Disclaimer: Truthfully, I never would have thought up Invader Zim. So…no, I do not own.

Summary: Zim has finally thought of the perfect way to stop Dib from interfering. But Dib isn't going to stop trying, even as he tries to find a way to reverse what Zim did to him.

'thought'

"speech"

-0-0- is a scene/character jump

Chapter 5

Dib sighed. It was the last day of Spring Break before school started again, and he had yet to figure out how to reverse the transformation that was undoubtedly nearing completion.

"DIB! Get down here and get lunch or face my wrath!" Gaz howled up the stairs. Heaving another heavy sigh, Dib activated the holographic projector that his father had thankfully not asked for yet, and headed to the stairs.

He was now pure Irken on the outside. His hair was gone now, leaving the irritable antennae, and he had no ears or nose anymore. As well as the green skin and pupil-less eyes, sharp teeth, and three clawed fingers, he was Irken.

Trudging down the stairs and into the kitchen, he sighed yet again when he saw Gaz hovering protectively over a pizza box. One small slice sat on a plate on the other side of the table.

Sitting down in his seat, Dib stared at the small slice with a resigned expression. Trust Gaz to hog the majority of the pizza. At least she gave him a slice this time…

Shrugging, he reached out and picked it up.

Ugh! What kind of pizza was this? It smelled absolutely horrible! Cautiously, Dib took a bite of the foul smelling pizza, almost afraid of what it would taste like. It looked like normal pepperoni…

Oh gods! The pain! The pain! His mouth was on fire! Hastily he spat out the small bite had taken, and dashed away up to his room as he felt his mouth smoke, screaming all the while.

Gaz sat there, raising an eyebrow at her brother's antics, before calmly reaching across the table and taking his slice of pizza.

Upstairs, Dib was hissing under his breath as he tried to cool the fire in his mouth. Apparently he couldn't eat Earth food anymore…what was he supposed to eat??

What did Zim eat…surely he had notes on what Zim ate…

Shooting over to his computer, he logged onto the Zim files and began to search; trying to find any sort of food that he had recorded Zim eating.

Hmm…alien food, waffles, alien drinks, alien food, waffles, and waffles…gah! He couldn't survive off waffles! He had to go confront Zim!

-0-0-

"My Tallest!" Zim gave a smart salute. "I have called to give in my report!"

Both Red and Purple let out groans of frustration. Why couldn't he just die?

"What do you want now, Zim?" Red asked wearily, munching a donut.

"Yea, what's your most recent plan of destruction?" Purple waved a hand dismissively at the screen, digging further into a bag he was holding and pulling out a chunk of some unidentifiable…something…and eating it.

"Ah! I'm glad you asked, My Tallest!" Zim struck a heroic pose. "You see, I have –" he was cut off as the door slammed open and something tackled him suddenly, driving him hard to the ground.

On the Irken command ship, Red and Purple blinked at the sight of a strange Irken standing over Zim, threatening him with doom and destruction.

"You'll pay for this Zim! You will pay!" Dib shouted, shaking a fist in Zim's face.

"What are you babbling about now, Dib?" Zim cried back, smacking his fist away. He pointed at the screen, with his staring leaders. "Can't you see that I'm in the middle of a call?"

Dib spun about to glare at the screen. His spider legs emerged and he began to stalk towards the screen, amber eyes narrowed menacingly. He had knocked the holographic projector loose with his tackle of Zim, but at the moment he couldn't care.

"So this is how you contact your leaders, Zim? Well…I wonder what will happen to you if you can't contact them!" Dib said, a wicked grin spreading across his face.

"If only…" Purple muttered wistfully.

"Ack! Computer, get him away from the screen!" Zim commanded, running after Dib. Pipes came down from the ceiling and surrounded Dib, constricting on him and two other pipes gripping his spider legs together.

Purple gave a disappointed sigh as their only hope of Zim-free days for a few weeks or even a month got captured.

"So…ah, Zim…who is this?" Red asked, leaning forwards a bit to examine the struggling, angered Irken caught in Zim's house defenses.

"This is…uh…" Zim faltered, unsure of what to say. He was pretty sure it was against the rules to transform inferior beings into Irken…maybe that was written somewhere…dang, he should've paid better attention to the laws!

"Why don't you tell them the truth, Zim?" Dib growled, still attempting to get loose. "He did this to me! I used to be human! He made me this way and won't turn me back!" Dib cried, glaring at the perpetrator of his anguish.

"…" Purple said.

"Is he insane?" Red asked, disbelief written on his face.

Zim's eyes lit up. "Yes! He is! He's completely insane, My Tallest. I found him here, but he believes those crazy ideas! He does not think he is Irken, but one of those stinking human filth! I do not know what to do, my Tallest!" Zim exclaimed, and Dib could only stare, mid-struggle.

