I KEEP FORGETTING TO PUT THE DISCLAIMER!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything Johnny related! Please don't sue me :)

I am sooooooooooo sorry this has taken such a long time to get out. I had it written like weeks ago, but I didn't like it. So I just let it sit, waiting for ideas to hit me. AND THEY HAVE:)

A/N: Please be aware that this chapter is from Devi's point of view :)

June 14, 1997.

Dear Johnny,

Heh. Ironic isn't it? I started a Dear John letter with Dear Johnny. Well, I found it amusing. I feel quite silly, writing a letter to you. I'm not going to send it. My therapist thought it best if I got my feelings out. And that's what I'm doing. Getting my feelings out. Now where should I start? I've been…. thinking about you. A lot lately. To tell you the truth, I haven't stepped outside of my house since.. The incident. I'm not sure why. Maybe I'm afraid, maybe I just can't stand to face you anymore. Maybe I'm just worried that you'll try to hurt me again. Not physically, but emotionally. You hurt me Johnny. You cold hearted bastard, you really did a number on me. Remember those white jackets that people used to put on lunatics? Like that movie we saw together? They had me in one of those. For the longest time too. I used to scratch at my skin. And try to get your touch off me. I tried to burn the flesh that I felt your hand on. My scars are healing now. My hand still shakes at the mention of your name. God damn you. Sometimes. When I close my eyes. I can feel your hot breath against the back of my neck. Or your calloused hands against my skin. I can feel your body heat against me. Or your bones scraping against my own. I wake up screaming every night. Therefore, I've learned to despise sleep. Much like you.

I feel his hands find their way to my thighs. His warm breath beats against my neck as I look over at him. He shows assertiveness and calmness in his eyes. I allow him to do whatever he pleases. His lips brush against mine as sweat forms on his forehead. I ache to taste him. To feel his skin against my skin. I bite my lip until I taste blood. I want him, I need him. I close my eyes, as his direction moves downward. His thumbs massage my inner thighs. A low growl escapes from his throat. I open my eyes and am face to face with a stranger. Its that man. The same man that tried to hurt me that night. His black hair is now this strangers dark brown. Johnny's soft eyes are now large and lonely. His warm hands are replaced with his cold ones. Get off me. I feel like I scream it. But my voice goes no where. I see Nny leaning against the door, Johnny, Help me. My lips move but once again my voice fails me. His massive hand tears my shirt. No, leave me alone. My lips are moving frantically.

"You fucking slut. You're going to pay. You and that little boyfriend of yours."
A man appears behind Nny, and sticks an object into his chest. Nny's eyes shoot open, the emotion in those eyes, it aches my heart. My hands shake as I feel someone grab it.

"No, NO! GET OFF ME!"
My voice has finally returned as my eyes shoot open.

Nny's eyes are wide with questions. His head is cocked to the side. He opens his mouth to speak but no words come out. Please, don't speak. Just lay with me. Stay with me. I want to tell him. But I keep my mouth shut. Theres no use in becoming obsessed over him. He'll become bored with me and leave. Like the others. Just like all the others. But maybe hes not like that. What are you talking about? All men are like that. They're only after one thing. He could of taken advantage of you a long time ago, and then he could of left. But hes still here. Making sure you're safe. That must mean something right? Hes just waiting for the perfect time. Then he'll leave. They all leave. (PS. When did I start having conversations with myself? I really am crazy.) I ache to put my hand on his soft face, to trace his jaw with my fingers. To pull his face closer to mine. I dig my nails into my palm, and settle back into bed. He still remains on the edge of the bed. His long legs hanging off. Please, it pains me for you to stay here. Just go, I start to say. But no words are spoken. I shut my eyes, but remain awake. It seems like its been hours before I feel a slight stirring. Based on the movement of the bed, he must have gotten off. He makes no noise as he walks towards the door. I open one of my eyelids slightly, he stops at the door, his back towards me. His hair sways as he turns his head around to look at me. The look that he gives me is different. Oh God. I've changed him haven't I? I pushed him away! I pushed him too far. He doesn't care about me anymore. Frantic thoughts run through my head, but I have no care for them.

And that was the day I lost you.

