Chapter 3
Kyo and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad DAY
Part 2
" Alright… now that I've got everyone's homework… except for the TROUBLEMAKER back there…" Mayuko said, stacking up the homework papers and looking straight at Kyo, " It's time for a class assignment."
" YAAAAY!" Everyone cheered. Just kidding. " ARGH!" Everyone yelled.
" Get out a sheet of paper, put your heading on, and then copy these problems from the board." Mayuko said, waving a magic wand and making words appear on the board!
" I don't have any paper! Or a pencil!" Kyo called, waving one hand in the air, then blushed when everyone stared at him.
" Well then GET some." Mayuko replied.
" Okay…" Said Kyo, and looked around. But no one offered him any paper. Tohru would have but she was out! And now she was beating herself up over this fact! WHY COULDN'T SHE HAVE BEEN A MORE STEADY, PAPER-GIVING PERSON? NOOOO!
In the end, Kyo asked everyone but Yuki and Nerdy Neo. Gritting his teeth, Kyo turned to Nerdy Neo and cleared his throat.
" Uh… uh…" ARGH! Thought Kyo. I can't call him Nerdy Neo, because that's just… rude! But I don't know his real name, so I can't call him that! ARGH! What will I DO!
" Uh… Neo. Can I borrow some paper?" Kyo said uneasily, and the whole class went quiet. You know, the kinda quiet that screams, ' OH MY GOD! SOMEONES TALKING TO NERDY NEO!'
Nerdy Neo turned his head to stare at Kyo's general direction from behind his mysterious sunglasses.
" Oh, my gosh! Kyo-kun's ASHKING NEO FOR A PAPER SHEET!" Said some random fool just like that fish in Finding Nemo with the buck teeth.
" Is he… STUPID?" Asked one high-schooler in an astounded voice. " You don't TALK to Nerdy Neo. He might TALK back." Everyone nodded in general agreement.
" Come on, Kyon. I'll just give you MY sheet of paper." Uo sighed as if Kyo had asked Nerdy Neo as a plot to just get one of her protected sheets of paper. Kyo glowered at her but got up to take it anyway because he didn't like everyone making a big deal about his paper needs.
Nerdy Neo looked down at the piece of paper he had JUST been about to hand over to Kyo then submissively stuck it back in his folder.
" Okay. Get going. We don't have that much time." Mayuko said. Actually, they had plenty of time. She just figured they should rush along ANYWAY. Teachers are CRRRRRAZY!
Kyo stared down at his sheet of paper, and then realized he didn't have a pencil. But you can't make a big fuss about needing paper and THEN ask AGAIN for a pencil. That's just… NO. So Kyo just sat there and stared at his paper. He would have LIKED to solve the problems on the board but… he couldn't. So he wound up with another zero for the day.
" Um… Sohma? Are you prepared at all today or did you just come to school to watch everyone else?" Mayuko asked Kyo sarcastically with an arched eyebrow.
Kyo wasn't sure what the right way, or the safe way was to reply to this, so he just hung his head and said, " No."
Everyone started whispering about how rebellious Kyo was! Look at that rebellious UNTIED TIE! And that rebellious orange head the color of an ORANGE! Not to mention those bright orange converse sneakers! What's up with THAT?
" Well, you'll be glad to know the next assignment is reading in the textbook. So unless you forgot how to READ too…" Mayuko paused to receive all the snickering she had earned with that crazy comment, " You should be able to participate."
Well, don't worry guys. Kyo didn't forget how to read. He DID, however, forget his textbook.
" But… but we're in the TENTH grade! We don't have elventh grade textbooks!" Momiji cried as if he would start hypervenilating any second now.
" That's okay." Said Mayuko. " I have these extra textbooks." And then she tossed the random textbooks at those foolish tenth graders who caught them perfectly and then opened them up like they were born to open them up.
" I need a textbook too." Said Kyo.
" And?" Mayuko replied as if she were supposed to DO something about him needing a textbook.
" So let me have one!" Kyo complained.
" I don't have anymore."
" Get one from a tenth grader! I need this for a grade!" Kyo protested.
