A Looking Glass, Darkly
Summary : AU. What if it really was Raito's subconscious that was killing people and Raito himself doesn't know it?
Disclaimer : Death Note belongs to Tsugumi Ohba.
Chapter Four
Kira should be happy the second Kira supported him. He should be glad and planning how to meet up with this person. This person was his ally after all. But the timing was horrible and the actions, Kira wanted to cry at the sloppiness. The Kira image he had hoped to promote just went down the drain. But it made him realize the fact that Ryuk failed to mention anything about the deal about the eyes of a Shinigami. Ryuk had sulked for hours when Kira refused him apples in punishment. Later, when the apple craving had gotten too much, with Kira munching tauntingly on those delicious morsels in front of him, he had agreed on a 1/3 portion of Kira's life in exchange for the eyes. Raito had stabilized after Kira received the eyes. Raito had calmed down, but by no means forgiving.
And he choose the most childish manner to show his displeasure. Raito refused to go to college, locking himself in his room to sulk, ignore all calls from both their father and Ryuuga and glared venomously at their father each time when their father came home for a quick bath and change of clothing. Souichirou was not angry. When his wife asked why Raito was acting like a child denied his favorite toy, he had answered that the long-awaited acts of teenage rebellion finally arrived. Kira did not know if he should laugh or cry. He settled for frowning angrily at anything his eyes rested upon, and writing even more names in his notebook to relieve tension. The deal on the eyes help a lot.
Raito knew he was acting childish. But it was justified, he reasoned. Not to mention, there was a feeling of dread and confusion whenever he stepped out. He could see hazy images of names and numbers. The first day he was so frightened he locked himself up again. Claiming to see hallucinations wasn't a thing a sane person would do. The fourth day he emerged from his self-imposed isolation, the hallucinations had disappeared and he had discovered his father had risked his life to retrieve the Kira tapes. The feeling of knowing someone's names were there, but what you can't see, you can ignore. It was just a feeling, like when someone introduced himself and you knew he lied. He just wasn't who he said he was.
When his father called again, and this time, the call wasn't immediately cut off. Raito had listened when he apologized, and requested Raito to meet him. He and Ryuuga both needed Raito's help now that the police refused to cooperate with Kira. Raito agreed. He wanted to know what happened in the four days he isolated himself to 'clear his mind'. He didn't like waking up one day and being told that his father might have died, thinking Raito hated him. Raito did not hate his father. Angry, confused and betrayed, yes. Hate, no. It would be wrong to hate his own father.
The first thing Ryuuga had did was pull him aside and apologized. He knew his method was a bit drastic and extreme, but it was necessary. In apology, Ryuuga offered a box of his favorite bitter chocolate. Raito recalled his father putting a similar box outside his door. It almost made him laugh. Did both his father and Ryuuga thought that Raito was that easily satisfied? Using chocolates as an apology? Still, he had to admit he was impressed. It would not have been easy for either of them to walk into a confectionary store and buy the rose-shaped dark chocolates.
Raito wondered if they have to specifically buy it or did the sales clerk took pity upon hearing whatever story they feed her and included it? The small toy puppy that was attached to the ribbons and cradling tiny roses and a note saying "I am sorry" was cute. It looked lovely, but was way too feminine, not his style at all. But still he had to applaud their effort. He wondered which one of them came up with that idea? Raito had never seen his father give his mother chocolates in apology. And Ryuuga did not look the kind that will give chocolates, ever.
Apologies aside, Ryuuga was quick to assimilate Raito into their fold. Raito became Asashi Raito, and Ryuuga became Ryuuzaki. Again, it was a lie. Ryuuzaki was not Ryuuga's real name. Another hunch. He wondered why Ryuuzaki lied even now, but decided it was probably fear of being killed by Kira. Speaking of Kira, watching the Kira tapes made Raito nauseous and Raito had a feeling he wasn't he only one. He was beginning to hate this Kira. The real Kira would never act like that. Never. Raito was very very sure. The real Kira will be angry. Raito did not want to think about the mess that will occur if Kira went into a killing rampage.
The last 4 days, the killings had almost increased by 215. Raito would have said Kira was having a killing rampage, but he knew, somehow, if Kira was actually in a rampage, there would be much much more death than that. And that the increased killing was probably Kira having found an alternative means of getting someone's name. There wasn't a need for either Kira to see their victim's name to kill, only their face. It was eerie. Like the coming of the second Kira boost the first Kira's power, giving him the ability to know their name. Raito was briefly reminded of hazy names and dates, but dismissed it. It was a coincidence. It must be.
Turning to Ryuuzaki, he explained the concept of a second Kira, and the possibility of the first also getting the same ability as the second. Perhaps it was like a share learning system, one gains a new ability, and the other gains it too? Ryuuzaki had smiled, victoriously, and informed that he already made the same conclusion and Raito had just supported his theory. There was a second Kira, and thanks to this new threat, the first somehow gained the same ability to kill without knowing someone's names. Or, he theorized, the first had the ability from the start, but choose to reveal one weak point, that being the need of knowing someone's name to kill. Now, there was another player, he decided to make raise the stakes.
