Disclaimer: All characters and things from ANGEL and BUFFY belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. If they aren't on the show they belong to me.
Summary: Angel and Spike get a chance to get back the people that meant the most to them after the battle against Wolfram and Hart. But can they keep the real past a secret from the only people they want to share it with? A/C S/B
CHAPTER 28
Angel and Cordelia made their way out of the office and into the lobby of the Hyperion right after Angel had gotten off the phone with Buffy to find Gunn, Wesley, Connor, Fred, and Lorne all busying themselves around the lobby. Gunn and Connor were pulling weapons out of the cabinet while Fred and Wesley were restacking books and Lorne was busy cleaning up the plates from the sandwiches they had eaten earlier. No one was really talking to anyone else, and it was clear there was some tension in the room. No one was truly ready to go back out and fight and possibly lose their lives again.
"I just got off the phone with Buffy." Angel said to this silent group.
Wesley looked up at Angel, nodding. "And?"
"They are going to do what they can from Sunnydale, and we are going to do what we can from here." Angel told the group as he felt Cordelia's fingers entwine with his. "We are going to do everything we can to stop whatever is coming."
Everyone remained silent. That was not the response Angel had been looking for. He looked over at Cordelia and she gave him a gentle smile, but her eyes did not meet his.
"Is everyone okay with that?" Angel asked finally to the silent room.
Gunn was the first to respond. "It's not that we ain't okay with it." He looked around at the other members of Angel Investigations. "It's just…we aren't ready for it."
"Ready for what? To fight?" Angel asked, feeling Cordelia give his hand a slight squeeze.
"Ready to die." Fred corrected him quickly. "We're not ready to go through that again."
"Nobody said we are going to die." Angel told them.
"No one said we would live either." Wesley reminded him.
"So what?" Angel looked at them. "No one wants to fight this battle now?" He looked at Cordelia, thinking he could at least count on her, but she did not answer him. "Cordelia?"
Cordelia looked back at Angel, and sighed, pulling her hand out of his and clasping her other hand with it. "What do you want me to say Angel? That I am ready to go in this battle and possibly lose my life for the powers that be? I already did that, remember?"
Angel looked away from her, running a hand through his hair, and then turning back to the group. "If you all think you're going to die then you will. You can't fight if you're scared."
"There's a different way to fight?" Lorne tried to lighten the mood. "Because I was also ready to piss my pants whenever you handed my a sword."
No one took to Lorne's joke.
"We know that." Connor told his dad. "But we all got our lives back. We want to live them a little before they end."
"You can." Angel looked back at Cordelia. "We all can." He looked back at the group. "We just have to do this first. We win this and we get our lives, any way we want them, we get them. That's when our second chance really starts."
Cordelia was the first to respond. "Fine." She smiled at Angel, giving his hand a little squeeze. "But we are all so getting a raise afterwards."
Angel smiled at her. "You too?"
Cordelia snorted. "Just because I'm dating you doesn't mean I don't have expenses."
Angel laughed, nodding. "Fine. Deal."
Cordelia looked around at the rest of the Fang Gang, waiting for them to agree and move past this fear they all seemed to have of dying. She knew they had it for good reason, and she wouldn't blame them for it, but Angel needed them all right now.
Finally the rest of the group smiled and nodded. It was funny, the effect Cordelia's smile had on a room, it was almost contagious. One look at it, and everyone else felt helpless as their facial muscles also turned into a grin. Angel had forgotten that result that Cordelia produced. It had been so long since he had seen them all smile.
"One question." Connor butted in.
"What?" Angel asked his son.
"Where do we actually go and fight?" Connor asked.
The group grew silent once more. No one really knew.
"We should probably look into it." Wesley said. "Find where the attacks are coming from. The rip will be around there."
"Good idea." Angel said.
"While you guys do that, I'm going to take Angel upstairs." Cordelia said.
"For what?" Angel asked, a million thoughts of what he and Cordelia could do in their room.
"We need to talk." Cordelia said quickly.
Angel felt his heartbeat slow. She said they were going to talk, and by her tone alone he could tell that's all they were going to do. He wondered what they were going to talk about though, as he followed Cordelia up the stairs.
Buffy, Faith, and Spike all made their way back into Giles' house to find Willow, Giles, and Xander over the small weapons drawer Giles had in his living room. So far, they had pulled out about six stakes and two swords, and the drawer seemed like it was almost empty already.
