Note: I hope I didn't confuse to many people with my 'layout' explanation. There will still be little ongoing 'stories' and it won't be like The Simpsons where things just… MAGICALLY go back to normal. I just mean that there won't be a goal or route to this story.
Chapter 4
The Mabudachi Trio and The Best Sox Game EVAR!11
Part 1
"…so what's the surprise?" Hatori asked since he, Ayame, and Shigure have been frozen in time since March Twenty-seventh.
" I… don't know! That stupid bat is distracting me! BACK!" Shigure shouted like a bull fighter at poor Fruit Bat turned Regent Cid clawing at the window. Then he rapped on the door really hard so that the fruit bat slid slowly down the pane.
" HEEEELP MEEEEE…." Said poor Fruit Bat turned Regent Cid like the fly. Shigure shook his head in digust and closed the blinds.
" I've forgotten what the surprise was! Do you remember Aya?" Shigure asked Ayame.
" What?" Said Ayame, blinking himself out of oblivious thought. Then he slapped his knee. " GURE-SAN! You know better than to ask if I remember anything for longer than five minutes!"
" HA-HA-HA!" Shigure and Ayame laughed hysterically while Hatori just stood there and shook his head in disgust.
" Listen, I've got a lot of work to do, and I'm not going to waste my time just standing here." Hatori threatened, even though he doesn't really have THAT much work to do. And he's got PLENTY of time to waste, Hatori you old… hermit, you.
" Hmm… maybe if we walk around your study, we'll see something that will JOG our memories!" Shigure said brightly and hit his fist against his palm.
" Great idea, Gure-san!" Ayame cheered.
" NO." Said Hatori. " GO HOME."
" But… but it's cold and wet out there!" Shigure and Ayame whined.
" Well, it's WARM and DRY in here." Hatori replied, then realized that… it was the stupidest comeback in the history of comebacks.
" We PROMISE we'll be quiet until we remember. It's just that we don't want to leave you here without telling you your surprise. Then we might forget to tell you AGAIN." Shigure said pathetically, and started making puppy-dog eyes. Because he's the… no, I'm not even going to make that joke.
"…OKAY…" Hatori sighed ever so sexily, and then watched them run like a couple of crazy teenagers down into Hatori's study. Yes, Hatori's study is downstairs. It's like a little basement that you stick him in and make him do work and give him his daily dose of… ANGST. Which is what he lives off of.
" Look at me! I'm Hatori! I'm a MANIAC, MANIAC, WHOA WHOA! AND I'M DANCIN' LIKE I'VE NEVER DANCED BEFORE!" Shigure was singing and dancing when Hatori caught up to him. He was wearing Hatori's lab coat and a stethoscope forehead thingy.
" Quit that." Hatori snapped and grabbed the stethoscope and lab coat off Shigure at the SAME time! WHOA! MAD SKILLZ!
" You ARE a maniac, Tori-san." Ayame chuckled like Kureno, relaxing in Hatori's special doctor chair that's comfortable and ROTATABLE! Not that it makes a difference with Hatori, since he's the last person in the world to spin around in circles.
" No I'm not. Get out of my chair." Said Hatori grumpily.
" But I'm tired." Ayame pouted. " And this is my favorite chair."
" I need to work. Get out of my chair." Hatori repeated patiently.
" Can't you work on the FLOOR?" Ayame sighed like the drama queen he is.
" Come on Aya! Let's find Haa-san's PORN!" Shigure cheered, leafing through Hatori's medical book cabinet.
" ALRIGHT!" Cheered Ayame, jumping out of the chair.
" I don't have PORN." Hatori stated a little TOO offensively, glaring at them from across the room. " Those are medical textbooks and references."
" I see naked people!" Shigure called, opening the book up to one of those really nongraphic pictures of the human body.
" Those are-"
" PEOPLE MAKING OUT!" Shigure and Ayame screamed, waving the CPR handbook around like a sacred torch. Since Hatori can never bear to see the humour in a situation he just sat down really angrily in his chair and twirled around a little too hard so that he spun around in circles.
