A.N/ hey guys! Soooooo sorry, it's been forever since ii updated, and the onlii excuse ii have iis that ii forgot all about iit until yesterday when ii was serchiing through mii folders trying to fiind mii French homework… So anywho, sorry iits been a while, and thiis might not be one of mii best stories cuz I haven't done 1 for ages! Thnx for all the reviews, iits good to see people expressing their opinions :D So where were we? Oh yes, Elizabeth attempted to commit suicide, and Jack is flogging the Queens underwear on EBay… lets begin…
Disclaimer: Yes, I think you get the picture, I DON'T OWN POTC!
CHAPTER 4: Ariel, tourettes and the great escape
Jack: (in boat with guards. Mullroy is extremely fascinated with Jack's tale, and is quickly writing down something in his journal.) And then she made me sign her Bebo account…
(A splash next to the boat, as Elizabeth hurls herself off the battlements. Only Murtogg notices the splash. Back up to the battlements.)
Norrington: Elizabeth? (Turns round to look over the side.) Elizabeth! My God, its happening all over again! If only my make-up artist would stop fitting me with the wrong foundation, maybe this would stop happening! (Glares offstage as a young girl runs across the battlements, throws a sponge at Norry and then runs off teary-eyed. Norrington starts to jump in after her.) You aren't getting away from me that easily!
Gillette: (stops him from jumping!) No sir! The rocks! It's a miracle she missed them! (Under his breath.) A bloody miracle! (To Norrington) I would never put your life in danger Sir! (Batters eyelashes. Back to Jack.)
Murtogg: (tapping Mullroy furiously on the shoulder.) Hello! A girl just fell into…
Mullroy: (interrupting) shut up! I'm trying to listen to him! He has some important facts about the Queen and I'd like to listen!
Jack: S'cuze me lads, but I think…
Murtogg: Who cares about the Queen anyway? Its not like she did anything for us!
Mullroy: Yes she did!
Murtogg: Didn't!
Mullroy: Did!
Murtogg: Didn't!
(While this futile fight is underway, Jack the hero plunges into the sea to rescue Elizabeth; not that she needs rescuing; she'd rather be left to drown.)
Elizabeth: (in her head) Gosh, this is more fun than I thought it would be! I mean, look at the pretty fishies swimming round me! And… (The medallion round her neck calls to the Black Pearl. Murtogg shushes Mullroy and looks around.)
(Jack swims towards Elizabeth, but is beaten by Ariel, the little mermaid, who hoists Elizabeth over her shoulder and swims away. Unhappy, Jack follows her into A cove under the sea, where he finds Ursula tying both Ariel and Lizzie up. Jack switches on his charms and somehow unties them, taking both ladies out of the cave. Ariel thanks him by planting one on him. Happy and horny, Mr Sparrow takes the now unconscious Elizabeth up and out of the water.)
Murtogg: (helping Elizabeth and Jack out of the water) Ooh, I got her. She's not breathing!
Jack: Move out the way! (Licking his lips and grinning, he shoves Murtogg out of the way, and cuts off Elizabeth's corset.) How do you like me now!
Mullroy: Never would've thought of that. (Goes in for closer inspection.)
Jack: Clearly you've never been to Singapore. You get people doing this for money there! (Sees medallion, to Elizabeth) Where did you get that?
Norrington: (somehow gets down onto the boat extremely fast. He points the sword at Jack.) On your feet.
Governor Swann: (helps Elizabeth up) are you ok poodle?
Elizabeth: Daddy-pie! I told you not to call me that!
Governor Swann: OK pumpkin. (Sees Murtogg holding Lizzie's corset; Murtogg points at jack; Swann looks at Jack.) Shoot him!
Elizabeth: Go on Daddy! He was my rescuer, he deserves to pay!
Norrington: I believe thanks are in order. (Offers handshake. He reveals Jack's "P" tattoo for Pirate.) Had a brush in with the East India Trading company, did we Pirate?
Governor Swann && Elizabeth: Hang him!
Norrington: Keep your guns on him men! Gillette, fetch some irons.)
Gillette: Yes sir, anything for you!
Norrington (sees tattoo of a sparrow in flight.) Well well, Jack Sparrow, isn't it?
Jack: (shouts out) Captain! Captain Jack Sparrow! Captain! (people look at him weirdly.) Sorry, I've got tourettes, don't mind me. Captain!
Norrington: (pulls up Jack's sleeve to reveal a name tattooed on his shoulder in a love heart: Carly.) May I ask who this "Carly" is?
Jack: You may, but I'm not entirely sure… Oh god, was it that ginger I had last Thursday? Or the blonde yesterday? Or the…
Norrington: (interrupts) Moooooving on, I don't see your ship, Mr Sparrow.
Jack: CAPTAIN! Excuse me. (Slaps himself). I'm in the market, as it were.
Mullroy: These are his sir. (hands him Sparrow's effects)
Norrington: No additional shots nor powder. A compass that doesn't point North. (unsheathes sword.) And I half expected it to be made out of wood.
Jack: It IS made out of wood. (Points at the wooden blade.) Damn, I knew I shouldn't have swapped it for that one at Hoods Hideout!
Norrington: You are without a doubt the worst pirate I have ever heard of.
Jack: Aye, but you have heard of me!
Gillette: Sir, can I put it on him now? Sir? Oh Sir, please talk to me in that wonderful voice of authority and let me..
Norrington: (sighs) Yes Gillette, you can put it on him now.
Jack: (Gillette moves away from him) Finally! (throws his irons around Elizabeth's neck.)
Governor Swann: even though you probably wont, I will re-establish that you shouldn't shoot!
Jack: I knew you'd warm up to me. Commodore Norrington, my effects please, and my hat. Elizabeth, it is Elizabeth isn't it?
Elizabeth: (flutters eyelashes) It's Miss Swann.
Jack: Miss Swann, if you'd be so kind. Come, come, dear. We don't have all day. Now if you'd be very kind. (She straps on his sword, puts on his hat etc.) Easy on the goods darling.
Elizabeth: (flirtatiously) You're despicable! Grrr…
Jack: Aye me lass, if that's what you want. I saved your life, you save mine.
Elizabeth: Well actually, I didn't want to be saved.
Norrington: (A.N sorry I just had to put in this line from POTC 3!) You're mad.
Jack: If I wasn't this wouldn't work! (A.N yay! Lol just had to put that in!) You will always remember this as the day that you almost caught Captain Jack Sparrow! (pushes Elizabeth away and escapes, swinging around and landing on a beam above their heads)
Governor Swann: Now will you shoot him?
Norrington: Open fire! (Jack is shot at. Amazingly, even with dozens of speeding bullets coming at him, he manages not to get hurt at all: spookily uncanny if you ask me. Not that you are going to, unless you put a review on (do it! Lol). But anyway, back to the story.) On his heels! (Jack throws his chains about a rope and slides to the ground, unharmed and perfectly planned, despite the fact he was only at the port for less than an hour, and half of that time he was giving an interview and swimming. Yes, I am still wasting more time writing this than actually getting on with the chapter, which is slowly coming to an end so…)
Norrington: (trying to be immensely clever, but failing in the process) Gillette, Mr Sparrow has a dawn appointment with the gallows. I would hate for him to miss it!
Gillette: Yes sir, anything for you sir!
Wow! Lolz sorry bout the reallii long A.Ns I keep posting midway, but, Alas, tis fun :P
Will update soon, please review!