Fade to Black
Summary: Torn between two lives, broken by the choices he has to make. Will Hatake Kakashi live to see the next day or will he fade into obscurity:: A story of love, loss, pain, and happiness; the childhood of the great Copy Nin Kakashi.
Genre: Drama/Angst
Rating: T
Disclaimer: We all know I don't own Naruto.
Author's Notes: I'm purposely writing this story in fragmented sentences because I believe that most kids, no matter how smart they are, process thoughts in fragmented sentences. But that's just my opinion.
I am not an expert in medicine or diseases or anything like that. So please excuse any medical mistakes.
HUGE AUTHOR'S NOTE: Please, please, PLEASE, be aware that this story contains child abuse. You have been warned.
Please R&R…Thanks!
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It's a rather silent and remorseful Jiraiya that enters the hospital Waiting Room. A good nights sleep and some actual food has refreshed the Sannin's mind and made him release that maybe he was a little too short tempered with Arashi yesterday.
It's to his shock that he notices Arashi still sitting in the same seat as the day before. Jiraiya sighs and sits down beside him – noticing that Sarutobi is no where to be found.
"Has there still been no word?" Jiraiya asks quietly.
"He's been in surgery for pretty much the whole night." Arashi lets out a heavy sigh. "They say there's some damage that they probably won't be able to fix."
Jiraiya nods. "About yesterday… I just want to say I'm sorry… I said some things that I shouldn't have said."
"You were right though."
Jiraiya raises an eyebrow in question but Arashi offers no explanation for his words.
"I'm going to go find Tsunade," Jiraiya states. "Might as well try and convince her to come heal the kid."
"She won't come."
"At least I bother to try… something you've apparently given up on doing."
The Yondaime stays silent and Jiraiya sighs, again. "The kid's going to live… is that not the main goal? Was saving his life not enough?"
"Saving his life was pointless if he really is crippled," Arashi mutters, "Kakashi will just end up killing himself if he can't be a shinobi… and you know that just as much as I."
"Or perhaps this experience has made him decide to no longer be a shinobi and therefore his injuries won't be so devastating."
Arashi sadly chuckles. "Nothing will turn Kakashi away from a shinobi's life."
Jiraiya opens his mouth to reply but an approaching medic-nin distracts him and he stands up… Arashi soon follows.
The medic-nin nods at them both and lets out a tired, heavy sigh. "Kakashi's condition is stabilized, he's been transferred to the ICU. However…" The medic-nin pauses to let the two shinobis prepare themselves for the news. "…Kakashi won't be able to continue to be a shinobi."
Jiraiya cringes at the news and watches Arashi as his face pales. The Sannin fears that his former student might actually faint.
"I've never seen such injuries in such a young child… actually – I've never seen such injuries in anyone. The nerves in both of his shoulders are injured beyond our ability to repair; especially his left shoulder. I doubt that he'll have any feeling in his left arm – and I don't know if he'll even be able to move that shoulder much. We repaired the tendons as much as we can but they've been severely damaged – luckily his right shoulder wasn't quite as severe."
"What else?" Jiraiya dares to ask.
"There was some sort of liquid in both of his lungs too… and it's been there for a long time. We managed to get it all out but it killed many of the lung's cells. He's lung capacity has been greatly reduced because of that – it may repair itself in time but I'm not sure."
Jiraiya squeezes Arashi's hand in silent support and so that he'll be more prepared to catch the Hokage should he indeed faint.
"I've never seen so many lashes on one person. He's skin will be severely scarred from them and many of them were infected. We have him on antibiotics now to try and control the infections but he's still running a high fever. Some of the lashes were really deep – we could see his ribs on his left ribcage and even parts of his spine were exposed. A lot of skin was torn off and it's going to take a lot of time for that to heal."
Jiraiya can feel Arashi shaking under his touch.
"The damage to his knees in irreversible. We can't fix it… Kakashi won't be able to walk."
Jiraiya can feel his own heart literally snapping in half. He knows that if he had only been five minutes faster he would've been able to save Kakashi from having his knees destroyed. The kid's inability to walk is completely Jiraiya's fault and he can't shake the heaviness of guilt that weighs on his mind because of that.
"Kakashi also lost a lot of blood. For a while there we didn't think we'd be able to save him from the blood loss but we managed. However, he now has more donated blood in his body than his own blood. And that's not good for anyone but especially for Kakashi, who's own heart isn't is. We don't know if his body will be able to handle having that much foreign blood in him, we'll just have to wait and see and monitor it."
