Chapter 19

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Naruto couldn't remember getting into his car. Nor could he remember the two and a half hour drive through evening traffic. He wondered vaguely if he should be concerned. In the shocked, miserable state his mind was in he could have very well ran over someone and it wouldn't have even registered. Everything up until the moment his whole body jerked and he forced the car onto the side of the rode a mile from the Uchiha mansion gate was a blank. But now, parked off to the side, watching as the occasional car slid by, Naruto felt everything catch up with him. His hands shook violently, and he heaved in harsh, gasps of breath. Gripping the steering wheel in a desperate attempt to keep his whole body from shaking, Naruto let his forehead rest on them, pressing his head against the cold, hard rim of the wheel.

Naruto expected the guilt. How could he not? He had betrayed his closest friend. The man he trusted more than anyone. What shocked him was that his guilt wasn't only for Sasuke. Now that the panic of the moment had passed, Naruto felt immensely regretful of what he had said to Gaara. It hadn't been fair, not to him. Naruto had been hurt, and angry, but mostly immensely ashamed. Naruto had associated that shame into his anger and lashed out in desperation.

Gaara wasn't the only one at fault here. Naruto was no helpless little girl- if he had really, truly wanted to stop Gaara he could have. But a part of him- a tiny, frustrating part of him- had been curious. Had been excited. Naruto gritted his teeth painfully.

He was pretty sure he had called Gaara a monster. And how could he? How could he? After all those years of people throwing everything in his face, pushing him around, breaking, bashing, crushing him, how could Naruto do that?

This agony pulsed through him, and Naruto knew that this couldn't end like this. He needed to see Gaara again- time, though. Naruto needed time to make sense of things. Because he couldn't let Gaara have that chance again. Because Naruto loved Sasuke.

Oh God.

Oh God.

Despite all that had happened, and all that would still happen when Sasuke found out all that had happened, a strange sort of joy raced through Naruto's blood.

I Love him. I'm IN love with him.

This knowledge sent waves of bliss through Naruto's body, and suddenly it seemed unreal to him that it had never occurred to him before. Because the joy was so real, and so strong, and Gods why was he just realizing this now?

He loved Sasuke.

Then, as if a dark cloud had fallen over him, Naruto felt a surge of fear. He loved Sasuke.

Would Sasuke love him?

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sasuke had returned home just as annoyed and edgy as he had left work. He had hoped- for the sake of the help, at least- that the drive back would help him relax a bit. Looking back, he couldn't help but be startled with his optimism. Naruto must be rubbing off on him. No drive- no matter how long or reckless- would have eased the tension building up in his gut.

So, when he arrived home, he marched in the elegant, hard wood doors, up the winding, marble staircase, and tossed himself inelegantly onto his silk-covered king-sized bed, and told the maid that he was not to be disturbed unless hell was raining fire upon their heads. Depending on how hot the fire was and how hard it was raining.

Which was why, when a light tap struck his door, Sasuke felt himself growl. Had he been speaking a foreign language or something? Standing up, Sasuke yanked open his door and snarled.

"May I help you?" He demanded furiously. The maid shuddered and cowered.

"I-I'm s-sorry sir." Hmm, a relative of Hinata perhaps? Sasuke didn't recall hiring anyone related to the younger Hyuuga. "There's someone a-at the door."

"Well tell them to go the hell away. I thought I made it clear I was not to be disturbed." Sasuke retorted, leaning against the door and glaring down at her. She was at least a head shorter than him.

"B-but sir, Uzumaki-san s-said it was…"

"Naruto? Naruto's here? Why didn't you say so?" Sasuke demanded, feeling his heartbeat pick up slightly. "I'll see him in the study. Tell the help they are to busy themselves elsewhere, and send Kakashi to guard the staircase."

"Of course, sir. I've already sent for Kakashi-san." The maid offered, looking a little pleased with herself. Sasuke gave her a slightly begrudging nod.

"Very well. Go then. Send him up." The maid bowed before hurrying back down the hall. Sasuke immediately removed his wrinkled jacket and dress shirt, grabbing a navy blue button down that Sakura had gotten him for Christmas…or his birthday…or something. She had been rather drunk either way, and had gone on for hours about how fabulous (although, in her present state it had come out as more of a 'faterblueous') it would look with his eyes. The rather vein Uchiha (like hell he'd admit it) fixed his hair quickly and loosened two of the top buttons, revealing his collar bone. That would have to do.

God, he was acting like such a girl.

Feeling a little more himself, Sasuke headed towards the study, mind hungrily running over his past few…private meetings…with Naruto. And now, they were at his house.

That thought made Sasuke pause, and a slight flicker of concern flashed across his face. Why was Naruto here? Sasuke could count on one hand the number of times Naruto had come to Sasuke's home on his own accord. The blond didn't like it there- he claimed that the building was built for the lonely and unloved. He had tried like hell to get Sasuke to consider moving. Sasuke had retorted that Naruto was just scared of the alleged 'Uchiha ghosts' that the maids were always whispering on about. Naruto had responded by sticking out his tongue and stubbornly replying that one man didn't need five floors.

