Disclaimer: You gotta problem with Inuyasha? Take it to Rumiko Takahashi, not me!
Chapter Six: Depression Hurts
So much for feeling better when he woke up. "Damn stupid head…" Inuyasha sat up and rubbed his temples. After no sleep for almost a week his body was craving for more, which was giving him a splitting headache. And as if to worsen his foul temper, his stomach was growling terribly and it felt as if a vicious little squirrel was clawing to get out and eat (A/N: sorry, I couldn't help myself! I just found it kinda funny! A vicious little squirrel…hee hee! Anywho!). Deciding to quiet his stomach first Inuyasha left the hut, leaving it completely vacant. Shippo seemed to just bounce up out of nowhere, choosing to perch on the half-demons shoulder. "Hey Inuyasha! Where are you going? You aren't leaving again, are you?" The little Kitsune questioned, tugging a handful of limp grey hair. "Leave me alone Shippo, I'm just going for a walk." With that he shoved the little demon child off his shoulder and walked into the woods. That alone seemed to help him, just walking and watching the forest life do their thing. The overwhelming depression was still there, but it wasn't as prominent. "Now to find me some food…"
After walking a long way his ears picked up the sound of a stream. Tired of walking he jumped into the tree branches and followed the sound of rushing water. Peering into the crystal clear water Inuyasha spotted a fish flicking about aimlessly, and the current was slow so it drifted along, unaware of the pending doom looming over it. Inuyasha crouched low next to the water and waited until the fish swam closer, and with a quick snatch he held the silver little snack firmly in his claws. Yes, he was so hungry eating it now was tempting, but he then thought of the scaly, slippery texture and cringed. He could wait. Tossing a few more sticks onto the small fire Inuyasha created he watched hungrily as the five delicious fish cooked. 'They look so good….but nothing is as good as Ramen…' Inuyasha shook his head in frustration, trying to clear all thoughts out of his head that might lead to thinking about her.
"Why can't I get you out of my head?" he growled, staring at the beads of subjugation around his neck. "Damn it Kagome! What about the shards!" after saying that his gut twisted with guilt for sounding so selfish, even though the miko wasn't there to hear him. Why did he always get these weird feelings when it came to Kagome? "Feh!" he grunted and tore a large hole in his third fish. 'It's still not as good as Ramen…'
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Sango walked quietly into Kaedes hut, not wanting to disturb a certain sleeping hanyou. But when she discovered he wasn't there, she stared with a worried expression at the corner he had occupied, his living-dead appearance flashing in her head. "Poor Inuyasha….he must be really hurt by Kagome leaving…even though he won't say it, he sure looks it…" shaking her head and sitting down to take a break, for it was about midday and the sun was beating down with unrelenting ferocity, and the smell in the air was warning them that a harsh storm was on the move, along with the thick clouds moving in that all the villagers decided to rest until the day cooled and the storm had passed. Just then Miroku walked in and wiped his forehead, Shippo perched wearily on his shoulder. "Where's Kaede?" Sango sighed tiredly, looking quizzically at the weary monk. "She is taking care of a young girl who passed out from the heat to make sure she is okay. I'm guessing she'll be back soon." Sango nodded, closing her eyes and resting her head against the wall.
"So where's Inuyasha?" Miroku sat down and waved toward the empty corner. In response Sango simply shrugged and shook her head. "I'm guessing he either went out to sulk some more or to find something to eat." "Hmmm… I hope he is going to be alright. It's quite frightening to see him in such a state." Shippo looked up at Miroku, a sad expression muddling his features. "I thought Kagome was coming back soon? It's been over a week…Are you sure she will ever come back?" his eyes brimmed and glistened with tears, threatening to spill over at any moment. Kirara mewed sadly in turn, curling up on Sangos lap. "I don't know Shippo, I just don't know." Miroku sighed and ruffled the little Kitsune's hair. 'I hope for Inuyashas sake she comes back…'
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Kagome let out a sigh of uncertainty. Now that she thought about her decision to 'hang out' with Senshozsu, she was beginning to doubt the amount of sanity she had at the time. Yes, he was nice, and really cute, but he just wasn't Inuyasha. And every time she thought about the silver-haired hanyou she felt guilty for accepting Senshozsu's invitation, even though there really wasn't a reason for her to be. I mean, it's not like they were going out, right? "Ugh…stupid conscience, I shouldn't feel so guilty! We weren't together! So technically I am free!" 'But I sure don't feel like it…gah! Traitorous thoughts! I am NOT taken! I can go out with--er, hang out with anyone I want!' Kagome crossed her arms and blew her bangs out of her eyes in annoyance. She was waiting for Senshozsu on the old porch attached to the house. She was trying to shut out her nervousness to no avail, and he was picking her up at six o'clock. Which was in five hours.
