Disclaimer: Metal Gear. Not mine.

As we last left our hero, he had just leaped off of a tall building while holding on to a nylon rope attached to the roof of said building with a simple square knot. Genius incarnate, that Solid Snake.

Anyways, as he managed to plant his feet firmly on support beam, he realized something. Something that he really should've considered before deciding to rappel off of a high rooftop. How the Hell do you rappel?

At that instant, Liquid's broken down Hind helicopter buzzed past, shooting its machine gun at the building. Over a loudspeaker in the chopper, Liquid was laughing like a maniac, but silently, to himself, he was boiling over with rage. Solid Snake… you stole everything from me! Your dominant genes caused father to place you on a pedestal, while he reviled me. But no longer! I shall have my revenge! For you see, my insidious machinations have just began to draw you in. You shall suffer like never before! I will destroy you, and doing that, I will tear down father's legacy and replace it with my own! I shall… shall… er, where was I going with this again? Eh, I shall, uh, kick your ass you little sissy. Yes, sissy. C'mon, let's see, I can wander around sub zero Alaska in a trench coat, but you need that little high-tech sweater. Sneaking suit my ass, it's a goddamn sweater with a bulletproof vest glued on it. Girly man. And that gay looking bandanna. Oooh, look at me, I'm Solid Snake, I have a bandanna. I'm so badass. Moron.

Moving away from Liquid's retarded soliloquy, Snake was talking over the CODEC to Colonel Roy Campbell.

"Yesssh, Shnake? Wassssshup?"

"Listen, you drunken bastard, I fucking need one of you're patented 'Breaks the fourth wall so people who are too lazy to read the fucking instruction manual aren't totally lost' dissertations here! How am I supposed to rappel?"

"Pressh the acshun button to kick. Pressh the crawl button too… who the fuck amsh I kiddin'? Jush mash the shircle button while messhin' wid da' analog shtick until you reach the bottomsh."

"Uh, thanks."

And so, Snake proceeded to continue on his journey downward, as Liquid periodically shot at him. Just as Snake was getting used to having Liquid miss him by a mile every time he flew past, he landed on another beam. Suddenly, he was aware of the fact that superheated steam was coming out of the pipes. Wait. Why the fuck is there steam here? Shouldn't the pipes carrying really hot water be, y'know inside? So the stuff can't freeze and shatter the pipes? And what if these pipes are carrying water for an important purpose? Wouldn't Liquid's blasting them to kingdom come with his wildly inaccurate shooting be detrimental to the terrorist's cause? Well, actually, that's what DarkGidora was thinking. Snake, on the other hand was more or less just thinking HOLYMOTHEROFGODTHISISFUCKINGHOT!

Despite the fact that he was engulfed in steam several times on his way down, and Liquid did manage to hit Snake with a stray 12.7 mm bullet, Snake somehow retained his grip on the rope. Yes, neither Liquid's gunfire nor the steam could cause Solid Snake's downfall. Snake's shoddy knot-tying ability, on the other hand, could. And so, as Snake's hastily conceived connection between the security railing and the rope began to come loose, Snake realized one thing… Okay… I guess the guys at the Boy Scouts were correct when the refused to give me my knot-tying merit badge. Fuck. And he fell…

After summoning the effort to pick his broken, battered body off the ground, Snake realized he had managed to reach his goal. And so, as he began to cross the second connecting bridge, he spotted a trio of Genome Soldiers standing at the other end of the bridge. Heh. Stupid bastards. They can't see more than five feet in front of them, yet they're just standing their. Morons. Unfortunately, Snake should've remembered the magical plot device cannot be jammed camera from the last chapter, because these were the magical plot device can see more than five feet in front of them genome soldiers.

And so Snake was yet again felled by gunfire. Magical plot device knocks you on your ass so you can't engage the guards up close gunfire, to be precise. And so, Snake backed away a little. The guards may have been able to see more than five feet in front of them, but more than twenty? The very thought of an MGS guard having normal visual acuity was absurd.

