Chapter Five:

You Are Not Alone.

I lay alone in my darkened room a million thoughts running through my head and i just wanted to stop them all but i knew in my heart that there was nothing i could do now. I condemned myself to this fate and knew that the only person i could blame was myself. How could i let myself get carried away so easily, lost in a fantasy of love and happiness where flowers grew and bunnies hopped and everyone was happy. I was supposed to be smart so how could i let myself get caught up in such a situation? End up in the dumbest situation a person could get caught in. And i was captured all alone, lying here on my bed in the dark not knowing what i was going to do. Where will i go from here? How could i carry on when everything i had ever planned for myself had fallen into a hopeless heap. I could not tell anyone how scared I really was because i could not bite chew and swallow my pride to tell anyone what was going on. I would have to face my destiny, i had to be strong for the child i was carrying despite the fact i was finding it hard to be strong for myself.

Why could i not confide in my friends this horrible secret, this abomination of my future. Tears streamed down my face as i thought of the leak future i would face raising a baby on my own, working a dead end job just to pay the bills and make ends meet never having enough to do anything for myself. Watching my youth just flash past in a maze of nappies and baby sitters, never being able to drink or party like all the other people my age were doing. Not being able to get stinking drunk because i had the responsibility of someone Else's life burdened on me.

Who ever said children were a blessing never had an unplanned pregnancy, were not just starting their life to find out they had created life themselves. They say it takes six weeks to return to normal after having a baby, but in reality normal was no longer existent. Would I ever get to experience normalcy again? Experience love and happiness or would they be crushed in my icy heart that was trying to cope with the world as I now understood it? Crushed like all hope had been. How empty I could feel when i should have been full of joy and happiness. Was this not supposed to be a joyous occasion? But how could being forced to have a child at a young age be joyful?

I held my pillow to me cuddling and clinging to it as if it were my life preserver and I was lost far out at sea which was similar as to how I felt now. I cried soundlessly as my computer played songs to accompany my sour mood. Most muggle contraptions would not work in Hogwarts as there were no power points but i had found a way to generate enough electricity to run the muggle things i needed to help me through the day. These things were my only real source of comfort when i returned to my room at the end of another monotonous and useless magic lesson to cry alone. I have no idea why i continue to study magic as after this child was born i would be have to work hard in a pointless dead end job to support the unfortunate human being inside. Magic would become a useless fantasy and i would return to a muggle life like i had never attended the magical Hogwarts. I would become just another face in the multitude of people. When i had dreamed of becoming someone and doing something monumental with my life, i knew that in a hundred years i would be forgotten. In two hundred years it would be as if i had never even existed and the only thing i had left to my name now was this child. It would be the only sign that i even existed. Why did I resent the only thing that proved i had been alive? Because without it I would have made my mark another way.

There came a soft rapping at my door and i flicked my wand relighting the room and went to fix my face before unlocking the door. I should not have bothered because it was only the ferret standing on the other side. The last person i wanted to talk to at this point in time. I had no option though as he jumped in pushing open the door before i could open it an inch. Typical Slytherin prick, give him an inch and he will take a mile. He looked at my computer quizzically for a few minutes and went to inspect it closer jumping as one song ended and another started. At least the memory of Draco jumping at a computer would brighten the dark and lonely nights.

"What do you want Malfoy?" i asked annoyed that my privacy had been invaded yet again by this pompous prick.

"To see how you were? I could hear this contraption going and it sounded pretty morbid in here, anything you need to talk about?" was that concern i could hear in his voice? No that's impossible why would this prat who had made my life a living hell my entire magical schooling possibly be concerned about me.

"I like this music," came my defensive reply but he just gave me a funny look and continued to inspect my computer like a cave man on his way in evolution. I was getting used to the solitude why could he not leave me in peace, just for a day. "You can leave now," I snapped at him. At this he stopped investigating my computer and sat on the end of my bed hitting the end as if it were an invitation for me to sit down. I was not feeling comfortable with this. He was acting suspicious. Who was i kidding this was Draco Malfoy, everything he did deserved suspicion.

He raised an elegantly manicured eyebrow in my direction as if to say, if you can move me off this bed, I'll go. Losing my patience i walked up to him and yanked his arm as hard as I could which got a pleasant result, saying that it got him off the bed but an unfortunate result as if to say it simply enough he landed on top of me. Stupid prat, he was heavy too and i as i pushed with all my might i tried lifting him or throwing him from me but unlike the bed the only result i got was sore arms and i eventually after much struggling, as i was not the type to lie there and take his crap, I gave up. He was smirking profoundly and it only irritated me further to know that he was getting his pleasure out of this awkwardly uncomfortable situation.