"He lies! He's a filthy liar!" Dib cried, but he knew he was fighting a losing battle. The two Irken on the screen shook their heads in pity.

"Crazy and believing he is a human…how sad." Red mused.

"And stuck on Earth with Zim…" Purple added, and the two gave a collective shudder.

"What do I do, my Tallest? I can not kill one of our own!" Zim said, fake sympathy layering his voice. "But he keeps coming after me, and sooner or later I will have to start defending myself…"

"Hmm. What is your name and rank?" Red asked, pointing at Dib.

"What? I'm Dib! And I have no rank! I am human!" Dib responded, thoroughly frustrated. He was getting no where with this! Zim had his leaders believe that he was an insane Irken!

"He doesn't even remember his rank." Purple shook his head. "What should we do about this?" he asked his fellow leader.

"Hmm. Zim!" He pointed at the smirking Invader. Zim saluted smartly. "It is up to you to help poor…eh…" At this point he faltered, trying to remember the name.

"Dib," Dib said, sighing heavily.

"Yes! Zim, it is up to you to help poor Dib regain his memory, or whatever. And, uh…don't call us until you have done so!"

With that, the screen went blank.

Red sighed in relief. "Do you think he can do it? That…Dib…seemed pretty messed up in the head."

"I don't know, Red. He seemed pretty intent on killing Zim." Purple mused, tapping a claw on the arm of his chair. Red's eyes widened.

"You're right! If we're lucky, he WILL kill Zim…and then we can either pick him up and fix him ourselves or leave him there. Whichever we feel like at the time." Red said, shrugging.

"Right!" They both laughed, toasting their evil smart-ness with their cups of orange fizzling liquid.

-0-0-

"What?" Zim exclaimed. He growled, eyes narrowed, before spinning and pointing an accusing claw at Dib. "This is your fault, Dib! Because of you now I can't call my leaders until they think you are fixed! How am I supposed to inform them of my brilliant plans and evil genius victories if I can't call them?" Zim cried, glaring at his arch-nemesis.

"Well, I guess I have done what I wanted to do in the first place the." Dib said thoughtfully. "I meant to stop you from contacting your leaders by destroying your screen, but this works too!" Dib shouted triumphantly, laughing at Zim's anger.

"You have ruined everything! Why did you come here and bother Zim??" Zim growled, tapping a foot.

"Because –" Dib was interrupted by the front door slamming open, and the little robot Gir skipped in, holding a bag of groceries.

He stopped and stared at the two in the living room.

"Master has the big head boy over to play!" He cheered, dropping the bag and scampering up to sit on Dib's head in the blink of an eye.

"Get off my head!" Dib cried, "And my head is not big!" he shook his head, trying to get the annoying robot off, but it was useless as Gir just gave a piercing laugh and hung onto his antennae.

"Gir! Don't leave the door open!" Zim cried, running over and shutting the door. "Computer, release the Dib." The pipes opened up, dropping Dib to the ground, still with Gir on his head.

"Zim, get your annoying robot off my head!" Dib yelled, reaching up to try and pry Gir off his antennae, but yelped in pain as Gir yanked on one, chuckling about tacos or some such thing.

"Hmm, no, I don't think I will, Dib. He seems to like you." Zim mused, grinning at Dib's pain and frustration. Gir had his uses, occasionally.

Giving up and deciding that trying to get the insane robot off only caused him more pain, Dib sighed, turning to face his rival.

"Now, Dib, why did you come here and interrupt my report??" Zim demanded, pointing yet again at Dib.

Dib growled, gritting his teeth in frustration. He was a bit embarrassed as to why he came, but…he had to find out what to do about it!

"Well??" Zim howled.

"Because I can't eat anything without hurting myself!" Dib finally shouted back, eyes narrowed in anger. "How am I supposed to live if I can't eat??"

Zim blinked, before sighing. "Pitiful Dib, you're Pak will take care of your bodily needs. Eating is a secondary priority."

"But you ate…you ate the waffles that one time! And I've seen you eat some of you alien food!" Dib said, spitting the word 'alien' as if it were a curse.

"Yes, yes. We can eat if we wish, but we do not have too." Zim said, waving off Dib's glare dismissively. "Now, if that was all, I have very important work to do. Begone!" he commanded, pointing to the door.

Dib shot one final glare, before reaching up and pushing the sleeping Gir off his antennae before activating his disguise and slamming the door on his way out.

Gir sat up and looked around. "Aww, where did the big head boy go?"