" Sohma, are you asking me to take a textbook from an innocent tenth grader just because you need a textbook, which you should already have anyway, and then leave that tenth grader bookless just because you can't get your priorities straight?" Mayuko asked Kyo with her hands on her hips.
" YOU'RE MAKING ME SOUND BAD!" Kyo yelled.
" You DO sound bad, Kyon! You sound like… I don't know. But it's bad." Said one of Kyo's random undeserving of a name friends.
" Like Link." Said Uo.
" Yeah." Said everyone.
" SHUT UP!" Kyo yelled and everyone just stared at him.
" You can have my book, Kyo. I don't want to detract from your learning experience." Said Momiji, but of course, Kyo refused because Momiji has already given up SO much in his life! How could he take his textbook? So instead Kyo just sat there and got another zero. And you know what? There was NOTHING he could do about it.
And so Kyo and Rin got zeroes. Why did Rin get a zero? Because she isn't a tenth grader so she ALSO didn't get a book. What grade is she in anyway? Is she in school at all? ARGH!
So Kyo sat and he sat, and he began to feel veeeery sleepy. And everyone was taking a LONG time to read about the habitats of Manta Rays. Why were they reading about Manta Rays? Well, I don't know what Mayuko teaches. So let's just assume she teaches about marine wildlife.
Finally, the nyquil kicked into Kyo's brain so hard that he just sort of put his head on the desk and curled his shoulders under it, and went off to a STRAAAAANGE dreamland.
SCIENCE FICTION!
Kyo looked around, feeling very strange. He was only wearing his boxers and was standing in the middle of a CRAZY loking mansion. He would have realized this was happening just because he was dreaming, but you don't REALIZE things like that in a dream, now do you?
" Where the hell am I?" Kyo shouted as if he expected someone to tell him things like that. Then out of nowhere, a funky beat started playing, and Yuki jumped out from behind a bookshelf with a humpback and a crazy tuxedo and weird hair.
" It's astounding… time is fleeting… MADNESS… takes it's toll…" Yuki sang in a creepy voice as the music continued to play.
" What the holy-" Kyo started to say.
" But listen closely…" Yuki said, holding one hand up to his ear.
" Not for very much longer." Rin added reassuringly appearing from another bookshelf.
" I've got to keep control…!" Yuki said, and then started doing the shimmy dance right in front of Kyo and singing at the top of his lungs.
" AH REMEMBER… DOIN' THE TIIIIIIME WARRRRRRRGHP! DRINKING! THOSE MOMENTS WHEN!"
" THE BLACKNESS WOULD HIT ME! AND THEN THE VOID WOULD BE CALLING!" Yuki and Rin sang in unison, and then Kyo's whole class came out and sang, " LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN!"
Then the screen cut to Hatori standing there in a suit with glasses. " It's just a jump to the left." Said Hatori.
" And then a step to the RIIIIIIGHIGHIGHT!" Sang Kyo's class.
" With your hands on your hips." Said Hatori, putting his hands on his hips.
" YOU BRING YOUR KNEES IN TIIIIIGHT!" Sang Kyo's class. " BUT IT'S THE PELVIC THRUST…"
" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Kyo screamed at the top of his lungs and fell out of his desk where everyone was staring at him, including Nerdy Neo, who just looked sort of bored.
" Kyo… did you have a bad dream?" Haru asked in a sincere voice.
" Do you want to talk about it?" Tohru said urgently.
" Do you need your bah-bah?" Uo said seriously.
" SHUT UP!" Said Kyo. He was never going to tell ANYBODY about that crazy dream. Anytime, anywhere. NOBODY.
" My class is not someplace you can just come without anything and then SLEEP in it. If it was, then we'd have a lot more hobos in here." Mayuko said crossly. " Is that what you want to be, Sohma? A hobo?"
" No." Said Kyo sullenly.
" Then I suggest you make yourself useful by organizing those textbooks back there until lunchtime." Kyo looked back at the rows of heavy textbooks and then sighed. Then he got up and made his way back VERY dizzily, because he was so dosed on Nyquil. Then he tried to stack the textbooks in an orderly fashion, sedated the whole time.
BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!
