Chapter Eight: Date

Four words: The. Date. From. Hell.

September 27, 1969 was one of the most horrific days of Patty's entire life, and one she would strenuously avoid thinking about until she died. It was the night she had her double date with Mary Ann and if she had followed her instincts, she would called Mary Ann and told her something had come up instead of putting on a nice dress, pinning up her hair, and arming herself with a spell and vanquishing potion for the warlock she and her mother had been after for two days. She didn't follow her instincts, though, and she would live to regret it.

She had been moody and sullen since she had found out about her mom and her new love interest, Jean Pierre, whom Patty steadfastly refused to call anything but Pork, but she kept it to herself, trying to be happy for her mom. It was some comfort that Penny didn't love Pork, but it didn't lessen her unease with the situation, and part of her wanted to act childish and selfish. Both fortunately, because it saved her from an argument with Penny, and unfortunately, because repressed emotions tended to be a danger in the Halliwell family, Patty buried this feeling and internalized it, not letting her mom in on her true feelings. She spent most of her time in her room, listening to the radio and reading magazines, desperately trying to avoid thinking about Pork.

She supposed it was a bad sign when her mom served bacon at breakfast Saturday morning, but Patty didn't heed the warning, and that night she found herself sitting on the bottom step of the stairs, waiting for the arrival of her date. While she sat, her mom bounded down the stairs, dressed up from head to toe and a huge smile on her face.

"You look nice," said Patty. "What's the occasion?"

Penny stepped off the last stair and stood in front of her daughter, turning once and showing off. "Jean Pierre is taking me out tonight," she said. "I want you to meet him, but it looks like you're going out."

"I have a date," said Patty. "Where's Pork taking you?"

"Some restaurant. I'm not sure. Are you going out with that Victor again?"

Patty rolled her eyes. "No, Mom. We're just friends. I've told you that a million times."

"And saying it a million times doesn't make it any more true, Patty."

"We've been on one date," Patty protested. "You have no reason to think we're-"

"One official date, maybe," Penny interrupted. "But you've also been to the movies twice this month, out to dinner three times, and I know you've met him for lunch at least four times."

Patty glared at her mom. "Friends, Mom. That's all."

"Fine," said Penny. "Who are you going out with tonight then?"

"Jon," said Patty. "Mary Ann's brother."

"Who's Mary Ann?" Patty had to give her credit, Penny never missed a beat.

"A girl I work with," she explained. "She asked me if I'd double date with her and her boyfriend and her brother tonight. It's a one time thing."

"You're so stubborn."

Patty smirked. "I wonder who I get that from."

Suddenly, the doorbell rang, and Patty rose from the stair. "I'll get it," she said. "It's probably Jon."

"Hang on a second there," said Penny, putting a hand on Patty's shoulder and halting her. "Do you have the vanquishing potion?"

"Yes."

"And the spell?"

"Yes, Mother."

"Okay then. You're free to go." Penny pulled her into a hug and then let her go answer the door. Patty opened it and found before her a man of average height and weight with long, shaggy blonde hair and sunglasses which completely contradicted his semi-formal clothing.

"Hey," he said. "You must be Patty."

Patty nodded slowly. "Yep," she said. "That's me. And I'm going to wager a guess that you're Jon."

"Bingo," he said, shooting her a large smile. "I guess we've got us a brainy chick."

Patty resisted the urge to roll her eyes and turned back into the house, shooting her mom a look and shutting the door behind her. When she turned back around, Jon was already halfway down the stairs, heading for the car. "This is going to be a blast," Patty muttered under her breath.

The restaurant turned out to be one Patty had never been to before, but it was nice and comfortable and had a great view of the bay. She liked it immensely, and would have been even happier if her present company was excluded from the excursion. Jon hadn't turned out to be any more interesting or clever during the car ride there, and Patty had a ever sinking feeling he would only get worse.

Mary Ann, however, seemed thrilled with the arrangement, and chattered on endlessly to Ben, whose build resembled that of a football player.

"So, what do you do, Jon?" asked Patty, attempting yet again to begin a conversation.

"Oh, well, I'm based out in Utah right now," he said. "Selling sunglasses at the Tiki Hut. Good times."

"So that's where you got the sunglasses," she said. He was still wearing them, despite the fact they were now indoors.

"No," said Jon. He laughed. "I'd never buy sunglasses from the Tiki Hut. These are from a vendor here in San Fran. Mary Ann bought them for me when I got here."

"Oh," said Patty. "Cool."

She resisted the urge to freeze the whole restaurant and bolt.

The waiter arrived and they ordered drinks, which he brought back promptly, and they ended up making it through the entrees, soup for Mary Ann and Jon and salad for Patty and Ben, without incident. Then everything fell apart.

Patty had just taken a sip of her lemonade when there was a tap on her shoulder, and she turned to see Victor standing behind her.

"Victor!" she said. "What are you doing here?" She rose from her seat and wrapped her arms around him in a grateful hug.

"Uh, dinner, with my parents," he said, pulling back and giving Patty a strange look. "And you're on a date."

Patty glanced behind her, and saw Mary Ann watching her with an annoyingly knowing smile on her face while Ben continued to munch away at his salad and Jon scooped up what was left of his soup and watched it fall back into the bowl. "Oh, yeah," she said. "Victor, this is Mary Ann and her boyfriend, Ben and her brother, Jon. Everyone, this is Victor."

"Hi," said Mary Ann. Ben echoed her sentiments; Jon continued to play with his food. Patty didn't really notice any of this though. Instead she noticed that Victor wasn't looking at her.

"Victor," said a woman coming up behind him. She furrowed her eyebrows at Patty and folded her arms across her chest.

