A Looking Glass, Darkly
Summary : AU. What if it really was Raito's subconscious that was killing people and Raito himself doesn't know it?
Disclaimer : Death Note belongs to Tsugumi Ohba.
Chapter Three
It was ironic. Yagami Souichirou collapsed of a heart attack and was hospitalized. Kira would deny to high heavens and hell he did not do it. He kill, not make people collapse. He knew that Raito would be worried and upset, and it would only hinder his plans if their father died. Raito would grief, and might attempt self harm, or at least remove Kira from existence. That would be bad, for both Kira and Raito. They exist as one, and if either was removed, both would be gone. Kira had hoped it would never happen, he did hate to test that theory if one could live without the other.
Raito was, predictably upset. He took to drinking about a can of coffee every five minutes. It had become habit, too, now he thought of it. Constantly buying coffee everyday for the caffeine jolt. Why? He slept early, going to bed at about 10 at night. Yet, he woke up fatigued and in need of coffee. As if he spend yet another sleepless night. For the past weeks, no matter how early he slept, he couldn't barely wake, and even when he woke up, he was tired. It was strange. It couldn't be the tennis matches, because Raito calculated enough time for his body to rest. Yet he always dozed off, to his horror, sometimes in the middle of a lecture. He concluded it must be another growing up thing.
L had taken to watch Raito. For the first 30 minutes, he had paced, and every five, he would stop and buy a can of coffee. Which he emptied in the span of 35 seconds. Precisely. The can was discarded and Raito would resume pacing. The next 30 minutes was Raito alternately glaring out the window or at L, leaning against the wall. Every five minutes he would walk to the machine dispenser and buy a can of coffee. Another 35 seconds to consume the drink. Discard. Walk back to the wall and lean there. Continue glaring. L thought it was amusing.
Raito was on his thirteenth can of coffee when the door to his father's medical bay opened. The doctor walked out, and nearly backed away at the identical piercing glare directed at him. Before either the two young man spoke, one rather amused and the other too tensed, he quickly explained the patient's condition. Yagami Souichirou just had a minor heart attack, he was fine, and it took that long because they needed a full check-up in case of possible future attack, and then there was the possibility of Kira, since the patient was a police officer. Fine, he was babbling, so? The glares were scary, reducing a ten-year experienced doctor to feeling like a child caught with his hand in a cookie jar. And he didn't even do anything wrong!
Raito brushed past him, dismissing the doctor's presence. Coffee was making him act strange. He had a shorter temper, and he was feeling murderous. His father was hurt! Heart attack, possibly Kira's act. There was this need, this ache to write someone's name down, anyone would do, criminal or not, to relieve the tension. Again, writing someone's name as a stress reliever was a weird quirk. Raito swept the stray thoughts into a mental cabinet and locked it. Later, he would look at it. Now, he had his father to tend to. And the fact why Ryuuga was also notified that his father collapsed.
Souichirou wanted to hide in embarrassment. Collapsing due to fatigue? Causing undue panic to his family, and to L. He would have to endure the forthcoming lecture from his wife on taking care of his health, and Raito's forlorn gaze and sad frown. The sad frown and forlorn look was entirely imaginary. Reality replaced it with a worried and slightly confused look. Raito looked from his father to his friend, Ryuuga, put two and two together, and did not come up with a happy conclusion. The doubts he had came back, and he knew. The upset and betrayed glare he threw at his father with was painful for Souichirou to accept. The look of comprehension on Raito's face, Souichirou knew that Raito knew his privacy had been invaded. And his own father had betrayed him. He knew how much Raito values his privacy. The case with Raye Penber had told him so. It was unforgivable.
Raito had suspected something was wrong. He wasn't a moron, and he knew, for a period of time he was monitored. It was a feeling, but he did not act on the need to verify if their family was really being closely monitored, trusting his father. Except, he saw his father's guilty looks, the extra allowance and Ryuuga's knowledge of his habits, even his sleeping and bathing manners, and add them all together. Once, Ryuuga had offered Raito a brand new cherry-scented soap when he forgot, the brand he always used. Raito had jokingly asked if Ryuuga stalked him since Ryuuga never used those. Ryuuga smiled and shook his head. There really was no need to stalk if you can just view it through a monitor.
Raito wanted to scream. Or cry, whichever most effective. He choose to walk out, slamming the door and then breaking into a full run. He held back his tears. Of all person, he had never thought his father would betray him, allow his privacy invaded like that. To Raito, his father's act wasn't any different in watching someone rape his son. Without doing anything but watch. Knowing all his privacy was invaded, his every single action monitored made Raito felt as if he was stripped naked. The strange sensation of dirty, violated and afraid came back. He could no longer hold back his sobs, just falling on the ground and let tears fall from his eyes.
If Raito was sad because of the betrayal, Kira was enraged. He had knew they were monitored, by L and by their father. He had not inform Raito because he knew it would end up like this. In tears. Kira was sad too, he could not prevent the sorrow Raito felt anymore than he can fly, which he can't. But he shared equal fault, since he knew of this. He had wanted to spare Raito, spare that innocent psyche of his. It was such a pity that Raito's profiling ability rival Kira's and L's. That Raito had choose to see this truth. Raito could have continued lying to himself. Could have, but did not. Kira could only hope it would not break Raito. Raito, missing half his psyche, was already fragile enough.
When it rains, it pours. Kira had never so wanted to murder innocent bystanders. Not really that innocent, but it was true he wanted to completely annihilate Sakura TV. He wanted to curse whoever the second Kira was. This was just not the time for a second Kira to appear, even if they approved of his actions. He was having an identity crisis and mental breakdown. Raito's psyche was splintering, becoming unstable. Raito refused to accept the betrayal. It was taking all of Kira's strength to hold onto Raito's psyche, until he calms down and stabilized. He did not have time nor strength to spare for the second Kira.
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