" Okay, time for lunch. Leave your books open so I can see if you got to the page and give you your grade." Mayuko said as everone flipped their book to the page they were supposed to stop at. Then everyone went stampeding off to the cafeteria. Tohru and company were luckily kind enough to go back and get Kyo.
" Think you can make it to the cafeteria, Kyon?" Uo asked Kyo, who looked like he would accidently walk into a wall any second.
" Uh." Said Kyo.
" Manta Rays are SOOOOOO cool!" Momiji exclaimed as they walked along.
" They really are." Said Haru. " Did you know some manta rays can change color?"
" NO. WAY." Said Momiji. " I thought only CHAMELEONS could do that!"
" Well, you thought wrong." Haru said with an amazed shake of the head.
" Whoa… Kyo's not even yelling at them to stop being so stupid…" Uo observed. " What's the matter with you?"
" He's sick." Said Yuki and then Tohru burst into tears randomly.
" I… I should have done… BETTER!" Tohru cried. " Now Kyo-kun is suffering and it's all my fault! If only I was a more accepting person."
" Hey, don't cry." Kyo said, breaking out of his daze.
" But… but…"
" Hey, Kyo, would YOU eat a manta ray since you like fish so much?" Momiji asked just as Kyo and Tohru were about to have a special moment.
" Wha… No…?" Kyo said slowly, confused by the question.
" Well, you better not." Said Momiji sternly.
" Manta rays are slightly poisonous." Said Haru.
" So we better not ever catch you eating one!" Momiji added as if he expected Kyo to go on a suicidal manta ray eating spree.
" WHY ARE YOU GUYS SO…so…I can't do it." Kyo said, already out of breath.
I wish someone would talk to me so I wouldn't feel so insignificant to this fanfic. Yuki thought randomly, and turned to see Hanajima giving him a creepy look. And then he turned to see Rin glaring randomly at him. Then he hung his head and sighed.
" Now you just right here, Kyo-kun, and we'll get you a lunch." Tohru told Kyo when they got to the lunchroom. Then they all went off to get lunch. Kyo sat there in his nyquil daze and everyone thought he was a stoner, which only adds to Kyo's long list of CRAZY things to accuse him of being. CAT! REDNECK! STONER!
Then everyone came back with lunch! JOY! They all sat at their little round lunch table together. Here's how they sat.
Kyo
TohruMomijiRin
UoHaru
HanaYuki (he pulled up a chair)
Yaaaaay!
" Here, Kyo-kun. I didn't know if you wanted an apple pie bar or potato chips, so I got potato chips, and gave you the apple pie, but if you'd rather have potato chips, just tell me, and we'll trade!" Tohru said in a worried voice.
" That's okay. I like apple pie." Kyo said slowly like some retard kid from the special ed department.
" Really!" Tohru asked and you could tell that Kyo had just MADE HER DAY!
" Wow… normally… we eat lunch at a DIFFERENT time than this!" Momiji said. " Being a temporary eleventh grader is so cool!"
" My lunch tastes better than ever." Said Haru, chewing very slowly on his disgusting pizza slice that only wishes it were a real pizza slice.
" Tastes like the same old crap to me. When is the school committee gonna do something about this? HUH?" Uo asked Yuki as if had personally decided how the food was going to taste.
" We don't really do anything with cafeteria food…" Said Yuki uneasily. And if they DID, I'm sure the school would have CHEESE everyday!
" You should! And we can have an ice cream day! And a cookie day! And a FIG NEWTON DAY!" Momiji exclaimed, shaking his juicebox in the air like a foolish child.
" Hmm…" Said Yuki vaguely, looking around for an excuse to escape.
The conversation then switched to the game printed on the back of Haru's pineapple apple juice box.
" Dexter and the animals are going to have a race. Who comes in what place? The three contestants are... 1. Dexter. 2. Cheetah. 3. Snail." Haru read aloud in a monotone voice.
" Uh… Dexter! Dexter's first!" Momiji said.
" You IDIOT." Said Kyo, recovering a little after having eaten half of his apple pie bar. " The CHEETAH is first." And he KNOWS. He's in the CAT family after all.