Finally after studying my face for roughly three minutes he removed his weight from my body.

"There is something not right with you, Hermione Granger would not quit, not on anything, why did you stop trying?" His questions were so infuriating because i knew he was right. I was no longer myself, I had quit, stopped trying at everything important to me and just focused on the negative. Then for the first time i felt the infant inside of me move. It was similar to having a heavy wieght shifted but from the inside instead of the outside. I wanted to break down and cry and tell him everything. I had isolated myself so much that I wanted to reach out to someone anyone and just pour out my broken soul. Confess to all of my sins. But i could not even tell my friends who i trusted and knew would not judge me. Why of all people would I tell Malfoy? Tears welled up in my eyes again and I fled my own room hoping that he had not seen me crying.

I ran past the faceless people, hearing people shouting my name but never hearing anyone run after me. I ran past the library and down the stairs until I was running up the stairs my feet knowing exactly where to head when i could no longer stand the pain in my head. People evacuated as soon as they saw my bushy head coming. It was common news now that I was no longer a nice person to be around and as a result I was friendless and in fact people were scared of my hormonal temper. Now that I had made it here i was unsure about what to do and why I had come here. This is where it had all started, where i had come to end my miserable life. Why had i chickened out and done it when i had a chance? I had a chance now why could i not bring myself to take it? What morality did I have left in my empty soul that stopped me from ending my bleak future.

Draco about five minutes later came puffing up the stairs after me. This he figured had given me enough time to jump if my heart so chose to. But after living in close proximity for almost four months he had learned that i was too stubborn to take my own life no matter how miserable the prospect. How he knew this though was beyond me. Then again they do say keep your friends close but your enemies closer, i presume it was his duty to know everything about me including my weaknesses and my breaking points. Strangely enough i had not taken the time to acknowledge his and I had to give him points when it came to effort and observation.

"Why didn't you do it? I gave you enough time," he leaned against the door casting a shadow over the room where I sat huddled in a ball crying into my hands alike to the day he had found me when I had found out the terrible news. I wanted to charge at him and push him back down the stairs. I wanted him to break his neck like my heart had been broken.

Before i had a chance to make a smart remark in response he rushed over to my shaking form and wrapped his arms around me. He did not say a word but simply sat beside me and held me as i sobbed into his robes not once complaining about the tear stains or my running nose which sniffled constantly. He brushed my hair and sat silently beside me. Had it not been for his warm embrace i would not have even known he was there. For the first time in a long time i felt safe. In the arms of my most loathed enemy i felt like i could entrust him with my sorrow and tears without fear of retribution. I felt sheltered in the warmth of his green and silver school robes and slowly but surely my sobs subsided. Still he sat there and said not a single word. He would be patient and wait until i was ready to confide in him. Eventually the crying ceased completely and i brushed the wet tears from my face in a vain attempt to hide my tears. Pointless seeing as he had just held me as i broke down on him. He pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and dabbed at my face giving me a smile. A smile i returned waveringly.

"You know Hermione, whatever it is your going through, no matter what, I'll always be here if you need to talk or just cry, I'll be here to listen if you need me to be okay? I just want you to know Hermione, Its not always as bad as it seems and that you are never alone, Do you hear me Hermione? You are not alone." After all of this he turned and disappeared through the door he had once been standing at leaving me felling more confused than i had been to start with. But at least i was not alone.

A/N:

Yay I found an awesome spell checker! It comes with the Google toolbar so its really useful seeing as I only have word pad on this slow piece of prehistoric junk. Now I can word count on fanfic and spell check with Google! It makes my job just that little bit easier! Still I would love a Beta reader!

Love it? Hate it? tell me what you think?

I find it amusing this is on the Alert list of 33 people, and 173 people read the most recent chapter but only 7 people reviewed! I mean SEVEN! Come on you can do better than that cant you?

My thanks to Angel9, Malena and Summer Lindsay for your review, i will be updating again soon as I had a really good idea for the next chapter.

Fractured Faerie: yes 7:30 is a loathsome time of the day for most people but it is normally bed time for as I rarely sleep at night. 9:00am Now THERE is a loathsome time! I am glad you like my story, look out for a review from me on one of your works, Even Evil Hearts Can Be Broken looks really good!

TO THOSE WHO READ AND DONT REVIEW!!!

Shame on you! I work hard on these chappies if you can add me to your alert list and take the time to read it the five minutes at the most it takes to review is not much to ask!

I have a particular love of One Shots so if you have one shots review my story so i can review yours... Even if they are not one shots if you review my work I am more likely to review yours!

AND...

I KNOW WHO THE FATHER IS... You wont find out for a while unless your smart and you'll figure it out next chapter.

Happy Reading and Much love

Perfect Butterfly Blade