The reason Kagome was out and waiting so early was because she was contemplating whether or not to go back to the Bone Eaters Well and try to get through again. The thought had been nagging at her ever since she left her old home, and now was a pretty good time to go. 'Wait, I can't go now! It takes two hours to get there from here, so I'd only have an hour to see them! That is, if I can…and if I go back to the Feudal Era, I'm sure Inuyasha wouldn't let me leave so soon. Grr…' "Well….I'm bored. How 'bout you, Buoyo?" she stroked the cat as he curled around her and purred contentedly. After a few moments he walked away, heading over to the bushes in front of the house to stalk crickets and grasshoppers. Kagome watched him for a while, but soon lost interest in his catty antics and decided to go up to the enchanted room to write about something. Anything, she just needed to do something to keep her mind off of her upcoming date with Senshozsu.
She walked up the stairs and stood by the door, deciding she really wasn't in much of a mood to write. "Ugh, what am I gonna do now?" Just as she said that she heard the rumble of thunder from outside. Remembering the swelled blue-gray clouds that blanketed the sky she wandered into her room and sat by her window, watching the trees sway with the growing wind and a streak of lightning flash across the sky above the field neighboring their own. The thunder rolled ominously, and the thick storm clouds seemed to grow and darken as the storm progressed, building its power by the minute. Then, a massive strike of lightning ripped across the sky and seemed to tear open the clouds in a heated rage. The rain poured down and the thunder crashed its warning to all outside. Kagome suddenly had the strongest urge to go out, to stand in the middle of nature's unbound fury. The feeling of overwhelming excitement made her spine tingle as the storm intensified, urging her out of the house.
Not one to ignore her gut feeling, Kagome walked down the stairs and went out onto the porch, stepping with care and stealth so as not to wake her mother or alert her grandpa and brother that she was going outside during the chaos. Lightning flashed again and she took in a deep breath, letting the scent of ozone tickle her nose. She then stepped out from under the porch roofs protection, becoming drenched in the relentless rain. Her hair was matted to her scalp from the driving rain, and her clothes were soaked and stuck to her skin. But the young miko didn't mind. This is what living felt like, the rush of excitement and overwhelming power all around her. And for the first time since she had left her home, Kagome felt happy and at peace with her life. Nature was washing away all her troubles, as if it was telling her it was time to move on, that everything would be fine. Somehow, Kagome knew this wasn't the end. She had the strangest feeling that no matter what happened now, she would see Inuyasha again.
Walking around the house she noticed trees beyond the field behind her house. She had to go there, she needed to go there. Right now there wasn't a real reason in her mind to explain why, but she just wanted to be among those trees. Kagome was halfway there when she stopped and looked back at the house, taking in every little detail. This was her new home. She had made new friends, discovered a strange room in the house that only she knew about, yes, she finally felt at home. Even though her favorite hanyou wasn't with her now, she was comfortable. Walking towards the woods once more she felt calm and relaxed, yet filled with limitless energy that the storm poured down upon her. She walked into the forest, staring up at the soaked canopy as the wind whipped the branches around and tore leaves off the trees. Even as all this chaos and disarray was going on around her she felt safe. Being here in the woods felt so safe, as if nothing could ever harm her. Kagome then questioned her sanity, knowing that the lightning could strike a tree at any minute and end her life.
But ever since she had met Inuyasha, the woods were her favorite and safest haven. A picture of him sitting in a tree watching over her and the rest of the group flashed in her mind and a smile flickered across her face. Kagome couldn't wait until the day that she would see him again, because with every fiber of her being she knew she would. The rain was icy cold and the thunder and lightning was quite an intimidating side of nature, but she was neither chilly nor afraid, not while she knew he would be back.
