-1Bar Fights and Bullets
Chapter 14
Sam, John and Caleb remained waiting in the waiting room for the next hour even after the witch doctor had resurfaced from the back room, he had informed them that he was currently resting, but said nothing more about their session together before disappearing into the back half of the tiny doctors office.
"Dad?" Sam asked putting down his cup of stale coffee and the year old issue of PEOPLE magazine he had been forcing himself to at least try to concentrate on..
"Hmmm?" His son's voice broke through John's mindless thoughts, a welcomed interruption as he turned to look at him, Caleb's attention also being drawn to the younger man.
"What if… You know, this didn't work?"
John's eyes softened, the words from his youngest son's mouth mirroring the thoughts that had been screaming in his head since there arrival here over an hour before. "Then we will deal with that then…" John didn't have a better answer to give then that, he had never been one to have much faith, a little sure, but not enough to share…
"How are we going to pull him through another disappointment?"
"We'll figure it, your brother is strong Sammy-"
"He pretends to be." Sam let out a sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose tiredly.
John didn't reply, there was nothing he could say, Sam was right and they all knew it, instead he simply placed a hand on his son's thigh in an attempt to comfort and gave it a small squeeze before traveling back into his thoughts.
- Dean's eyes flew open, a deep intake of breath bringing air rushing into his lungs as he let it out slowly and blinked rapidly looking around the room. It was only a few seconds before he remembered where he was, in Dr. Siere's office, still laying nearly naked on the bed, the smell of burnt candles still lingering ever so slightly in the air. He wondered how long he had been out for, fallowed very quickly by a wondering of exactly how he had gone out in the first place.
Hoisting himself up on to his elbows he swallowed hard and took a minute to gather his bearings blinking into the darkness, was it over? Had his nightmare ended? The feeling of restful sleep fading from his mind and body he slowly shifted himself from his elbows and rolled on to his back his thoughts sliding back to his 'session' with the 'doctor'. In order to heal your body, you must first heal your soul. He repeated the phrase over and over to himself, and even as he tried to stop it from playing again it continued.
"Well… Here goes nothing…" His voice was a soft whisper that shook through the silence surrounding him as he sat up slowly and looked down at his legs before him. He swore he could feel something, a sensation in the pads of his feet.
As he drew back the sheet once again ignoring the vomit coming to his throat at the sight of his deteriorated lower limbs, he willed his toes to move, trying so hard to force them that a grunt escaped his lips.
"Screw this." He growled and flung his legs over the side of the bed, if this doctor was any kind of doctor and had done his job, then these should work now, he should be able to walk the hell out of here and never look back… Inner healing or none.
- Hearing small signs that his young patient had once again regained consciousness, Dr. Siere returned to the waiting room and stood in it's entry way clearing his throat. "You." He stuck his finger out in Sam's direction, his eyes showing no room for argument, "Go to him now."
Sam's eyes flickered with confusion, but he did as he was told and rose to his feet with a nod. "Alright." He glanced down at his father and Caleb who had begun to rise to their feet as well.
"No." Dr. Siere spoke again, "Just the boy."
Sam resented momentarily being referred to as a boy but did not protest as he stepped forward in the direction of the doctor, "Take me to him." His tone was strong and confident and the Indian man knew that it was a mask to hide the fear and pain he was harboring inside.
As he was led down the hallway Sam let his thoughts only begin to wander when they were abruptly interrupted, to his surprise the doctor was speaking to him.
"You must not lose hope." He spoke with an overwhelming amount of confidence as he stopped only a few feet from Dean's room and turned to face Sam, "The burden your brother bear's is deeper then even you will ever know. The limitations of his physical being pale in comparison to those which hinder him emotionally,…" He stopped for a minute and brought his hand up to Sam's shoulder resting it there, "As are yours…"
Sam's mouth fell open slightly.
"I have done what I can, I have lifted the pain to the surface and removed the threat of forever from his body, but if he does not accept things as they are, as they always have been, if he continues to live behind these burdens and demon's created by such powerful and angry emotions, then he will remain helpless and trapped… just as he fears."
Sam blinked the knowledge of this man standing before him was more profound then any he had ever taken in before, and as confusing as it might have been, Sam understood every word as through they were no more then a children's book simple in context.