" You two SHUT UP OR LEAVE. I'm going to work now." Hatori said in his calm but menacing voice, and straightened his coat. Then he started going over his little papers that he always has to go over.
" Okay!" Hatori and Ayame said like little kids, and then the room went very quiet. Hatori tried to concentrate on the paper he was working on but it was…TOO QUIET. But if I turn around and look, and they're being quiet like I want them to, then they'll start being noisy again. But if they're DOING something, and I don't catch them, it could be even worse. Then Hatori started to have a silent anxiety attack right then and there.
Poor man. Someday he's going to lose the other eye.
Hatori tried so hard to concentrate on his work that his pencil started to tremble in his hands and his brow started to sweat. Should I look? No. Yes. No. Just send them away. Erase their memories and knock them out for awhile.
" Hatori." Shigure said super-seriously out of nowhere.
" WHAT!" Hatori yelled, and accidently threw his pencil hard against the wall. He turned to see Shigure just standing there innocently while Ayame was playing Shigure's gameboy.
" Where's the bathroom? I forgot." Said Shigure.
"…upstairs. Next to Haru's room." Hatori said in the most dignified way possible.
" Alrighty-then!" Said Shigure like Ace Ventura, then walked up the stairs. Hatori sat there and breathed in and out deeply, getting over his panic attack. Then he watched Ayame play the gameboy.
" What are you playing?" He asked, because secretly he really didn't want to do work.
" I DON'T KNOW! BUT I KEEP LOSING!" Ayame said in the most exasperated way imaginable and started to throw the gameboy down but luckily thought twice about it. " IT'S TERRIBLE!"
" It can't be that hard." Said Hatori, scooting over in his little chair.
" Oh, it's hard, Tori-san. It is so UNBELIEVABLY DIFFICULT that I don't see why they would make a game like it. It's bound to drive the teenagers to suicide."
" This is Super Mario Bros." Hatori said slowly, glancing down at the gameboy screen. He could SEE what it was because it was an SP and it had the little glowing screen! YOSH!
" I don't care who they are! THEY OFFEND ME!" Ayame declared.
" Let me see that." Hatori said, taking the gameboy. He then began racking up the points OLD SCHOOL style. Ayame watched, fascinated. " See, you have to hit them UNDER the bricks, then jump on top of them to kill them." Hatori explained.
Tori-san possesses so many qualities that I will never have. He's the BESTEST EVER! Ayame thought as he watched Hatori kill those pesky koopas, bumblebees and fireballs.
Alright, bonus round. Hatori thought. Just so you know, Hatori is a nerd that is an EXPERT at Mario games. Especially… DOCTOR MARIO! BWHAHAHA!
" I'm back!" Shigure called as if his presence had really been missed that much. " And I remembered what the surprise was! HEY! PAY ATTENTION!" He yelled when Ayame and Hatori didn't look at him.
" Wait. I'm playing the game." Hatori said distractedly.
" Yeah." Said Ayame. " He's playing the game."
Shigure watched Ayame and Hatori stare at the screen like fools, and started to feel left out.
" Are you DONE yet?" Shigure whined. They didn't reply.
Ignore ME, will you! Shigure thought, and used the oldest trick in the book. He snatched the gameboy away and pushed Hatori and his rolling chair off into a shelf.
" Shigure!" Hatori demanded, just barely able to stop himself from spiraling out of control by grabbing the edge of a table. " I was in the middle of something."
" It's MY gameboy." Shigure replied snottily.
" But I was PLAYING it."
" Yeah. That's real MATURE of a doctor." Shigure shot back.
Hatori could have come back with a better comeback, but decided not to. He didn't want Shigure to reach the dreaded never-ending 'your mama' stage of this kind of argument. Because it WOULD come. Ready or not… it would come.
" So, what's the surprise?" Hatori sighed, rising from his abused rolling chair.
" Well…" Shigure said proudly, patting Ayame on the head who was just sort of sitting there blankly now that he didn't have the video game to hold his attention, " Guess what? I got us tickets to the SOX GAME!"