"Please say that's all…" Arashi whispers, "Please."
The medic-nin shakes her head sadly. "There's also been severe damage to his digestive system. We don't know why. He's been starved and his malnourished but that wouldn't cause as severe damage as he has. I'd be very surprised if he can ever digest food properly again – he'll probably need to be fed through a feeding tube if he's too survive."
She sighs. "But that's not all of it. I fear Kakashi will never…" she pauses to take a deep breath. "…never be able to have children."
Arashi's mouth opens in shock and his hand instinctively comes up to cover it. "Oh God," he whispers.
"How?" Jiraiya questions; unsure if he really wants to know the answer to his question.
"We believe he was tortured with the device known as Crocodile Shears."
Arashi's face pales even more – something Jiraiya didn't even think was possible. They've both heard of Crocodile Shears before but have never actually known anyone who had been subject to it until now.
"There's also evidence of sodomy," the medic-nin adds as a final blow to the two shinobis' already shattering emotions.
Jiraiya squeezes Arashi's arm tightly to keep the Hokage from freaking out or passing out.
"That's all?" Jiraiya dares to ask.
The medic-nin nods. "We've drugged him to keep him asleep for now but if you wish to see him you can."
Jiraiya nods and fears what exactly Arashi's stunned silence could mean. But he can't read minds and he just doesn't know… and he doubts Arashi's going to be pouring out his feelings anytime soon.
They both follow the medic-nin in silence as they walk down the white-walled halls of the hospital. It seems to take hours before they reach their destination but in reality they both know that it only takes a couple minutes.
The steady beeping of monitoring machines reaches their ears as soon as the door is opened. The medic-nin closes the door softly behind the two; leaving them alone for whatever privacy they desire.
Jiraiya, already accustomed to the sight of the frail child from having to carry him back to Konoha, was not shocked when he entered the room.
Arashi, however, was. And the Hokage gasped slightly at the sight of the pale child. His face is hollow and far too thin, his eyes tightly closed, a feeding tube in his mouth and an oxygen tube in his nose. The sheets are only pulled up as far as his waist, probably in an attempt to keep the child's fever from worsening, and his chest is bandages all the way around – but some blood has already leaked it's way out of the stitches and stained the gauze. His bare shoulders are bruised and swollen; tell-tale signs of the torture endured.
"I can't do this," Arashi whispers, "Who's going to tell him?"
"I'll find Tsunade, she'll be able to help… she'll be able to fix this."
Arashi drops, exhausted, into the one lone chair of the room. And Jiraiya, unable to stay and watch his former student's heart shattering before him, quietly leaves to collect his thoughts and prepare for his upcoming journey.
But first he needs to stop at a certain former Hokage's office.
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"I don't think you realize the severity of this." Jiraiya's impatience and frustrating is growing with every word that he swears the Sandaime doesn't hear – or doesn't want to hear.
The still air of the Hokage's office is grating on Jiraiya's nerve. The fact that the Sandaime, the former Hokage, is sitting at the current Hokage's desk is a detail that has not passed Jiraiya's notice.
"Jiraiya… leave Arashi alone. He's an adult now, not your subordinate, he can take care of himself."
"He's a drunk!" Jiraiya doesn't bother to hide the anger in his voice. "And you can see it just as well as I can! You're in the same denial that he is!"
Sarutobi suddenly stands up. "Arashi is an adult. Let him deal with his demons alone… he will survive, he'll be fine."
"That's what you said about Sakumo! Look where that got us!"
"Sakumo was different."
"Why? Because he actually made a mistake? Arashi believes he's made a lot of mistakes… and believing you've made a mistake isn't really any different than actually making one. His demons aren't any less worse than the ones Sakumo had!"
"Jiraiya." The Sandaime lets out a tired, quite sigh. "Let Arashi be. If he chooses to deal with his pain through alcohol then that's his choice."
"Do you just not give a fuck?!" Jiraiya's fist slams against the near wall. "If there is anyone in this village who shouldn't be drinking it would be the Hokage! The Hokage who just happens to be Arashi!"
"He's an adult! He's pain can only be healed by himself!"
Jiraiya's voice drops to a mere whisper. "You're a fool. Just because someone is an adult doesn't mean you can now just turn the other way and not help him. He needs help! And I'm not going to be here to help him. I was hoping I could trust you to watch him but now I know I can't."