"You are his strength now, you are his power, the bond of your brotherhood only the surface of what you share, it is you who will pull him through, or you who will fail him…"
"I-" Sam bit back pangs of guilt that were now screaming inside of him,
"Things are as they are meant to be, you cannot change the course we are meant to travel, release your pain, find the strength in your shoulders to help carry your brothers burden and in time your own will be lifted."
Sam leaned back heavily against the wall and nodded, "Did he… I mean, did he tell you this?"
"Not from his lips…He has protected you beyond all reason, and now the time has come for you to do the same." The doctor nodded toward the door to Dean's room, "He's in there."
Sam closed his eyes and pushed himself up from the wall closing the distance between him and the door standing in front of it and clasping his hand around the knob. This doctor had faith in him, believed in him, and in his words, even on the smallest level Sam had found his own will returning to him, his own reassurance restoring it's self in his mind.
But still could he really do this?
- Dean forced himself from the bad slowly, shutting his eyes as lightly as he could, his arms shaking not only from his body weight, but a fear he would never admit to as he put his feet to the ground and immediately felt his body giving way.
Sam had just pushed the door open enough to peer inside when he saw his brother's feeble attempt to stand failing, Dean's arm's shaking like Jell-O, his forehead sweating and his entire frame collapsing out from under him. "Damn-it" He grunted to himself before bolting in there at a speed almost un-human and gripping his brother around the waist before he could hit the ground.
Out of instinct Dean gripped on to the arms now holding him his eyes flying open a glimpse of sadness shining inside them before it was covered over by an intense anger.
Sam held tight and fast to his brothers form having to fight to keep now not only Dean but he himself from tumbling to the floor, the eyes burning into him causing his heart to break and his knees to weaken. "Dean-"
Anger. Fury. Disbelief. Pain. Dean's world once again began to spin with sickening emotions, the man looking at him, holding him up, his brother, eyes spilling over with pity, was just enough to push him over the edge. Just enough to infuriate him.
Shock over took Sam as he felt Dean's grip on his arms loosen only to be replaced with throbbing pains one after another barreling into his gut taking the air from his insides with each painful blow.
Dean's fists came back again and again his face contorted into defiance anger and pain, his body shaking, nearly convulsing, eyes stinging with hot tears, cheeks red with frustration. Pain so much pain it seeped from him. He thrust first one then the other connecting them with something hard over and over again, something that he knew to be his brothers abdomen. Small grunts, wordless sounds the only thing to accompany each thrust.
Sam knew… Sam understood and to Dean's surprise his brother's grip never faltered, never loosened simply grew tighter and more reassuring with each punch.
Minutes passed like hours before exhaustion over took the older of the two men and his blows grew softer before stopping all together, his hands falling like two worthless rag dolls at his sides.
"Dean-" Sam whispered again after a moment even with his brothers fight over he did not let go he held his grasp and his ground.
Dean didn't answer. Didn't look up. Didn't move.
"Dean, look at me." Sam begged his voice still somehow managing to carry a demanding tone.
Nothing.
"I'm not going to let go, I'm not moving an inch until you look at me…"
Dean hated this. He hated this infantile feeling that had once more found it's way into his soul over running his senses, he wanted to fight, to keep punching, to scream…. But what go was it going to do? Who was that going to help? The only thing he was accomplishing was more pain for his brother to cope with.
Slowly his head rose his hazel orbs making there way to meet his brothers cautiously he locked gazes a pair of eyes strikingly similar to his own.
Sam let out a sigh of relief at the simple motion even as daggers of pain pierced though his heart as he saw every ounce of pain and sadness his brother felt screaming at him through desperate eyes.
"Don't give up hope…" He swallowed fighting to keep his words steady wanting desperately to break eye contact, but forcing himself to hold strong, "This is only the beginning man…. I-I know you wanted some miracle, you wanted to get up and walk out of here, but you and I both know that kind of shit only happens in the movies…."
"I-" Dean shook his head cutting himself off and dropping his eyes to the ground again, he felt so defeated, so betrayed there were no words to explain anything his insides were currently screaming.
Dr. Siere who had been standing in the doorway of the small room silent as a serpent nodded to himself actually pleased with the scene he had just watched unfolding before him. "Everything is as it should be, and now the healing will begin… for both." He whispered to himself glancing upward.