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Inuyasha sat beside the Bone Eaters Well and grunted in annoyance. It was raining like no tomorrow, his hair was plastered to his face, back and head, but he had no intention of moving. Inuyasha was contemplating on whether or not he should go back: rather, go forwards and try to find Kagome again. But how could he? There was no longer a trail for him to follow, and it would be down right stupid to go hunt down one of her friends and ask them where she had gone. 'Well…if she apparently didn't have the time to come tell US she was leaving, then she probably didn't have the time to tell them!' Inuyasha grunted again and turned around to look down the well. His soaking wet hair clung to the sides of his face and the longer strands hung down over the side of the well, dripping frequently. "Feh!" Now, Inuyasha had currently shoved his pain and heartbreak into the farthest and darkest corner of his mind, it was still there, throbbing like a mild headache that wouldn't go away. But now, to keep that pain at bay, he was just plain pissed. And frustrated, and annoyed, angry, confused, sad…..
"Feh! Not like we needed her anyway!" The drenched hanyou shook his head to clear it of the reoccurring hurt and stood up. Taking on last fleeting glance at the well, almost as if he were willing Kagome to pop out, he turned in disappointment and launched into the trees, on his way back to Kaedes. Yes, this stubborn dog demon had finally decided to rip his true feelings apart and shove them away, turning down the familiar path of denial. He was hurt, he acted angry. He was feeling alone, he'd hunt down a disgusting demon and rip it to shreds. That's how he had conquered his pain after his mothers' death, that's how he'd conquer it now. When Kikyo had passed, however, he had felt responsible; he felt he owed her something. He did mourn, but it wasn't the gut wrenching, life crushing loss as his mothers' death and Kagomes disappearance had been and was. It was more like, when you loose a family member that you didn't know much or didn't know at all. You think you should feel bad, you force yourself to feel bad, but it's a hollow pain.
Yes, there was some true pain for the loss of his first affection, but it wasn't nearly as bad as the hurt he felt because of Kagomes disappearance. Inuyasha leapt agilely from tree to tree, and then continued on to Kaedes. He slowed down as he neared the hut, and stopped just in front of the entrance. 'Am I meant to never have love?' Pondering for just a moment he stood, the rain still pounding down on him, running down his face, which was hard and blank. A picture of her ever friendly smile flashed in his head, and he remembered her telling him that she didn't care whether or not he was a hanyou, she liked him just the same. A small smile played with his features for a brief second before he stepped into the hut, dripping like no tomorrow.
Inuyasha glanced around the room quickly; taking note of his sleeping companions and then took in a deep breath, inhaling the scent of a near done meal. Even though the hanyou had just eaten a good amount of fish, his stomach was telling him he needed more. Well yours would too if you had gone a week without so much as an apple or two! Kaede smiled at him and finished up the food, tipping her head in the direction of the unconscious four. Well, three, seeing as how Kirara had just awoken and was yawning fresh out of sleep. Grunting he nudged Sango and Miroku with his foot in turn, bringing them out of their little dreamland. Miroku shook the sleeping Kitsune in his lap halfheartedly, not fully awake himself. "Welcome back, Inuyasha. Did you enjoy your trip into the woods?" the monk asked, cocking his head up to get a better view of the hanyou. Once he got a good look he raised his eyebrow, but said nothing and took note that the storm must have come already.
Shippo rubbed his eyes drowsily, then looked at Inuyasha and grinned. "Hey, Inuyasha! Did ya get a little wet?" He bounced off of Miroku and grabbed the hanyous pant leg and squeezed it, causing water droplets to plop near his feet on the floor. Growling in annoyance Inuyasha took hold of his hair and wrung it out, right over Shippo. The little Kitsune's eyes went wide with astonishment and shock at the coldness of the rain water, staring down at his now drenched little body. "What was that for!" Shippo barked angrily and glared up at Inuyasha, who was currently smirking with satisfaction. "Grr!" He then launched himself up onto Inuyashas shoulder and then bounced up and hit him on the head, and finally sat down in the damp hanyou hair and began to tug unmercifully on said hanyous ears. "Get off of me you little brat!" Inuyasha swatted at the little fox demon, who simply jumped over his hand and continued to tug his ears. "SHIPPO!" he roared and successfully grabbed the little trickster after a few tries and began to tug his ears.
