"Are you sure you two aren't secret lovers?" Yahni said with a curious eyebrow raised, and a twinkle in the eyes beneath.
I went wide-eyed and flushed crimson at the accusation, but I felt Anton's embarrassment, discomfort from beside me…
…and Kasen's anger, suspicion…
"Of course not, sir," Anton shook his head hard. "I would never take advantage of a woman, especially not one so young and innocent."
I frowned.
There's that "young" word again.
And as much as I enjoyed hearing myself described as innocent, by Jedi standards I was far from it.
After a few more cordial words, Anton took his leave.
Yahni stepped inside, laughing with Nova, who was shaking her head.
Kasen just stood there, staring at me; arms crossed, shoulders back, feet far apart.
I could feel everything he was going to say, and felt myself grow angry.
"I—," I heard him start; I held up a hand.
"Don't start accusing me."
"Oh no, dear Keelee, not you – him," Kasen's blue eyes flashed.
Anger gave way to shock, and shock to fury; my green eyes were blazing.
"What do you mean, 'him'? What did he do, other than bring me home?"
"I don't know, you tell me." Kasen's tone was daunting, accusatory.
"How dare you! He has done nothing to me but be my friend."
"…your friend? Do you think that is all a grown man wants – your friendship?"
Suddenly, parts of the Jedi code that were burned into my brain flashed into my present thoughts. "Attachment leads to jealousy – the shadow of greed, that is," I heard Master Yoda's gravelly voice explain.
My heart lurched. It was happening, right before my eyes.
Kasen was turning to the Dark side.
"Kasen, I…"
"Keelee, if he comes around here ever again, I will kill him."
The words struck like lightning in my heart.
"You will what?" The intensity in his tone, his eyes frightened me.
He was serious.
"I will kill him," Kasen stated flatly, coldly. "Plain and simple: If he comes here again, I will simply cut off his head."
"Kasen, you don't mean that," I pleaded.
"Oh, but I do," he said, his voice low and even. "You are mine and he will not take you away from me."
My face screwed up into a confused and appalled expression.
"You do not own me," I spat. "Possession is forbidden for a Jedi."
"So is love, as is attachment," he shot back, "but we have broken both."
Then he stepped forward, eyes intense, and pulled me toward him.
But when he bent down to kiss me, I pushed him away.
He frowned, but stepped close again, undaunted.
I shoved harder this time.
"Don't," I told him.
But he wasn't listening.
As he obliterated the inches between our faces, I turned my head, and felt his lips press hard against my cheek.
He pulled back, shock evident in his face.
"I said, don't," I whimpered, feeling dejected.
"It was okay before," he pouted, sounding like a child.
"You didn't claim to own me before," I shot back, crossing my arms.
"Fine," he spat, turning away from me.
So we stood there, backs to each other, fuming and pouting like two-year-olds.
But we weren't two; I was sixteen and he, eighteen. These issues were real, and made me realize I was far from the days of stubborn younglings fighting over toy blocks.
"I'm sorry," I heard him utter. But he didn't feel sorry.
"No, you're not."
"Yes, I am."
"I'm sorry, too," I said, and his eyes brightened.
But my face was somber. "I'm sorry that we let this get so far out of hand."
I watched a mixture of emotions register across his handsome face.
First of all, surprise, then sadness, then desperation…
"Yes, yes, out of our hands – maybe it's the will of the Force!" His eyes pleaded.
But I turned away. "Or maybe we are just disobedient Padawans who need some time apart from each other for a while."
We fell silent, for what seemed like hours.
…then came frustration, then anger, which gave way to pure rage, and then…
"I hate you," I heard him utter, just above an angry whisper.
…and then came hatred.
The words did greatly sting, but I did not let myself cry.
Before I could say anything, Yahni strolled out into the setting sunlight, smiling cheerfully and announcing that Nova was finished cooking.
Kasen strode past him, disappearing inside.
Yahni looked over his shoulder, forehead wrinkling thoughtfully.
"What's with him?" Yahni asked, turning to me.
I shrugged, so he repeated the gesture and I followed him inside.
………
"Can you please pass the tangaroots?" I asked softly.
They sat, steaming hot on the large plate in front of Kasen.
Cold, and silently fuming, Kasen slid it over to me, hard, without touching it.
A few of the tangaroots tumbled off onto the table.
Nova and Yahni both stared, wide-eyed.
My heart was pounding, my mind was scrambling…
"Uh, that's… that's how we do it in the Temple," I blurted.
They nodded, satisfied.
I sighed inwardly, relieved.
But then I was fuming again, angry at Kasen for being so careless… and worried at the ease with which he'd slammed the plate to me.
It was as if…
I shook the thought away. It just wasn't possible.
"So, how was work today?" I asked Yahni cheerfully.
"Oh, it was pretty average," he started to explain… but I was bored with eating, and just nodded at the socially appropriate points of conversation for the rest of the meal.
It was going to be a long life.