Hearing the whispers, but unable to make them out both boys shot a glance in the elder man's direction. "Doctor…." Sam frowned finally now easing Dean back up on to the bed his arms aching from the weight they had been supporting for so long.
"Everything is as it should be…" The doctor repeated loud enough for them to hear this time,
"You call this as it should be?!?!" Dean didn't try to hold back the bitterness in his words this time as he lashed out.
"Yes." The wise man whispered entering further into the room, "I have done as asked of me…. I have given you another chance, it is yours for the taking… But the things that we ask for in this life are not without efforts to receive them…."
"Enough with this spiritual crap already!"
"Dean." Sam warned
"He is angry…" Dr. Siere whispered knowingly, "But he understands, it is as I told him before, your mind must heal before your body, you must over come what is holding you back before you can move forward…"
"English?"
"There is no plainer way for me to tell you… Your vessel has been healed-"
"Healed?" Dean scoffed, cutting him off "You call this healed? I-I can't even stand up…"
"You must first see the light before you can step into it."
Dean felt the doctor's hand once more on his head and as much as he wanted to flinch, to pull away, to make some smart ass comment about it, nothing came out of him, not a sound.
"Everything is as it should be."
With that the doctor was gone from the room within seconds leaving Sam and Dean alone and in silence. They stood there for a minute before finally Sam knelt down and picked up the pile of clothes by the bedside, "Put these back on." He whispered.
Dean nodded, "I wanna get the hell outta here as fast as we can."
Sam eyed his brother silently the doctor's words sticking with him, he knew what they meant, he understood them, he had faith in them, if that's what one would call it, but why… why hadn't dean been healed? Why wasn't his brother walking out of here…Why was this battle such a struggle for the both of them… He wished he had the answers. He wished it was just that simple.
- The ride home was even more silent then the ride there Dean glaring straight ahead without so much as a word to his father, to Caleb or even to Sam. He had let Sam tell his father about the happenings in the doctor's office, he had let Sam break down his father's hopes, he had let Sam bring disappointment to such a hopeful situation.
As they made there way into the house Dean finally turned to the three men trailing behind him, "Sam, help me out here? I'm tired." He tried to sound as Dean like as he possibly could, tried to appear indifferent and unfazed but they all knew it was no more then an act.
Sam nodded sticking his hands into his pockets and drawing his lip into his mouth glancing to his father and Caleb. "Yeah alright…"
Closing the door behind them Sam turned to his brother and noticed a thankful expression across Dean's face. "What is it?" He asked as he closed the gap between them and leaned down putting the break on prepping his brother to be moved from chair to bed, this bed being far to high for Dean to transfer to on his own he shamefully had to accept his brothers help.
"Thanks, for not telling Dad and Caleb about my … you know…. Tantrum."
Sam shrugged as if he were simply shrugging the whole event off his shoulders and nodded, "No problem… Dean… I've been thinking a lot about what Dr. Siere said…And maybe you know, maybe he did help you, you've been off of your legs for so long… maybe you just need a little time, a little work to get you back in motion again…"
Dean closed his eyes and shook his head, "No more hopes Sammy… You promised me, if this failed…."
"But-"
"No buts." Dean opened his eyes and looked to his brother, "A promise is a promise."
Sam nodded and lifted his brother from the chair placing him on the bed and helping situate his body to a more comfortable and less awkward position kneeling down next to him as he did so.
Dean drew in a sharp and uneasy breath as a chill slid into his back replaced within seconds with a stabbing tingle that caused his whole body to jerk slightly.
"Dean… You alright…." Sam's eyes grew wide with worry as he glanced from his brother's legs to his face studying him carefully.
A nod was all that the older man could muster as he cleared his throat.
"Talk to me…" Sam slid from where he kneeled to sitting on the edge of the bed fear pricking at his insides he opened his mouth to scream for his dad but was quickly silenced before the first syllable left his lips.
"No Sam…." Dean shook his head, "Don't." Dean drew his lip into his mouth and looked up at his baby brother.
"I will if you don't start talking…"
"I think…I felt something….." Dean's tone was far less then sure as he darted his eyes down to his lower region and then back to Sam.
