Anton emerged from his house a few minutes later, wearing a large hooded robe. It was brown, like Master Obi-Wan's, and when I saw him, I burst into fresh tears.
Not crying is a stupid plan. Then it just makes more tears come out when you finally can't stand holding them in anymore.
"Keelee, I am so sorry I upset you like this," Anton's eyes were filled with remorse, his heart poured pain into the Force spectrum.
"No," I shook my head emphatically, "it's not just you, Anton. I am just very confused right now."
"I'm sure I didn't help matters," he said softly.
"No, I don't know if you helped or hindered," I admitted. "I'm not sorry you kissed me, if that's what you mean."
His face flooded with relief. "So you're not mad at me?"
I shook my head, trying to stop the tears from flowing.
Anton reached over and brushed my face with his sleeve, softly and carefully, and I closed my eyes, feeling the scratchy fabric brush against my cheek.
"That looks like a Jedi robe," I pointed out, inhaling a jagged breath.
"I love it," he smiled. "It's virtually indestructible."
I laughed. "Well, our robes certainly don't reflect our lives, then."
"Keelee," his face grew serious again, "I don't want to do anything to hurt you, or mess up what you believe in, or anything like that. If me getting involved with you is going to do any of those things, I'm going to stop it and just leave you alone from now on; just say the word and I will promise it to you."
"It's not that simple," I sighed, taking a deep breath. "Once I am attached, it's very hard for me to sever such a strong bond. Especially one I've been cultivating since day one of meeting a person," I blushed.
His eyes lit up. "You, too…?"
"Yeah," I admitted sheepishly. "Kasen knew, and that's why he and I haven't gotten along. But he went psycho on me. I think that's why Jedi aren't supposed to fall in love – too forceful of personalities to not become jealous and possessive."
He gave me an amused look when I used the word forceful, and I laughed.
"No pun intended, right?" he joked.
"Right," I nodded.
"But it's like with Master Obi-Wan, and Anakin," I explained. "I could've hunted down and killed Anakin for what he'd done to all of us, but I still miss him sometimes. I still think about what a wonderful person he was. I can't get rid of him, or the memories. And Master Obi-Wan, I found him because of our Force-bond. It's like he's been my Master, we have this Master/Padawan relationship, only deeper. It's almost like being related," I tried to explain. "It's… complicated."
He nodded.
"But with you… it was so strange," I shook my head. "It took me years to get so attached to Kasen, but you…"
"I know what you mean," he said softly. "I've had girlfriends before… well, one or two," he admitted, "but I've never felt this strongly about anyone. You can ask my sister, she can see it in me."
I laughed softly. "That bad, huh…?"
"Yeah, you're a regular heartbreaker."
I frowned at his choice of words.
"Sorry," he cringed. "I've got to stop doing that."
"No," I shook my head. "I just have to get used to it."
We shared a conspiratorial grin, and then I dropped my eyes again.
"We'll just have to take it easy," Anton said; I could hear the smile in his voice.
"Yeah," I nodded, "we'll be 'just friends' – even though I don't know what else we could be called…"
"Well," Anton smiled, amused; "if you wanted us to be more than that, you'd be considered my girlfriend."
I frowned. "Girl-friend…Aren't I already a friend who's a girl?"
Anton burst into laughter.
I love that laugh. I smiled, despite myself.
"No, you… wow, I guess that does sound pretty stupid." Anton wrinkled his nose.
I laughed now, too. "I just don't know much about these sorts of relationships." I shrugged. "When you grow up amongst Jedi, it's not the kind of thing you're taught."
"I can imagine." His infectious grin spread across his face.
"But I have to talk to Master Obi-Wan about this," I wagged my finger at him.
Anton gave me an amused look. "Won't that be awkward?"
A giggle escaped my lips. "Probably..."
"Well then, by all means, talk to Master Obi-Wan about it."
His eyes twinkled, and I looked down, trying not to get lost in them.