"He's gone, Gir. Now…to the lab! We have to begin our next plan!" Zim shouted, running to the toilet and standing on it in another striking pose before flushing himself, Gir jumping in with a screeching 'Whee!'

-0-0-

School…his first day of school as an Irken...hopefully his disguise could hold up for that long. He did not know how long the holographic projector could go before it ran out of power.

Finishing the final touches to the hologram of himself, he reached up and pushed his antennae flat, hoping that if they flicked up and through the hologram as they have done before, people will just think it's a hair that is out of place.

Humans were stupid. Ack! Wait, no! They were just…unobservant! Yea, that was it.

Dib narrowed his eyes. He had to stay focused! Had to keep thinking as a human! No Irken thoughts to taint his brilliant mind! Zim had mentioned a plan, and Dib was going to find out what it is and stop it, like he's done before, time and time again!

Nodding with satisfaction, he left his room and met up with Gaz downstairs, and they began to walk to the school.

"So what is up with you?" his sister's sudden question had him blinking in shock. To think that she had actually noticed something, even while playing those games of hers.

"Nothing, why do you ask?" he asked cautiously. He thought he had been able to keep everything under wraps…did he go wrong somewhere?

"You seem different." She looked up briefly, widening one eye at him in question. He gave a nervous smile and waved off her concern, or curiosity. He did not know if Gaz could ever show concern for him.

"There is nothing wrong with me, Gaz. Other than the usual." He was saved any other questions by running inside the school building as they got up to it, and all but tearing into his classroom and sliding to his seat.

"Hello, Dib."

Dib turned and glared at Zim, the alien smirking in his seat on the other side of the room. Mrs. Bitters slithered into the room at that moment, and everyone shut up, remembering poor Johnny B. from the back row who had talked while she was talking…the grease stain of where his desk used to be was still there…

"Class, today we are going to talk about fast food and the horrible DOOM it will bring upon the world…" and so began her lecture.

Zim had perked up at the word 'doom', and was paying rapt attention. Probably wanting hints for his next plan of world conquest, Dib mused darkly, glaring at the Invader.

The class went by in a blur, Dib barely hearing a word of it, too wound up in possible solutions to his…Irken…problem, and what Zim might be planning.

After lunch it was the same, the horrors of McMeaties being discussed and how it will ruin the lives of all who come in contact with it. Once again, Dib zoned out, contemplating his problems.

"Dib!"

Dib jumped in fear as Mrs. Bitters was suddenly in his face, scowling at him.

"If my lecture is too boring for you, you can just go to the office!" She hissed, pointing towards the door. Blinking at her and standing up, he shot a glare at the snickering Zim before walking out the door and heading to the office.

"Well, well, well, Dib. It would seem you got yourself in trouble without any help from the almighty Zim!"

Twitching, Dib turned around to face the little alien that had apparently followed him from class.

"Zim…" He growled.

"Well, I'll be seeing you. Have to go work on my newest evil plan. One that will go off without a problem and no interference from you!" Zim proclaimed, pointing at his rival.

"When have you had a plan go off without a problem? And who says I won't be interfering?" Dib demanded, frowning.

"Silence! Do not talk back to the ultimate genius of Zim!" Zim shouted, just as the bell rang for classes to be let out. Turning, the Invader walked off.

Glaring at the back of his head, Dib swore that he was going to stop whatever plan Zim had in store for Earth, and then, after he got done doing that, he was going to make Zim turn him back. And he'll do whatever it took to do so.

-0-0-

"Success, Gir!" Zim exclaimed, cackling manically. He held up a test tube full of a pale orange powder.

"Oooh! Is it candy? Sugar Candy??" Gir shouted, cheering and jumping up in down. "Like a pixie stick? Is it a pixie stick? It is a pixie stick!" Gir made a grab for it, but Zim jerked it back and away.

"No, Gir! Not candy. This is for the pitiful stink-beasts of this planet! We have already tried to put sewage into their filthy cow-beasts, but that did not work. This, however, will! For it will not go into the cow, but into the nasty meat of their fast food!" Zim let out another triumphant laugh. "They will become addicted, and eat more and more of that 'junk' food! And they will therefore ingest more and more of this!" he held up the test tube again.

"Oh. What is it?" Gir questioned, tilting his head to the side.

"With this…I shall control the minds of all the humans that eat it! And, from there, I can rule this filthy dirt ball of a planet and destroy it!" He let out a evil laugh, Gir joining in with his master.

"What about the big head boy?" Gir asked suddenly, breaking off his master's laughter.

"The Dib? Ha! The Dib will have a surprise coming to him if he tries to stop me!"

Zim's cackle rang through the base, joined by Gir's high pitched giggles.

-0-0-

End Chapter