Not—Part 5
Ponyboy's POV
"What the heck are you doing here?" I demanded furiously, nearly jumping out of my skin, I was so startled. "And how did you know I'd be on here?"
Sodapop shrugged and looked at me seriously, all trace of that grin gone. "Look, I may be a dropout, but I ain't stupid, Ponyboy. And I know my brother better than ya think."
I winced at the word 'brother.' He'd obviously found the papers, so what was he doing, pretending like I didn't know yet? "Thought I knew you too," I muttered, refusing to meet his eyes. Soda looked hurt. Inwardly I grimaced, though I didn't let it show. This wasn't his fault. I seriously doubted he'd known anything about this, but right now anger beat out reason. "But then again, I never thought I'd find out one day that I was adopted. Huh, Soda? Did ya know that about me? When were you and Darry planning on letting me in on your big secret?"
Soda just looked sadder than I'd ever seen him, almost. "I didn't know, Pony," he said softly, his voice tired, defeated, miserable. "I swear they never told me. Don't you believe me?"
"Does it really matter anymore?" I ignored his question even though it was echoing through my mind, haunting me. "I'm not your brother! Okay? The secret's out. I never was!"
He looked as though he couldn't believe what he was hearing. I couldn't believe what I was hearing, and I was the one saying it. "Don't say that," he pleaded. The train was moving, picking up speed. I hadn't noticed until now. "A piece of paper doesn't mean anything! Nothing's changed!"
"Don't you get it, Soda?" I exclaimed, unable to understand why he was having such a hard time getting what I was trying to say. "Everything's changed! I don't even know who I am anymore. And you…"
"What?" Soda snapped, angry for the first time. "What did I do? You think this doesn't hurt me as much as it does you? I came here to find you because you're my brother, and I don't care what some paper says, you've been my brother since the day you were born. Don't you get it, Pony? Mom and Dad didn't tell you because they wanted you to have a family. And you did! You still do, and you're still a Curtis, and don't say you ain't because if you do I swear I will punch you as hard as I can, and maybe then you'll start being yourself again."
"Don't," I said. That was all. I was mad, but not crazy enough to ask for a punch from Soda. I'd seen him fight. And I hadn't brought any aspirin.
"I won't," he said, backing down for a minute. "But you've got to stop pushing me away. I want to help you understand that this adoption thing doesn't change things. At least not between us. You're my baby brother, and I just want to see you smile. That's all I ask. Come on…"
I couldn't do it. I couldn't smile, even if I had wanted to. He wasn't smiling. When Soda's not smiling, it's practically impossible to muster up a smile on your own. And he looked dead serious in that moment, asking me to be the one to make him happy. That was his job. Why was he falling apart over this? This was my problem, my life screwed up here.
And then I stopped. His life was screwed up too. He hadn't known, he was as much in the dark as me. Maybe he was a victim too. Sort of.
But not as much as you! I argued with myself. I didn't want to hurt Soda anymore, but everything was falling to pieces around me. How else was I supposed to react?
"Where are we going anyway?" I mumbled, not wanting to break my resolve to be angry with him.
Sodapop shrugged again. "I don't know, I just jumped on the train 'cause I knew you'd be on here. This is where you came with Johnny, right?"
"But how did you know what train I'd be on?" I persisted, still not meeting his eyes.
"A big brother knows," was all he would say, infuriating me again. He just couldn't get it, could he? Soda just wanted to pretend everything was okay, that everything was fine and dandy.
Well, he could do what he wanted. He wasn't my brother, so I wasn't his keeper.
Where do you think they'll end up? Texas? (Just kidding.) And is Darry going to catch up to them, or figure out where they're going? And where in the world are the rest of the gang (aka Steve and Two-Bit)? All in all, what did you think? Reviews!