Raito knew it wasn't true, it was the first theory, not the second, but kept quiet. Somehow, he knew there was no need for Ryuuzaki to know that and let everyone assume Kira was craftier than ever. Kira was, in Raito's opinion, the simplest person to understand. He did everything he thought was right, through whatever means possible, and would never do something like hide an ability like that. He would never want any weakness exposed, and he wanted to be perfect, flawless. Being able to kill without knowing names would only help strengthen the image of god-like, and Kira would never hide that ability just to confuse his opponents.
Kira agreed. With the breaking of his psyche and subsequent collapse, and Ryuk obsession over apples, the topic of the Shinigami's eyes never came up. Kira was busy stabilizing himself and reassessing the new psyche, and Ryuk was too busy proclaiming his love for apples. The only agreement they had was that Ryuk would never attempt to communicate with Raito, and in exchange, Kira would make sure Raito leave apples laying around whenever possible. It was a surprise when Ryuk realized that Raito could not see or hear him, even when he was holding the Death Note. It was certainly an unique case, but an amusingly interesting one.
Ryuuzaki had wanted Raito to act as Kira. To come up with a message for the second Kira from the first. Kira wondered if he could just killed Ryuuga and be done with it? He knew he can't act now, even if he knew Ryuuzaki's name. It was too risky, there was only the few of them, making the list of possible suspects too short for Raito not to elude suspicion. Kira would have to wait, and he did not relish the quick victory. He was going to drag it out, and Ryuuga would die when Kira wanted him to die. Die knowing Raito was Kira, die knowing he trusted Kira with his life. Of course the fact Raito actually liked Ryuuzaki isn't relevant here. And the fact that Raito would be upset and Kira wanting to avoid that is not true.
Writing the draft had to be the easiest thing Raito had done. Somehow, he knew what Kira wanted. He understood Kira's needs and desires, and to an extend, Kira's goals. How Kira did all that eluded him, but he knew it wasn't important. He just had to speak as Kira, and in a short while, become Kira. It was not as tedious as he first thought. For a moment, he could almost understand what Kira felt, what Kira wanted, and what was his goals. It was intoxicating. It was akin to bathing in power, knowing you could kill all the vermin that dirties this Earth, to cleanse it and bring a new era of peace.
And that moment was gone, but it was enough. Raito wanted to weep for Kira, for he found only jaded countenance and sorrow, and Raito knew Kira was young, too young to shoulder the burden of being God. He had killed too much of himself, that there was no turning back. Kira's hands were too stained with blood, and he knew, and he carried mankind's sins for them. He would take the stains of humanity, and take it with him to his grave. Death would be kind, a peaceful release for Kira. But not yet, when humanity can stand upright and just, then Kira could rest. Disappear forever. Knowing that he changed mankind, that the world was a much better place.
It was almost too much for Kira, for a brief moment, being one with Raito. It almost unravel his existence. It was hard, the feeling of being whole again, and he almost did not want to part with Raito. Like coming home after a long journey, he did not want to leave again. He missed being whole, but he knew he cannot allow Raito to be tainted by Kira. He wanted Raito able to stand on his two feet and look in the eyes of truth, and say, with clarity, he was innocent. It would be crucial for Raito to exist by himself, for Kira's future plans relies on this. It would be his riskiest move, but also his craftiest. He had to let Raito go, let Raito seek shelter from anyone but Kira and grow, blossoming into an existence of his own right.
Shock could not described what the entire investigation team felt when they first saw Raito attempt to emulate Kira. He wasn't just successful. He became Kira. Mindset, speech, style, everything. The cold calculating gaze, the omnipotence, the power that swirled around him, the mere presence of a human who called himself God. The languid sprawl on the chair, lazy scrawls as he penned his message, the half lidded eyes that was all-knowing, was exactly as they would have envisioned Kira. Each time he caught them stealing glances at him, there was a victorious smirk directed at them. It was discerning.
The second shock was when Ryuuzaki did not bat an eyelid at the transformation. When asked, he explained that some could immerse themselves into the roles they play, and become the same copy of the original. He did not attempt it because if he did understood Kira too much, he would probably sympathize with Kira. It would be bad since he was against Kira. His goal was to capture Kira and bring him to justice, and he would not attempt any method that would result in him sympathizing with Kira. Raito was too kind, too gentle. Even if he sympathize with Kira, he would never be Kira. He would never agree to Kira's method of reaching his goals. Even if Kira's ideal was admirable, Raito would never help someone who uses such means to reach it. To Raito, the end never justifies the means.
The third shock came when the second Kira replied. Something about he was glad Kira had the same eyes, and he would do anything to help Kira. The second Kira wanted the first Kira to come up with a way to meet. They would verify each other with their God of Death. Both Raito and Ryuuzaki were shocked. Ryuuzaki did not believe in the existence of God of Death, and Raito felt a chill down his spine. As if he forgot something very important. Both agreed that it is possible that God of Death is a code word for their ability. And the eyes for their ability to kill without knowing the names of their victims. The second Kira was only interested in knowing who the first Kira was, and this could be their advantage.
Extra Info : Just for clarification. Raito and Kira's situation is unique only to them. Anyone else that possess the Death Note would not go through the same situation. This small deviation would be crucial only in later chapters.
A/N : Thanks to those who previously reviewed. Those who haven't, please Review. Thanks.