Hm... Good news and bad news... Good news: I've broken my Bleach and Hellsing writers block. Bad news: It has now infected my Naruto story writing skills.

Writers Block sucks.

Inside, Upstairs

"Stupid fools..." Itachi grumbled to himself as he closed the door behind him. He'd decided to hide in the other bedroom, since Gaara's corpse and a fangirl had already occupied the other. He smirked when he noticed a closet in the corner of the room. "Nobody will bother me in there..."

Itachi opened the closet door, expecting clothes or something to be in there. Maybe a fangirl, but not likely. But he was NOT expecting what he actually found. "Wassup?" said the person huddled in the back of the closet.

"Who are you?" Itachi stared at the man.

The guy in closet looked like a S.W.A.T. Team reject. He was wearing a black uniform, elbow and knee pads, a bullet proof vest, a gas mask, and... a bucket hat? Yes, for some reason the only non-army item in the man's outfit was a white bucket hat. "I'm Agent HUNK," the man waved. Sure enough, it was Agent HUNK, the famous (yeah right), beloved (surrrre...), and totally awsome (cough cough ego) Author.

"Agent HUNK?" Itachi arched an eyebrow. "Aren't you the man they were talking about earlier? What are you doing in here? And what's on your head?"

"Yes, hiding, and a bucket hat," the Author replied.

"Hm... I see..." Itachi nodded slowly. "Well, do you have any ideas on how to escape from these fangirls?"

"As a matter of fact..." Agent HUNK replied slyly as he tipped his bucket hat forward, casting an ominous shadow over his red goggles.

Outside

Without warning, a window on the second floor of the cabin shattered. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!" Itachi screamed as he soared through the glass and plummeted into the waiting mass of screaming fangirls. "WWWWWWWHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY????!!!!?!?!?!?"

"Throwing people to the horde tends to keep zombies- and fangirls- occupied long enough for other survivors to escape..." Agent HUNK mused as he peered out of the window and watched Itachi get glomped. "Hm... well... back to the closet..."

"We lost another one..." TK3997 sighed sadly as he listenend to and watched Itachi die.

"Who was that guy in the window?" Darthjag pointed at the shadowy figure walking away from the window.

"Beats me..." TK3997. "I'm more concerned with the fact that the pizza I ordered isn't here yet!"

"Yo!" a woman suddenly ran up carrying several pizzas. Her nametag said "Lechar-Light" and she had a huge smile on her face. Almost a fnagirl-ish smile...

"PIZZA!!!" TK3997 grabbed the pizzas out of her hands. "Darthjag, pay this fine young woman!"

"But I..." Darthjag's voice trailed off. "Okay..." he sighed, handing her his wallet. "I don't know how much is in there, but I'm sure it won't cover all of this..."

Meanwhile, Fenrir was fighting for his life amongst the endless waves of fangirls. "GET AWAY!!!" he screamed, batting away the grasping hands of several fangirls. "GET AWAY, I SAY!!!"

"YOU!!!" Out of nowhere, Pyramid Head grabbed Fenrir by the throat and picked him up off the ground. "DID YOU STEAL MY BABY?!"

"Your what?!" Fenrir stared in horror at the monster. "AAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!! PYRAMID HEAD!!!!! DON'T RAPE MEEEE!!!"

"I'm not going to rape you..." Pyramid Head replied calmly. He then threw Fenrir over his shoulder and into a crowd of fangirls. "They might, though..."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!" Fenrir screamed as the fanirls swarmed around him. "Oh well, at least it isn't Pyramid Head..." he sighed sadly as the sheer number of fangirls eclisped the light of the world from his sight.

"Now then, off to find my- huh?" Pyramid Head looked down. Wrapped around his leg was an Author. 10Join-Fei looked up at Pyramid Head with a huge grin.

"You might not be Jack Sparrow, but you're good enough for me!" she smiled.

"..." Pyramid Head stared at the fangirl/Author. He then shrugged and shook her off of his leg. "Well, that was odd. I didn't know I had fangirls... Oh well, I'm sure she's the only one..." About 3 seconds later, he was burried under a huge pile of fangirls. "I stand corrected..." he grumbled from beneath the pile.

Inside, Downstairs

Kakashi, Sasuke, Naruto, Alucard, Renji, Jan, and Jack Sparrow were sitting around, trying to think of another way to escape. They'd pushed some random furniture against all of the entrances and exits, so they assumed they were safe. But... they were wrong...

"Um, Naruto?" Kakashi, who was back to his normal self, looked down at Naruto. "Why are you still hugging me?"

"I missed you..." Naruto shrugged.

"But you can let go now..." Kakashi informed him.

"But I don't want to..." Naruto shrugged.

Click-clack.

"He's infected..." Alucard growled, aiming his biggest and most powerful pistol, the Jackel, at Naruto's face. "We should kill him before he turns..."

Dead silence.

"What are you waiting for?" Renji arched an eyebrow.

"Huh?" Alucard looked at him oddly.

"Blow his bloody head off! Paint the wall with his brains! SHOOT THE LITTLE BUGGAR!!!" Jack yelled groggily. Clearly, he'd found some rum. "WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?!"

"I thought you'd try to convince me not to shoot him or something..." Alucard scratched the back of his head in confusion.

"No, just waste him..." Jan shrugged.

"TOO LATE!!!" Naruto suddenly jumped to his feet and began to laugh insanely. A sudden cloud of smoke puffed up around him, and when it faded away Naruto had turned into his Sexy Jutsu form. He looked like an young woman, with long blonde hair, a revealing swimsuit, and very... er... obvious characteristics. "KAKASHI-SENSEI!!!" she squeeled, diving for her sensei.

"NARUTO, NOOOOOO!!!" Kakashi screamed as his student soared through the air at him. "THIS IS WRONG ON FAR TOO MANY LEVELS!!!"

KERBLAMMMM!!!!!!

Thud.

"What, did you think I'd let it get you?" Alucard smirked as Naruto's headless corpse hit the floor in front of Kakashi.

"Poor Naruto..." Kakashi sighed.

"Meh, who cares?" Jan shrugged.

"SURELY NOT I, THAT IS FOR SURE!!!" Jack exclaimed wildly, raising his hands into the air.

Awkward silence.

"Was that a double negative?" Alucard cocked his head to the side.

"I don't know, really..." Jack scratched his chin. "More like a double possitive..."

"Does that make it a negative?" Jan arched an eyebrow.

"Wow, we're boring when people aren't trying to glomp, kill, and/or rape us..." Sasuke sighed sadly.

Itachi is dead. Fenrir might be dead. Pyramid Head will require a lot more than that, for sure. And Naruto... yeah, he's dead. He got his friggin' head blown off, after all...

Okay, I'm sorry, but I don't think I can fit in many more requests. I'm already unable to put a few in without having to go out of my way... So if you make a request, keep in mind that it will only show up now if I find an easy way to put you in. Sorry, but I think the number of Guest Authors in this fic is reaching its limit.

Review, please!