"Spring cleaning?" Spike spoke up, sarcastically.
Giles, Willow, and Xander all turned at Spike's voice to see Spike, Buffy, and Faith standing by the door.
"Not exactly." Giles straightened up, turning to Buffy. "Did Angel get in touch with you?"
Buffy nodded. "Yeah. He called."
"So you know then?" Willow asked.
"That we might all die soon?" Faith asked. "Yeah, we know."
"Well, as long as you're being positive…" Xander said sarcastically.
"I'm just saying what the truth is." Faith said. "And the truth is, we might die, we might not. It's not a new dilemma for any of us."
"Well, I would cheer to that if Giles had a bloody beer anywhere in this house." Spike said, tossing himself on the couch.
"Unfortunately we have no time for that." Giles said, mocking Spike sarcastically. "We have a battle to prepare for." He tossed a stake at Buffy. "Are you ready?"
"Yeah." Buffy nodded. She was ready, she was ready to fight, and win, and move on with her life. "I'm ready."
"So how do we approach this thing?" Spike asked from his seat on the couch.
"Carefully." Willow said. "We found the source of most of the activity while you were out."
"And?" Buffy asked.
"And what a surprise!" Xander said sarcastically. "It's good old Sunnydale High!"
"The hell mouth." Buffy crossed her arms.
"Seems like this reality isn't much different then the last." Xander replied.
"Alright, so we know were we are going for the battle." Faith said. "Now we need to know what we are fighting against."
"Whatever comes out of the tear." Giles spoke up. "We are more focused on closing it up. I would assume your standard vampires and demons are falling out of it. Like the ones you have been fighting now."
"So we close the sucker up and then what?" Spike asked.
"Then it's done." Giles said.
"What's the catch?" Buffy knew how things worked to well. If it was that simple, there must have been a catch.
"Well, I am sure that when we start to close it, guardians or stronger demons will try and stop us. That will be the real battle." Giles explained.
"So we kick their butt and then we move on?" Faith asked. "Is that it?"
"That's it." Giles sighed.
"What about after that." Buffy turned to Willow and Xander. They were now, and would always be her two best friends. She knew they wanted to be with Tara and Anya but she could not fathom living in a world without them. "Are you two…?"
"We found a way to get to Tara and Anya." Willow said, not making eye contact with the Slayer. "After the fight we are going to use it."
Buffy nodded. "If that's what you guys want."
"It is." Xander put a hand on Buffy's shoulder. "We love you, Buf. And if we thought we were leaving you here all alone we would think about it again, but we know we aren't. You've got a life now, with Spike and Faith and Giles, if we all make it. Willow, and me we need Tara and Anya. They are our life."
Buffy let Xander's words sink in. It was a rare moment when Xander became that thoughtful, and was able to express it verbally, but when he did, his words always meant something to Buffy. And right now, they made perfect sense. He needed Anya just like she needed to live this normal life with Spike by her side. After a moment, she moved toward the weapons Giles, Willow, and Xander had put on the floor, gathering what she thought they would need for the battle.
Angel silently followed Cordelia into the bedroom they now shared. He found it funny that she was leading him into the room. It seemed like only yesterday she would knock before entering, or only rush in when she swore she heard Connor crying from his crib. Those days seemed long gone now, though, as Cordelia sat down on the bed and Angel leaned against the wall. He looked around his bedroom; everything was in the same place it had been in the other reality, aside from Connor's crib, or the cracks from the earthquake.
"Angel." Cordelia said softly.
Angel snapped out of his thoughts, looking at Cordelia who was kneading her hands in one another. "Yeah?"
Cordelia looked up at him, an unsure look in her eyes, although she tried to mask it with a nervous smile. Angel knew it was her nervous smile because her real smile lit up a room, and he barely saw a shimmer. "Are we really ready for this?"
"The fight?" Angel asked, crossing his arms casually.
"No the circus." Cordelia said sarcastically, a hint of the infamous Queen C in her voice. It made Angel smile. "Yeah the fight, you big dork." She also smiled; Angel's smile always having that effect on her.
"Yeah, we are ready." Angel knelt down in front of her. "Ready as we can be. We don't know what we are dealing with here yet. It could be apocalypse bad or it could just be twenty vampires bad. We don't know anything yet."