"This is a time of –"
"Don't tell me it's because of the fucking war!" Jiraiya interrupts. "I'm tired of you using the war as an excuse! It's why you didn't help Sakumo, because you didn't have time! Well you know what! Fucking make time! Because if you don't than you're going to have a lot of shinobis dieing because you failed to help them! People can't fight their demons alone… maybe you can but ninety percent of the population out there can't! Arashi needs the help from his friends… and you're one of his friends. At least fucking try to help! Just try!"
Jiraiya slams the door behind him as he leaves. And maybe he feels just a little guilty for yelling at his old sensei but he swears the man's changed far too much in his old age.
Old age. Jiraiya laughs. Sarutobi's only in his fifties – not technically that old. But still… it seems to the Sannin that the years have caught up with the Sandaime's mind.
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The smell of antiseptic reaches my nose and slowly drags me out of the grip of unconsciousness.
The tube I feel scratching the back of my throat sends me into a blind, hyperventilating panic attack. I'd scream but the said tube prevents any loud voice from leaving my mouth. I jerk up into a sitting position, eyes wide open and terrified. Was I not actually freed? Was it all a dream? Did Kanaye not actually die?
Am I still in that fucking room? Am I being force-fed?
A worried voice teases me. Whispers my name. Barely heard above the thundering beating of my heart. Kakashi? It questions… concerned and worried. Kakashi? Kakashi? Kakashi!
My eyes take in the stark, white wall opposite where I am and the softness under my body tells me I'm on a bed. There was never a bed in that room, and it never smelt like antiseptic – which this room does.
Someone takes hold of my shaking hands. I shudder under the touch and if I had the strength I would pull away – but I don't. I'm too weak. Too weak to defend myself, too weak to escape, too weak to be worth anything.
My breathing calms – ever so slightly – as I come to the realization that I am indeed not there and am, in fact, in a hospital. And that the tube in my throat isn't the same one that Kanaye shoved down my nose.
"Kakashi?" the voice questions again; louder this time… resonating more in my conscious than before. "Kakashi?"
It's so familiar. So damn fucking familiar but I just can't place it. And my eyes aren't really seeing the room I'm in but rather the room I used to be in; that black room devoid of light… devoid of life.
"Please… Kakashi… can you hear me? Kakashi?"
I blink a couple times and slowly the hospital room comes more into focus.
"Arashi-sensei?" I question; cringing at the hoarse sound of my voice and the rough edge the tube shoved down my throat causes it to contain.
I hear him sigh in relief and a few seconds later I'm finally able to comprehend the environment around me. I look into his eyes – so full of concern and exhaustion. How long has he been here? How long has he been waiting for me to wake up?
I glance down to my hands, both held tightly in Sensei's grasp.
But there's no feeling in my left hand.
I wiggle my left fingers and Sensei looks down. Slowly he lets go of my hands and I wiggle my left fingers again. I see them wiggling. I know they're wiggling… every logical part of my brain is telling me that they're moving.
But I don't feel them moving.
Slowly I lift my whole left arm… my shoulder screaming in protest as I realize that the tendons haven't quite healed completely.
"Kakashi…" Sensei whispers in concern.
My voice shakes ever-so-slightly: "I can't feel my left arm."
Sensei takes my left, shuddering, hand in both of his. His large hands swallow mine… bring my age to the forefront of my mind.
"I'm crippled, aren't I?" I mutter; knowing full well that I am.
"Kakashi…" I can hear Sensei's heart breaking in every word he says. "I'm sorry… I wasn't there… I didn't protect… didn't come to save you. I'm sorry… so very, very sorry."
His right hand touches lightly on the side of my unmasked face but I jerk back. The touch hurts… just the touch. And it's nothing physical; that I know for sure.
It's all in my mind.
Sensei looks hurt as he draws his hand back. But he doesn't question my reaction. He probably knows why, how could he not? He's seen my injuries… seen the stories they tell.
"Jiraiya's gone to look for Tsunade," Sensei whispers, "Hopefully she'll be able to help."
"She won't come."
"You don't know that."
I turn my head away to stare at the far wall. Looking at Sensei is too painful. His eyes are too full of sadness and despair, too full of guilt and worry, for me to stand looking at.
A quiet squeaking noise causes me to start slightly and Sensei stands up to address the intruder.
"I'm sorry," a nurse apologies as she enters. "But the Sandaime has sent me to tell you this: The Kazekage from Sunagakure is here. He wishes to speak to you about the incident with Jiraiya and the three Sand shinobi guards."
"The Sand?" I cringe at how unintentionally scared my voice becomes.
"Don't worry Kakashi." Sensei smiles warmly at me. "I'll take care of it."