So why now? What had brought Naruto here?

Sasuke wanted to simply believe it was him. That Naruto suddenly had some undeniable urge to see him. But even as he thought it he found it ridiculous. Gods, they weren't children. Surely Naruto had some purpose here. Sasuke's frown deepened slightly. It was either really good news, or really bad news. Those were the only two forces strong enough to bring Naruto this far.

And lately, bad news had been his forte.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Naruto wasn't sure if he should be relieved, or concerned when he saw the expression on Sasuke's face when the Uchiha pushed open the study door. On the one hand, he didn't have to worry about ruining Sasuke's mood. The dark-haired male seemed perfectly malcontent already. On the other had, Sasuke being in a bad mood at the beginning of what as going to be a no-doubt awkward and frustrating conversation may not be the best. The blond bit his lip, and cast his gaze downward. This sent warning lights off in the back of Sasuke's head.

"Naruto." The blond glanced up, heart speeding up at the sound of Sasuke's voice. Firm with a poorly disguised hint of concern. Naruto suddenly felt even more miserable. Sasuke's face had softened, and he had taken a few steps forward. Naruto watched him from his seat on the unreasonably stiff sofa (no wonder rich people are so bitchy. Expensive furniture is uncomfortable). He wanted to stand, so that he could look the Uchiha in the eyes when he told him what he'd done. At the same time, he wanted to scoot back, press himself against the unyielding backing, and cower.

He ended up standing. Naruto had too much pride to cower…..yet.

"Sasuke, I…there's something…" Naruto's voice died, and he stared helplessly at the dark haired man. Sentences fell apart in his head, and he scrambled to connect something….anything…together. "Something's happened." Great, he finally spits something out and his voice cracks.

"Something? Care to elaborate, or are you looking for me to guess?" Sasuke grumbled, moving around Naruto to sit down himself. Naruto found it slightly annoying that as Sasuke looked up at him through dark chunks of hair, he still seemed taller. Height was a state of mind, apparently. And Naruto felt ten inches tall.

"I went to see Gaara." It came out as a whisper, faint and shaking. Naruto gripped the arm of the couch, lowering himself to the opposite side. Their knees were only a few inches apart. Sasuke's face flinched slightly, and Naruto could tell he was fighting off a scowl. "I wanted to see if he would take back the restricts on…on your involvement with the merger…" Again, a slight flicker of facial muscles as Sasuke warded off expression. Naruto wanted to grab him and shake him. The blond was sure his face had every emotion known to man scribbled on it like face paint. What did the Uchiha family do? Inject botox into their faces every three hours?

"I take it it didn't go well?" Sasuke asked, leaning away from Naruto slightly and watching the blond's face carefully. Naruto shifted uncomfortably, a slight flush creeping up his neck.

"No. No, not well." He murmured, folding his hands awkwardly on his knees and swallowing loudly. "He…we started talking and…He said…things…."

"Things?" Sasuke asked, dark eyes burning into Naruto's skull. Blue eyes desperately tried to avoid that gaze. "What kind of things?"

"The same things he's been saying. That we….that we're wrong together and that…that you're….he's wrong though. I know that now…." Naruto said hurriedly, voice earnest and slightly pleading. The effect was weakened by the lack of eye contact however. Sasuke couldn't fight a scowl this time.

"Oh? You know that now? When didn't you know it?" Sasuke demanded, sitting up straight and willing the blond's gaze to his. Blue eyes flickered up and down desperately.

"It wasn't that I didn't…It's just…the way he said it…I started to think, maybe….and then with the way you were acting…" Naruto stammered, his posture defensive and guarded. Sasuke forced himself not to get riled by this. He wanted to move on, wanted Naruto to understand that the tension and rage that had marked all their interaction lately was not necessary. They could be calm, rational and…

"…Then he kissed me…"

….collected.

"What the HELL!?!" Sasuke bellowed, rising to his feet, eyes flashing dangerously. Naruto winced and dug his fingers into the couch. "What do you mean he kissed you!?!"

"Kissed. You know, when two people put their lips toge….." Naruto started dryly, voice flat and humorless.

"I KNOW that part!" Sasuke snarled. "And two people? So you kissed him?" Sasuke demanded, fists tightening and jaw clenching.

"No. Yes. I don't….know…" Naruto murmured, his head dropping so that his hair fell forward, blocking his eyes.

"You don't know? How do you not know if you kissed someone?" Sasuke demanded, resisting the urge to reach down and grab him by the tie.

"He just kissed me okay? And I…I just kind of stood there. I didn't kiss him back, I didn't push him away. Does that mean I kissed him? I don't know…." Naruto scrambled desperately, raking trembling fingers through messy hair and slouching forward in an almost painful looking way.