"We do know we aren't the same as we were." Cordelia said.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, you're not a vampire anymore."
"So? I still have some of my abilities."
"So? You're missing an important one now." Cordelia told him.
"Really?" Angel raised an eyebrow. As far as he was concerned he had the best of both worlds. All of his vampire abilities and yet the ability to breath and walk in the sun. "Which one?"
"The one that if you get stabbed and start bleeding to death, you don't come back." Cordelia reminded him.
"Oh." Angel thought for a second. That one he forgot about. That one was a big one. "Yeah. That."
"Yeah, exactly." Cordelia sighed, standing and making her way over to the balcony.
Angel followed her outside. "So I won't get stabbed."
Cordelia snorted. "Yeah, let's think about how good you were at that before."
"Cordelia, did you really drag me all the way up here to tell me not to get shot or stabbed or something?" Angel asked, leaning against the balcony so she had to look at him.
Cordelia sighed. "What do you think?"
"I think something else is bothering you." Angel told her, taking her small hand into his much larger one.
"I think you're getting to know me better and better…" Cordelia smiled slightly.
"I'm not getting to." Angel seemed to whisper. "You're the only one I've ever really known. You're the only one who knows me."
"Well then you know I'm not ready to lose you." Cordelia almost whispered back. "I can't. Not again."
"You didn't lose me last time." Angel corrected her. "I was the one who lost you. I let you go. I didn't fight for you."
Cordelia shook her head. "You did all you could do with the information you had."
"So did you." Angel said quickly.
"Okay." Cordelia nodded, pulling her hand away from Angel's and wrapping her arms around herself, a chill sending its way through her body. "So where does that put us now?" She seemed to shiver, although Angel thought it was a rather nice night out.
"I don't know." Angel shoved his hands into his pockets. "It just means we can't blame anyone for the past, I guess."
"Sure we can." Cordelia told him. "We can blame the damn Powers That Be and all their stupid missions, like the particular one we are in right now."
"You don't have to fight, Cordelia. I won't make you do anything you don't want to." Angel said. "In fact, if you want, you can leave L.A."
"And leave you here without me?" Cordelia raised an eyebrow.
Angel nodded. "I'll find you when we are finished here."
Cordelia snorted. "Yeah, good joke." She placed her hands on her hips. "Like I'd really leave you here to fend for yourself."
Angel smiled. He had missed her sarcasm. "I managed without you."
"You got yourself killed without me." Cordelia corrected him as she lead him back inside.
"Yeah well…" Angel followed her, taking her by the wrist and twister her back toward him. "Then I guess you can't leave me here."
"I guess you're right." Cordelia gave him a soft smile. "But after this one, I am throwing the towel in for the PTB."
Angel smiled back at her, stealing a quick kiss. "Deal."
As if on cue, Connor burst through the door, causing both Angel and Cordelia to jump as the door slammed behind Angel's son.
"Connor, is everything okay?" Cordelia asked Angel's son, seeing he was out of breath. She concluded he must have hustled up the stairs.
"Wesley found it." Connor said, catching his breath.
"Found what?" Angel asked his son.
"Where this rip is. We know where we have to go to close this up and stop all the demons and everything." Connor said.
"Where?" Angel asked, glad they had some idea of what was going on now.
"Well, I doubt you'll be surprised." Connor said. "Behind the alley of Wolfram and Hart."
Angel looked at Cordelia who just raised an eyebrow at him, crossing her arms over her chest and sighing. He could tell, she was as sick of all the demons and vampires and Wolfram and Hart as he was. They both just wanted to finish this fight and move on with their life together. And that's just what they were going to do when the battle was over, Angel decided, following Connor back down the stairs with Cordelia in tow.
Spike stood, stretching out as he watched Faith, Buffy, Willow, Giles, and Xander continue to sort through the small number of weapons Giles had at his house. They had been digging through the arms for a good hour now, and Spike's back was getting stiff, plus he needed some air. The group had barely talked the entire time, everyone seeming to have their mind somewhere else. The silence was almost deafening to the ex-vampire.
"I'm going out to get some air." Spike announced.
Buffy, Faith, Willow, Xander, and Giles all looked at each other and then nodded, watching Spike make his way out the front door.
