1Title: The Boxer
Chapter 7
Author: Azure K Mello
Verse: The first of two stories in the 90 days 'verse.
Spoilers/Timeline: Set in Year Seven but ignores all of book six. So it could be called AU/Future fic/ Pre-canon , I don't mind what you call it.
Summery/Warnings: Blackmail, shame, hatred, disgust, degradation, and true love.
Pairings: H/D non-con, H/Sev
Date: February 1998
Beta by the awesome D. Gray. Any mistakes remaining are mine alone.
Harry woke confused and asked, "Neville?"
"I came in at about one."
"And did he. . ."
"Kiss you full on the mouth? Yes he did. Said he was doing it to keep you asleep, thought you needed sleep."
"Right," Harry sighed, "duty. You have sex with your old bully's kid to protect him out of a sense of guilt. You find out the kid's stupid enough to be in love with you so you kiss him to keep him compliant."
"But," Neville trailed off not sure he should tell Harry, "he held your face, closed his eyes and played with your hair. It lasted a good twenty seconds."
"He tasted of lemon drops and tea,"
"His lips?"
"No I slipped him the tongue."
Neville smiled at the absurdity as he asked, "How did he react?"
"Very nicely. Dumbledore won't let me drop. How am I going to see him and not get a hard on?"
"Naked McGonagall?"
"Not enough if he smells good. I'm supposed to have class today."
The fireplace roared and Severus' head appeared, "Eight PM for class, Potter, My office. Read up on the Carrion Pulpous. You'll be late to breakfast if you don't start moving."
Upon walking into the Great Hall ten minutes later Harry saw pictures of corpses on the cover of every newspaper. And underneath the corpses was a picture of himself looking slightly disgusted. The headline ran : "Potter is the Savior!"
Applause went around the room. But Harry saw Malfoy just watching him and he mouthed, "I'm sorry," before whispering "Neville, go on without me," and turning to leave again. He saw Malfoy following him., tripping over people in his haste to get to Harry.
"You're sorry?" Draco shouted after the Great Hall's door shut behind him.
"I wanted the war to end. I didn't want to kill parents."
"Because you wouldn't wish me harm!" Draco spat.
Calm as death Harry said, "I want you to go far away. I never want to see you again. But I hope you have a long, happy life far the hell away from me. I'm going to walk up these stairs. And we're never going to talk again. Goodbye, Draco Malfoy, I wish you all the joys in the world." He turned and started to go to. . . somewhere that wasn't where he currently was.
Draco shouted, "You can't walk away from me!"
Without looking back Harry said, "I just did."
He found himself in the Transfiguration class long before anyone else. And sank down into a desk in the back row. Irritated and still tired he failed to notice the cat who was curled up on the professor's chair. He didn't hear cat feet approach him, or circle him twice, and he nearly fell out of his chair when the cat he hadn't seen turned into the tall figure of Professor McGonagall.
"Harry," she said kindly, "you look like death warmed over."
Thinking for a minute he said, "I haven't slept well in seventeen months. I was blackmailed over a secret for three months only to have the person the secret was about learn of it anyway. Neville forgave me for keeping secrets. And I got my first real kiss while running a really low temperature."
"You didn't mention Voldemort," she said with a sad smile.
"Oh. . . I'm trying not to think about that. I want things to start feeling normal again."
"Nothing will feel normal until you rest. I'll send a note around excusing you from lessons. Do something you want to do: it will make you feel better."
Harry started to protest about just faking normality instead but she wouldn't hear of it. She sent him away telling him he would get detention if he attended his normal classes. Finally he said, "But I want to go to my Potion's lesson."
She frowned, the poor boy. He'd been spending too much time with Severus because of all of his extra lessons and she was worried that he had become dependant upon the man even though she knew that Harry loathed him.
"Please," he said, "he'll say I'm slacking."
After a moment she nodded, "I'll still send the note around so you won't have to go if you don't want."
He left and went back to the Tower where he read the section in his textbook on the Carrion Pulpous. He looked it up in two other books. Afterwards he went down to Severus' office. It was second period and he knew that Severus would be there drinking coffee. He knocked and waited until he was told to enter. The man glowered at him as he entered, "Potter, or Savior, if you prefer. What do you want?"
"Professor McGonagall excused me from-"
"I got the note. Did you want to tell me in person? How kind of you, I'm so honored."
Harry forged on, "So I wanted to ask if there was a better time for you than eight." Severus said nothing and Harry continued. "Or if it's more convenient I'll come at eight." Severus still didn't respond, he was just looking at him. "Eight o'clock… I'm sorry I interrupted your coffee."
"Be in the lab and ready at four." Snape turned back to his papers.