And so, Snake picked off the trio with his handy PSG-1, and proceeded to walk forward onto the bridge when all of a sudden…

"Nyahahaha!" Liquid's helicopter finally made a reappearance. Now Snake, feel the wrath of your brother. Father detested my existence, however, I shall strike you down, and then in whatever Hell he may be, he will know which of us is truly deserving. Your sun will set, as my darkness shall consume the sky! Fuck. I'm carrying on a-fucking-gain. Maybe next time, I should actually say the goddamn speech instead of thinking it. He can't read my mind. Jesus, I have to keep reminding myself, this isn't the X-men. Superior genes don't necessarily mean telepathy. But they do mean having a bastard motherfucker as a father. Eh, I guess I'll just shoot Snake now.

Unfortunately for Liquid, he didn't shoot fast enough, as Snake had already crossed the bridge and entered Comm Tower B while Liquid was still making a speech.

"Memo to self: Stop having a brooding internal monologue while piloting a helicopter."

Anyways, the very fucking first room Snake was in, as soon as he entered the Communication's tower, contained a Stinger Surface-To-Air missile. Wow. This is convenient. Liquid's pissing me off with his attack helicopter, and not five minutes later, I find the perfect weapon to shoot that bastard out of the sky. What a coincidence. Maybe I should ask the CODEC guys if they think it's more than a coincidence.
"Shnake, that'sh jusht luck. There'sh definitely no real conspirashies or something." Said our drunken friend, Roy Campbell.
Naomi was also rather useless. "Damnit Snake, I'm a doctor, not a coincidence-likelihood determiner person."
Mei Ling actually had something relevant to say. "There is an old Chinese proverb. 'When life gives you a giant ass missile launcher, send your brother to hell with it.'. I think that advice applies well in this situation."

"You just made that up on the spot. Didn't you?"

"No, it was said by Confucius. Cross my heart and hope to die."

"Master, do you think me finding this missile is more than a coincidence?". To his great surprise, Master didn't respond. I wonder where he is. I guess he's probably just thinking of some real good advice to give me or something. What a pal.
Nastasha just had yet another dissertation. "The FIM-92 Stinger missile was orginially developed in the 1960s to replace the Redeye SAM…" That's about when Snake tuned out.
Meryl and Deepthroat didn't respond.
And as for Otacon, well, "D00d! It's like one of my favorite animes, when the hero guy was all like... wait, did you just hang up on me? I'm so lonely…"
And so, adding yet another completely fucking huge weapon and over a dozen rockets to his inventory, Snake was not slowed down in the slightest. Anyways, after trying to get to the bottom of the tower via the staircase, he found out that some random asshole must've held a grudge against stairs, because the stairs leading to the ground floor were destroyed. Shrugging, he turned around and decided to go the opposite way.

When he reached the mid-point of the tower, the place where he had originally entered from, he heard a noise around the corner. Leaping out, his SOCOM drawn, Snake spotted another stealth camouflage silhouette.

"Ah. Fox! Thought you'd sneak up on me this time, heh? Well, you can't get the drop on Solid Snake. MORTAL KOMBAT!"

BAM!
CRACK!
SMASH!
KIDNEY PUNCH!
POW!

"Wa-wait, It's me! Otacon!"

"Oh. Sorry 'bout that."

"Fuck. Why'd you hit me in the kidneys? I'm gonna be pissing blood for a week."

"Okay geekface, how'd ya get here?"

"I hid in the back of a truck."

"Ah. But the stairs are destroyed."

"Yeah, that's why I took the goddamn elevator. N00b" Otacon said, gesturing towards the elevator three feet to his right. "Anyways, you kicked ass with that rappelling. Man, it's like an action movie."

"Whatever. Anyways, could I use the elevator to go down?"

"Nope. It's broken."

"Can you fix it?"

"Yeah, but it will take some time."

"Enough time for me to engage in an arbitrary boss fight that has nothing to do with you fixing the elevator?"

"Yeah, probably."

"Okay nerd. I'm off to kill my brother."

"Wait. Before you go, I have a question?"

"Okay poindexter, let's hear it."

"Have you ever loved someone?"

"Er… I don't think I like the direction that this conversation is flowing."

"I just want to know, do soldiers feel love?"

"Otacon, there's a right and a wrong time for every conversation."

"Snake, do you think love can bloom on a battlefield?"

"Okay Otacon. Listen. I do not care what Campbell may have told you, Solid Snake is a ladies' man, okay? Frankly, this entire conversation is waaaaaaaay too 'Brokeback' for my tastes."

"What? Oh Jesus, I wasn't hitting on you."

"Then what were you implying?"

"Do you think that a hot chick with psychotic tendencies and a big gun could fall in love with a nerd like me?"

