A/N: Bad? Good? I don't care. I'm having fun!

Whatever Happened to Saturday Night

The Doctor was amazed that any woman would need so many 'lacy things' but Rose's ample wardrobe that had still yet to be fully brought aboard the TARDIS by the looks of the closet in her old room was providing an insight into the madness he knew to be the female condition. He had been sent to retrieve a pair of suspenders, much to his embarrassment, while Rose and Jackie fussed over their costumes in the living room, getting ready for the party. He had tried to escape but had been soon collared to hold various hair pins and ribbons, Rose throwing him a face that always melted his resolve when he threatened to leave. He stared down at the tiny, black lacy item in his hand and found himself wondering where on Earth she was meant to wear something that small and uncomfortable. He blushed as he realised he was pawing through his companion's underwear drawer examining every item. Quickly rifling through he found the item he hand been sent for and slammed the drawer, managing to catch two of his fingers and letting loose a stream of expletives the TARDIS chose not to translate. He glared down at the drawer set before hurrying from the room, holding the suspender belt before him as if it would turn into a Dalek given half the chance.

The giggling cackle of mother and daughter met him as he entered the living room. He quickly averted his gaze at the horror that was Jackie Tyler dressed in hot pants and a top that might have fitted her twenty years earlier.

"Here!" he said flinging the tiny under garment at his companion, "Now if you don't mind, I've got work to do."

Rose sauntered over to him dressed in her tiny dress minus stockings, leaving her long legs bare to his gaze. He quickly became interested in the wood chip on the wall.

"Are you blushing?" said Rose, slipping her hand into his and seeing him tense.

"Of course not," said the Doctor studiously avoiding her gaze, "Just don't ask me to do that again."

Rose giggled before raising herself on her toes and pressing a kiss to his cheek, "Go on, get out of here before you regenerate from shame," she said, "If you decide to come, the party's at the pub down the road, The Horse. Ok?"

"Ok," said the Doctor turning to the door before looking back over his shoulder at her, "Come by the TARDIS if you want if you're not too tired but only if Mickey doesn't mind…you know…if not I'll see you in the morning, you and Mickey…"

"There is no me and Mickey, not anymore and I promise I'll come by," said Rose, "See you later Doctor."

"See you later Rose," said the Doctor turning back to the door before looking back at her once again, "You look lovely by the way, scary but lovely."

Rose smiled shyly, "Thanks. Goodnight."

"Night," said the Doctor, stepping out into the dark night air and closing the door behind him. He stuffed his hands into his trouser pockets and headed along the walkway to the stairs, halfway he met a rather scarily dressed Mickey Smith, business suit mixed with a purple feather boa wrapped around his neck.

"Brave man," said the Doctor as the younger man gave him a pained smile.

"Jackie insisted," said Mickey moodily, "I chose Brad to avoid the get up but Jackie said Rose liked this sort of thing."

The Doctor raised an eyebrow and flicked a loose feather off Mickey's shoulder, "I think Jackie's been winding you up."

Mickey shrugged, "Not just Jackie that said it. Shareen said that Rose went all cooey over Guy Ritchie in Priscilla too," he said before looking over the Doctor's pinstripe suit, "Where's your costume anyway, Jackie said she was making you go as Riff Raff."

The Doctor smiled, "I'm not going, just you and the coven I'm afraid. I'm retreating to the TARDIS, far too much lace and lycra going on for my liking!"

Mickey shuddered, "Jackie dressed as Columbia again?"

The Doctor nodded and Mickey's shudder deepened, "So many ways in which that is wrong. Need any help on the TARDIS."

"Not from you," said the Doctor bounding passed him and towards the stairs, "Enjoy the party."

The night air was chilled as he finally escaped the stairwell and its rather unique smell. He pulled his coat tighter around him, noticing with some alarm the level of exposed flesh on the estate not limited to those tottering dangerously on platform heels towards the pub. He hurried over to the TARDIS, parked in its customary spot and ducked inside only to find himself met by a disgruntled rasp and a shower of sparks. He looked up at the console in surprise.

"What's the matter with you?"

The console rasped again, bringing up a view of outside and the scarily dressed patrons heading to the pub. The Doctor rolled his eyes at the central column.

"Lo! She is one of this confederacy!" he cried, receiving another rasp for miss-quoting the Bard, "If you want to join the Tyler coven you are very welcome but I am not dressing up like Lurch and going out in the street. Now behave so I can get some work done."

The TARDIS sparked and beeped in annoyance, forcing the Doctor to pocket the sonic screwdriver and back hastily away. He held his hands up in surrender.

"Fine," he cried before turning towards the main interior and heading inside, searching for something to do. The TARDIS was being uncooperative, the doors to both the kitchen and the library refusing to open and then disappearing altogether. Several times the Doctor turned a corner to find himself face to face with his bedroom door but he refused to give in to his ship when it was behaving like a petulant two year old and turned away from the old oak door. On the fifth time however his patience failed him and he flung open the door and stepped inside.

"Alright, you win. What did you want me in here for?" he said as the lights dimmed in satisfaction before throwing a beam onto the bed and the outfit that was laid out there. The Doctor shook his head and turned to the door before finding it slammed in his face and locked. He kicked it in frustration.

"I am not going to the party and I am NOT wearing that!" he cried.

The small viewer screen on the wall to his left flickered into life and a grainy image of Rose, Jackie and Mickey walking down the street came into being. The Doctor's jaw literally dropped at the sight of his companion, her blonde hair hidden beneath a dark curly wig that brushed the shoulders of her puffy black satin sleeves. He followed the dress downwards until he met the white frilled base, brushing teasingly against the exposed straps of her suspender belt that was helping her ridiculously stunning black fishnets defy the laws of gravity. Her legs were elongated by platform, stiletto sandals that were fastened by two leather cords that wound teasingly up her legs. He watched her giggle as her mother stumbled in her ridiculous heels before letting Mickey drape an arm around her shoulders. The Doctor yelped as the screen flicked off and he released he had been clenching his fist so hard that his nails had dug painfully into his palm.

The TARDIS juddered slightly and he cast his eyes skywards in exasperation before looking down at the outfit once again and shaking his head.

"If we're going to do this then that won't work," said the Doctor, "Let me out to the wardrobe room and we'll do this properly. I'm nothing if not a perfectionist. And unlocked Rose's room for me, I'll need to borrow a few things."

The TARDIS beeped an affirmative and the door clicked unlocked, opening straight onto the wardrobe room and the rack he needed. The Doctor started searching through the racks, not realising he was humming to himself.

"When Eddie said he didn't like his teddy…"