"Thank you, Sir." Harry left silently and went back to his room where he changed out of uniform and into jeans and then fell asleep. When he woke up, Neville was in the room at his desk. "Do you have a book on the ingredients for the Carrion Pulpous?"
"They'll be in here," he said and tossed one of his books onto the foot of Harry's bed. After reading it he left and went down to the lab.
He set up his cauldron and found the things he would need. He pulled out a quill as he knew there would be a quiz. Then he sat and waited. Four came and went and when Severus came he said, "You're on time."
Harry smiled, "No, you're late."
"Don't be clever, Potter."
The smile fell, "Yes, Sir. Sorry, Sir. I'm ready for the quiz."
The teacher placed the quiz parchment down on the desk and said, "Once you're done, I'll mark it and explain the multitude you have incorrect."
"Thank you, Sir. That will be most useful." He knew he only had a half hour so he quickly set about answering the forty "simple" questions.
When Severus marked it he asked, "Potter, are you cheating?"
"No, Sir."
"You got them all correct."
"I did the reading, Sir, and some extra."
"Right." He felt horribly out of place, Potter getting good marks? Finally he said in a sarcastic tone, "As you're so prepared I'll leave you to brew it. I'll be back in an hour to see what's blown up."
"Thank you, Sir."
Severus went into his office and then made the wall that backed onto the classroom into a one way window. Sitting at his desk he watched Harry work. The boy moved quickly through the steps, checking the book's instructions every once in a while. He worked with dexterousness and care. He cut things into defined lengths, he made sure things were exactly even and added at the right time. Severus was slightly surprised to see how proficient the young man had become.
Reentering the room after the hour he said, "No explosions then?"
"No and the book says it's the right colour."
"It is," agreed the man, "and it smells correct."
"Why does a potion to cure rotting flesh smell like rotting flesh?"
"To remind idiots what it's for."
"Right makes sense. Can I go now, Sir?"
"This is a three hour class, Potter," Snape reminded.
"Yes, but we're finished, Sir."
"No we aren't. You're proficiency today proves that all you need to brew correctly is the perfect conditions of silence, privacy, and preparation."
"Yes. I agree, Sir: it's pathetic and insufficient."
"Why have you been calling me Sir so frequently recently? You never have in the past. As I said last night: I'm neither your professor nor your guard."
"If you treat me as an errant student I can only respond by treating you as a dutiful teacher, Sir. I can see that we're playing at being normal; I'm just trying to make that as easy as possible."
"Potter-"
"I prefer Savior, Sir," interrupted Harry. With an angry laugh he continued. "But then, we both know that the only thing I saved was my own arse."
Finally free because of Harry's snap Severus was able to ask his real question. "What do you want for the service you've rendered the world?"
"I want my anonymity back. I want to be Dudley's scar faced cousin again. I used to only have to worry about getting beaten up. I want to never see another newspaper article about my being sexy or mad, Sir. I want people to stop staring at me."
"That's what you want? To be a no one?"
"That's all I ever wanted. When I got my Hogwarts letter and was told that magic was real, I wasn't a freak, and that I wasn't alone I was so pleased. But I'm no less alone, I just have more people watching me."
"What do you want from me?"
"Nothing. I just want you to be happy. I'm trying to make this as easy as possible."
"I see. You should expect more after what you've done."
"Then I would be the brat you've always hated me for."
"My God, what I saw in your head-"
"That's not what I hope for. They're just silly wishes."
"They're pathetic. Wanting forgiveness for a death that wasn't your fault, a job for your father's friend? They aren't silly; they're sad."
Angry that the man would insult his perfect visions Harry asked, "May I ask you a question, Sir? Do you kiss all your students who love you or just the ones foolish enough to hope it might mean something? You want to know what I really want from you? What I was hoping for? I want you to stop hating me long enough to smile when I meet you on time -I'd never ask you to smile upon tardiness-, to be polite, to actually touch my hand when you pass me a test instead of placing it within my reach." Less angry after the outburst but still not alright he asked more desperately, "Honestly? What would have to have been different for you to have felt anything but scorn for me? If I'd not been his son? If I'd not been a student? Not a boy? Is there anything that could have made you like me?"
Severus ignored the question and remarked on Harry's heated words. "You should expect more from life than being forgotten and having people treat you with basic courtesy. Hope for more."
"When I was little, I hoped that there hadn't been a car accident like I'd been told; that my parents would come back for me. Well I got what I'd hoped for: there was no car accident. I stopped hoping when I was eleven. Life owes me nothing, Sir. May I leave?"
"Why would you like an old bastard? I don't understand. Whatever made you bestow your affections on someone who'd been so awful to you?"