" That's not neccesarily true! You don't know HOW fast Dexter is!" Momiji protested. " What if he's the fastest guy on the planet!"
" Look! He's a dorky little guy with glasses! He's not faster than a cheetah." Kyo argued, jamming an accusing finger at the picture of Dexter on the back of the juice box.
" So suddenly people with glasses can't outrun a cheetah?" Haru said as if he were some defender of people that wear glasses.
" NOBODY can outrun a cheetah." Said Kyo.
" Well, someone just DID." Uo said, wanting to join in the fun, and whipped out a pen and drew a line from ' Dexter' to ' First Place' on the juice carton. Then she drew a line for ' Snail' to ' Second Place' and then the ' Cheetah' to ' Third Place.'
" A SNAIL WOULD NEVER BEAT A CHEETAH!" Kyo gasped.
" The cheetah had a broken leg. And the snail was on steroids." Uo said.
" THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE! STUPID!" Kyo yelled, then stopped because his stomach was starting to hurt a little bit more.
Just as they were about to continue discussing the backs of juice boxes… a very tall, thick guy with a fluffy purple afro came waltzing up to the table with his hands on his hips and looking very menacing. He was flanked by a three flunkies with red, white and blue afros respectively.
" Sohma Kyo." Said the leader Afro Guy. " We got a bone to pick with you."
" Ugh… do I know you?" Kyo mumbled, wondering if the nyquil was making him see fake people with afros.
" Do you KNOW us? DO YOU KNOW US!" All of them gasped as if Kyo had just asked the stupidest question in the whole world.
" I can't BELIEVE you just asked that question." Said the guy with the red afro. " Everyone knows who we are. Somebody tell that fool orange boy."
All of our heroes just stared at them with confused looks.
" GASP! We have to tell ALL of you!" The Afros screamed.
" You could just leave and not tell us." Said Yuki.
" We are… BULLIES WITH ODDLY COLORED AFROS!" Said the leader as the words formed in the background from nowhere. " Otherwise known as… BOCFRO!"
Oi, oi, oi… yeah, yeah… Let's sing about these crazy bullies!
BOCFRO…!
They're gonna tease you!
BOOOOCFRO!
Whacha' gonna do?
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCFRO!
Their hair is cooler than you!
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOC-
(wheeze) (gasp) (deep breath)
…
" And we are here to BULLY you, Kyo… SOHMA!" The leader of Bocfro, who we'll call Daddy Bocfro from now on declared, pointing one finger at Kyo dramatically.
" What did I do!" Kyo whined, holding his stomach with one hand.
" Oh please! Don't bully him! PLEASE!" Tohru cried as if Bocfro were holding a knife at Kyo or something. But you know what? WORDS can hurt more than STICKS and STONES. So maybe I shouldn't mock her concern, just this once.
" Sorry, little lady, but we don't get to be BOCFRO just by calling ourselves that." Daddy Bocfro chuckled like Kureno.
" Yes you do." Said Yuki.
" So, SOHMA KYO! We heard you… SIGNED Security Fred's cast!" Said Red Bocfro.
" Yeah…" Said Kyo uneasily.
" ' Get Well Soon. From Kyo Sohma.' OTHERWISE KNOWN AS SOHMA KYO!" Said Blue Bocfro.
" I already admitted that I signed it!" Kyo exclaimed.
" What are you? In LOVE with Security Fred?" White Bocfro jeered.
" NO!" Kyo gasped. " SHUT UP!"
" He's in love with that pimp and the eskimo." Uo remarked sagely, taking a sip from her juice box.
" NO I'M NOT!" Kyo yelled.
" If you're in love with Fred, you could at least be FAITHFUL to him! FRED-LOVER-CHEATER!" Daddy Bocfro shouted. " Now be quiet while we continue to belittle your self-esteem!"
" I DO NOT LOVE SECURITY FRED! AND I DON'T LOVE KURENO! AND I SURE AS HELL DON'T LOVE AKITO!" Kyo yelled at the top of his lungs, then clutched his stomach and moaned.
" Who do you love?" Daddy Bocfro asked.
" WHY DO YOU CARE!" Kyo snapped.
