Disclaimer: for the last time, I own nothing!

A/N: uh, here ya go! Next chapter! This chapter and the next one were originally one chapter, but I split them, and added the whole last bit. I hope you like it! One more chapter, and the epilogue. I promise! And they're both almost done, so it should all be up in the next day or two. Oh, and there's a bit of language, nothing major, but yeah, just a heads up.

Chapter 12: Truths

The door swung open and three heads whipped around to see Alec standing in the doorway, an unreadable look on his face. 'Max, we need to talk. Now.'

Cindy and Syl took this as their cue, and stood up simultaneously. 'I think that's our cue to leave.' Syl said.

'Yeah, hey can I crash with you tonight? Don't want to be trekking through no sewers tonight.' Cindy asked, looking at Syl with a knowing look, giving her a wink before she looked down at her feet and wrinkling her nose at the thought of the sewers. Syl laughed as she linked her arm through Cindy's and headed towards the door.

'Yeah, that's fine. Krit doesn't need his bed tonight, you can have his room. See ya later guys, have fun.' She whispered the last bit to Max as she walked past her, and sent her a wink before the two women left the room, laughing and whispering in a very conspiratorial way, closing the door behind them, leaving Alec and Max alone, facing each other, neither saying anything.

'So, what do you need to talk about Alec?' Max asked, breaking the silence after an uncomfortably long minute of silence.

'We need to talk about us, about why you keep kissing me, then running away from me, what you said earlier… that I wouldn't need to force you.' He practically whispered the last bit. 'Did you mean that?' Max swallowed. She had been prepared to force his feelings out of him, but here he was doing that exact thing to her. But what was she supposed to say? She stood there, looking at him for a minute, then let her gaze drift to a spot on the wall above his head before she finally answered him.

'Yeah, I meant it.' She said, unable to look him in the eye.

'What about the kisses Max? Cause one you could have explained away, but three? I just, I'm a little confused here Max. What's going on?'

'I just… It's… what about you? I didn't see you pushing me off you.' That's the way, when in doubt, turn the tables Max.

'Is that what you wanted? You wanted me to push you away? Cause that's never gonna happen Max. I'm not gonna push you away, and I'm not letting you push me away, ever.' He told her and she shook her head.

'I told you, I'm not gonna push you away either. That's the last thing I want, Alec. I need you in my life. But I also… want you there. Alec, I…' she looked up at him. She couldn't say the words yet, not to him. She wasn't quite ready to make that plunge, not without a safety rope at least, or something to reassure her she wasn't just going to plummet to her death. Oh, lovely image, just what I need to be thinking about right now. Focus Max!

'I want you too Max, in every sense of the word that exists.' He paused and she looked up at him. 'And I need you too, I need you so badly it scares me sometimes.'

'Alec, what does all that mean? What happens now?' Max looked up at him, face full of vulnerability.

'Honestly? I don't know.'

'Don't know much, do you?' Max joked, trying to lighten the mood. And it worked, she noted as Alec's lips curved up into a smile.

'It's still more then you know, that's for sure.' He responded his voice just as light as hers had been.

'Tell me then, oh great one, something that I don't know.' In the five seconds of silence that followed, both had furious battles with themselves as to whether or not they should say what they really wanted to say, neither wanting to be the first and both fearing rejection. In the end, Alec lost his war first.

'I love you Max. I never though I'd be able to say those words again, and truly mean them, after Rachel. But I realised recently that I never truly knew what love was before now. Rachel was… Rachel was my first love, and I'll never forget it, but you… you're my true love. I love you Maxie.' He said again, pulling her in for a kiss.

There was no gentleness this time, it was all passion. They both poured themselves into it. Max pressed herself into him, fitting her body to his, but it still wasn't enough, with the barriers of clothes. So she wrapped an arm around his waist, the other snaking up around his neck, and she pulled him closer still. He responded immediately, deepening the kiss further then Max had thought was possible.