"No." And so, after crushing Otacon's soul, Snake climbed up the stairs.

And climbed…

And climbed…

And eventually reached the top of Communication Tower B. As soon as he walked out onto the roof, Liquid's Hind flew past.

"So the Snake's finally come out of his hole!" Liquid said, then reconsidered what he just said. "Er, did that sound a little to Freudian?"

"Eh, frankly, I could give you the details of a conversation I had three minutes ago that would outcreepy what you just said, but I disgress."

"Okay, well then. Are you ready now, my brother?"

"Why do you keep calling me brother? Who the Hell are you?"

"I'm you! I'm you're shadow!"

Suddenly, Snake wheeled around, facing his own shadow. "IMPOSTER!" Our hero yelled, emptying his FAMAS at his own damn shadow.

"It was a metaphor, you twit!".

"Oh. Then, what do you mean?"

"Ask the father that you killed. I'll send you to Hell to meet him!"

MEANWHILE, IN HELL

"Jesus Christ. Mantis is here, Octopus wants to be here, and now Snake's gonna show up? What the fuck? I'm running out of room!".

And so, the battle of the brothers began. Liquid circled the roof in his dilapidated Hind, strafing Snake with machine gun fire. Meanwhile, Snake just stood in one spot, blasting the helicopter with stingers. Despite the fact that Liquid's chopper was only held together by the grace of duct tape and glue, it stayed in the air after a surprising amount of hits.

Finally, bored with watching his Hind's lifebar decrease every time Snake drew a bead on him, Liquid decided to change tactics. "EAT THIS!" the villain shouted, as a duo of air to ground missiles streaked towards Snake.

Watching the pair of explosives rush at him, Snake could only think of one thing. Spider senses, tingling. Must backflip!

And lo, our hero jumped in the air, as the first missile impacted. Then, flipping over in the air, he springboarded off the second missile. Yep, it defies physics, and you'd think a 175+ lb. man jumping on a missile would cause it to blow up, but hey. So now that he was suddenly twenty feet in the air, Snake accurately shouldered, sighted, and launched another stinger.

Perhaps it was the shock of getting hit by over a dozen missiles. Or perhaps it was the sheer lunacy of Snake deciding to become as acrobatic as a coked up Ryu Hayabusa. Either way, the missiles or the lunacy, Liquid's Hind finally gave up futilely trying to stay airborn.

"C'mon fly. Damn!" Looking at Snake, Liquid decided to just randomly blurt out crap, instead of, y'know, bailing out of his exploding chopper. "KHAAAAAAAAN! Er, SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!"

BOOM!

Looking over the railing at the giant conflagration that Liquid's Hind now was, Snake could only think of one thing. He's gotta be dead. Unless he has rations. But I think I'm the only one here who has that trick. "Well, that takes care of the cremation.".

Suddenly, his CODEC rang, and he answered.

"Snake, I got the elevator working."

"Great job, nerdface. I just killed my brother."

"Cool. Anyways, I guess I should tell you, the elevator is creepy. Beware it's strange and mysterious ways…"

"Whatever. Well, let's see what awaits us next." Said our hero, signing off. Almost immediately, his CODEC rang again.

"Otacon, didn't we cover everything in our last conversation?" Snake said, and then, looking at the picture the CODEC supplied him with, realized that it wasn't Otacon, but a different obsessive ninny. A bald ninny in a leather trench coat with a truly awesome voice…

"Neo… it took some time for us to track you down…"

"What, who is this?"

"Call me Morpheus…"

"What the Hell is going on!"

"We need to talk. About the Matrix."

"Alright, if this is a prank call, I will shoot your mailbox."

"The Matrix, Neo, we need to talk about it."

"Alright, screw this, shut up baldy, I've got terrorists to kill.".

"Neo, this is important."

"Who the Hell is Neo? I'm not Neo. I'm Solid Goddamn Snake."

"But you are the one. You must be. No one else can move like you can."

"Listen baldy. I'm not fucking Neo."

"Justone lastquestion, would you like a red pill… or a blue pill?"

"Drugs are bad, got it?"

Sighing, Snake turned off the CODEC. After all, he had more important things to do than have a pointless conversation with a pill popping prank caller. Such as fighting invisible guards, having a rematch with Sniper Wolf, and reenacting Old Yeller, all of which will be shown next chapter.