" Oh… no reason." Said Daddy Bocfro but suddenly wistful music started to play and sakura blossoms started to rain all around him. And suddenly Daddy Bocfro's voice came from offscreen in a faded, not really speaking way.
Ano hi…hajimete no koi wa…Kyo just stared at Daddy Bocfro in shock.
" I thought you wanted to bully him. Not pine for him." Yuki pointed out.
" That's not the POINT, SOHMA YUKI, with your overly femine presence and strangely uneven hair!" Daddy Bocfro cried. " In love, there are no rules! I never knew that my victim would become the object of my desire!"
" Oh, Daddy Bocfro! Poor Daddy Bocfro!" The whole world cried.
" Now I'm afraid I've said too much!" Daddy Bocfro gasped, and started running in slow motion while crying sparkly tears and his afro slowly swishing back and forth. Then he and the rest of Bocfro exploded.
Everyone looked at Kyo but before they could talk to him about the fact that a bully with an oddly colored afro was in love with him, Kyo threw up all over the table.
" AHHHHHH!" Screamed everyone and jumped back from the table as if Kyo had vomited acid, except for Haru who reacts at least twenty seconds later to most things. Like SLOWPOKE!
" Why did you DO that!" Uo yelled angrily.
" I didn't WANT to!" Kyo almost cried, looking very sad and sick and disgusted with himself.
" It's MY FAULT! I SHOULDN'T HAVE FORCED YOU TO EAT THE APPLE PIE!" Tohru sobbed, falling to her knees. " Now I can never forgive myself!"
" Kyo, look what you've done!" Momiji scolded while Kyo just sat there sickly.
"…gross." Haru said like Napoleon Dynamite, just now noticing the vomit.
" SOMEONE THREW UP! ARGH! ARGH! WREAK HAVOC! EMBARRASS HIM FURTHER!" Everyone in the cafeteria screamed, and ran outside just because the sight of vomit was THAT offending to them.
" Good heavens!" Said Janitor Tim. " What are you doin' throwin' up at school, boy! Well, now I gotta clean it up. Thanks a LOT."
Kyo just sort of tried to apologize, but looked like he was afraid to talk in fear of throwing up again.
" I'm gonna go get my trusty mop and bucket. You kids should get old what's his name up to the old what's it called and then he can do whatever it's called and that just about wraps it up." Said Janitor Tim.
Everyone just stared at Janitor Tim because they had no idea what he had been trying to tell him.
" We should take Kyo to the nurse." Yuki sighed, because he HATES having to be the one to say they should help Kyo! Because he and Kyo HATE each other! But they secretly admire each other! But they don't know that! Maybe someday they'll find out! I don't know! ARGH!
And so they all moved out except for Haru who didn't notice they were moving. Then Janitor Tim came back with his mop and bucket.
" What are you doing here, sonny Taylor?" Janitor Tim demanded.
" Oh." Said Haru.
HOOONK!
" Are you sure you'll be alright, Kyo-kun?" Tohru asked Kyo who was lying on the uncomfortable school nurse mat, while the grumpy school nurse went through records to find Kyo's name just to make SURE he went to the school and wasn't some random bum trying to use the school nurse.
" I'm FINE. I already told you." Kyo said uneasily, but he wasn't really fine.
" But what if you…" Momiji stopped, realizing that Uo and Hana were there, and he couldn't ask Kyo what he would do if he TRANSFORMED, because Uo and Hana don't know the SECRET. And it's the secret that must never be told to anyone or horrible things will happen, but Tohru Honda found out and only GOOD things have happened so I don't know about that.
" What if you break into a rash?" Momiji asked in a wink, wink, nudge, nude sort of way.
" GROSS! You break into a rash, Kyon?" Uo demanded in an offended voice.
" I DO NOT!" Kyo yelled, not getting Momiji's POINT. Momiji sighed. OH WELL. Maybe next time, Momiji.
" What are you going to do, Kyo-kun?" Tohru asked. " Are you going to call Shigure-san to take you home?"
" He's gone. So I guess I'll have to call… the main house." Said Kyo, and everyone's expressions suddenly became shocked and disturbed except for Uo and Hana who… don't know about the main house. So they can't be shocked and disturbed.
