Not—Part 2
Ponyboy's POV
Numb. As in, not feeling anything. I almost wished I could stay like that, but in an instant all the feelings held at bay by the cold, unfeeling numbness washed over me. I was in a flood of emotions, drowning, trying to keep my head up. The numbness won. I still couldn't do anything but stare at those papers, the ones that told me so unflinchingly that everything I ever thought about myself wasn't true, that the truth was something I'd never really known in this house.
Did everybody know? Was I the only one who hadn't been told, hadn't been let in on this big secret? Did they whisper about me when I wasn't around, or had my back turned? Had I been the single solitary person left in the dark, when I was the one who should've been told from the start?
Did Steve and Two-Bit know? Had Dallas and Johnny known when they were alive? Could they really keep a secret like this for fourteen and a half years?
And did Darry know? He was my guardian, it was impossible for him not to have known. Why didn't he tell me? Why did nobody tell me?!
And worst of all, did Sodapop know? Did the person I trusted most in the world, the one to whom I told everything, the one who always listened to my problems, stuck up for me no matter what, stopped Darry from yelling at me, lost his girlfriend partly because of me, and the one I loved even more than my parents—did he know too? Had he been keeping this secret from me my whole life?
Then I stopped. It was unthinkable. There was so way Soda could have known about this and not told me. He was a terrible liar, it would have come out years ago if he was let in on it. And I just couldn't believe—didn't want to believe—that he would hide something like this from me, no matter how much he may have been trying to protect me. It just wasn't like Soda.
But Darry…he could have done this. If it was true—and how could it not be true?—he would remember. The secret would never have been a secret to him. Unlike Soda, he was able to keep a straight-face even better than I could, and I'd learned to be an expert liar. Yes, Darrel Shayne Curtis Jr. was capable of many things. Unfortunately, hiding this was one of them.
Was it true? Like I said, how could it not be true? The papers told me everything I needed to know and more, every hateful, drawn out detail. It was plain, clear writing, professional and uncaring. Unfeeling. Just like the numbness I was going through now. It didn't care who might find it and read it. It didn't care about me or what I might be feeling, if I could feel anything.
How could it be true? How could they all have lied to me for so long? Mom, Dad, Darry, even Soda. Maybe I don't know any of them at all, maybe Soda was just pretending to be a bad liar in order to keep a bigger lie a secret. Mom, Dad, I need you here to tell me it isn't true…
How could my life be falling apart because of a school trip?
How could I be adopted?
Oh my gosh. I have already gotten way more reviews than I expected, and I thank you all a thousand times over! Satisfied with the new chapter? I've got another one coming. As soon as you review again!