No, not lost lost you. Just lost you. I really wish you didn't leave. Without you, I had to deal with the situation on my own. I spent many sleepless nights in that house of mine. Not as many sleepless nights as I have now, but… enough to call them "nights" and not "night"After I had gotten through, whatever I needed to get through. The whole situation just kind of faded away. And then reality came back to hit me square in the face. There was still a world outside my door. Whether I wanted to believe it or not. There were overdue bills to pay, and perhaps, the love of my life to meet once more. Love of my life? Oh dear. I can't believe I referred to….you, of all people. What happened to me Johnny? No. What have you done to me?

Their sly smiles on their faces conceal lies and secrets. I dread to look up and meet them face. So I don't. And neither do they. The bookstore is filled with voices. High voices, low voices, squeaky voices. But yet, not the one voice I want to hear. The voice that makes my heart thump fast. The voice that calms me, but makes me nervous at the same time. The voice I haven't heard since it left me all alone. The other voices faded, and now I hear the one I long to hear. It sounds so real. Like hes whispering in my ear. His hot breath tickles my neck, and makes the hair stand. I look up for the first time, and scan the area around my counter. Nothing. No one. Just the beeping of the register in front of me. I look down, by now I have lost track of what I was doing. But he's here. I can feel it. I feel his eyes on me. And for the first time today, I feel at home. Like I don't care what people think of me! Well. Then again.. I never really did. I look down to what I was doing and try once more. And theres his voice again. For someone who barely speaks, his voice is encrypted in my mind. I look up. But once again no one is there. I can't take this anymore. I reach for my headphones under the counter and place them over my ears. The soft foam settles against my face. No matter how loud the music gets, I can still hear his voice. I look around. I CANT FIND HIM. I need him. Now. I need to see his face. I need to feel his touch. I need to hear his voice. I scratch at my arms. Hoping to kill the urge of needing him. My porcelain skin turns red. My vision turns blurry. The sleeves of my jacket wipe away the warm water. I can't take this anymore. I bury my face in my hands. I breathe deeply a few times. In. Out. In. Out. My body trembles only slightly now. I look up and theres a face pressed against the window. It brings a smile to my face as he looks away quickly when our eyes meet. He turns to leave but then turns back. Knowing I have already seen him. He hesitates to grab the door handle. He grasps it firmly, but the door remains shut. He looks up at me, his eyes soft and warm. I smile at him, he looks away nervously. I'm tired of playing this game. I run over to the door and push through. Causing him to topple backwards. Once his feet are placed firmly on the ground, I wrap my arms around him. He is confused as I nuzzle my head under his chin. He wraps his thin arms around me hesitantly at first, but in seconds a firm embrace is formed. I take in his warmth, his smell. The way his heart beats. I want to say I miss you. But instead I just press my ear against his chest tighter. I let go of him finally and take a few steps away. He looks at the ground, his fingers entangled with each other. I open my mouth several times before I actually say anything.

"Do you want to come inside?" I point behind me, "We can talk……or.. Something."
I shrug my shoulders. Hoping to hide the fact that I'm nervous. Nervous? He makes me nervous?

He shakes his head, slowly at first, and the faster. "Yeah, I'd like that." He ends his sentence with a little smile that melts my heart. I bite my bottom lip as a smile forms.

"K." I reply, my cheeks burning. I place my hand out in front of me, he examines it. A couple walks by holding hands, we both turn to look at them. He looks back at my hand, my shoulders are shrugged now, worried that I just did something wrong. But all worries are lost when he takes my hand in his own. His large hand enveloping my own. His long, thin fingers tracing the back of my hand. My face feels like its on fire now, as I stare at our joined hands. I look up at him with a puzzled face. He lets out a big, goofy smile. His teeth shimmering like stars. I smile back and lead him into the store. Unsure what to talk about.

Yay. Its done! Please review! I hope I didn't lose you guys haha.

thesupernugget: Heres a little Devi for you! Haha. I don't want them to be like totally all over each other. Cause that's not Johnny! So, I'm trying to make it couple…y.. Without it being so…couple…y. : )

Spongewolf: Sorry this took so long!

Tentomushi: ……… : )… Backs away slowly.

Sango-Miroku-4Ever: : ( Today is the deadline for the video. And my sisters boyfriend never emailed me back! He was supposed to change the format! Grrr. : ( I'm never going to meet my wife! Hahaha

Invader Johnny: :D

sunglassesANDunicorns: Mmhmmm! Mmhmm: )

Thanks for reading:)