".… huh?" Said Hatori.
" TORI-SAN!" Ayame gasped. " THE SOX! Please show more emotion than THAT!"
" I cant show emotion if I don't know what something is." Hatori admitted.
" RED. SOX." Shigure and Ayame said slowly so that Hatori's nerdy mind could grasp the statement.
"…as opposed to white…?" Hatori answered slowly. Shigure and Ayame slapped their foreheads and groaned.
Wait. Am I being made FUN of? Hatori wondered. Then he started to go into defensive Hatori mode. " Listen, I'm really tired of you guys standing around and making fools of yourselves."
" Yeah, me too." Shigure admitted. " Okay, I'll just explain it to you Haa-san. The RED SOX… are a BASEBALL team… and I got us TICKETS… to go watch them play BASEBALL… huh? Huh?" He enthused, as if Hatori was still struggling to understand what he was talking about.
" Oh." Was all Hatori could say. Then he went back to his work. " I don't like Baseball."
" GASP!" Gasped Shigure and Ayame. " HOW CAN YOU NOT LIKE BASEBALL!"
" Easily." Said Hatori. Because… COME ON! Who DOES like Baseball! It's STUPID! AWK!
" But it's the ALL AMERICAN SPORT!" Shigure cried.
" Believe it or not, Shigure, we live in JAPAN." Hatori said, and the Japanese National Anthem WOULD have begun to play… but I don't know what that is. (stops and looks at playlist) So The Pillows song Blue Drives Monster began to play.
" Well… Baseball is the most popular Japanese sport too." Shigure said.
" No it's not." Said Hatori but then he realized… it was true! For some reason or another, the Japanese had embraced that crazy game of Baseball! ARGH! IF ONLY THEY HAD EMBRACED GOLF! OR EQUINE SPORTS! ANYTHING BUT BASEBALL!
" COME WITH US…!" Shigure and Ayame whined.
" No. And the Red Sox live in America anyway. How are we supposed to get to America and see a Red Sox game?" Hatori asked, knowing he was really only humouring his stupid baseball-loving cousins for a little bit longer before he kicked them out.
" UM. Were you NOT there when we went to North Dakota on Rainbow Road?" Shigure said in a disgusted voice.
" No, he was. He drove!" Ayame chuckled like Kureno.
" WHAT have I said about that vacation?" Hatori said in a very dark voice.
" Don't mention it ever again or you'll go out and erase anyone's memories of it. Uh… so are you coming?" Shigure asked excitedly, trying to get Hatori's mind off that vacation that gives him even more angst issues than KANA does.
" No, I'm not." Hatori decided. HA!
" But… Haa-san!" Shigure whined.
" We need someone to drive us!" Ayame whined.
" Well go find a taxi." Hatori said lamely.
" We don't WANT a taxi! We want YOU!" Shigure and Ayame whined together. Then they continued to whine while Hatori's blood pressure rose higher and higher and higher. Finally he whirled around in his chair a little too hard again, so then he spun in three circles.
When he was done, he straightened his tie, and glared at Shigure and Ayame who were trying to keep a straight face.
" I am NOT going to a Red Sox game, and I am NOT driving you past Rainbow Road. And that's final." Uh-oh. You guys know what FINAL means. It means… FINALITY. Unless it's Final Fantasy. Then it just means… SEQUELS.
" Normally, Hatori, at this point I would resort to blackmailing you. But at this point I'm going to resort to blackmailing you." Said Shigure.
" …what?" Hatori said slowly.
" You heard what he said." Ayame scolded like a ghetto woman.
" I wonder what Mayuko would say if she saw a certain…PICTURE of you." Shigure announced outloud, twiddling his thumbs.
" I don't know and I don't care." Hatori said, pretending that he wasn't actually VERY protective of what Mayuko thought of him. Because we all know Hatori is a fool for Kana's best friend because he's pimpin' that way.
" Really? Even that picture from last years Farmer's Market?" Shigure gasped.
