"What do you mean 'they hit too close to home'?" Mark looked at me with a confused expression. "I thought you told me everything about you."
"I've told you almost everything. There are a few things, like this, that I've kept to myself. Only my mom and my sister know about this."
"I want to know, too. But I want to know whenever you get ready. I'll be here for you. I promise. Even if the four of you murdered someone and disguised the body as a dead patient in the hospital."
I giggled. Eventually Mark will have to find out, but thinking about the whole situation still left me feeling guilty and depressed. When I told Derek, he was so supportive of me. He understood that what happened was not my fault and tried to convince me of it. However, I couldn't make myself believe what he, or anyone else for that matter, told me. I still felt like it was my fault. If only I had done something differently. I don't know what, but something. Maybe, just maybe…
The next day at the hospital…
"Oh, Dr. Shepherd, is it true?" my ambitious young intern pounced on me as soon as rounds had ended.
"What?" I tried to play the fool as the petit blonde took my arm.
"I heard about you and Der-er-the other Dr. Shepherd."
"Now how on earth did she hear about that," I wondered. "MARK!"
"What, exactly, did you hear about my husband and I?"
"Well, I heard…umm…I heard that he took a position in Seattle, but you're staying here. And…umm…"
"Spit it out, Bramwell, I don't have all day."
"I'm sorry, it's just that I heard he…sort of…foundoutyou'resleepingwithDr.Goodbar," she said in a rush.
"Dr. Who?"
"Oh! I..uhh..I mean Dr. Slone."
"What did you call him?"
"Well, all the interns sort of call him Dr. Goodbar."
"Does anyone else have a nickname? What's mine?"
"Umm, I have to check on…"
"No, you don't."
"Well," she hesitated and flushed from her chest all the way to her hairline. "Sometimes we, especially the guys, uhh…call you Dr. Mounds because you umm…I think I'm gonna be sick!"
I stared dumb founded as Dr. Katie Bramwell disappeared into the women's restroom. The eager intern assisted me in a TTTS (Author's note: twin-twin transfusion syndrome, mentioned in a season 2 episode) her very first week as an intern, and now I make her throw-up. I laughed at the thought of the surgical staff all having candy bar nicknames and tried to picture what some of my friends were getting called. When I felt like I could finally keep a straight face, I walked into the restroom to check on Katie.
"Dr. Shepherd," she began.
"It's okay. All interns have nicknames for their attendings. It's just one of those things."
"Really? What did you call your attending?"
"I don't remember what I called the OB attending, but I do remember calling the cardiothoracic surgeon 'The Digger' because whenever he thought no one was looking, he would pick his underwear out of his…gluteus maximus."
"Really? He did that?" she smiled, though her skin was still pale.
"He was such a geeky little man. We always wondered how he was strong enough to crack a chest."
"Seriously?"
"He was about 5 feet 5 inches, and he probably weighed 132 pounds. Maximum. His shirts were always tucked into his pants, and he wore suspenders and a bow tie every day. But he was brilliant."
"I don't believe you!"
"I have a picture of him somewhere. I'll look for it to bring to you."
"Okay."
"Now, do you think you can finish up with your patients?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"And, Katie?"
"Yeah?"
"Please brush your teeth first."
"Okay."
As I walked away, I realized I forgot to ask how she heard about Mark. Anger began to bubble up inside me, and I marched into his office. Slamming the door open, I caused him to jump about a foot into the air. I looked at all the polished mahogany, and I almost felt sad. He didn't have any pictures or personal things decorating his office. I decided to do something about that.
"Did you tell someone we slept together?" I demanded.
"No! Addie, why would I do that?"
"Because you brag about your women like they're trophies that you stack on a shelf and show off to everyone who comes into your living room!"
"I didn't say anything. I swear. You see, Ads, you're kind of a goody-goody around here. I didn't think you'd appreciate me telling everyone that there is a feisty side behind your cute but nerdy little glasses."
"Mark Slone! I'm going to kick your ass!"
"Bring it, Baby."
I leaned over his desk to smack him hard on the cheek, but instead was pulled over the desk and into his lap. He lifted me into the air and situated me more comfortably on his legs.
"I wouldn't have to let you win, Addison," he said with that grin of his, "Because you could definitely kick my ass if you were mad enough, but the thing is I would let you win because I love you too much to chance hurting you if I fought back."
"Why?"
"How many times to we have to go over this to get it through your perfectly defined, yet thick, skull? You are an amazing, beautiful person. I love you because you put everything into what your doing. You are so strong, yet you have this delicacy about you in everything you do. And you're probably the only woman I know that could kick my ass and not mess up your clothes or hair or whatever. Damn it, you're the closest thing to perfect I've ever seen."
"Mark, I'm not perfect. I'm probably the biggest screw-up in this whole hospital."
"Nope. That would be me. I am currently, and will be forevermore the biggest screw-up in this hospital, but I still think you should give me a chance."
"I am giving you a chance, remember?"
"Really give me a chance. Move in with me."
"But,"
"No. I want to see you when I wake up in the mornings and feel you next to me at night and everything in between. Come stay with me, and I'll show you that I'm not always a jerk. You aren't a trophy to me, but you definitely make me feel like I've just won the grand prize…In a nonsexual, really good way," he added, with bright eyes.
Mark Slone was actually being kind and sincere. As he spoke with tears in his eyes, I felt so complete. I wanted to believe everything he said was true, yet I found it so hard to get past him as the "boyfriend" I knew he could be. Still, Mark was offering something I didn't know he realized existed, then it was my turn. I knew he should know what happened all those years ago.
"Okay, but there is something you should know. I wasn't going to tell you this, but you've been very open and honest with me. Now it's my turn," I paused and sighed.
"Oh, Addie, you don't have to tell me whatever it is."
"I do, Mark. I'm ready."
He put his arms around my back and looked deep into my eyes. I didn't try to keep the pain hidden from him. I took a deep breath and tried to focus on things other than the fact that his hands were inches away from my backside. I knew I had to tell him. Otherwise any sort of relationship we built would be a complete lie. I lay my head on his shoulder and fought back the tears that would inevitably fall. Despite my efforts, after six years, I still couldn't keep myself from crying.
"Take your time. I'll be right here," he began to trace figure eights on my back, something he found soothed me by accident after our first board exam.
Another deep breath….
Author note: Sorry to do that to you guys, but I'm tired. And I sort of changed my mind on what was going to happen. I'll have two Addie chapters in a row though. This was a little longer than usual, but I needed some comic relief before what is getting ready to happen. Tell me if you like Katie, I may try to write her in some more.