my card key, which will open up all level one security doors. Yep, I'm one of the people entrusted with the passwords for the launch, but I got the most pathetic keycard in the game.".
Snake, glad that it was a Metal Gear game where he might not have to get his ass punted around by a fifty foot tall robot, was all set to bust the DARPA Chief out when the chief had to ask "You know, you're just a pawn, and I'm the guy in charge of this, but is there any way to stop the launch?".
"I dunno, why'd you ask?"
"Uh, no reason, I just need to know if there is, because... UUUUUUUURRRRRAAAAAGHHAH!" Clutching his chest, the chief fell to the ground, convulsing.
"Uh, you okay there, buddy?". Snake said, kicking the corpse. After firmly figuring out that he chief was dead, Snake could only think of one thing. Wonder if the terrorists let him keep his wallet? After discovering it, and taking out a few credit cards and a driver's license attributed to "Octopus, Decoy", Snake tried to get out of the cell.
Suddenly he heard choking noises, and the Johnny Sasaki, looking suspiciously more womanlike than before, stepped past the cell door. The door slid open, and Snake ventured out, into the unknown...