"I was young and everything I'd ever known had been a lie, I was scared, and you were the first person who cared if I survived or not."
"But Weasley, Granger, Professor Dumbledore, Professor McGonagall-"
"Ron and Hermione were in no position to help me. Professor McGonagall wanted to protect me but never tried to prepare me. And Dumbledore never gave a damn. He wanted me to win but he never believed I would come out the other side. He's not wicked; he's practical. He would use students as fodder if it would win the war. He set me up for the Philosopher's Stone and played me ever after. One time I heard you argue with him over a punishment I hadn't received. You said I wasn't a hero and that if curfew was good enough for the other students it was good enough for Harry Potter. I fell in love with you, because you thought I was normal and not some creature that needed to be treated differently. I'd broken curfew to try and figure out the Chamber of Secrets but it didn't matter: I should have been punished. When you were training me during fifth year I cast a spell and you said it was fine if I wanted to win but not if I wasn't to win and live. And I loved you so much. I found out about the prophecy and why you looked after me. And I realized that you didn't care, that it was just guilt, but by then I was so gone it didn't matter. You took care of me."
"How old were you when this started?" asked Snape feeling his mouth going steadily dryer.
"Twelve. I was twelve."
"You harbored this affection for five years and you kept it a secret?"
"I knew you wouldn't like it. I told Ron but he swore he'd never tell. I never meant for you to find out."
"The war's over. The world is yours. You can find someone else."
"No one will ever do so much for me, while hating me, as you have. I don't trust people. I'm sick of being me. I want to be with someone who likes me in spite of 'Harry Potter' not because of him. But it's not your problem. So let's go back to normal: you'll hate me, I'll make an effort you can call half arsed, and in five months time you'll never have to see me again. Now, please, may I leave?"
"If you'd like but I'd rather talk to you some more."
"About what? When have you ever wanted to talk to me?"
"You've gone cold again, you're mouth's going blue. We should go into my sitting room: the fire would warm you up."
Harry sighed, eager to leave but willing to give the man whatever he wanted. Severus watched him as he walked and saw his slight limp. "Are you in pain from yesterday?"
Harry shrugged. "I'll be fine."
"Which means you're not fine now and anyone sane would be in bed."
"I'm fine."
"Did the potion work at all or did I underestimate? Are you still bleeding?"
Feeling mortified Harry blushed and looked away. "A little, but it's okay."
"No, it's not." He went to a small cabinet by his grandfather clock, inside of it was his private collection of potions. Bringing back a small bottle filled with green liquid he said, "No Quidditch for three days." Harry swallowed it without questioning. "I need to apologize," said Severus.
"No you don't. The only thing I'm angry about over yesterday is that I was half asleep for my first real kiss-" Harry started but was interrupted.
"For the way I've treated you over the years," Severus forged on as though Harry hadn't spoken. "If I had been kinder this whole incident with Malfoy might have been avoided."
"It was my fault: I was running late and I didn't put up my mental blocks. You licked your finger to turn a page. And you have such beautiful hands so I started thinking about you playing a fiddle and he saw. That's not your fault."
Severus flinched. That such an innocent fantasy could do so much damage if known to the wrong person was sad. "If I had been less horrible you might have told me of the blackmail. That is not the point. I should have recognized you were neither your father nor your celebrity. Even when I was teaching you Occlumency, and saw all those things your horrible family did, I assumed that James Potter's son The Boy Who Lived would have it roll off his back because he knew that he was better than them. It wasn't until the hallucination spell that I really saw you as a separate person. A seventeen year old James' visions would have been filled with sex, money, fame, conquests. I should have seen the lovely, clever, kind young man in front of me and not a ghost of a man. Then at least I would have treated you with the ordinary scorn I use for Gryffindors and not made a special effort. But your father grew up to be more like you. He loved your mother and her influence helped greatly. . . and the fact that she hit the back of his head when he stepped out of line. We all grow up in the end. I grew up yesterday. You deserve better than what you expect, want, or even dream of. You deserve more than an ugly, unkind, middle aged man. But I'm not a good person, Potter, I don't want you to get what you deserve."
Harry nodded, this was the Snape he knew. Expecting the man to continue on to say that he wanted Harry to rot, the boy remained silent. After several moments he prompted, "Sir?"
"I want to be with you. You should have someone so much better, and I should have no one, but we could both get what we want."
Felling suddenly numb Harry said, "Be with me?"
"Yes."
"How with me? You want to be my friend?"
"No, Potter. I want. . . I want to be your lover. It's wrong and you're so young."
"I'm legal."
"I'm your teacher."
"You said you weren't anymore. I'm not being graded."
"I'm still in a position of power."