" Lucky you, Kyon. Getting to skip school." Uo said.
" Yeah. AND GETTING FONDLED THEN BEATEN BY A FREAK IN AN ESKIMO SUIT!" That's what Kyo would have said if he had no self-restraint. " I guess." He said instead.
" Well… see you back in class." Said Uo and Hana as they convienetly faded off so the MAIN characters could talk about more IMPORTANT things.
" Are you sure you want to go back to the Main House all by yourself, Kyo? Because then you'd be alone with Akito…and Kureno… and Hatori… and a bunch of old ladies. But mostly Akito." Said Momiji.
" I'll be fine! JUST GO!" Kyo yelled at them as if he were hanging from a fiery pit of doom and he just didn't WANT them to risk grabbing his hand.
" You don't want us to wait with you?" Tohru asked sadly.
" Uh…" Said Kyo. OH NO! He couldn't say ' Yes, I do want you to wait with me' because that would suggest he wanted Yuki and Momiji's company as well. But he couldn't just say, ' ARGH! GET OUT!' because then it would look like he didn't want Tohru's company, which I'm sure he does. IF ONLY TOHRU COULD UNDERSTAND THERE IS A RULE WHEN IT COMES TO KYO ANSWERING QUESTIONS CONCERNING HER PRESENCE!
" Uh…" Said Kyo again, and luckily was saved by Nurse Lady Betty, who stomped into the room and shouted, " NO VISITORS!" So Yuki, Tohru, and Momiji had no excuse but to leave Kyo sitting there.
Kyo looked out the hall window and sighed. Yes, he was sitting on a bunk next to a hall window. No, they don't usually do that, because then students can tap the glass while poor sickly students are trying to sleep. Kyo's just… the CAT, so he get's a funky room like that.
" Well, you can either call your parents or lie here all day. What will it be?" Nurse Lady Betty asked.
" I will… call my parents." Kyo said slowly, although he wouldn't REALLY be calling his parents. Because his mom is dead and his dad hates him! DA-HUCK! (sob)
Really… he'd be calling GOD!
So Nurse Lady Betty let Kyo over to the phone. Kyo took a deep breath and then dialed the super secret Main House phone number that I can never tell you because it is just as much a part of the curse as the actual evil spirit thing. And if you EVER find out this number Hatori will come and erase your memories, and while this may seem like a GOOD thing, because who doesn't want to see Hatori, it will really be a BAD thing because he will erase your memory of HIS existence as well. Mwhahaha…MWHAHAHAAHA!
Kyo listened to the phone ring a few times, before he got this answering machine.
" Hello. This is… GOD. I can't come to the phone right now but that doesn't mean I am… WATCHING. WATCHING YOUR EVERY MOVE. YOU CANNOT DO ANYTHING WITHOUT MY KNOWING OF IT. IF YOU THINK YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR MIND IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS RECORDING AND JUST LEAVE A BLANK MESSAGE, YOU ARE MISTAKEN! I WILL FIND YOU, AND BEAT YOU DOWN UNTIL YOU ARE NOTHING MORE THAN A COWERING WRETCH! AND YOU'LL NEVER BE HAPPY AGAIN! EVER! EVER! OMAE NO SAE DA! BWAHAHAAHAHA…beep."
"… I have a fever." Kyo said quickly then slammed the phone down. That was stupid. He thought. I didn't even tell Akito where I was. And I don't think he'll be able to figure it out, even if he DID drop me off at school.
" Alright. Well, go get your things and wait for your family to come pick you up." Said Nurse Betty, acting like she hadn't even witnessed what happened.
" I don't have anything." Kyo said.
" Don't think you can get out of doing homework with the old, ' the nurse didn't let me get my backpack' trick!" Nurse Betty warned.
" But I DON'T have my backpack!" Kyo protested and went into another coughing fit.
" Ah. Coughing. A classic sign of lying." Said Nurse Betty sagely.
" I'm SICK!" Kyo exclaimed.
" SURE, you're sick. I'm a nurse and I can tell about these sort of things." Said Nurse Betty. " Now go get your backpack, Mr. Hooky."