I watch as Sensei follows the nurse out of the room. The door softly clicks shut and I can't help but feel panicky as I'm left alone… in a room… a small, tiny, enclosed room.
I hate how frantic my mind has become.
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"I want to see the child!" the Kazekage exclaims in anger as he paces back and forth in the Hokage's office.
"I'm afraid I cannot allow that," Arashi replies calmly from his seat behind his desk. "Hatake Kakashi has just woken up from his ordeal and is still quite fragile."
"There was no ordeal!"
"In all respect Kazekage, there is evidence to suggest otherwise."
"I refuse to believe that Kanaye tortured anyone. He was instructed to keep the child as a Considered Prisoner of War – you know the rights that come with that label." The Kazekage stops his pacing to look directly at Yondaime. "Considered Prisoners are treated with respect and are not harmed until a trial is conducted. And when Sunagakure and Konoha signed that truce two weeks ago Kanaye was ordered to release the child, which he did! There was never any public floggings. And there was certainly never any torture!"
"Kakashi would beg to differ."
"The child was not harmed… there was no need for Jiraiya – a Konoha shinobi – to infiltrate our country and kill three of my men! Kanaye included! Kakashi was already released by then."
"I'm afraid to inform you of this but it seems that Kanaye was acting against your orders." Arashi stands up. "Kakashi was still a prisoner when he was rescued. Jiraiya's actions were necessary to save the child's life. I can show you the medical report if you wish."
"Medical reports can be forged."
"Then I don't know what else can be done… I cannot allow you to see Kakashi."
"Then Sunagakure revokes its truce!" The Kazekage leans forward on Arashi's desk… the two Kages faces are mere inches apart. "And the next army we send after your sorry asses will be Konoha's downfall. Are you really willing to risk this Village's survival on one child's mental stability?"
Arashi softly sighs. "Very well… if you truly cannot believe my word then I will take you to see Kakashi. But please… be considerate of him."
The Kazekage nods and Arashi can't believe that he's actually allowing this.
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"Kakashi," the nurse whispers gently, "Do you think you could sit up for me?"
I blink away the sleepiness from my eyes. Did I fall asleep again? Didn't Sensei just leave?
"Kakashi?"
"I'm awake," I mutter.
"Good." She smiles down at me. "Now, I need to change your bandages… so, do you think you could sit on the edge of the bed for me?"
I nod and slowly push myself up. My back is sore and painful and my shoulders scream against the weight of my body. I push the sheets back and swing my legs over the edge of the bed.
"So my knees still work," I bitterly whisper to myself, "They're just too weak to hold my weight."
The nurse reappears from wherever she went – probably to get that bowl of water she's holding. She sets the bowl down on the nigh-table beside my bed and moves the tray of gauze, needles, and thread onto the bed.
"Are you okay with me touching you?" she asks. "Because I can give you a sedative if you'd prefer."
I shake my head. "I'm fine."
She looks skeptic but nods anyways. Her first touch causes me to jerk back and she freezes.
"Are you sure you don't want a sedative?" she asks again.
"I'm fine," I repeat; squeezing my eyes shut and taking a deep, shuddering breath to calm myself down.
She's just a nurse. She's just changing the bandages. There's no harm being done. There's nothing to freak out about.
I manage to suppress my next reaction to her cold hands to just a mere shudder and nothing more. Slowly she peels the bandages off – I hiss in pain where the cloth has stuck to stitches and dried blood. The minutes creep by but eventually the bandages are completely removed.
It's only then do I dare to open my eyes again. By now she's moved the night-table closer to us and is dipping a cloth into the lukewarm water. A shiver passes through my spine as the wet cloth touches my sore and torn skin.
I quickly twist around at the sound of the door opening.
"Don't move so quickly!" The nurse sounds annoyed. "You'll rip your stitches."
"Sensei?" I question as Arashi walks into the room.
I twist back around as soon as I realize that there's another person behind him. I reach for my mask, which is sitting on the night-table, but I don't get far. Searing pain shoots up my right arm from the sudden movement and I gasp – grabbing hold of my arm in an attempt to dull the pain with pressure.
"Kakashi!" The nurse sighs. "Let me see."
Slowly I release my grasp on the injured arm and the nurse gently runs her hands over it.
"You haven't re-broken it so that's good," she mutters with a pointed glare sent in the direction of Sensei. "But try not to move it too fast, okay?"
I nod as the pain slowly starts to subdue.