"You didn't push him away." Sasuke repeated tonelessly. He felt something inside him go numb.

"No." Naruto whispered softly. "I didn't. Not until…" The blond shuddered. Sasuke let out a harsh breath.

"Not until what? What happened after he…after he….did that." Sasuke spat out the word 'that' viciously. Naruto winced.

"We started arguing…I think…yelling. He grabbed me, we fell, and he…he started to…" Naruto's face turned red despite the miserable voice in his head that whined that embarrassment was too mild a response for this situation. "…touch me." Naruto finished weakly, covering his face with his hands as if to shield himself from Sasuke's response.

However, there was no response. Sasuke stayed painfully quiet. For what seemed like hours, no one spoke. No one said anything. The silence was cutting into Naruto's eardrums, drilling into his skull. Finally, he peaked out from between his fingers.

Sasuke was staring straight ahead, as if studying the wall intently. His face was unreadable. His body, however, was taunt and strung as tight as a bow. Naruto swallowed, and reached out a trembling hand to grip the corner of Sasuke's shirt in rather childlike manner. The Uchiha turned to stare at him, eyes lifeless and foreign. Naruto whimpered.

"Sasuke…" He pleaded softly, staring up at the Uchiha desperately.

"Did you like it?" Sasuke's voice was as blank as his face, sharp and emotionless.

"Did I…." Naruto repeated dumbly, staring up at him. His heart was twisting painfully in his chest.

"Did you like him touching you? Any part of you? Even a little?" Sasuke continued, voice unwavering and eyes steady. Naruto desperately wished he knew what the Uchiha was thinking.

"I…I liked…touching. Being touched." Naruto offered, voice gentle as he silently begged for Sasuke to hear him out. "But not by him. I don't want him to touch me….the way I want you to touch me." The blond finished, voice shy and uncomfortable. It took a great deal of will power not to let his gaze flicker to the floor. Sasuke's body jerked, as if Naruto had burned him, and looked away.

"And….how exactly do you want me to touch you?" Sasuke asked softly, voice still deceptively emotionless. Naruto wondered if he would be able to hear Sasuke's heartbeat if he listened close enough. Or was it just his heart that reacted this way when they were together?

That thought left Naruto feeling desperately lonely.

"Any way. As long as you touch me. As long as….As long as you don't stop touching me…But…But I like it best when you kiss me." The words came out choked and not at all how Naruto had meant them to sound. But at least he had gotten them out.

"Kiss you? I don't know that that's fair." Sasuke murmured, looking suddenly lost in thought. Naruto frowned, unsure if the dark shadow had passed yet.

"What do you mean?" Naruto asked, studying the curve of the Uchiha's jaw.

"After all, if Gaara got to do more than kiss you…." Sasuke turned now, his dark gaze burning into Naruto's and his face- which was so stern and blank before- was heated and hungry. A strange kind of excitement unfurled in Naruto's stomach. "I think it's only fair I get to do more too." It took Naruto a second to realize and Sasuke had him pinned to the couch, a pale hand on his chest holding him down while the other wound through his hair. One of Sasuke's knees was resting on the edge of the couch besides Naruto's leg.

"What am I, a score card?" Naruto hissed, uncertainty flaring within him. His earlier revelation that he was in love with Sasuke- not just in desperate need of a shag- made him feel uncomfortably aware. He didn't doubt that Sasuke cared for him- they were friends, if nothing else- but…..

To be in love with him?

That was asking too much.

But he wanted it so badly.

"Dobe." Sasuke sighed, his breath brushing hotly over Naruto's lips. "I can't let him be the one you think about. Only me. I'll erase every mark of him from you." Naruto shivered, Sasuke ran a clever tongue along the crease of his lips.

"Then, I'll make some marks of my own."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Author's notes

I am just simply refusing to get the smut on aren't I? I mean, seriously, how many opportunities have I had to make this hot and sweaty? And I passed them all up! I just ddddddddddddrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaggggggggggggg it out. I'm a horrible person.

FORGIVE ME, SMUT TWIN! I HAVE FAILED YOU!!!! (falls into desperate sobs)

On the upside, I have absolutely no good excuse not to make the next chapter smutty as all hell. HURRAH!!!!

FYI: If any of you have ever heard of redvsblue I just have this to say: It is fucking hilarious. I love it. I don't even play Halo and I thought it was the best thing ever.

For those of you who haven't, I suggest looking it up. Trying searching at YouTube under 'RedvsBlue episode 1'. Or their website…I think it's just like or something…

Anywhoo,

Do your smut-dance (which is basically just a rain-dance done in the nude) and we may just get you see Naru and Sasu GET IT ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sincerely,

The ever lovely and charming (except on…ahem….that time of the month) AthenaAlpha

P.S. I revise. Hurrah! Now, if there are errors, is just because I'm a stupid-head.