ARGH! Kyo yelled mentally as he stomped out of the nurse's office. If there's one name you DON'T want call Kyo under false qualifications, it's Mr. Hooky.
So then, Mr. Hooky just sort of wandered the halls aimlessly since he didn't HAVE a backpack to pick up and take back to the Nurse's office. He thought about going back and asking one of his classmates if he could just BORROW their backpack, but that's a little… silly. And they probably would have said no anyway.
Figuring that Akito was bound to arrive ominously at the MAIN office because he's from the MAIN house, Kyo slunk into the office and sat there neglectfully. None of the office ladies noticed him because he's the CAT! No, they just avoided eye contact like they always do! THINK YOU CAN AVOID MY EYE CONTACT, OFFICE LADY! I'LL SHOW YOU SOMEDAY!
(shakes fist) SOMEDAY…!
This SUCKS! This is the worst day ever and I'll never have a worse one! Kyo thought.
" Don't forget, Sunday Morning at Pappy Go Happy Old Folks service!" Said School Security Fred, dropping into the main office randomly.
Then a funny tuba played two flat notes out of nowhere as the camera focused in on Kyo's depressed face. HARDY-HAR-HAR!
Suddenly, Akito's theme began to play. You know, the one with the creepy piano and the Pyscho kind of DUN-DUN-DUN. Kyo went rigid in his seat and watched the doorknob slowly twist open. He then waited for Akito to step inside in his evil little eskimo suit.
But guess what? IT WASN'T AKITO! YES!
" SHISHOU!" Kyo gasped.
" Hello……………………..KYO." Kazuma said after an incredibly long period of time that kind of ruined the suspense and craziness of it all. YEAH! KAZUMA! KAZUMA IS DA MAN! LET'S SING ABOUT KAZUMA! FREESTYLE!
Oi, oi, oi, yeah, yeah, this is the REMIX, ya'll.
(booka booka bak)
Ka-ka-kaZUMA IS A SENSEI,
THE SOHMA ARE WHO HE TRAINS! (WHAT!)
HE TRAINS THEM VERY NICELY,
HE TRAINS THEM ON THE PLAINS! (FREAK, FREAK IT OUT!)
HE'S THE ONLY ONE WHO KNOWS, (YO, YO!)
WHAT IT'S LIKE, TO BE KYO, (KYO, KYO!)
WHY IS THAT? (WHY IS THAAAAAAAAAAAT!)
CUZ HIS GRANDFATHER WAS THE CAT! ( RECOGNIZE!)
CUZ HIS GRANDFATHER WAS THE CAT! ( RECOGNIZE!)
… Yeah. RECOGNIZE! (shakes hands threateningly)
" Shishou!" Kyo said happily after the musical cue. Then he ran into Kazuma's arms and hugged him because… because it makes me happy. " Why are you here!"
" Whenever you're in need……………….KYO, I'll be here." Said Kazuma in that special Kazuma way.
" WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! SHISHOU, I HAD THE WORST DAY EVER! I'm sick, and I fell in the snow, and some guy started kicking me, and there were these afro bullies!" Kyo sobbed into Kazuma's crazy robes.
" There, there…………………KYO. You can tell me all about it once I sign these student release forms." Kazuma said in a comforting manner and patted Kyo on the back while he continued to bawl like a kitty baby. Then he IMMEDIATELY caught those crazy office lady's eyes, because he's KAZUMA! HE'S SHISHOU! HE'S THE SHIZZNITZ! You can't NOT be caught by his eyes!
" But… do you have permission from Akito to come pick me up?" Kyo sniffed as Kazuma filled out the pink slip.
" I don't need permission. I would do anything for you………………………KYO." Kazuma ended thoughtfully and then finished writing out the form. He took it then turned away from the office ladies.
"…Shishou…" Kyo said quietly, and then randomly tried to punch Kazuma in the face. Then Kazuma blocked and hit Kyo in the stomach with his elbow hard.
" You're still my troublesome son………………..KYO." Kazuma chuckled like Kureno.
Then Kyo threw up all over Kazuma.
HOOONK!
