Disclaimer: Jonathon Larson obviously.

Clouded Memories

"Mimi," Collins said, hugging her. Maureen ran and jumped into his arms.

"Thanks for saying 'hi' to me," she pouted, laughing at her former roommate.

"How dare I forget you," he said, placing her back on the ground. Mimi led the two of them into her room.

"Have you seen Roger at all today?" Mimi asked, sitting down on the bed.

"Nope," Collins said, taking a seat in a chair against the wall. "Maya and he left real early for something."

Mimi nodded and brought her knees up to her chest. Lately, she had been craving her beloved drugs. She was not sure why. She thought it was because she was in a hospital. She knew she could never go back, though. Every time she even thought of going back to drugs, the memory of Roger throwing the powder back at her flashed through her head. She remembers so well, the way his eyes clouded over with hurt.

The lights of the CatScratch Club sign were blinking. Smoke was rising up out of the sewers. I crossed the street quickly, avoiding cabs, which would stop for nothing. I could see The Man in plain sight. His face allowed me to release a sigh of relief. He had the good stuff. The stuff I was illing for. I didn't want to hurt Roger, but he didn't understand my pain. I was addicted!

"Mimi," The Man's low, gruff voice startled me. "I thought you were too whipped to go outside."

"What are you talking about?" I snapped.

"You know damn well what I am talking about. Your dumbass rocker boyfriend keeping you away from the finer things in life. He is holding you back babe."

"Just give me the good stuff."

"It's gonna cost you a little extra. You lost your regular customer discount."

"What the fuck? Why?" I cried.

"You aren't a regular customer," he laughed. "You know the drill." He handed me a small bag of white powder.

"Thanks. I will see you tomorrow."

He nodded and turned back to stand in the darker shadows of the alley. And when I turned around, I walked right into Roger, who was coming at me quickly.

He didn't even say anything. His face was livid. He snatched the bag out of my hand and shook it in my face.

"WHAT IS THIS? WHAT IS THIS?"

I pushed back against him, trying to get distance between us. "Roger this isn't what it looks like. I mean….. You don't understand! YOU DON'T EVEN CARE!"

He grabbed my face suddenly. I thought he was trying to hurt me, so I began to thrash away from him, but he had my face in his hands and was forcing me to look into his eyes.

"You promised me Mimi," he whispered. His eyes were in so much pain. I wanted to hold him. I wanted him to hold me. I just wanted him to be happy and stop hurting. "You promised."

"Roger, I-"

He quickly let go of me and I took that as a chance to take a swing at him, but I missed.

"Whatever," he said, shrugging, walking backwards. "You are pathetic." He threw the bag at me, hitting me in the chest. It shouldn't have hurt, but it did. "I just won't help you anymore. I don't even care."

I watched him walk away and I began to cry. Against all better judgment, I picked up the bag, and walked away in the opposite direction, rubbing my shoulders. He didn't care about me anymore? What did I do?

o o o o o

"Are you proposing to her at a hospital?" Maya asked Roger once they were on the street.

"Oh," Roger said. "I never thought of that."

"Let's go back to the apartment and drop it off. Then we can go see Mimi." Maya led the way back to the Loft. The temperature had dropped even lower, since that morning. The sky had a threatening look of snow.

Once they made it back to the loft, Roger descended the stairs two by two and ran to the loft. He took the little box and hid it under the hotplate, which no one used.

"Roger?" said a voice from behind him. He snapped to attention, spun around, and saw Joanne sitting on the couch.

"Hi Joanne," he said. "What are you doing here?"

"Um, waiting for Maureen. I need to talk to her." Joanne was wearing all red, which was a first for her. She had on fishnet stockings, which looked like they belonged to Maureen.

"She is at the hospital," Roger said.

"Why," Joanne shouted.

"Mimi is in there. Long story, I will have to tell you later. You can come with us if you want."

"Is Mark there?" Joanne asked.

Roger nodded.

"I will stop by later. Send Mimi my love," she said sighing.

Roger closed the large metal door with a thud.

"Ready?" Maya was waiting at the bottom of the stairs.

"Yea," he said. They walked back out into the cold. The hospital was a few blocks away, but the walk seemed to take forever.

"Should I get her flowers?" Roger said, looking at the hospital's gift store. Flowers flooded the display window.

"Sure," Maya said. She walked into the store and saw a beautiful bouquet of pale pink roses.

"Those are nice," said Roger, who was waiting for Maya to make a suggestion on what he should buy.

"I think you should get them," Maya said. "And hurry. I want to get up there soon."

Roger laughed, paid for the flowers, and headed towards the elevator.

The floors lit up as the elevator ascended up.

Finally, on floor 11, the elevator stopped and the doors opened. No one was in the lobby, but they heard singing down the hall.

"Mimi Marquez," Roger said to an older woman, sitting at the front desk.

"I'm sorry," she said. "The hospital has been given strict security orders. No more than three visitors at a time."

"There are only two of us," Roger said blankly.

"I understand, but she has three visitors now. A Mr. Cohen, a Miss Johnson, and a Thomas Collins," the nurse said, reading off of the clipboard.

"I am her boyfriend, though," Roger said. "I have a right to see her."

"She is doing fine. She is not on her deathbed, so the need to see her is not urgent. You can-"

"I should put you on your deathbed you-"

"Thank you," Maya said, pushing Roger away from the nurse who had stood up and had her finger over the security button.

"We will just wait for them to come out," Maya said. She sat down and picked up a magazine.

After five minutes Roger stood up.

"Let's go get some food," he said, walking down the hall. The nurse had her back turned to them, so they slipped by without being seen.

Instead of going down the stairs to the cafeteria, they took a left and headed for Mimi's room. Roger knocked on the door, just as Maureen opened it and stepped out.

"Rog," she cried. She threw her hands around his neck.

Roger smiled and pushed past the drama queen to go see his girlfriend.

The room was bright white. Flowers lined the window sills. Collins was sitting in the chair, talking to Mimi.

Mimi still had on her long, white hospital gown. She had her knees scrunched up against her chest. For a moment, the rocker imagined her illing, by the way she was sitting, but he quickly shook that idea out of his head. She was over drugs. She was clean.

Mimi glanced over at the door and her face lit up. She stood up on the bed like a small child and jumped into the strong arms of her boyfriend and planted a huge kiss on his mouth.

"Happy Valentine's Day," Roger whispered in her ear, dropping the roses on the bed and indulging himself with her lips.