" Wait." Snapped Hatori because Farmer's Market is the ONE place that he really lets himself loose each year. I couldn't show you Farmer's Market Hatori. He's even worse than Hatori with the big creepy Tohru smile. Or Hatori and his shorts that will never be seen again.
" You would really do that?" Hatori asked Shigure. " Nevermind. You're Shigure. You always do it."
" Twenty-seven years and proud!" Declared Shigure.
"…fine. I'll take you to the stupid Sox game." Hatori muttered in a voice that would give Eeyore a run for his... tail. Then he turned around and started working again, and cursed his wretched, wretched life and his stupid friends. WHY did you have to make friends with people like THAT Hatori?
" YAAAY!" Cheered Shigure and Ayame, and gave each other the thumbs up. " YOSH!"
" So what time are we going?" Hatori sighed.
" Oh, around seven-ish. I just figured we'd hang out here until it's time." Shigure said happily.
" NO."
HOOONK!
" You know what I noticed?" Shigure asked Ayame.
" Mmm?" Ayame answered distractedly while he brushed his hair.
" Maury is always helping BLACK people. And Oprah is always helping WHITE people. What's up with THAT?"
" I don't know Gure-san. I just don't know."
" Can you two at least be QUIET and watch the television?" Hatori sighed behind them, filling out… SURVEYS. Because that's what a man like Hatori has to do, twenty-four-seven.
" Televisions no fun if you can't talk about it!" Shigure whined.
" That's not true. Try being quiet. It'll be fun. I promise."
There was a silent pause and Hatori's poor ears nearly wept from happiness.
"…I'M NOT HAVING FUN…"
" Shigure! Go outside!" Hatori ordered, pointing at the door. Too bad Shigure wasn't a dog at the time, and Hatori's door didn't have a little doggy door because… for some reason, that would just make it even funnier in my head.
" Isn't it time you go pick up Haru and Momiji up anyway?" Shigure asked slyly, with an innocent grin.
Hatori looked down at his watch that does NOT have Mickey Mouse on it. GREAT SCOTTS! SHIGURE WAS RIGHT! Not only was he late for waking UP those fool children, he was about to be late picking them UP! GEEZ, HATORI! WHAT KIND OF A SEAHORSE ARE YOU!
" I've gotta go. You two wait here." Hatori told Shigure and Ayame and grabbed his coat then ran out of that house like a flash! Then he almost slipped because it was snowing but Hatori can't slip. He just SLIDES ya'll. SLIIIIDES.
How did I get so off-schedule today? Hatori mentally beat himself up. It's this SNOW. Snow amps up his angst factor so much that he loses track of himself. Sort of the effect EVERYTHING has on Yuki.
Luckily, Hatori is a pretty snazzy designated driver, so he put the pedal to the medal and kicked the car into… wait for it…WAAAAAIT for it… HIGH GEAR! Not. He drove like a careful pedestrian all the way to the school where not only were Haru and Momiji waiting for him… Yuki and Tohru were too! CRAZY! But not Kyo. You knew that. I hope.
" Hari! Where were you? YOU'RE LATE!" Momiji exclaimed when Hatori rolled down the window and looked like he was THIS close to crying.
" You are REALLY late." Haru added which is really very ironic considering Haru is the ox. WHO GOT TRICKED! Okay, so that has nothing to do with being late or being the ox. It's really very ironic because Haru is slow and gets lost WAAAY too much.
" Sorry." Hatori said in a cold voice but he was actually very sorry.
" Hatori-san! It's so nice to see you!" Tohru exclaimed as Momiji and Haru piled into the car. Haru sat in the front seat because he likes to play with the radio. Momiji sat in the back.
" Hello Honda-kun. Yuki. Why aren't you home yet?" Hatori inquired because it was getting late and he didn't want those fool children to be there at school after hours.
" We're waiting for our ride." Yuki replied. " We can't walk through the snow."
Wait… if Shigure's at my house… " Whose driving you?"