And so then Kyo went home with Kazuma and Kazuma made him some soup that was inedible, so they ordered chinese food, and then they watched Rocky and Kyo felt AAAAALL better! YAAAAAAAY!
As for Akito… he never did get that message. Why? I don't know. And how did Kazuma know Kyo was sick? I don't know. And what's the color of Nerdy Neo's eyes? I don't know. I assume it's all Rin's fault. STUPID HORSE!
OMAKE!
Wow… this update took so long, not even I can make it funny.
So I'll just say… this time, HAYLEY went missing! And Bigfoot and Carl had to go on a long and perilous journey to find her. Unfortunately, the fanfic could not be updated during this time because Carl has no hands and Bigfoot… well, maybe, someday Bigfoot will write a chapter, but not today.
Also, just to let you know, I'll be changing the layout of this fanfic. Instead of one ONGOING story, it'll be a collection of random short stories. WHY? Because… it's just easier that way. OH WELL! If you have any ideas for a random story, say so in the review, and MAYBE, just MAYBE, I will use your idea. Or not! Either way, I win, so it has to be a good thing!
Oh yeah, and if any of you are out there, and you're still alive, and you still love me… POCKETTO NO COIN! SORE TO YOU WANNA BE MY FRIEND? WE ARE, WE ARE ON THE CRUUUUUUUUISE! WE ARE!
YEAH! Alright, now let's dig these questions out of NOWHERE! Come on, REVIEW CREW!
Dragon01: How many chapters of Furuba did you read?
Hayley: ALL of them! I'm up to date on the latest chapters in Japan because… I am an insufferable Furuphile. Although I faded out of my obsession for a little while…
Dragon01:Why must Carl be so mean to you? You are his master, SHOW HIM WHOSE BOSS! (sorry Carl)
Hayley: YEAH! YOU'RE RIGHT! COME HERE CARL! AND… AND… DO SOMETHING!
Carl: Like what?
Hayley: …SOMETHING! USE THOSE ANTLERS FOR SOMETHING USEFUL!
Carl: Like stabbing you in the eye?
Hayley: …no. Open a soda can with one!
Carl: Great idea. Genius.
Hayley: …this question is backfiring on me…
Dragon01: Why is REESES for Breakfast?
Hayley: BECAUSE IT'S THE PEANUT BUTTER CHOCLATEY TASTE THAT MEANS… REESES! FOR BREAKFAST!
Sakaki's Little Sis: If you had to choose between Shigure, Hatori, and Ayame, who would you pick?
Hayley: NOOOOO! Uh… okay… uh…NOT SHIGURE. Wait, as a lover or someone to poke with a stick? Because then my answer for both would have to be Hatori! MWHAHAHA! (pokes with a stick) You're sexy. (pokes with a stick) You're sexy.
DuctTapeKitten: Do Rin and Kyo even talk to each other?
Hayley: (educated answer) Yes, when they were children, apparently they were very jealous of each other.
Hayley: (REAL answer) NO!
MistyMixWolf: If Kyo-chan met Foot-chan, what would happen?
Hayley: LET'S FIND OUT!
(Mr. Roger's music starts playing)
Kyo: Huh…?
Bigfoot: HELLO KITTY-BITTY.
Kyo: Whatever. Go away.
Bigfoot: SO SAD.
(end Mr. Roger's music)
Uh… yeah. It's kinda like that. (shows Kyo and Bigfoot drinking Sierra Mist.)
Oh, and Koumouri Akki-san, I love Douglas Adams. He's gone now… (sniffs) I loved his scripts for Dr. Who. (When Tom Baker was on the show.) Anyway, I'm starting to sound a little TOO intelligent, but I will say that I do, write, my own original stuff, although it's a great deal more serious and… different than my humour. Actually, my humour is a way to get away from my serious writing.
HENCE THE TOTAL LACK OR CARE OF… ANYTHING!
So… EVERYBODY SHAKE IT BUDDY, DANCE, DANCE, DANCE! I hope to see you all soon and that you're not TOO mad at me. Because then… Oh, who am I kidding? I AM like Shigure. I do this for my own sardonic pleasure. BO-HA-HA!
Ja ne!