But then Alec stopped the kiss as suddenly as he had started it. He held her at arms length, his eyes searching her face. It was flushed; her eyes wide and full of need, want, confusion and something else. Her lips were slightly parted and bruised slightly from the kiss. She looked vulnerable, as vulnerable as he felt at that moment. He needed to know what that something else in her eyes was.

'Alec?' Max's voice was hesitant. It was the first time Alec had heard her sound so uncertain of herself, and it calmed him down a bit to know that he wasn't alone in that department.

'We can't… I need to know where you stand Max, where I stand with you. I can't be a rebound; I won't be used like that. There can't be any secrets between us.' He said to her.

'I'm not using you, Alec. I never was. I thought I was, when I lied to Logan. But I finally realised that I told him that because somewhere, deep down, part of me wanted it to be true. I pushed it aside, refused to listen to what my heart was telling me, went with my head instead. But I can't push my feelings aside forever, I've done that for so long it became second nature to me, but I realised that I don't want to any more.' She looked down at the floor, unsure how to continue.

'What do you want, Max?' Alec couldn't help the sound of frustration that slipped out of his mouth. He wasn't frustrated with her, it was more the situation. And the fact that Manticore had never trained them to have emotions, to talk about their emotions, instead of just ignoring them and pretending they didn't exist. Good ol' Manticore, screwing up his life, once again. Yippee!

'I want you, Alec. I…' Oh, for god's sake Max! Get a grip! He's already said it, come on! You feel it, you know he feels it, just tell him! He wants to hear it, he deserves to hear it. Grow up! 'I love you Alec.' She said finally, looking up to meet his eyes, to let him see the truth there. 'I've loved you for a long time, I was just scared of what I was feeling that I pushed it away, ignored it, or turned it into anger, because that was easier to deal with. And I guess I always took that anger out on you. I was trying to run from it, I'm still scared Alec, but I'm sick of running. No more running, Alec.'

'No more running Maxie, from either of us.' He agreed with her. 'Now, come here.' He demanded, pulling her into his arms. He brushed his lips against hers softly, testing, but she pressed her lips hard against his, her body arched towards his of its own accord, and she pushed his lips open with her tongue.

Alec pushed against her so she was forced to back up, until she felt the wall at her back. She felt for the bottom of his shirt, and they broke apart unwillingly as she drew it over his head. She took a moment to admire him, and couldn't help thinking, this is all mine, and it always will be. She smiled, and she reached up to lay her hands on his chest. She let them roam over it, testing, remembering, before she looked up at him, a mischievous look in her eyes. She kissed him and then suddenly shoved him through the doorway, into the bedroom. She pulled off both her tops in one swift movement as she walked towards him. She wrapped her arms around his neck, leaning up to kiss him, as he pulled her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist, and he spun her around in his arms. As he kissed her, he lowered her onto the bed, before lowering himself so he was above her, propped up on his elbows, looking down into her eyes, and they took each other.

They lay in each others arms, content. Max looked up at him, and smiled. He smiled back, and they just looked at each other for a while. Then Alec broke the silence, once again.

'Max, I meant everything I said earlier.' Alec told her.

'I know, I meant everything too.' Max said, looking a bit puzzled.

'No, I didn't mean that. I meant about us not having any secrets from each other. I want to start this thing off the right way, no secrets between us. Otherwise, it won't last. And I want this to last.'

'I know, and I think you're right. There shouldn't be any secrets between us.' Max agreed, and she looked up at him.

'I think it's time I told you why I refused to be CO.' Surprise covered her face now, but she simply nodded her head. He looked up at the ceiling, not sure how to start, and it was silent for a few minutes before he began.

'Back at Manticore, I was CO of my unit for almost as long as I could remember. It had just always been that way. When time came for them to start sending us on missions, I had pretty much the largest unit.' Max looked up at this, once more confused. 'My unit had the least amount of casualties during training, and none of them got sent to Psy-Ops, with the exception of me just after you escaped. I looked out for them, and my SIC was great. X5-556. She was an excellent soldier, we got along great and she never left a man, or woman, behind. No matter what the situation was, she could always get everyone home safely, something no one else could do. She always thought of everything, never missed a single step.' When he paused, Max looked up at him again. She could tell he was lost in his memories, and by his eyes, she could see that they weren't happy ones. After a minute or so of silence, Max spoke.