" KURENO-SAN!" Tohru said as if having Kureno drive her was the best thing to ever happen to her in her whole life, even better than having to come to know ALL ABOUT THE SOHMAS. His driving is just THAT GOOD.
" Kureno?" Hatori asked, raising one eybrow in a disturbed way.
" Yeah." Said Yuki with a PLEASE SAVE US! look.
"… Kureno's driving you." Hatori repeated.
" It's very fun!" Said Tohru. Not to mention… HAZARDOUS TO YOUR HEALTH!
" …get in. I'll drive you home." Hatori sighed, knowing this would make him even MORE late, but come on, he's not going to leave Tohru and his own little cousin waiting for KURENO to drive them home. Don't you know him better than that?
" Oh NO! That's FAR too much trouble!" Tohru cried.
" Okay." Said Yuki and immediately stepped in. Haru sighed in a depressed little way twenty minutes later because since he sat in the front he didn't get to sit next to Yuki.
" YAAAAY! SIT BY ME TOHRU! SIT BY ME!" Momiji exclaimed. This was going to be the best ride home EVER!
" Well… alright. But I feel like I'm betraying Kureno-san!" Tohru said reluctantly.
" It's okay." Said Hatori. So then Tohru got in next to Momiji and it was like… YAAAY! DA-HUXOR!
" Where's Kyo?" Hatori asked. Because when you see Tohru and Yuki, you USUALLY see Kyo. Unless it's some creepy Yuki flirting scene. Then he's painfully missing.
" He's sick and he went home. I think to the main house." Tohru said, and immediately went back to worrying about Kyo.
" What?" Hatori said outloud, confused because Kyo didn't come HOME to the main house. So where did he go? That makes NO sense in the land of Hatori! Oh well. He's the CAT!
" Rin was here too… but I guess she'll go home some other way…" Said Yuki. Some mysterious, sexy way… like a limousine or maybe she just turns into a horse and GALLOPS home.
And so Hatori drove them home! It was very fun… NOT! Everyone was tired after a cold and stressful day. Tohru was worrying about Kyo. Momiji was… okay, he was just fine. Yuki was worrying about EVERYTHING. Hatori was worrying about going to the Sox game. Haru was worrying about Rin, but he was listening to the Bare Necessities on the radio so he FORGOT!
" Look for the… BARE NECESSITIES, THE SIMPLE BARE NECESSITIES, FORGET ABOUT YOUR WORRIES AND YOUR STIFE! I MEAN THE BARE NECESSITIES, MOTHER NATURE'S RECIPES, THAT BRING THE BARE NECESSITIES TO LIFE!" Momiji, Haru and Tohru sang along while Hatori and Yuki wondered why there was a radio station that played such music.
" Wherever I wander…" Momiji sang.
" Wherever I roam!" Sang Tohru.
" I couldn't be fonder…" Haru sang in a monotone, very slow voice.
" I couldn't be fonder of my big home!" All three of them sang together. " The bees are buzzin' in a tree to make some honey just for me…!"
" When you look under the rocks and plants and take a glance at the fancy ants…" Momiji and Tohru sang slowly.
" And… maybe try a few…" Haru said thoughtfully.
" Okay, well, we're here, have a good day and call me if you need anything." Said Hatori quickly, stopping the car in front of Shigure's house. Don't worry. Yuki has a housekey, so he'll be fine. Why didn't he use it earlier? Uh… YUKI IS JUST SO SILLY SOMETIMES! HE JUST DOESN'T KNOW WHEN TO SAVE THE PLOTHOLES!
" BYE TOHRU! BYE YUKI!" Momiji yelled.
" They will come to you…" Haru continued to sing to himself quietly.
" Bye Momiji-kun, Hatsuharu-san! See you tomorrow! Thank you so much Hatori-san!"
" Bye…" Yuki said distractedly, thinking about cheese.
Then Hatori watched to make sure they got into the house like a GOOD parent and finally started on his way back to the Main House. When he got there Shigure and Ayame were still lounging around watching television but it didn't LOOK like they'd broken anything.