"Ite, ite! Stop it! Inuyasha! You're so mean! Ite! When Kagome gets back I'm gonna tell on you and she'll make you sit into oblivion!" Inuyasha flinched at his last remark, or should I say, threat, and dropped Shippo wordlessly, and the hut filled with an awkward silence. The hanyou made no effort to retaliate, and he hung his head so his bangs covered his eyes. "Shut up Shippo." The rest of the gang had been watching this little quarrel with slight amusement, glad that things were starting to be normal again, until they realized after Shippos threat that their fights usually ended that way, with Shippo bringing Kagome into it, or she was the one who ended it. Shippo looked at the dog demon, realizing his mistake at mentioning Kagome a little too late. Shaking his head he stared at Inuyasha defiantly, for he truly believed Kagome was coming back. No one had told him about the empty house, so he didn't know she was really missing. "She is coming back, and you're really gonna get it when she does!" he then crossed his arms and stuck his nose in the air, waiting for Inuyashas usual 'feh' and then disappearance.
After a few tense moments he opened an eye and looked at the hanyou. Inuyasha was trembling with rage and hurt, and he clenched his fists so hard his knuckles turned white and his claws dug into his hands painfully. But he took no notice. The only thing he could think of now was that his state of denial had been shattered, hearing Shippo sound so certain of Kagomes return and all the painful memories of that day he had lost her not so long ago returned full force. "Inuyasha…" Sango was watching her friend with pain in her eyes as she watched him struggle in the quick sand of hurt and loss. Miroku also watched his friend, feeling quite helpless, for he could do nothing to comfort the distraught hanyou. "You are so stupid…" he sneered, trying his best to revive his denial. "You really believe she's coming back? You idiots let him believe in false hope!" Inuyasha was frantic, his face hid it, but his wild eyes told all. "She's not coming back, Shippo! You really think that she'd still be on the other side of that well if she wanted to come back! You are all pitiful! Wretched humans…not only are you pathetically weak, you lie and blind others without one drop of guilt!" The hanyous fury began to rise, and he waved his hands accusingly around at them. "Well guess what Shippo? KAGOME'S NOT COMING BACK! SHE'S GONE! DO YOU GET IT NOW? She moved away without so much as a goodbye because we never really mattered!"
Shippos eyes welled with tears and spilled over, streaming down his cheeks. "Kagome….moved away?" he whispered quietly, not really talking to anyone. He was just trying to let the shock pass and the information sink in. Sango looked at the little Kitsune, his face filled with despair. Motherly instincts kicked in and she reached over and swept him up, doing everything she could to comfort the shattered little boy. Inuyasha looked angry and helplessly broken, sharp canines glinting in the dim light of the hut. "Inuyasha, you shouldn't take out your anger and sorrow at Kagomes disappearance on others! Shippo is just a young Kitsune! We didn't want him to know Kagome had left! He lost his parents not too long ago, and he doesn't need those wounds reopened!" Miroku stood, staring with hard eyes at the enraged hanyou. He had not forgotten all of Inuyashas pain, his parental loss and the loss of his first love, but the dog demon had time to heal, he had experienced such a loss before and so he knew how to cope. Not that it made it easier in any case, but still. Further more, Inuyasha was much older than Shippo, therefore he was probably less susceptible to becoming delusional and mentally ill from the shock of it all.
Yes, it seems as though Miroku was blowing this out of proportion, but what else could he do, knowing Kagome was Shippos only mother figure at the time and he had lost both of his parents in an awful twist of fate? Inuyasha flinched and looked at the pitiful little Kitsune as if seeing him for the first time. He understood everything Shippo had gone through and was going through, from loosing his parents to the loss of the one person who had truly cared about you for the first time since their death. The hanyou was pissed at himself for not seeing this earlier before he had snarled at Shippo, but it was too late now, and he sure as hell wasn't going to ask the little Kitsune to forgive him! His overblown ego and swelled pride wouldn't allow that. The only thing he could think of to do was say something that might make Shippo feel a little better. So he walked over to the bawling little fox demon that was curled up in Sangos arms and ruffled his hair roughly. "Ya don't need to cry, Shippo. Those things I said about Kagome aren't true. She'll be back. I know she wouldn't leave you here without even a little goodbye." His voice was gruff and his face expressionless as his hand dropped back down to his side and hung there, his eyes staring at the wall to his right rather than looking at the boy he was speaking to.