'What happened Alec? You know you can tell me.' She said it so softly that at first, when Alec didn't respond, she thought he hadn't heard her at all. She was about to say something when he opened his mouth, although no sound came out at first. Finally he found his voice.

'When we were about 16, 17, our unit was sent on a mission, all of us together. It wasn't unusual for them to do that when we still fairly young, but at that stage, it had been about a year since an entire unit had been deployed together, and for them to send our unit, which was still the largest, was very unusual. We all knew it had to be something major for them to send all of us. Anyway, turned out this guy, one of the major backers of Manitcore, was starting to ask questions, you know, what were they doing at Manticore, where was it located, stuff like that. So this guy was a major figure head in Washington, so a simple assassination wouldn't be that easy, but he was apparently getting worried, and so half our unit was being sent in as extra bodyguards that he had hired. The other half was meant to make friends, you know, play nice and get close to him. Most of our guys, all but me and this other guy, were put on as the bodyguards, while the girls and us two guys were meant to go play nice. And it might sound weird, you know, with us only being 16, but this guy, well he liked his friends young.' He felt Max shudder as he said this, and he pulled her closer, and held her for a minute before he continued.

'Anyway, everything went fine for a few weeks, the guys went in as the bodyguards, and a few of us managed to get close to him, including me and 556, or Miranda as she was called for this particular mission. Anyway, a few weeks into the mission, he invited four of us over for dinner in his mansion, me and three girls, including Miranda. But of course, unknown to him, we also had another 6 guys on the inside, not that he suspected anything about us, or his new guards. He wasn't the brightest guy. The evening started out pretty well, we had dinner, and we all talked. Then, I don't know what happened. We were having drinks, and he asked Miranda if she wanted to walk with him, look at his library, cause she was in to books, and she agreed. I watched her go, and even though I knew she could handle herself against this one guys if she needed to, I had this bad feeling in my gut. I knew something was wrong, but I couldn't just get up and follow them. I thought it would be fine, cause one of his guards, meaning one of our guys, would go with them, but he dismissed them, and they went off together. About ten minutes later, when they didn't come back, I couldn't wait any longer, so I got up, and I went out the way they had. I walked down the hall for a bit, avoiding the other guards and the maids, and when I got to the library, it was empty. I kept going, and when I got the end of the corridor, and saw no one, I was about to go back when I heard a noise in the room at the end of the hall. I walked up to it, and I opened the door slightly, and I saw…' he trailed off again, and when Max looked up she saw he had tears forming in his eyes, and she had to stifle a gasp. She had only seen him cry once, when he had been talking to Rachel. She knew that whatever was coming wasn't good.

'Alec? It's ok, just tell me. Sometimes it's better to tell someone, and I can be a very good listener.' She said softly, and she felt him hold her tighter to her, as if he never wanted to let her go.

