Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi: TNG

Chapter 4

Jay hung up with Sean, sitting in the too large kitchen that was barely ever put to use. His mom was sitting across from him at the table, her eyes nervous. The past ten minutes she'd been trying to make small talk with him and Jay had not been very cooperative. He tried to tell himself that the anger brewing inside of him had no place there. Why should he be angry that his mom wanted to talk to him? It was just...she hadn't shown any interest for years and now that she was all he could feel was resentment.

"So, Jason...why didn't you tell us about Emma?" Jay's gorgeous brunette mother asked, absently running a finger around the rim of her coffee cup. Jay glared at her, pausing for a moment before answering her.

"Not like you're ever around for me to tell you things," he muttered, unable to hide the anger lacing through his words. His mom sighed, her shoulders drooping in a defeated gesture.

"Well, I'm here now," she said softly, almost sadly. Finally realizing that she wasn't going to give up on this, Jay sighed. He'd give her the benefit of the doubt...for now. Besides, it's not like he could hide Emma away from her forever.

"Em's really great. I love her," he blurted out, wondering why on earth he'd just told his mother that. Jay was not the type to go around unveiling his feelings to people, least of all to his parents. He didn't talk about his feelings and he didn't let people see him for who he really was. He wasn't sure why he needed his mom to know that he loved Emma, but for some reason he did.

"She must be great for you to feel so strongly for her," his mom said, smiling at him softly.

"Yeah, she really is," he responded, not quite sure of what to say now. He fidgeted in his chair, readjusting the backwards hat on his head.

"Why is she in the hospital? Is she sick?" Her voice sounded cautious, as if she was afraid that Jay would storm out like he had the other day. It unnerved Jay to see that his mom was afraid to talk to him. It made him feel guilty, even though he knew he didn't have anything to feel guilty about.

"Uh, she had some eating issues, but she's doing a lot better. They're actually letting her out early, so she comes home in less than two weeks," Jay quietly told his mother. He felt like he was betraying Emma by telling his mother her problems, but he needed to talk about it to someone. He really hadn't been able to talk to Sean about any of this; they were still stuck in this awkward phase of rebuilding their friendship and Jay wasn't sure of how to broach the subject of Emma with his best friend.

"She's anorexic?" Jay's mom asked, worriedly. All she could think was that poor girl.

"Well, yeah. She, um, passed out a while ago and ended up in the hospital. She wasn't doing so good, mostly my fault I guess. I was sort of a jack ass to her," Jay mumbled, suddenly ashamed. He hated thinking about what he'd done to his beautiful girlfriend. He hated remembering the reason why she was currently three hours away in a rehabilitation center for an eating disorder. It made him think of how undeserving he was of her.

Jay's mom cleared her throat uncomfortably, clearly unsure of where to go from here. They both knew this was the longest conversation they'd had in years, probably since Jay was a small child. It was a shock to him to realize how much he'd missed his mother, how much he'd needed her over the years. The thought had anger bubbling up inside of him again and he shoved back from the table, standing abruptly.

"Look I gotta go. When Emma gets home I'd appreciate it if you and dad could tear yourself away from work for an evening so the four of us could have dinner. I'd like you guys to meet her," Jay haltingly said. He didn't wait for his mom to reply simply turned away from her sad, slumped over form and walked out of the house. His mom sat there for a long time, staring at the spot her son had been, wondering how she'd let things go so wrong.

Emma,

I'm sitting here at the Dot, waiting for Sean and Manny to meet me here. I know I just wrote you, but I need to talk to you and this is the only way I can do it. I just need to talk to someone. I'm glad I finally told you how things are with my parents because you probably wouldn't understand this if I hadn't. Today my mom sat down with me in the kitchen (home two days in a row, what a shocker) and tried to have a conversation. Well, I guess we did have a conversation, but it was awkward and strange and reminded me of two strangers sitting down next to each other on the bus. She wanted to know about you and so I told her a little about you. I told her why you're in the hospital, I hope you don't get mad at me for it. She seemed truly worried when I told her about your eating disorder even if she doesn't know you yet. I asked her to arrange an evening where both her and my dad are off so the four of us can have dinner. I'm hoping that it will be the week after you get home. I figured he we could tell them then.

If you ever tell anyone I said this I will deny it until the day I die, but I'm afraid to tell them. And at the same time that I'm afraid, I can't wait to tell them. They've ignored me for so long and now they'll have to pay attention. I know this letter is completely out of character for me and as you're reading this you're probably thinking to yourself that this can't possibly be your boyfriend writing this, but there's so much I just need to get out.

Do you think I'm crazy because all I could feel was anger towards my mom for trying to talk to me? She's left me alone for so long now that it pisses me off that she'd try to act like she actually cares about what's going on in my life. I know it sounds insane, I want them to notice me, but when they do all I can do is bite at them and be an asshole. It's just...I don't know. It's so strange for them, that I don't know how to handle it. I hate not knowing how to handle a situation, not being able to control it, and their throwing me for a loop. At least I have you and nothing has changed there.

Anyhow, something else just occurred to me as I've been sitting here writing this. Manny and Sean sure have been spending a lot of time together. I'm starting to get the feeling that there's a little something going on there, but who knows. They'd be a strange pair, but then again look at us. Speak of the devil, they're walking over here right now. I miss you greenpeace.

Jay

Jay's letter almost brought tears to Emma's eyes. She hated that he was so torn up over his parents. It hurt her to see him hurting this way and there was really nothing she could do about it. She knew that Jay's determination to be a good father stemmed mostly from his parents lack of parenting. She thought about the excitement on his face when he'd felt the baby kick and she smiled despite herself. Whether he knew it or not, he was slowly changing from the scowling angry guy he'd been, to someone a little happier, a little sweeter. He was still her Jay, but something inside of him was different and it wasn't a bad thing.

She would be getting out of the hospital in three days, her psychiatrist suggested that they let her out even earlier on the account of her doing so well. Dr. Warner also thought that it would be good for Emma to be around her family and her boyfriend right now as her pregnancy was progressing. She hadn't told Jay and she'd instructed her parents to keep silent as well. She wanted to surprise him with her arrival and she couldn't wait to do so.

The dreary walls of her room suddenly didn't seem so dreary anymore when she thought about how she'd be leaving soon. The only thing that dampened the joy of her departure was the fear that once she had more freedom she'd fall back into her old habits, but something inside of her knew that she wouldn't. Jay and the baby were too important to her and she knew she'd only be hurting them both if she let herself be beaten by her anorexia. The Emma Nelson who was constantly worried about calories and pounds was beginning to fade and the new (old) Emma was slowly emerging again. It felt good to be herself again.