" Welcome home!" Shigure called when they all walked in.
" Kisa! Rin! Welcome home." Said Ayame.
" I'm Momiji!" Momiji said.
" Yes…" Ayame replied distractedly, not really listening.
" Rin? Where?" Haru muttered, looking around.
" Can I watch Shaolin Showdown?" Momiji asked Shigure and Ayame while Hatori closed the door and Haru continued to look around for Rin.
" I'm watching Oprah…" Shigure whined.
" But Shii-chan, I want to watch Shaolin SHOWDOWN!" Momiji began to cry.
" Fine…" Shigure said sadly and flipped the channel to the wonderous piece of amusing crap that is Shaolin Showdown which I am not even spelling right.
I wonder if Kureno was actually going to pick them up… Hatori thought to himself.
" Rin?" Haru called from the kitchen.
HOOONK!
" I cannot BELIEVE that the Lone Chicken's services were so blatantly ignored! When I find my flunky and those un-flunkies I'm going to give them a piece of my mind!" Kureno gasped as he drove around the school in circles in his pink convertible as six o' clock PM.
" SILENCE! The radio is playing my song." Akito hissed from his eskimo suit, and then continued to sing, which for Akito is a weird mix of rapping and shouting every fifth word.
"Now when you pick a pawpaw or a prickly pear… And you prick a raw paw, next time beware. Don't pick the prickly pear by the paw, when you pick a pear, try to use the claw. But you don't need to use the claw, when you pick a pear of the big pawpaw."
" Have I given you a clue?" Akito asked Kureno dangerously.
" Oh yes Baloo!" Kureno chuckled warmly as they continued to drive around in circles for no reason whatsoever. They both held their breaths and then bellowed out together,
" THE BARE NECESSITIES OF LIFE WILL COME TO YOU! THEY'LL COME TO YOU!"
" DRIVE, YOU PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A COCK!"
" Yes, SIR!"
OMAKE!
See how quickly that came? It's because it's summer. And I divided the story in half. But the next half will come soon enough. Just be PAAAAATIENT…
I barely got any questions and this makes me scoff like Carson! PSHAW! But we, the Review Crew, will answer questions and questions disguised as reviews anyway…
Haley: What exactly does 'Omae No Sei Da' mean?
Hayley: OH MY GOD! WE HAVE THE SAME NAME! THAT'S THE COOLEST THING EVER TO HAPPEN ON 1:18 ON A TUESDAY NIGHT! But MINE is spelled the british way! Ahem!
Omae No Sei Da means, basically, ' It's your fault.' In a really accusative way. It's what Akito yells at Kana right after he smacks Hatori in the head with a vase in japanese! And it just sticks in my head because… he yells it several times and it makes me chuckle like Kureno after I saw the scene the FIRST ten times.
OMAE NO SEI DA! Try shouting it. It feels G-O-O-D WHY!
Random Reviewer-san: Do you Aya and Moroku ( I spelled that wrong probably but oh well) should get together in a future fic?
Hayley: …WHAT?
Bigfoot: WHAT?
Carl: What the-BLEEEEEEEEP?
Hayley: Bad Carl, bad! T! RATED T!
Haruko Sohma: WTF was Daddy Bocfro saying?
Hayley: ' Ano hi, hajimete no koi wa…' WOW! HAYLEY'S GIVING JAPANESE LESSONS TODAY! (it should be noted that I understand a great deal of when it's spoken, but I barely know how to speak it and I am in no way fluent. And when I see kanji I go… LOOK AT THE PRETTY SQUIGGLIES!)
It means, ' On that day… my first love was…' or ' …was my first love' depending on how you want to interpret it. But it doesn't really matter because Daddy Bocfro exploded! DA-HUCK!
…hum-badda-bum-hadda-ding. Next time will be the conclusion of the Sox game! YOU KNOW. The actual part with the SOX.
ALSO! Next time we will have a very special guest on OMAKE! We will have… Jet Black! And if you know who Jet Black is, you can ask him a question! HOO-RAH!
Ja ne!