The nurse stands up and walks, quite angrily, over to Arashi. "What do you think you're doing? Bringing someone here! This kid is not an exhibit for you to bring people here to gawk at!"
"It's fine," I whisper; cutting through her rant. "If Sensei brought someone here than it's for a reason. Let them stay."
The nurse sighs. "I'll come back later to finish the bandaging, okay Kakashi?"
"Fine."
I listen to the footsteps of the nurse as she leaves and the clicking of the door as it shuts behind her.
"You're the Kazekage, aren't you?" I ask; keeping my gaze on the floor.
"Yes," he softly replies.
Sensei walks over to stand in front of me while the Kazekage stays behind. "I'd prefer if you stood where I could see you," I whisper – knowing that the Kazekage will understand that am talking to him.
And he does understand because I see his feet as he moves to stand beside Yondaime.
I raise my head to look at the Kazekage. "Why are you here?"
"I was under the belief that your Hokage was lying about your condition in order to explain why Jiraiya had killed three Sand shinobis."
"He killed two," I state, "I killed one."
The Kazekage nods and turns to address Arashi. "If you would allow, I would like to see the medical report now."
The Hokage nods and starts to leave.
"Please," I whisper, "If you have any questions ask them now."
The Kazekage shakes his head.
"Are you an idiot?" a voice screams as someone comes running into the room; stopping at the foot of my bed.
Since I'm sitting on the edge of the bed I have to slightly turn my body to see the rude intruder.
"Nozomi?" I question… unsure why she's here… and why is she yelling?
She pays no head to the visible lash marks that cover my back and chest but instead continues on her rant: "First you completely ignore me! Then you go off and get yourself captured! And then when you get rescued you don't even bother to send word to me that you're back!"
"Am I suppose to?" I wonder out loud.
"Yes!" She looks incredibly pissed off now. "I don't enjoy finding out about your mission results from the other shinobis! I'd rather you tell me!"
"Nozomi," Sensei quietly interrupts, "You should go."
"I'm not go anywhere, Yondaime." She says his name with bitter anger. "And where were you when he was a prisoner! You're his Sensei… you're suppose to go and save him! You're suppose to be the hero! You are the Hokage, aren't you?"
"Nozomi," I snap. "This is not his fault. And show the Hokage more respect then that."
She glares at me then moves to the chair where she plops herself down and refuses to leave.
Sensei sighs and scratches the back of his head. "We should probably go," he says to the Kazekage – who nods in reply. They both quietly leave.
Soon after the nurse returns and finishes cleaning and bandaging the stitched up lash wounds. Some of the stitches had ripped or frayed and needed to be redone. She offers me drugs to allow me to sleep without any nightmares. I take them but place them on the nightstand.
I'm not using drugs to help me sleep unless I absolutely need to. I refuse to believe that I'm that weak… at least, not yet.
"You're an idiot," Nozomi mutters after the nurse has left.
"I believe you've already told me that."
She's changed her position. No longer is she sitting in the lone visitor's chair but now she's sitting on the windowsill, staring out onto the busy streets of the Village. I myself have also changed positions… now I'm sitting up in the bed, the sheets up to my waist and my back resting on a pillow against the wall.
"I thought you were dead."
I laugh. She turns quizzical eyes to me. "Do you really think I would die that easily?" I explain.
"You're not invincible… everyone else thinks you are but I know you're not. You've never been."
"I really don't feel like doing this."
"Doing what?" Her voice is barely audible.
"This." I let a little bit of bitterness enter my voice. "This analysis of myself. I'm only ten, you're only ten… leave the emotional healing to the doctors."
"I'm eleven," she corrects. I shrug in response; does it really matter that much?
"I'm a Genin now."
"What?" My voice unintentionally rises with surprise and slight disbelief. "Since when have you been a shinobi?"
"For a while now… I joined the Academy when I was nine and graduated a few months ago."
"I didn't even know… but why? Why would you do that?" I don't understand why someone would choose this life when they see there results of it all around them.
"Everyone…" She sighs. "…everyone's getting hurt, everyone's dieing. All my friends are shinobis. I felt useless not being one. And Konoha needs more shinobis anyway. Apparently I have a lot of natural talent."
"You're an idiot!" I snap at her. "Why would you choose this? Look at me! This is what a shinobi's life brings… why would you want this?"
"You're different," she replies. "Have you not noticed? Your life is the abnormal one in the group. Which isn't that surprising with the skill you have. You must be the youngest shinobi doing A-rank missions."
We both fall into silence and before long my weariness catches up with me.