"Yeah, I'm coming, Mom."

"Now, Victor."

Victor shook his head and started to turn, and Patty twisted her fingers anxiously. "Oh! Victor, is this your mom?" she asked. She stepped past him and stuck out her hand. "Hi," she said. "I'm Patty Halliwell, Victor's friend."

Mrs. Bennett looked at her hand for a long minute and finally took it in her own. "Nice to meet you," she said between her teeth. "Victor?"

Victor sighed loudly. "Nice to meet you all," he said. Then he turned and followed his mother without another word. Patty's heart sank. That had not gone well at all.

And before she could even plaster a fake smile on her face and return to one of the worst dates of her life, she heard, "Patty!" and turned to see her mother approaching her, a man who could only be Pork in tow.

"Crap," said Patty.

"Patty," her mother repeated, grinning. "Patty, this is Jean Pierre." She gestured to the tall man behind her. "Jean, this is Patty, my daughter."

Pork extended his hand and Patty took it slowly, with a stare she was sure equaled Mrs. Bennett's moments before.

"It's a pleasure to meet you," said Pork.

"Hey!" said Jon, proving once again he was the master of the obvious. "Your name is French, but you spoke with an English accent. That's bizarre, man."

Pork quirked an eyebrow and Patty groaned inwardly. Penny was the one to supply Jon's answer.

"He was raised in Britain," she said, giving Jon a withering look. She glanced up at Patty, who sighed.

"Mom, Jean Pierre," she said, grimacing, "these are my friends, Mary Ann, Ben, and Jon."

"Delighted," said Pork, sounding completely the opposite.

And suddenly, Patty couldn't take it any more. She subtlety twisted out her right hand and froze the room.

"What are you doing?" hissed Penny. "Are you crazy? Anyone could just walk in here!"

Patty threw her hands up the air in frustration. "I think I am crazy!" she said. "I'm on the blind date from hell, Pork here is being more uppity than I expected, and Victor just saw that I was on a date! Oh, and to add to the fun, his mom hates me."

"That Victor's here?" asked Penny. "Where? Which one is he?"

"Mother!" said Patty.

"Well for goodness' sake, Patty, I just want to see the man you're so hung up on."

"I'm not hung up on him!"

Penny shook her head and groaned. "Then why do you care that he saw you on a date? Why do you care if his mother likes you or not?"

"I...don't," said Patty feebly. She buried her head in her hands. "Oh, God," she said. "I like Victor! I like him as more than a friend!"

"It's about time you admitted it," said Penny. "Now unfreeze the room, get through dinner, and we'll talk when we get home."

Head still in her hands, Patty flipped out her right hand and unfroze the room. It erupted back to life and she raised her head, miserable. How could she like Victor? She couldn't. It was absurd. And her mom knew!

Penny excused herself and Pork quickly after than and Patty sank back into her chair. Only Mary Ann seemed to notice her change in mood, and as a result, she seemed to up the pace of dinner. For her part, Patty could barely make forced conversation with Jon any longer, and instead opted for letting her mind wander, inwardly chastising herself for her feelings.

When the group dropped her off that night, Patty started up the stairs without paying any attention to her surroundings. Out of no where she was hit by an energy ball, and she fell to the ground, the world around her going black.

The first person she saw as she awoke was Anne, her grandmother's Whitelighter. "Welcome back," she said.

"Oh, Patty. Thank God." Her grandmother replaced Anne at her side and she pulled Patty up into a fierce hug. "I was so afraid we'd lost you."

"I'm going to go," Anne said nervously. "I really shouldn't be here, you know. But you called, and it's Patricia-"

"It's okay, Anne," said Patience. "Go ahead. We'll be fine now."

Patty fell back on the couch, tired. Anne hadn't healed the killer headache she felt throbbing in her head. Still, she was grateful. "Thanks, Anne," she said.

Anne nodded and orbed out.

Patience took her hand and held it tight. "What in the world were you thinking, Patty?" she demanded. "If I hadn't shown up when I did that demon would have finished you off."

"It was a warlock, Grandma."

"That's besides the point. I was coming up the street when I saw him throw an energy ball at you. You weren't paying attention at all! You were completely blind sided!"

"I'm sorry," said Patty, closing her eyes and putting a hand on her forehead. "I had a bad night."

"Do you think the warlock cares if you had a bad night?" asked Patience. "Do you think the warlock cares that you were tired and not paying attention?"

"No."

"No is right, young lady. You have to be alert all the time! I know you were expecting him, I found the potion and spell in your purse. You can't be careless!"

Patty opened her eyes. "Did you get him?"

Patience regarded her granddaughter warily. "No," she said. "I just scared him off. He'll be back."

"Well, I'll be ready next time. I promise," said Patty. She yawned. "Where's Aunt Phoebe?" she asked.

"She went with Gordon to Gordie's football game. Heaven knows why. Where's your mother?"

Patty's features contorted. "Out with Pork."

"Pork?"

"Her new boyfriend," said Patty. "His real name's Jean Pierre."

Patience heaved a sigh. "I should have seen that coming."

"I don't get it," said Patty indignantly. "Well, I mean, I understand that Mom's lonely and she's never cared what anyone else thinks, but why is she dating someone already? It's only been two years."

"Two years is a long time, Patty," said her grandmother.

"It's been a lot longer than that since Grandpa died and you never dated anyone else," said Patty stubbornly.

"Your mother and I have led very different lives," said Patience. "You can't compare the situations."

Patty sighed angrily, tired of her life and secrets and of being frustrated. So she closed her eyes again, ignoring her surroundings, her headache, her problems, and drifting into sleep, her grandmother sitting by her all the while.