"You're not coercing me. I want to be with you."
"I know. We need to take this slowly. I can't, you're young, I can't-"
"I get it," Harry said softly. "But how slowly? Do I get kisses?"
Severus smiled and Harry realized for the first time that he looked so tired and scared while Harry was starting to feel warmer and more awake. "For the asking," assured Severus.
"I have to ask?"
"I'm an old, crotchety bastard: you might have to remind me sometimes," Severus laughed.
Smiling in response Harry asked, "Do I get kisses now?"
The man pulled the boy to him slowly and gently took his mouth. It was slow and nice and Harry felt the tongue against his lips and he pulled it into his mouth. Severus was smiling into the kiss as he stroked Harry's face. He pulled the younger man into his lap and Harry moved to straddle his legs. Leaning against Severus, Harry felt safe and happy, he let out a half moan.
As they broke apart Severus said, "You okay?"
"I'm great," Harry replied and then bit his lip. "Can I?" he shook his head. "I want to taste you."
"Potter," said Severus slowly. "That's not slow."
"We can go slowly afterwards. Please let me?"
"You don't have to do this."
"I know. I want to. For ninety days I," he stopped thinking that Severus might be offended by the mention of Malfoy. He looked down to his hands resting on the man's shoulders.
"What Malfoy did to you had nothing to do with sex and all to do with power."
"I want to do this, I want this to be about sex and trust. I don't want it to be dirty. He's not allowed to have that. He's not taking it from me."
"Well," Severus faltered, "I'm not going to stop you from giving me this gift. . . but if you're not sure you don't have to, or you can stop: I won't be upset."
Harry smiled and kissed him again with a little more force and he said, "Thank you."
Studying the young man's face Severus said nothing for a moment and then said, "You're a beautiful boy."
Harry slid down, kissing a path as he went. He kept eye contact with Severus the entire time. Severus was stroking his face and murmuring sweet words that Harry had never expected to hear from anyone let alone the man in front of him. And when Severus came with a moan the man would have sworn that Harry's eyes were made of fire. He hissed and pulled Harry back into his lap. Harry licked his lips before being slowly kissed. Severus reached for the fly of Harry's jeans but he felt a dampness there and asked, "You came from my coming?"
Harry shook his head and blushed before explaining softly. "You were smiling at me. A real smile." He relaxed against Snape's strong form once again and asked softly, "What was all that Savior bullshit earlier?"
Sounding sad and tired Severus said, "I was afraid the article would make you back into Cocky Potter. You always seem so fine the day after a battle."
"But I was never Cocky Potter, not the way you thought. And I'm always a wreck after anything important happens, a death, a dance: anything."
"I was a frightened coward. Forgive me."
"Anything," Harry assured with a smile. He breathed slowly trying not to pass out from fatigue.
Understanding Severus asked, "Tired?"
"I feel like I've been awake for a week."
"Well then, you should go to bed."
To be dismissed hurt and Harry tried not to cringe. He'd thought this meant something but now he was being sent off like a child. He was about to move when he felt Severus lift him gently. Smiling into Severus' shoulder he wrapped his legs gently around the man's hips and said softly, "I love you, Severus." He didn't expect a reply outside of perhaps an "I know" he had just wanted to say it because he knew he wouldn't be laughed at or scorned.
"I love you too," an audible smile was in the words and he slowly carried the boy into his bedroom. He gently placed Harry down on the duvet and moved to unlace his trainers. "Dear God," he laughed, "I'm with a man young enough to wear plimsolls without so much as a touch of irony."
Harry just laughed as Severus continued to undress him with precise hands. He was stripped down to his briefs before he was allowed to undress Severus. The man put a bolstering spell on the fire and extinguished the torches before he flicked is wand and the curtains dropped own and blocked out the firelight. Harry felt nervous, unsure as to what he was and was not allowed to do. His fears were put to rest when he felt those beautiful fingers stroking lightly at his skin and he curled back into Severus and kissed his happily.
A knock at the door made Severus sigh and, even in the dark, Harry could see the eye roll. He pressed a light kiss to Harry's forehead before pulling away and shrugging into a housecoat.
He was fully prepared to eviscerate whomever it was. But when he opened the door he saw a very distressed Neville who, without preamble, asked, "Where is he? He should have been back two hours ago."
"In bed," replied Severus shortly and prepared to shut the door as Neville shoved his foot in the way.
"No, he's not," replied the boy.
"I didn't say his bed. Goodnight, Neville." It was the first time he'd ever used Longbottom's name but he figured he would have to start at some point.
He shut the door on Neville's, "You're fucking kidding me," And went back to bed.
The End
But stay tuned for the sequel After the Bell.