'Miranda was lying on the bed, hardly moving, and he was kneeling over her. I couldn't figure out why she wasn't doing anything, then I saw her eyes, and they were open, but they weren't moving, and then I saw the syringe lying on the floor next to the bed. He drugged her, and as I stood there he started to remove her dress. It was like I was frozen, I couldn't do anything. I was shocked at what was going on, and part of me wanted to go in there and rip this guy to shreds, but there was this tiny part in my mind, the part that made me hesitate, that said what about Manticore? They haven't authorised a kill. While I stood there, I didn't notice that Miranda's eyes had drifted in my direction, and she let out a small noise when she saw me, and I because I wasn't paying attention, he registered her reaction before I did, and I didn't move quick enough, and he saw me standing there, and before I realised what was happening, he had pulled out a gun and was pointing it at me. I blurred out of the way just as he fired, and it clicked. He looked at me, and told me he knew who I was, why I was there. Then he turned the gun on Miranda, and told me he'd kill her if I made any move to tell the others about what was happening. I just stood there, I didn't move. I asked him what he wanted, played along with him even though I knew I could have killed him before he knew what was happening. I had a gun, he didn't know that, hadn't factored that into the scenario. But I didn't, because Manticore hadn't given the order to kill, and I still thought I could get us out of there without killing him. It was a waste of time, and it didn't do any good. I should've killed him when I had the chance. I almost did it, I got my gun out and was going to shoot him, but that little voice, that stupid fucking voice came back, just for a second, and said do you really wanna go back to Psy-Ops? And that second was all it took. He saw my gun and he pulled the trigger on his, he shot Miranda in the chest. His aim wasn't good, and he didn't get the heart, but my aim was better and I did. I raced over, grabbed her and blurred out of there. I met the others in the hall, they'd all come running when they heard the first shot. We all headed out, splitting up, and I was heading through the grounds when I ran into some of his actual guards, and I put Miranda down, and I fought them, but another one came up behind us and got to her, while the others distracted me. I turned around, and there was this guy beating her up. She was lying on the ground in a pool of her own fucking blood, and this guy was beating her up!' He stopped, looked away, as if ashamed of what he was going to say next. But he took a deep breath, and continued anyway. He knew he needed to get this out.

'I killed him, I snapped his neck like it was a twig. That's when the rest of the unit turned up. They told me that the alarms had been set off, and more guards were coming, with dogs. I looked down at Miranda. There was a huge pool of her blood, and she was still bleeding. If we took her with us, she'd leave a trail, as well as slow us down. I wanted to stay with her, but she just shook her head at me. I left her there, I ran for my life, and left her there for the dogs to sniff out. I meant to go back for her, but tried to, but Biggs stopped me. I beat the shit out of him that day, and he just took it. I knew that leaving her there had been the best thing to do for the unit, it was the only way to get everyone else out of there alive. But I didn't get everyone out. I was the CO, they were all my responsibility, I was meant to keep them safe. If I hadn't let her go by herself, if I hadn't let him see me, if I'd fired first…' He trailed of, then pushed himself up of the bed, pulled on his pants, and stood up. He walked over to their window, and Max lay on the bed watching him. 'I can't have that kind of responsibility again, I can't be responsible for someone's life like that. I just… I can't have that kind of power ever again.'

She rose slowly, pulling on his shirt, and she came up behind me. She put her hand on his shoulder, and gently pulled on it so he turned to look at her. She felt her heart tug when she saw the despair in his eyes, and the guilt. She knew that guilt all too well, knew what it was like to feel responsible for the death of a family member. They looked at each other, silent for a few seconds, and Alec pulled her close in a tight embrace.

'I know Ben forgives you Maxie, he knows that you loved him. You did what you did because you loved him, because he asked you to.' He whispered the words into her ear as he held her, and they both took comfort in the other.

'Miranda forgives you too, you weren't just saving your own neck, Alec, you were doing what was best for your unit, what Miranda would have wanted you to do. We both did what we did out of love, and I think it's time we both let go, remember them in better times. I've lived with the guilt for over a year, and I know what it does to you. But we'll keep fighting, ok? For them.' He nodded, and they held each other like that, neither of them were quite sure how long they stood there. Then he pulled her away slightly, and look at her face, as if taking it in for the first and last time. Then he pulled her towards him, and he kissed her, slow and sweet. She leant into the kiss, and they slowly made their way back to their bed, and they spent the night exploring each other.

That night they both knew that they did more then just have sex, or even make love. They mated. All the pent up passions came pouring out, and it seemed like their energy had no boundaries until the early hours of the next morning. Just as the sun rose, they fell asleep in each others arms, content to just be with each other.

A/N: Ok, so what did you think? Yes/no? Please tell me! I didn't want to make it too sappy, cause it's not really Max and Alec. And did you like the explanation of why Alec didn't want to be CO?