After another moment of silence, Faith spoke up.
"You should go out there and talk to him, Buf." Faith nodded toward the door Spike had just exited from.
"You think?" Buffy asked, also willing to take a break from weapon sorting. She was beginning to get a headache from it.
"Yeah, go for it." Willow agreed with Faith. "We can finish up in here."
Buffy nodded and followed Spike out the front door to find the ex-vampire sitting on the steps, smoking a cigarette.
"Those things will kill you, you know." Buffy pointed to Spike's cigarette as she took a seat next to him.
Spike just nodded, putting the cigarette out. "They haven't yet."
"Well, its different now." Buffy told him. "You're a real boy now, no more immortality for you."
"Yeah." Spike sighed. "Right…"
"You seem upset about that." Buffy stated, and then thought for a minute before adding. "Is it because you could really die now?"
Spike looked at her. "What do you mean?"
"I mean, if you fight now, you're no more unbreakable then the rest of us. Before, all you had to worry about was direct sunlight and wooden stakes, now there are so many other things that could kill you." Buffy said. "Like this battle ahead."
Spike raised an eyebrow, leaning back against the steps. "You think I'm afraid to die?"
Buffy shrugged. "I don't know. I know I am sometimes. Who isn't really?"
"Me." Spike told her. "I'm not scared."
Buffy turned halfway so she was facing Spike. "You don't have to lie to me."
Spike looked Buffy directly in the eye. "I'm not. I'm over a century old, Buffy. The way I figure it, every bloody day is an extra blessing now. I should have died long ago. I did, technically, since being a vampire is halfway dead. But that's not the point. Point is, I'm lucky I am even here." He took Buffy's hand and gave it a tight squeeze. "I'm lucky I even got to see this day."
Buffy nodded after a moment. "I get that."
"Good." Buffy smiled, wrapping his arm around Buffy. "So no, I am not afraid to die, and I am ready for this fight or battle or whatever we are getting ready for. If I die in it, then I die."
"Yeah." Buffy nodded. "I feel the same way about that."
Spike nodded, a small smile on his face. "So no promises then."
"What do you mean?" Buffy was confused.
"I mean to each other." Spike said. "We can't promise ourselves to each other if we aren't even counting on living through this."
"Spike, if we make it through this, then you better be taking me out on an official date." Buffy told him, standing with a smirk.
Spike smiled back, also standing. "Deal, slayer."
"Deal." Buffy leaned in and gave Spike a quick kiss.
Both the slayer and ex-vampire stood on the front porch, sharing that kiss, knowing that there was a good chance it would be the last one they had, especially if the battle ahead was of apocalyptic standards, and yet they were both okay with that. They were living in the moment, neither thinking about what was just ahead of them on their paths.
Angel and Cordelia followed Connor down the stairs of the Hyperion Hotel to find Gunn, Wesley, Fred, and Lorne all standing in the middle of the lobby, weapons in hand. They looked the same to Angel as they had when they used to help him fight the good fight, before pregnant vampires, and alter dimensions, and Wolfram and Hart, but Angel knew they were much different now. He knew what death could do to a person.
"We're ready to rock, Angel." Gunn told him, holding up the flamethrower in his hands.
Angel nodded, taking Cordelia's hand in his. "Good. We know where we are going?"
"Yup." Fred held up a map. "Well, we have a pretty good idea."
"We looked at all the attacks and found a central ground between them." Wesley said.
Angel nodded again. "Connor said that."
"So we are ready when you are, Angelcakes." Lorne said.
"Before we do anything, I want you guys to know you can back out of this." Angel said, giving them once last chance to voice their opinion. "I'll understand. This is not your burden, its mine."
"It's all of ours." Connor responded to his father, his words surprising the entire room. It was clear he had changed so much from the boy who had fallen out of Quortoth.
"He's right." Cordelia gave Angel's hand a squeeze, forcing him to look at her. "We're in this together."
Angel nodded, looking back at the remaining members of Angel Inc. "You guys sure."
Wesley, Gunn, Fred, and Lorne nodded.
"As sure as we gonna get." Gunn smiled at the ex-vampire.
"Okay." Angel smiled back, grabbing his leather coat off the hanger. It was hot out, even for night, and he was human now, so he knew he did not need the coat, but it just felt right. "Let's move."