"You should leave," I mutter.
"I'm staying."
"I'd rather you leave."
"No."
"Leave!" My voice is tinged with anger and exhaustion. "Please," I continue in a softer voice, "Just leave."
She accepts defeat and slowly lowers herself off the windowsill. I watch as she quietly leaves and shuts the door behind her.
I ignore my exhaustion and instead push the covers back and swing my legs over the edge of the bed. Fuck the nurses, fuck the facts. I refuse to believe that I'm a cripple until I actually try to walk. I refuse to give up on protecting Konoha until I see for myself that I've failed. I take a deep breath and slowly inch myself down off the bed. My feet make contact with the floor but I still can't dare to put my full body weight on my knees. Will they support my weight? Or is what I'm about to do just going to injure them more?
I take a couple more deep breaths and I slowly start to transfer my body weight from my arms – and my screaming shoulders – to my legs.
A strangled gasp escapes my mouth as the sound of tearing tendons reaches my ears. I collapse into a heap on the cold, tile floor and curl up into the fetal position. The pain in my knees is unbearable – shooting like fire up my legs and into my hips, even up my spine.
The monitoring machines beep widely in alarm; desperately trying to tell someone that the patient they're hooked too needs help.
The tears fall freely from my eyes. I can't determine whether the tears are from the pain or from the bitter realization that I am, indeed, a cripple and that I will never be able to be a shinobi again.
The sound of feet hitting the floor resonates in my body but I ignore it as the beating of my heart starts to speed up. But why? What did I do to cause my heart to beat rapidly? The new pain in my chest is competing with the pain in my knees.
God, it hurts.
A voice reaches my ears: "His heart's beating at 132!"
"He's going to go into congestive heart failure!"
Someone touches my shoulder but I jerk away. "Don't touch me," I hiss out.
"Don't pussy foot around the kid, get him in the bed!"
Someone, I don't know if it's the same person, touches me again – and again I jerk away. I fold into myself even more. "Go away," I mutter.
"He burnt me!"
An alarm in the back of my mind goes off. Didn't this happen before? When I was younger… wasn't I accidentally burning people when I couldn't control my chakra?
"What do you mean he burnt you?"
I can no longer identify the different voices… they all sound the same to me.
"I touched him and he burnt me! His chakra burnt me!"
"You useless nurse!"
Another person touches me… another hand that I jerk away from. The pain in my chest is starting to diminish.
"His heart beat is returning to normal."
"What? How is that possible?"
"Don't know, but that's what the machine says. His heart is fine… it must've been an anxiety attack, or something like that."
"Go away," I mutter again.
"Someone go get the Hokage… now!"
The room goes quiet – the monitoring machines returning to their normal steady beeping – and the nurses frantic actions slow down as the immediate danger passes.
"Why doesn't someone just pick him up?"
"Are you an idiot! His chakra is burning everyone he touches! He needs Yondaime here to calm him down. He won't die so just let him be… he's been through enough already."
"What is he doing out of bed anyways?"
"Probably trying to see if he can walk."
"But isn't he…"
"…yah, he's crippled."
"Shut-up you two! He can still hear you!"
A familiar, yet slightly panicked, voice joins the crowd of people; Sensei's voice: "What's wrong?"
"He's here," one of the nurses replies.
I can sense someone kneeling down beside me.
"Kakashi?" Sensei whispers. "Hey… can you hear me?"
"Leave me alone," I mutter.
He touches my shoulder and I violently jerk away. "Don't touch me," I whimper; memories unwillingly flooding back into my mind. I shudder and fold even more into myself.
"Can't we just sedate him?" someone asks.
"I'd rather not… he needs to learn to trust again," another nurse, I think the head nurse, answers.
"Kakashi, do you realize you just burnt me?" Sensei asks.
"I don't care… seal up my chakra if you want… I can't be a shinobi anyways so it doesn't matter." I don't bother to hide the anger in my voice.
"Please, will you at least look at me?"
"No! Just leave me alone!"
"I can't do that."
"Why? I'm useless now! Just let me die!" Sobs start choking my voice and I can't stop the tears from falling – tears that I know aren't from the physical pain.
I can hear the sadness in Sensei's voice: "Kakashi…"
I try to speak but the hiccupping sobs choke all the words out of my mouth and I give up.
Sensei tentatively touches my shoulder and I shudder, but don't pull away. He then slowly wraps is arms around me in a hug and doesn't let go. I sink into the warmth and comfort of his embrace.
Eventually I let my exhaustion take me and I fall asleep.