"Where?" Sam tried to hide the eagerness from his tone.
"My back… the bottom…"
"Okay." Sam nodded and slowly began rolling Dean to his side,
"It's probably just that whole phantom sensation thing again, Sammy lets not get all excited here, it was just a small little.." Dean's rambles were cut short by the sound of his brothers deep inhale. "Sammy??? What is it what's wrong?"
Sam stared blankly at the flesh of his brothers lower back the scar from the bullets entry now faded from bright and fresh to dull and worn… "I-I don't… I don't understand this…" He whispered before realizing that the words had actually escaped his mouth and met his brother's ears.
"Don't understand what? Sam what the hell do you see back there? Am I growing a tail or something?" Dean lifted his head and attempted to contort his neck to see behind himself.
"The scar…." Sam whispered
"What about it?" Dean frowned, "I mean I know it's not exactly the most attractive-"
"Dean… It's faded." As if his eyes could not believe what they were seeing Sam reached out to touch the substantially lighter mark.
The minute Sam's fingers touched the tender fleshy spot Dean drew in another deep breath not of pain but surprise. "Sam…" He swallowed
"You can feel that?" Sam questioned.
Dean nodded.
Sam didn't move, not wanting to pull his fingers back from the spot, knowing that the small sensation of his touch was feeding amounts of hope into his brother of unspeakable proportions whether Dean wanted it to not. "Dad…We should get dad" He whispered after a minute not sure what to do next.
"Okay…" Dean's response was hardly audible as he relished in the small amount of warmth against his back.
Not wanting to pull back, not wanting to leave the room, Sam called for their father, "DAD!" Excitement without meaning to pouring out in that single word.
"I don't know what to do now….I can't-" John's voice was cut off by the yell of his son from the back of the house his eyes darting up from the spot he had been studying on the carpet and looking to Caleb before both men headed quickly in that direction.
"Sammy?!?!" John asked not even bothering to knock as he pulled the door open Caleb on his heels. "Sammy what is it?"
Sam looked from his brother to his father the hope in his eyes, the joy speaking volumes. "Look."
John and Caleb moved in closer closing the gap between them and the two men on the bed. Kneeling down John studied the scar on his son's back as Sam hesitantly removed his fingers. "It's fading…" He whispered stating the obvious. Having nearly the same reaction his son had he reached out placing his hand on his son's back. "Dean…"
"I can feel it," Dean cleared his throat a little, "It's real…"
John smiled, beamed looking up to Caleb, "He…He can feel it."
Caleb nodded. "I heard."
"This is…." John's voice trailed off…
"A miracle?" Sam questioned with a chuckle.
"Yeah… something like that." John slid his hand a little further up and Dean's head snapped up looking over his shoulder at his father.
"Dad?"
"Can you feel it now?"
Dean shook his head, "No…."
"But here, you can feel it here?" He moved his hand back to it's previous spot.
Dean's head bopped up and down, "Yeah…"
"That's… that's a start." John moved to touch his son's shoulder patting it lightly, "That's definitely a start, we'll get you back home tomorrow and get you to the doctor."
The smile would not falter from Sam's lips as he rose to his feet and looked down at his brother laying before him, he could see the corners of Dean's mouth fighting off a grin of there own. He thought for a second once more about what Dr. Siere had told him, the words that he would never forget and found his inner hope restored.
Their fight was not going to be easy, and this little accomplishment was not much to go off of…. But he would, he was not going to give up, as long as it took as hard as it got and as bumpy as he had a feeling the road would become he would be the protector this time, and if it was the last thing he ever did he would help his brother step back into the light.
Ehhhhh I'm not feeling it, and I think it came out completely different then I wanted it to, but still… there is a little calm before the storm for all of you a little hope when you thought there was none, but what's going to happen now? How will this fight be fought and will the Winchester's win out in the end? Can Dean over come those inner Demon's that the doctor warned so forcefully about and find a way to recover? Can Sam stand by his brother whole heartedly as he has sworn to do? No matter how are things get….
Stay tuned to find out….
I thank you all for your replies to the last chapter it means so much to me to know that you are enjoying this story, as always let me in on what you are thinking, the good the bad and the ugly… I want it all.