Sango watched Inuyasha and after he spoke she quirked her eyebrow, mildly surprised at the hanyous actions. Did he actually just apologize to Shippo? It may not have been a direct apology, but it was the meaning behind his monotone words. Miroku did the same, and Kaede, who had been watching the whole incident take place, raised the corners of her mouth ever so slightly in a small smile, amused with how soft the dog demon had become under Kagomes influence. He had actually felt a little guilty for saying that! But would he stay this way now that the young miko from the future had left? Or would he just clam up, even more so than before? It was hard to tell. Inuyasha turned and walked to the exit, just pausing to fill them in before he left. "I'm going out for a while. I'll probably be back sometime tomorrow." His voice was still gruff and emotionless, and after saying this he stepped out into the pouring rain, drenching his hair and clothes once more. It's not like he cared, though. He was hurting now more than ever, but no one would be able to understand, no one would be able to comfort him.
All these emotions that had been trapped away, sealed off since his mothers death had come flooding back, drowning in a bottomless ocean of pain and sorrow. It was too much to bear all over again. It was just too much.
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Kagome had long since returned to her house, glad that no one had noticed she was gone. Currently it was five o'clock, and all she had been doing after returning from the forest was some light, fitful reading that didn't even stick to her brain. Her thoughts were wandering too much and her focus wasn't even halfway paying attention to what the book said. Every time she read it she was always swept up in the emotions of excitement and the sense of adventure, but not now. Nothing in Inkheart could rid her of the tight, worried knot in the pit of her stomach. Kagome had felt such uneasiness radiating from her miko powers ever since she left the woods, and she could do nothing to shake it. Sighing Kagome dropped the book onto her bed, even more unhappy because her attempt to distract herself hadn't worked. After a few moments of pondering on what she could do to keep herself busy for another hour until Senshozsu arrived, she walked to the window and stared out at the bleak gray sky. The thunder and lightning had faded out, leaving an unexciting downpour behind.
Kagome glanced impatiently at the clock on her bed stand. 'It's only quarter after…I wish he'd hurry up and get here early so I don't have to wait so long!' Turning around she looked in boredom around her room for something, anything to do and scowled when she found nothing. 'I really need to get a nice big jigsaw puzzle or something for days like this!' She knew the reason why she had nothing for days like this. It was because she hadn't needed anything of the sort for nearly a year! The search for the Shikon jewel shards took up most of her time, and when she wasn't in the Feudal Era she was here in the present in school! Kagome wished now more than ever that she still had that busy life. She smiled and shook her head. 'I would've given anything to have a day off like this back then! But now I'd give anything to have no time to sit around and do nothing like this…' Her smile faded as she thought of Inuyasha once more and his kawaii little doggy ears. He may have been more stubborn than a mule and the most temperamental person she knew, but she still loved him.
Her eyes widened and she stopped dead in he tracks as she walked to the door. 'Love him? Am I nuts or something?' Kagome shook her head and looked back at her window once more, picturing one of the dog demons rare smiles. 'Maybe I am….'
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Hiya! So sorry this update took so long! I was being an idiot and had plenty of time on my hands, but I didn't feel like writing. I know, I'm such a stubborn jerk. The next chappie will be up ASAP! And it will be a lot longer, too! I was debating on whether or not I should continue this chappie, because I really liked leaving it off where it is now (even though it may seem torturous to you peeps!), and I decided, what the heck. It's not nearly as long as the other chapters, but I don't care! This is my fic, I can do what I want! Hee hee……..I'm so evil to you poor readers….and I was really getting impatient with myself for not updating, so you should be glad. I think. Now I'm confused! Well, please review and tell me what you think, and any constructive criticism is appreciated! Oh, and before I forget, here's a list of my awesome reviewers so far! And I'll even put the peeps here that I've already thanked for reviewing, because they deserve the thanks a million times over for the support!
Avelyn Lauren
fmahanyougal
Short Witty Name Goes Here
Long Lost Dream37
banxbadxkarma
Yasha's Wifey Kyome
Bel Dumbledore
M Warrior
kagome442006
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Thanks so much for the support you guys! Anywho, stay tuned for the next chappie of The Moving Day: Leaving Home Behind. Later days!
Mistoffelees Shadow