Chapter 6
Haru and the Search for Groundhog's Day
" WAKE UP HARU, WAKE UP!" Momiji screamed at the top of his lungs, and started jumping up and down on Haru's bed. He accidently stepped on Haru's head a few times, but NOT enough times to make him go Black Haru. Just to make him go Boo-Boo Haru.
" Please don't jump on me…" Haru said quietly after Momiji had already finished jumping and had run out of the room. Haru took a few seconds to take in the pain and sudden awakening, then sighed and slowly rose his body out from under the covers.
What's today? Haru thought, and looked at the calendar that Yuki had gotten him for Christmas. It had MOTORCYCLES on it! But even more wonderfully, Yuki KNEW that Haru liked motorcycles!
"…February the second…" Haru read aloud. Then he looked at the smaller writing. " Groundhog's Day…" He thought about that for a few seconds. Then he shrugged and said, " Oh well."
About forty minutes later, when he had managed to get dressed and NOT comb his hair, Hatori came stomping in while he was brushing his teeth. " Haru, what is taking you so long?"
" …mmph." Said Haru, and continued to brush his teeth.
" Haru, you know I have to go give Kyo his flu shot today, and I need you and Momiji to come with me because…blahblahblahblahblah…" Hatori's rambling Old Maid talk became a blur in the background, and Haru focused on his teeth brushing instead. Can't forget to brush my tongue.
" So hurry up." Hatori said when Haru started to brush his tongue because… no one really likes to watch someone else brush their tongue. After he was done brushing, Haru went downstairs where Momiji was eating CocoPuffs.
" Want some Haru?" Momiji asked happily, and shoved the box over to Haru, who started eating it OUT of the box like some common hooligan boy! THE NERVE!
" Happy Groundhogs Day." Said Haru.
" What's that?" Asked Momiji.
Haru shrugged, and ate some more CocoPuffs.
" Haru, what are you doing? Eat that out of a bowl. It's unsanitary." Hatori said automatically as he strode by doing IMPORTANT HATORI THINGS!
" Hatori-niisan, what's Groundhogs Day?" Haru asked, obidiently putting the CocoPuffs Cereal box down.
Hatori stopped walking and sighed. I DON'T HAVE TIME TO DEAL WITH GROUNDHOG'S DAY! Busy Hatori screamed.
Be nice to your little cousin! Big Nice Hatori scolded.
This… SNOW! Angst-ridden Hatori angsted.
" A groundhog is a small rodent that lives in the ground. On Feburary second, every year, a groundhog comes out of it's hole. If the groundhog sees it's shadow, there will be five or six more weeks of winter. If it doesn't, spring will come normally." Said Hatori.
NO! IT MUST SEE IT'S SHADOW! MORE SNOW! NO SPRING EVER EVER EVER! Angst-Ridden Hatori yelled, throwing a tantrum.
" Oh…" Said Haru after he had grasped the general concept. " Did it see it's shadow?"
" I don't know. I didn't watch the news. Momiji?" Hatori sighed, counting the five more seconds he would spend wasting his time in the room answering stupid questions.
" NOPE!" Said Momiji.
"… but now I'm curious." Haru admitted.
" Well, Haru, it's not the end of the world." Said Hatori, checking his watch. " You two put your coats and hats on. We have to get going to Shigure's."
" Can I sit in the front?" Haru asked automatically while Momiji ran off to get his coat.
" If Momiji doesn't mind." Hatori answered, already walking away.
He doesn't, Haru decided.
HOOONK!
" I AIN'T GET NO KICK FROM CHAMPAGNE!"
" Haru, can you PLEASE change the station?" Hatori asked, and Haru reluctantly turned the little knob. Just so you know… because I know you LOVE to know… Hatori's car is still all beat up and trashy, because Shigure and Ayame pretended to not have enough money to fix it! And Hatori doesn't have enough money, so that poor old car is OOGLY!
But Haru's bicycle loves it anyway… AWWW…
Haru's Bicycle X Hatori's American Car FOR EVAH!1111
" Can we listen to Radio Disney!" Momiji shouted from the back.
" If we HAVE to." Haru sighed, and switched it to Radio Disney.
" HAPPY GROUNDHOGS DAY! EVERYONE DANCE AROUND AND WEAR GROUNDHOG SUITS! DO THE GROUNDHOG SHUFFLE!" Shouted the very scary DJs of Radio Disney, and began to sing the Groundhog Shuffle, which sounded suspicously like the Ham-Ham Dance.
" I didn't know Groundhog's Day was such a big deal!" Momiji exclaimed.
" It's not." Said Hatori but he was ignored.
Now I HAVE to know if that groundhog saw his shadow or not… Haru thought.
HOOONK!
Hatori rang the secret doorbell on Shigure's door that only exists if you revive Aeris by building her out of the remains of RAINER, the super-de-duper-secret-evolved form of BLASTOISE!
…and the rest of this story will now seem a lot less exciting.
" Coming!" They heard Tohru say.
" No, I'll get it." Said Kyo.
" Oh, but I couldn't-"
" IT'S JUST A STUPID DOOR! LET ME DO IT FOR YOU! GOD!" The door slammed open and Kyo looked at all of them grumpily. Uh-oh! Someone got out on the wrong side of bed this morning! THE CAT!
" Hatori? What are you… doing… here…?" Kyo's eyes traveled to the medical suitcase Hatori was holding, and there was a long pause.
" NO!" Kyo screamed and slammed the door in their face. They heard the sound of his footsteps thudding up the stairs and many more doors slamming.
Every year… Hatori thought, burying his face in his hand.
" Kyo-kun? Ah!" The door opened again. This time it was TOHRU! Bet you weren't expecting THAT! " Hello, Hatori-san, Hatsuharu-san, Momiji-kun!"
" Hello Honda-kun. Did Shigure tell you we were coming by?" Hatori asked, moving into the room like some sort of… CALL DOCTOR.
" No-"
" TOHRU!" Momiji cheered as if he hadn't seen her in twenty years.
" Shigure!" Hatori called at the foot of the stairs. " Didn't you tell them? Shigure?"
" Hello Honda-san." Said Haru. " Happy Groundhogs Day."
" …what?" Tohru asked with a big goofy smile.
At that moment, everyone turned around to see Shigure unsuccsessfully trying to sneak out the door with his coat on. When he saw everyone looking at him, he started flailing his arms around.
" I'm going for a walk! To the dentist! My grandmother is sick!"
Hatori glowered at him. " I thought you were going to tell Kyo about his shot-"
" I'M NOT TAKING A SHOT!" Kyo screamed from upstairs.
" S-H-O-T…" Hatori said after a pause, " So he would at least be somewhat past the first stage." That's right folks. Kyo has STAGES when it comes to shots.
" I was gonna… but then he starts BREAKING stuff…" Shigure whined, and inched towards the door. " Haa-san, he's been like this ever since he was little, you don't need me to-"
" I need you to help me convince him. How hard is that?"
" I'm not good at convincing!"
Hatori decided to admit the truth that he and Shigure both knew. " I need you to make fun of him so he'll let me give it to him."
"…OH-KAY…" Shigure sighed, but now that he knew he was going to get to make fun of Kyo, he decided it was going to be FUN!
" Momiji, I need you to go get Yuki. If he's present, it'll put more pressure on Kyo to take the shot. Honda-kun, make his favorite meal. Haru…" Hatori stared at Haru, then shook his head. " Nevermind. Come on Shigure." And with THAT, Hatori and Shigure went up the stairs.
" Do you know if the groundhog saw it's shadow?" Haru asked Tohru.
"… no…" Tohru said and immediately started to beat herself up for it. WHY can't I help the people around me! Why can't I be a more STABLE person that knows about Groundhogs! I'M SUCH A HORRIBLE PERSON! And she ran off to make Kyo's favorite food so Momiji and Haru wouldn't see her cry.
" Come with me to wake up Yuki!" Momiji said.
"…okay." Said Haru, since waking Yuki up is ONLY like, his TWENTY-EIGHTH favorite Yuki pastime, followed by watching Yuki rotate a pencil in his hand.
Meanwhile, Yuki was having a WONDERFUL dream!
FANCY DREAM SEQUENCE
" Hi Yuki!" Said Batman, Yuki's FAVORITE superhero.
" Wow… BATMAN!" Said Yuki, who in dreams, lets himself go. He had dreamed of meeting Batman for the LONGEST! When he was a kid, he had a TON of Batman toys, all the Batman movies, and even a Batman Poster that Ayame ripped, which is probably the MAIN reason for their gap.
" Wanna take a spin in the… BATMOBILE?" Batman asked with a gruff smile, and the Batmobile appeared out of nowhere.
" REALLY! ALRIGHT!" Yuki said, and got into the Batmobile. Batman got in too, and they went BLASTING through the streets of Gotham City! It was the BEST!
" Where are we going Batman?" Yuki asked Batman, barely able to contain his excitement. He hoped they were going to the BATCAVE! He had always WANTED to go THERE!
" To give Kyo a shot." Said Batman.
"…WHAT?" Yuki asked after a shocked pause, then realized he was no longer talking to the Dark Knight, and that it was Momiji standing in front of him instead. It took him a few seconds to realize his ride in the Batmobile had just been a dream, and then he groaned and pulled the covers up over his head, very depressed.
" GET UP YUKI, GET UP!" Momiji exclaimed, and ripped Yuki's covers of his bed.
" No…" Yuki protested and stuck his head under the pillow, and tried to find the Batman dream again. Then he started to feel very SELF-CONCIOUS, laying there in his pajamas. They were his worst pair of pajamas. They had Mickey-Mouse heads on them and Yuki thought that was sort of corny.
But HATORI got them for him, and you just can't throw away Hatori's presents. Even if it's the dreaded ARMY MEN Playstation games he got for Hiro on that poor sheep's birthday.
" What about that Baka Neko?" Yuki groaned, bunching up the pillow and peeking out from underneath it.
" We're giving him a SHOT!" Momiji exclaimed as if they were giving Kyo his fondest wish.
" And how does that involve ME?" Yuki sighed impatiently.
" You have to make him subcumb to peer pressure!" Momiji cheered. Little did he know, YUKI subcumbs to peer pressure almost everyday of his life! So it's not like he's an expert at CAUSING it, he's just an expert at RECEIVING it.
" Fine." Said Yuki, because… because he was very tired! GO AWAY! Then he got up and looked at the door and waited for Momiji and Haru to leave. When they didn't, he cleared his throat.
" What?" Asked Momiji and Haru.
Yuki gave them a YOU know what look. But this is Haru and Momiji we're talking about so they just continued to stare stupidly on at Yuki as if her were some mildly entertaining television program.
" I need to get DRESSED." Said Yuki finally.
" So do it." Said Momiji.
" Yeah." Said Haru. " We're all guys. What's the big deal?"
What's the big deal? WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL! …there was no big deal! Yuki is just a girl! NO MATTER HOW HARD HE TRIES TO BE A MAN, HE WILL ALWAYS BE A GIRL!
" Well… okay…" Said Yuki, turning all red and embarassed since he realized that changing in front of his two MALE cousins is not that big of a deal. Sheesh.
" Yuki, do you know what Groundhog's Day is?" Haru asked while Yuki took off his clothes while the Stripping Music played in the background.
" Yeah." Said Yuki since, BEING the rat and all, he's an expert on rodent holidays.
" Do you know if he saw his shadow today?" Asked Haru.
" No." Said Yuki. " Why do you need to know?"
" I just do." Haru said blankly and Yuki gave him a bug-eyed look, then finished putting his DAY clothes on and the Stripping Music stopped.
" Why don't you go on the internet and find out?" Yuki suggested like the girly nerd he is.
" That's a great idea, Yuki." Haru said as enthusiastically as he can, and a little heart came out of nowhere. " You're so smart."
" Oh, well…" Yuki said, getting all embarassed again. HA! THOSE TWO ARE LIKE A WALK TO REMEMBER! And Yuki will die of cancer and Haru will turn on the TV and Yuki will be singing him a song, and Haru won't be weirded out by this at ALL!
HOOONK!
" Kyo, open the door." Hatori called from outside Kyo's door. Shigure was with him, and Tohru was standing nearby with a big tray full of Fishsticks and Goldfish crackers.
" NO!" Screamed Kyo and something heavy hit the door.
" You are making a much bigger deal out of this than it needs to be." Hatori reprimanded. " Now just come out and take your shot."
" I DON'T NEED A SHOT! I'M PERFECTLY HEALTHY!"
" You were sick just a few months ago."
" THAT WAS YUKI'S FAULT!"
Hatori rolled his eyes, but you only saw ONE move, because the other is HIDDEN! " Now, how is you getting sick Yuki's fault?"
"… I DUNNO! He's the RAT!"
" That's just stupid and you know it."
" YOU'RE stupid!"
" That's it." Said Hatori. " We're going into Phase Two. Shigure?"
" Yessir!" Shigure said, saluting smartly, and took Hatori's place at the door.
" Kyo-chaaaaan! Why don't you want to get your shot?" He called in that special little Shigure voice.
Kyo retained a sulky silence.
" Are you SCAAARED of the big, mean, ugly old Haa-san?"
Excuse me? Hatori thought, giving Shigure an offended look.
" I'M NOT AFRAID OF HIM!"
" Oh yeah?" Shigure challenged, reverting back to his normal voice. " Then why are you hiding in your room under your bed?"
" I'M NOT HIDING UNDER MY BED!" Kyo yelled. Then they heard his head hit something hard. " OW!"
" Kyo-kun, a REAL man would just take his shot and get over it."
" I DON'T CARE!"
" Do we have to go in and strap him down now?" Shigure whispered to Hatori.
" Wait. I've got one more plan of action. Honda-kun?" Hatori said, looking to Tohru.
" Leave it to me!" Said Tohru and nearly dropped the tray.
HOOONK!
" Thanks for letting me use your computer, Yuki." Said Haru, as he slowly found the mouse and then moved the little arrow up to the Internet Explorer button VEEEERY slowly.
" No problem." Said Yuki, resisting the urge to grab the mouse and just jerk the arrow onto the icon already.
" What do I do now?" Haru asked when he had the arrow over the icon.
" Double-click." Said Yuki.
" Okay." Said Haru.
CLICK.
…
…
…
…
" DOUBLE click." Yuki repeated impatiently.
" Right." Said Haru.
…
CLICK.
" WELCOME TO COMPUSERVE!" Said a random lady even though they're not using Compuserve.
" Whoa." Said Haru.
" You have MAIL!" The lady gushed. Haru scooted back from the computer a little bit because it was all just a bit much at once for him. The page loaded, and Yuki pointed to the web browser.
" Now go to God Bless You Google!" Everyone in the house said at once, even Kyo.
On the Google Screen, there was a GROUNDHOG sitting on one of the O's!
" How did they know I was going to look for Groundhog's Day?" Haru pondered. Yuki decided they didn't have enough time to explain.
" Okay, now just type in what you want to search for." Yuki ordered.
" YUKI-KUN!" Shigure called. " WHERE ARE YOU!"
" I've gotta go. You can take it from here." Yuki told Haru, but little did he know that Haru can rarely take it from anywhere. Haru watched Yuki go sadly, then looked at the computer screen and the blank little place where he was supposed to be typing something in.
Groundhog Day Results, thought Haru.
No.
What the Groundhog Saw on Groundhog's Day.
No.
Groundhog see shadow? Yes or No.
…nah.
As Haru spent his time wondering exactly how to word his search, thirty minutes passed and Yuki's screensaver came on. It was a screensaver that Ayame had downloaded and blocked Yuki from ever changing. MWHAHAHAHA!
The screensaver was Ayame grinning MOST cheesily and a signature at the bottom that said ' I HEART Nii-san!' It's safe to say this is the REAL reason Yuki doesn't like anyone being in his room for too long. That and his cheese collection.
That boy sure does love his cheese.
HOOONK!
" Just so you know… it's not that I'm really SCARED of getting a shot. I just don't WANT to." Kyo told Tohru testily as the two of them sat on Kyo's bed and shared some Onigiri. Yes. Tohru was going UNDERCOVER for Hatori. You would have never expected Tohru to be a double-agent for the Mabudachi but… that's the truth.
" Oh, I understand Kyo-kun! Shots are dreadful! But getting a cold is MORE dreadful!" Said Tohru. Because there is NOTHING more dreadful than colds. NOTHING!
" Yeah, I know… but…" Kyo looked away from her lamely, obviously reluctant to talk about what was going through his mind.
" What is it, Kyo-kun?" Tohru asked. She was SUPPOSED to be convincing Kyo as to why shots weren't that big of a deal, but she was interested as to WHY he had that look on his face. It could be because of something DREADFUL!
" It's just… just…"
" Just WHAT?"
" The first time I got a shot… was really traumatizing for me," Kyo admitted. " So now it's hard for me to have one ANYtime!"
" The first time… how old were you Kyo-kun?"
Kyo blushed and grabbed an onigiri. " Just a kid… you know…"
FANCY DISSOLVING FLASHBACK SEQUENCE!
" Are you ready to go see Hatori-kun…………………………KYO?" Kazuma asked while he held Kyo's hand as they walked up to the dojo.
" SURE!" Said little Kyo because who WOULDN'T want to see Hatori AND Kazuma in the same room! I wish that they LIVED in the same room so I could trap them inside and watch them ALL the time!
" But Shishou, why is Hatori HERE?" Little Kyo asked as they neared the door. Hatori NEVER visited them usually, except to bring Christmas presents and free tylenol! And he CERTAINLY never came to learn karate because think about it… Hatori, karate. It doesn't work.
" He's coming to give you a shot. But not like tequila!" Kazuma chuckled like Kureno. He didn't seem to care that this joke was completely lost on Kyo.
" OKAY!" Said Kyo enthusiastically. They walked inside.
Teenage Hatori was standing right by the door as if he were scared to actually be inside. He didn't look very happy with himself, in any case. Then again, sticking little children with a SYRINGE and making them CRY tends to dampen your spirits.
No WONDER Hatori is so uncomfortable all the time. He's made EVERYONE cry! He had to be the one to ask Momiji's mother the question that TRAUMATIZED Momiji, he had to MIND-FLIP all of Yuki's little friends, and he made Tohru wait for him to turn back into a NAKED MAN in the middle of the street! GOD!
" Hello Kazuma-san." Said Hatori.
" Hi Hatori-kun! Thanks so much for dropping by to see…………………KYO."
" HI HATORI!" Little Kyo shouted because he was a little knave who didn't know the truth about Hatori's intentions and he was an innocent child then.
" Uh… hi… Kyo." Said Hatori, shifting his feet a little bit.
" Did you bring me a present!" Little Kyo shrieked because I guess Hatori was sort of the equivalent to Santa Clause to him.
" No…" Hatori started to say uncomfortably, but Kazuma interrupted.
" He's brought you the gift of HEALTH!"
" COOL!" Said little Kyo. " Where IS it!"
He looked up at Hatori like he was expecting him to whip out a big bunny rabbit.
Hatori, not being very sensitive, or tactful, at that, pulled a five inch long syringe out of his pocket and the Psycho music went ' DUN, DUN, DUN, DUN!'
Poor little Kyo's face froze, then he screamed bloody murder at the top of his lungs.
DISSOLVE BACK TO PRESENT!
" Oh Kyo-kun! That must have been so scary!" Tohru said.
Kyo wanted to say, IT WAS! But that would be too embarassing so he just chewed on his Onigiri instead.
This just made Tohru think Kyo was SO scarred by the memory of Hatori whipping out a giant needle on him, and she began to feel so bad that she started to cry. Then Kyo started to freak out and demand WHY she was crying. This only made her cry harder.
" I'M SO SORRY KYO-KUN!" Tohru sobbed.
" QUIT CRYING!"
" BUT KYO-KUN… KYO-KUN… I TOO… I TOO HAD A HAND IN THIS! BECAUSE I TOO WAS TRYING TO GET YOU TO HAVE A… A… SH-SH-SHOT!" Tohru wailed.
" You what?" Asked Kyo.
" I… I was supposed to be convincing you to let Hatori-san give you a shot!" Tohru sniffled. " But now I see that it is something that really, really frightens you Kyo-kun! Please forgive me!"
So Hatori wants to play THAT way, huh…? Thought Kyo, then turned his attention back to Tohru and started to feel bad.
" Okay, okay, stop crying. Come on, please? I'm not mad at you."
" Y-you're not?" Tohru asked, staring at him with wide-eyes.
" Nah. You're just a dweeb, you didn't know what was going on. Hey… I know! Hey, yeah, I know!" Kyo jumped to his feet and gave Tohru a very large grin. Kyo had just gotten an idea! Everyone listen very carefully! Kyo's ideas only come few and far in between!
" Tohru, I have an idea!" Kyo exclaimed. OMG! HE USED HER NAME! Well, he does in the manga and the anime, but this is the first time he's ever used it in MY fanfics, so this is NOTEWORTHY!
" Do you?"
" Yeah! I know how I don't have to take a shot! But you've gotta help me."
" O-okay!" Said Tohru, trying to look VERY determined. She was happy that Kyo was showing so much energy!
" Okay… it'll go like this…" Said Kyo.
HOOONK!
Haru was getting frusturated.
He wanted to know whether or not the groundhog had seen its shadow! But all he was seeing was PICTURES of groundhogs! He had thought that Google was there to HELP him! He had thought that Google was his FRIEND! But apparently not! Apparently Google only wanted to offer row after row, page after page, PICTURE AFTER PICTURE, of stupid fat, furry groundhogs!
" Why won't you TELL me!" Haru exclaimed at the computer screen, as if it could answer back.
Little did he know, that he had accidentally set Google into IMAGE search instead of WEBSITE search! So no matter HOW badly he wanted to know, all he was going to get was pictures of groundhogs! Wild groundhogs, tame groundhogs, that groundhog from Winnie the Pooh, famous groundhogs, Clay Aiken… MILLIONS OF GROUNDHOGS!
" Groundhogs… Groundhogs… Groundhogs… ALL OF YOU!" Haru suddenly screamed at the computer. " ALL OF YOU STARING WITH YOUR BEADY… LITTLE… GROUNDHOG… EYES! YOU BUNCHA GODDAMN UGLY RATS! ARRRRRRRGH!"
Uh-oh! I think he's gone Black, guys! But maybe I'm wrong…
Haru slammed a fist into the computer's monitor, and broke a hole in it. It immediately sparked and began to emit smoke.
Oh yeah, he's definitely gone Black.
" SCREW YOU GOOGLE! SCREEEEEEEEEEEEW YOOOOOOOOOOU YOU STUPID SEARCH ENGINE! ROT IN HELL! DIE! DIE! DIE!" Black Haru yelled, kicking Yuki's actual COMPUTER now. No, Haru, stop! You shouldn't break other people's things just because you don't know what the groundhog saw!
" SCREW YOU, HAYLEY! YOU TAKE WAY TOO LONG TO UPDATE THIS STUPID STORY!" Black Haru screamed at yours truly, kicked a hole in Yuki's wall, then marched out of the room to go wreak havoc on groundhogs wherever he may find them.
…I don't take TOO long. Only like… half a year, geez.
BLACK HOOONK!
" It's been sort of a long time…" Momiji observed as he, Yuki, Hatori, and Shigure all stood outside of Kyo's door.
" It really has," Yuki sighed. " Can't I go have some breakfast, at least?"
" Have breakfast AFTER you whittle down Kyo's self-esteem!" Shigure scolded. " Besides, what do you think is left for you anyway? Breakfast time is OVER, Yuki-kun!"
" I just want some granola…" Yuki said with an annoyed expression.
" Well, I just want Haa-san to grow a beard! But I don't COMPLAIN about it!" Shigure said overdramatically.
Hatori, who had been trying to listen to what was going on inside, gave Shigure a weird look. " You want me to grow a beard?"
" Yeah. What?" Shigure added, as if this was the most normal thing to want ever.
" Why?" Hatori asked, slightly disturbed.
" Why NOT?"
" There has to be a reason for you wanting me to grow a beard. You just want me to so you can make fun of it, don't you?"
" HATORI!" Shigure gasped. " I AM SO OFFENDED! WHEN HAVE I EVER MADE FUN OF YOU!"
Hatori decided not to even acknowledge that Shigure existed anymore. " I don't think Honda-kun is having any success."
" I'm going to go eat my granola." Yuki decided, sick of standing around doing nothing.
" Me too!" Said Momiji, since he has nothing better to do, and skipped off after Yuki.
" Hey… wait… where are you two…?" Hatori started, but then realized they had abandoned him. MAN! You can't just abandon HATORI like that! He's in the middle of something very important!
" That's okay, Haa-san. You still have ME." Shigure said and slung an arm around Hatori's shoulder.
" You're no help." Said Hatori, and pushed Shigure's arm off.
" YOU'RE no help!" Shigure accused childishly and ran off in fake tears. He actually just wanted to eat some granola with Momiji and Yuki.
So Hatori was left standing outside the door all along. GEEZ! EVERYONE JUST DITCH HATORI AND GO HAVE A BIG GRANOLA PARTY!
…
Okay, I'm back. Where were we?
Great, thought Hatori. Now I have to do this all by myself.
But just as he was thinking that, who should exit the room but Tohru!
" Honda-kun. Did it work?" Hatori asked, ASSUMING Tohru had did as she was supposed to and convince Kyo to let Hatori stick him with a needle.
" Um… That is… Um… Ha-Hatori-san… have you been doing well?" Tohru asked in a very shaky voice.
Hatori gave her a weird look. " Well… yeah… pretty well…"
Tohru continued, sounding very unsure of herself. " That's-that's so great, Hatori-san!"
Then she just kept glancing back to the room, and then back to Hatori. Hatori isn't stupid. He knows what's going on.
" Honda-san, are you trying to keep me preoccupied while Kyo finds a way to make an escape?" Hatori asked.
" I'M SO SORRY!" Tohru cried, bursting into tears yet again. " I AM… I AM… A DOUBLE AGENT, HATORI-SAN!"
Not a very good one, Hatori decided and sighed. " I'm sorry, Honda-kun, but you're going to have to let me go in and see Kyo now."
" Please, Hatori-san! Be gentle! Kyo-kun is really scared of shots!"
" I will…" Hatori sighed, then pushed the door open. But when he looked inside… KYO WAS NOWHERE TO BE SEEN! MY GOD! WHERE COULD HE BE!
" HELP!" Screamed Kyo.
Hatori ran over to the window only to see Kyo dangling from a sheet that he had very loosely tied around the gutter pipe that ran next to his window. Now he was caught between a rock and a hard place! Well… the side of the house and the ground. But the ground is a VERY hard place!
" Kyo!" Hatori exclaimed and grabbed the sheet, which was slipping off the gutter pipe. " What the hell do you think you're doing?"
" ESCAPING!" Kyo yelled as if he WEREN'T hanging for dear life. Well, I told you Kyo only gets ideas like once in a thousand years. I didn't say they were GOOD ideas.
" You idiot." Said Hatori. " Listen, I'm going to pull you up and then you are going to take your stupid flu shot."
" NO!" Kyo screamed and wriggled furiously at the other end.
" Kyo! You're going to fall!"
" I'D RATHER DIE THAN TAKE A SHOT!"
" You are coming back up here, right now!"
" NEVER!" Kyo screamed at the top of his lungs and started pulling DOWN! What a weenie!
Hatori realized there was nothing he could do but hold on tight and pray that Kyo would not be so stupid as to get a concussion just because he didn't want a flu shot. Because then Kyo might have epilepsy AND the flu!
HOOONK!
" HEY! DID THE GROUNDHOG SEE IT'S GODDAMN SHADOW OR NOT, YOU STUPID PIECE OF SHIT!" Black Haru screamed at a passing car and threw a potted plant at it. The person driving drove away hastily and exploded.
" WHY WON'T ANY OF YOU ANSWER ME!" Black Haru yelled at the entire world. " ARE YOU ALL JUST CHICKEN! HUH! CHICKEN! AFRAID OF SIX MORE WEEKS OF WINTER! I AIN'T SCARED OF SIX MORE WEEKS! BRING IT ON! I'LL TAKE ANOTHER WHOLE YEAR OF WINTER!"
" KYO, STOP PLAYING AROUND!" Hatori yelled from the window.
" NOT UNLESS YOU PROMISE NOT TO!" Kyo screamed back.
" KYO-KUN! BE CAREFUL!" Tohru cried, joining Hatori at the windowsill.
" SHUT UP!" Black Haru yelled at all of them. " JUST SHUT UP!"
" Hey…" Said Yuki from the kitchen. " All of my granola bars are gone!"
" Oh yeah… about that…" Said Shigure.
Oh my. This is all getting rather out of hand.
And then… out of nowhere… or maybe just down the road, drove up the person with answers to it all.
KAZUMA!
Oi, oi, oi, yeah, yeah… we've already sung about Kazuma. But if you want to, I'll give you time to do it again.
…
…
Are you done? Good.
Kazuma parked the car RIGHT outside of Shigure's house, then stepped out and looked at the scene like he had a JOB to do, and he KNEW how to do it! First, he walked over to Black Haru.
" Haru, you need to find your inner calm." He told Haru calmly.
" I NEED TO FIND OUT WHAT THE GROUNDHOG SAW! JESUS CHRIST!" Black Haru screamed back, because I'm afraid even KAZUMA does not have the power to calm Black Haru's rage.
" Oh." Kazuma chuckled like Kureno. " Is that all? It saw its shadow."
" Oh." Said Black Haru and momentarily stopped his rage. Then he turned around and started kicking the lawn.
" SIX MORE WEEKS OF WINTER! SIX MORE WEEKS OF WINTER! WHAT THE HELL! I DON'T WANT SIX MORE WEEKS OF WINTER!"
" There, there, Haru." Kazuma said, patting Haru on the back. " Everything will feel better when you wake up." Then he knocked Haru out with some fancy judo move that I can't even DESCRIBE, because it was so fast it didn't even look like it happened. WHOA!
With Haru lying on the lawn unconcious, Kazuma now moved onto situation B.
" SHISHOU!" Kyo screeched, swinging back and forth from the end of the sheet.
" ………………….KYO," said Kazuma in a dissapointed voice, shaking his head. " What are you doing? This isn't how I raised you to behave."
" But… but Shishou! I don't wanna shot!" Kyo cried down.
" Kazuma-san, please talk some reason into him!" Said Hatori.
" Now, now……………………………KYO. We don't always get what we want in life. But we still have to move forward. A shot is merely a tiny pain that lasts for a very short time. If you can handle that, you can handle anything."
Even though all of that makes NO sense when put together… it sounded very wise! And of course, whenever Kazuma says something wise, Kyo has to stop and stare at him in a very reflective manner, which he did now.
" Shishou…" Kyo said softly, then leapt into the air and tried to kick him in the head with a flying kick, which Kazuma easily deflected. Then Kyo went flying into the house and crashed through the crazy paper doors and fell hard against the ground.
" Ha-ha… what a silly boy…" Kazuma chuckled like Kureno, as if it is NORMAL to fling your adoptive son into a house because he doesn't want to get a shot!
" K-Kyo-kun… Is Kyo-kun really… okay…?" Tohru asked from the windowsill next to Hatori.
" Um…" Said Hatori.
HOOONK!
" Thank you so much for bringing these granola bars, Shihan." Said Yuki, happily munching on one of the granola bars Kazuma had brought in his crazy old car.
" Cheh! You be GRATEFUL that you're eating Shishou's granola bars, you damn rat! YOU BETTER ENJOY IT!" Kyo growled at Yuki. " YOU BETTER ENJOY THAT GRANOLA BAR MORE THAN ANY OTHER GRANOLA BAR YOU EVER EAT IN YOUR LIFE!"
" I'm not the one throwing a fit over a little old flu shot."
" SHUT UP!"
" BOTH of you shut up. Kyo, hold still." Hatori said, who was administering a flu shot to Kyo while Kazuma watched JUST to make sure Hatori was doing it right, and because it made Kyo a lot less scared when SHISHOU was there! Even though Shishou had probably just broken Kyo's leg! OH WELL!
" But Kazuma-san… how did you know we were out of granola bars?" Asked Shigure.
" Yeah!" Said Momiji.
" Oh… I'm sure you'll find out SOONER or later…" Kazuma chuckled like Kureno, then looked up at the camera and WINKED! Then there was a long pause.
" No… seriously…" Said Shigure.
" Ow! Ow! OW! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" Kyo screamed at Hatori.
" I'm rubbing the alchol on."
" Hey…" Said White Haru, wandering into the room with a headache. " Does anyone know… if the groundhog saw its shadow or not?"
OMAKE!
Hey guys! I'm sorry you didn't hear from me for so long after chapter six! Let's cut to the chase already and answer some questions!
Or wait… since apparently Q and A is ILLEGAL… I am just making up these questions myself… and coming up with ANSWERS myself… it's all fictional… yes…
(shifty look)
The first question is not for ANYONE in the Review Crew! GASP!
Some Figment of MY Imagination: Hagrid, where do you get all your magical wisdom from?
Hagrid: From eating BRAINS!
Hayley: OO
Hagrid: Nope… shouldn't have told ye that, Nope.
And now some fictional questions from my real life fictional friend, Nakigara!
Nakigara: Carl: (bitchslap)
Hayley: HA-HA! The first person slapped Carl too! HEY! I KNOW! LET'S MAKE A CARL SLAP COUNTER!
Carl Slap Counter: TWO
Carl: …I hate my life.
Nakigara: Bigfoot- Clerks or Mallrats?
Bigfoot: HAYLEY NOT LET BIGFOOT WATCH ANY. TOO MUCH CUSS.
Hayley: He's just a child!
Nakigara: Hayley- BABOOSNAKE!
Hayley: BABOOSNAKE! BABOOSNAKE! EVERYONE CELEBRATE RENJI'S BABOOSNAKE! OMG! BABOOSNAKE AND BABOOSNAKE FOREVER! HE'S IN LOVE WITH HIMSELF! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!
…
Person (FICTIONAL!): How many women have EVER seen Hatori-san shirtless?
Hayley: Oh… you know them, because they've all turned into babbling FOOLS who can't even spell their own names anymore!
Carl: Haven't YOU seen him shirtless?
Eylayh: But I'm different.
Rebecca (who is being a fictional question person for the FIRST time!): Can you put my love monkey Ritchan into the story?
Hayley: I'm afraid Ritchan-san is living happily ever after with Zack… yes… where he isn't randomly neglected… that randomly neglected monkey.
Bigfoot: How big ARE your feet?
Bigfoot: BIG!
Hayley: DA-HUCK!
Maine Coon Cat (a fictional cat, of course): Hi Carl!
Carl: (cheesy smile) Hi loser!
Jadedtigress:
Hayley: OH! OH! OH! Before I answer these fictional questions, I have to redo an answer to an old one! I DO know who ELO is! They sing MR. BLUE SKY! I LURVE THAT SONG! YAAAAAY! (cough) Anyway…
Jadedtigress: What are your, Bigfoot and Carl's favourite characters in Naruto, and who is Jet Black's favourite character in Naruto? What is your favourite Final Fantasy, Hayley? Does Bigfoot like Final Fantasy? Does Carl? Does Carl like anything? What's your favourite Beatles song? What's Carl's? Bigfoot's? And my final question...it is SO hard to find any good Naruto comedy/parody fanfics out there...are you ever going to write one? After reading your stuff, I'm afraid you're the only one who can make me laugh...
Hayley: Wow! That's a lot of questions! Well… I don't really watch Naruto all that much, but I like Kakashi! Because he's voiced by Hatori!
Bigfoot: KIBA. KIBA HAVE DOGGY.
Carl: I like your butt.
Hayley: My favorite Final Fantasy is a tie between VII and IX. VII was the first one I ever played, and also ruined a lot of my innocence (I was ten) but IX had the most lurvable characters and made me CRY at the end. So those two.
Bigfoot: ME LOVE FINNY FANNY.
Carl: Your mom's MY Final Fantasy.
Hayley: Uh… my favorite Beatle's song is ' In My Life!'
Carl: ' I shoot people who ask me what my favorite Beatle's song is!'
Bigfoot: HEY JUDE… DON'T MAKE IT BAD…
Hayley: As for you last question… ME NO KNOW! I assume it may be! And I doubt I'll ever write one. It's hard to write parodies of Shonen Anime/Manga! I tried to do one for Bleach, my favorite shonen of all time, and I'm already stumped! OH WELL!
Person: What are your favorite foods?
Hayley: Ravioli frozen dinner!
Bigfoot: FOOD
Carl: I don't eat food, because I want to DIE.
NARIA! OMG! YOU HAVE RETURNED! OH, BRINGER OF BIG MAC MYSTERY ENDINGS!
Well, golly gee, a question for Cid! But WHICH Cid? I'll just choose a random one.
Naria: Are you still alive?
(silence)
Hayley: That must have been FFX Cid…
Ayame, why? Why are you so pretty?
Ayame: (silly smile) I dunno! Because I'm a Sohma! And we are all beautiful! YAY! Coughbutiamthebeautifullestcough
Carl, Where the hell have you been, you vindictive purple menace? And how might I go about killing you?
Hayley: Ooh, don't call him purple. He's very self-concious about that.
Carl: No I'm not.
Hayley: Barney is purple. That would make me self-concious.
Carl: SHUT UP.
Hayley: And of course I still lurve you! As for the remix… it was done by yours truly. I am ghetto, yo… uh… yo-yo… ma!
Hopefully it won't take as long next time!
Ja ne!