CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE: Dear Diary...

From the desk of Tiffany Cameron...

Entry 1

Dear Diary,

I know, it's been awhile since I wrote you. Things have been really hectic for the last few weeks. I'm getting ready for finals and the prom right now, plus the Senior Project and a lot of other stupid stuff they force us to do before we graduate. I have to pay a hundred dollars just to get the cap and gown! On top of that, Mom thinks I should get dressed up for graduation. What for? Nobody's going to see what I have on under the gown anyway! I oughta show up to graduation naked under that gown!

Aside from that, I've been spending a lot of time with Rob. I'm a little worried about him. He's been through a lot lately, but he's strong so I'm sure he can handle it. I just hope I can help him get through these hard times.

I think he's starting to get over his mom's death. He was really quiet for awhile after she died, but lately he's been acting more like his old self. He never really told me much about what happened, just that he watched her die and that he wished he could have saved her. I would try not to bring it up, but whenever anybody mentioned it, I could see just how sad it made him to think about it. I'm glad to see that he's making some progress.

But he won't put the costume back on. I'm not sure if he ever will again. If Rob decides he doesn't want to be Spider-Man anymore, I'm not gonna argue with him. I actually like it better this way. I don't have to spend every night worrying that someone's going to kill him. But even if he does decide to give it up, there's still something that bothers me about the situation. I think he liked being Spider-Man until that night. It's almost as if a part of him is dead now. I keep having this feeling that maybe being Spider-Man would make him feel better. Maybe I should say something. What do you think, diary?

Entry 2

Dear Diary,

I don't know how to explain the way I feel right now. I'm upset and I'm happy and I'm scared all at once and I don't know how to handle it.

I'm upset because I just heard the worst news possible: Rhino's back out of jail. They let him go and I don't even know why. They keep saying something about somebody called the Kingpin. I've been hearing rumors about him all my life, but I never knew if he was real. I honestly don't care. All I know is that Rhino killed my father, and he's walking the streets again. I want to scream. I want to explode. What I really want is to go find him myself and kill him the same way he killed Daddy.

But then something great happened: Rob put the costume back on! He said he was going to find Rhino, and that he became Spider-Man again for me. It was such a weird feeling. I was happy, but something felt wrong. It was almost like his heart wasn't in it. I'm glad he's putting the costume back on, but not if it's just for me. He never thinks about himself, and that scares me. Maybe he's got low self-esteem or something. But if he never thinks about himself, what if he stops caring while he's out there fighting people like Rhino? What if he just decides not to dodge that one bullet and somebody gets lucky and kills him?

Well, he came over a few hours ago. He says that he couldn't get Rhino arrested again and that he doesn't know what he can do. And to tell the truth, hearing that broke my heart. But I couldn't tell him that. He tried, and that's all I could ask. He had a few marks and bruises on him when he came over, but he didn't say anything about them. I don't think he likes to talk to me a lot about what goes on when he's out there. Well, at least not when he gets hurt. But knowing my boyfriend, it's probably that damn male pride thing.

So diary, here's the part you're going to like. We had sex again. I know, I know, I'm supposed to wait until I'm married! But we already did it once before. I figure I already threw the chastity thing out the window! That actually sounds kinda funny now that I read that out loud. You probably think I'm the world's biggest whore. Well, I hope you still love me as much as I love you, diary.

And yes, we used a condom!

Entry 3

Dear Diary...

I need money! Mainly because I need to buy a dress for the prom. I don't even know what color I should wear. Nothing in my closet is suitable for the prom, and every dress I looked at is WAY out of my price range. Mom still has her prom dress, and she and I are about the same size. Maybe I could wear hers. But then, that gigantic bow on the back of the dress is kinda outdated. And pink, orange, and turquoise isn't exactly a pretty color scheme. You think Rob would mind if I just showed up in jeans and a T Shirt?

In other news, I've been feeling kinda sick for the last few days. I don't know what's wrong with me. It's flu season, so maybe that's what it is. The good thing is that I didn't have to go to school for a few days. Not that it'll hurt my grade too much, anyway. My grades are decent, and school's almost over for the year. Still, I don't want to go to graduation with an upset stomach. I have an appointment with the doctor in a few days, but I really don't want to wait that long.

So I'm a little worried. I can admit that. And I have a thought on why I might be sick, but I don't really want to say or even write it because I don't want to jinx myself. But maybe I should get a test just to be sure. I can go to the store and get a test and come back here and know right now. I'm sure it's nothing. I just want to be sure. You know, to put my mind at ease. That's all I need to do. You'll see, diary. I have nothing to worry about.

Entry 4

I'm pregnant.

Diary, I'm pregnant. I just took the test. I can't believe it. I'm pregnant. I am carrying Rob's baby right now and I don't know what to do or how I'm going to tell him or how he's going to react.

I'm so scared. I don't even know how this could happen. Both times Rob and I had sex, we used condoms. We were safe. I mean, I know condoms aren't one-hundred percent guaranteed to prevent pregnancy, but it's still gotta be a one in a million chance that something like this could happen.

But there's no point in trying to argue about it. It says it right there. I'm having a baby. And I can't do it. I just can't. I can't be a mother. I have no idea how to take care of a baby. Rob and I don't even live together, we're not married, neither of us have jobs. And how am I supposed to tell Mom? She'll kill me! But then, maybe she'll understand. She was my age when she had me. Maybe she won't be so mad.

I have a hundred thoughts running through my head right now and I don't know what to do with any of them but write them down. Maybe I'll figure it out. God, I'm so scared right now.

Maybe I should have an abortion. It's the only thing I can do. Neither of us can take care of this baby. Maybe I shouldn't even tell Rob. I can get the money somehow and have an abortion and Rob never needs to know.

No, I can't do that. That's cruel. I have to at least tell him. Maybe we can work it out. Maybe we can both get jobs and find a way to support each other and everything will be alright. We're both strong, we're both smart, we can do this if we try hard enough. I'll tell him and we'll figure something out together.

When do I tell him? He's supposed to be visiting his brother right now. He and his brother haven't spoken in a long time, so I don't even know what kind of mood Rob will be in when he gets back. Maybe today isn't the right day to tell him. I can tell him tomorrow at school.

I just realized as I was writing this that Rob's never really had a family. I mean, aside from his dad. He would probably hate me for having an abortion. But what if he thought having a baby would ruin his life? What do I do?

I love Rob. I love him so much, but I have no idea how he's going to react, or how I'm going to be able to provide for a baby. I could put the baby up for adoption or something. I don't know. I don't want to be a bad mother, but I don't think I'm capable of being a good one. I know I'm rambling right now. This just doesn't make any sense to me. I've never been so scared in my entire life.

What am I going to do, diary? It's taking everything I have just to stay calm right now. Or maybe I'm in shock. I just have to talk to Rob, that's all. I hope this works out. I don't know what to do but tell Rob and hope for the best.

Pray for me, diary.

END OF CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE