A/N Thanks to Losingintranslation and Michelle for all the hard work. Thanks for you continued support and the many sweet notes during my recent difficult time.

Gil returned to the room laden with two regular burgers, two large fries, two cokes and a veggie burger-just in case.

Sara mumbled something as she took the pile of food he offered.

"I went ahead and got you a beef and a veggie burger," he told her a little too cheerily.

Sara wrinkled her nose as she examined the food. "Never had a veggie burger."

"You might like it," was all he could offer.

They ate in awkward silence. Sara polished off both of the burgers, half her fries and a third of the soft drink, as Gil absently picked through his own meal. When she was done, she casually chucked the wadded up up wrappers into the garbage can beside the bed. Wordlessly, she retreated from the room, but more importantly away from Gil, to take a shower.

Forty five minutes of running water later, wearing only her panties, she stalked out of the bathroom into the dark suite. Gil, already in bed, his broad back to her, didn't even pretend to be asleep. She sighed with relief and slipped under the thousand thread count sheets. She'd never slept on sheets like that before. The tightly woven cotton was cool, soft, rich. Wondering if she ever would sleep on anything that satisfying again, she tried to enjoy them, but was unable to, given her present state of mind.

Alana always seemed to be lurking at the perimeter of their lives. The woman touched every shadow making it so that Sara could be almost happy, but never totally happy. There was something left unsettled between Gil and this woman. She didn't know if it was love, or lust, or just the last threads of the relationship hanging on.

"Gil," she said, her breath touching his naked back

"Yes," he replied without turning over.

Sara felt her face flush as she revealed, "Alana called while you were gone."

"I thought she might," he admitted, not entirely sure where the conversation was going.

"What's going on Gil?" she asked weakly.

He turned over to face her and rested his hand lightly on her waist. "Nothing. I haven't even talked to her."

"Why not?"

He inched a bit closer to her, tightening his grip. "I-don't have anything to say, I suppose

"Why not?" Sara was truly interested in the answer.

He seemed confused, and gave a half shrug.

Sara stared into the darkness and measured her next words very carefully. "Wasn't she your friend? Don't you want to say hi? See how she's doing? I mean, hasn't she been out of the country for nearly a year?"

"I-"

Surprising even herself, she squeezed his hand. "Look. I've never had a relationship like you and Alana hand. There was Manny, but that was just two people that needed one another for protection and comfort. But you and Alana, you had a connection. You were really friends. You have a history and you probably thought you had a future, too. It just seems-" Sara struggled for the right word. "-strange."

"I thought I was doing the right thing-being respectful of you- by not talking to her."

Sara turned away from him, but let his hand remain on her. "You didn't even tell me she was trying to contact you."

He swallowed slowly and tried to move closer to her. "I'm sorry."

"Why are you apologizing if you don't even know what you did?"

"I'm trying."

Tears pooled in her eyes, but she refused to let them flow. She pushed the watery edge out of her voice. "You didn't tell me the truth. You created a secret, and made me want to help you keep it. You made it seem like it was-bad that she called." A tear slipped from one eye. She didn't wipe it away.

"Tell me what to do," he whispered against her hair.

"You still love her," she declared.

His protest was instant and fierce. "No!" came his emphatic whisper. "I love you."

A million thoughts whirled through Sara's head in that instant. If she had been standing, the declaration would have knocked her off her feet. Instead, it only served to make her incredibly sad. "Then why haven't you ever said it before."

"I don't know," was all he could muster.

Sara

We slept then; fitful and weary of the conversation. At some point, as the sun rose, Gil got up and slid open the balcony doors. "You should hear the ocean," he announced as he walked back to the bed.

If you had to ask me now, I would have to say I initiated the lovemaking. Not aggressively, but I discarded my panties somewhere in the middle of the night and when he came back to bed I had settled on my back. I'd thrown off the covers, to feel the crisp air on my body, and my legs were half open.

He reached for me tentatively, but there was nothing tentative about the way I clung to him as he pressed into me. I pushed away all other things; all my troubles, my doubts, my fears. I just wanted Gil there, on top of me, moaning and stroking my insides. Telling it me everything was going to be okay.

I wanted to tell him I loved him, but all that would come were grunts and spasms and "Gil."

Gil

She says she has to leave. That if I do love her, I won't stop her. That she's going to stay with Kelly for awhile or maybe Marg. She doesn't know. She promised that she'll stop tending bar. That she'll call me if she needs money. That she'll call when she "gets her head on straight."

She says all of this as she closes her suitcase and casts me caustic looks, punctuated with what I feel are "you poor thing" furrowed brows.

I tend to agree with her.

She says she's not angry. That she's lost herself in me. I don't even know what that means. Isn't that what it's supposed to be about? Losing yourself in the other person? I'm trying so hard to get this right, but maybe I just don't have the radar for it.

I promised not to pressure her, to talk to Alana, and to figure out what I want.

I try and tell her I love her, for the third time. She shakes away my pleas as she downs two Advil and mutters a complaint about "damn cramps."

I asked to take her to the pier. She refuses. We should start our break right now. I should enjoy my time on the island. That's what she says. I give her a kiss that leaves us both breathless and I see her brown eyes falter for just a second.

"You gotta let me do this, Doc. You've got to let me go, to let me go just this once, babe."

I do.

Sara

I hear someone call my name as I make my way to the dock. It startles me most because it's not Gil's voice.

Out of nowhere, Billy from the boat is walking beside me, his tight jeans giving out a little too much information, his shirt half buttoned, and his bright eyes pushing away the last remnants of sleep.

"Hiya," he says amiably.

"Hi... Billy." I'm not in the mood for this, but he's just so damn nice.

"I was telling Gina we should call you guys for dinner." He notices the suitcase that's rolling along beside me for the first time. "You two leaving already?"

I avoid the question. "Gina's your girlfriend?"

His eyes bounce between me and the suitcase and we move down the lane. "Yeah, she's getting whipped with seaweeds or something at the spa. She says we need couple friends."

We walk in silence for several long surprisingly unakward moments. I feel Bill studying me. "Let me take that." he says stopping and reaching for my suitcase.

I start to protest, but Billy is that kind of guy you don't argue with. He pushes in the handle of the case and lifts it from the sidewalk. The pier comes into view. But there's at least another 10 minutes before we get there.

Effortlessly, he carries the case above the sidewalk, which has begun to twist and slope gently downhill.

As we begin to walk again he looks away from me. "You're leaving your fella, aren't you?"

I shrug and pick up the pace. Billy never misses a step. "Not exactly."

"Then what, exactly?"

"Anyone ever tell you that you're nosey Billy?"

"Yeah. Now...you going to tell me what's going on?"

"Billy..."

He sounds more serious than I ever thought him capable of. "Sara-you can't leave him. It'll kill him."

I snort. "Yeah. The loss of me is like the absence of oxygen."

"So you ARE leaving him," he concludes.

We walk past an ancient looking couple sitting on a bench. They give us bright, dentured smiles.

Billy nods and smiles at them. "If she dies first, he won't last a week," he murmurs continuing to smile at the couple

"So, Gil is somewhere fading away as we speak?" I snort.

"I thought you didn't leave him?"

I stop in my tracks then and he stumbles, but doesn't drop the case. Facing him, I resist the urge to poke him in his chest. "Look. I'm not leaving him. We just need some..."

"Space?" Billy offers with the shake of a head.

It seems to suit so I agree. There's an empty bench a few feet ahead of us. Billy dusts off a few leaves and motions for me to join him. "Can we sit for a second? You walk like you're running from something."

I cast a glance down the hill at the dock.

"Boats come and go every 15 minutes and all of them have room for a pretty girl." We walk towards the bench, the suitcase between us on the ground.

"Look, Sara, I don't know what's going on, but I know people and that man loves you something awful. He's a man, so you might not be up on all the man clues. But trust me, he's down for the count and all you have to do is ring the bell and call the fight." He rubs his hand over his scruff. "It's never good when the woman leaves. Women leave when they are absolutely done. When there's no hope. That's what he's feeling right now, Sara. He's feeling hopeless."

I watch Billy to seek out his sincerity. It's all there. "You just met us-" I sigh. "I don't want him to feel that way. I don't. I just…he's got some stuff he needs to deal with and I'm just trying to protect myself."

"Ah." He rakes his hand in his thick curly hair, creating rows. "You think he's seeing someone else. Get them before they get you. Look- I know a thing or two about men who can't keep it in their pants and most of the time it's just stupid and selfish, and occasionally it's mean, but it's hardly ever about you." I try and interrupt again. "That being said, I completely understand the need for self protection and maybe." He looks around. "Maybe he was that guy, but he's not that guy anymore. I saw his eyes, Sara. He's not that guy. If he's gotten himself into something-a mess- you gotta give him a chance to get himself out of it."

I cock my head and stare at Billy's pleasant kind face. "You know an awful lot about this, Billy. You in a mess?"

His nails are suddenly very interesting to Billy. "I used to thrive on-a different kind of life. Now? Now, I'm working on cleaning a few things up."

I stand and resist the urge to smooth Billy's hair. "Come on. Gina's going to be in a mood when they are done beating her with foliage. You can buy me a fruit punch before I leave."

TBC