Hermione woke up from her unsettling sleep and looked at her clock. 5:30am! Hermione was an early riser but this was ridiculous! She stretched and sighed. She knew she never could go back to sleep after waking up. She stumbled over to her mirror and ran a brush through her hair a few times. Hermione tiptoed past Parvarti and Lavender, careful not to wake them. Hogwarts A History and Tricky Transfigurations lay on her bedside table and she scooped them up to go read in the common room. She had one foot out the door when she turned and looked at her bed. After a few seconds of thinking, she went back and took the diary from under her pillow and hurried down the stairs.
Hermione was shocked to find someone already in the common room. She could only see the back of his head but she knew from the untidy black hair that it was definitely Harry. She walked to the side of the couch he was sitting on but he gave no sign of noticing her.
"Harry?" she whispered. He didn't move. "Harry." she said a bit louder. He seemed to twitch before he looked up.
"Hey Hermione." Harry said weakly. His eyes were half closed.
Hermione sat down next to him. "Harry! Did you sleep at all last night?" she put her arm around him and tried to lift him up. "You're going to sleep." she insisted.
Harry waved her off. "I'm fine." he said getting up. "I was just thinking about the- the-" He yawned.
"The diary." Hermione finished.
Harry smiled weakly. "Yeah." he mumbled.
"Oh Harry you're dead on your feet! You have to sleep." Hermione tried picking him up again.
After a few minutes of Harry insisting he was fine and Hermione insisting he wasn't, they were both slouched on the couch. Hermione was leaned against Harry's side and Harry was slumped on the back. Harry noticed Hermione had brought the diary amidst her other books. He picked it up. "Hermione?" he asked.
She looked up and noticed he had the diary. "Yeah?" she replied, knowing what he was going to ask.
"Do you want to go read some more?" he asked.
"Alright. It is fascinating isn't it?" she said getting up. Harry got up too.
"I'll go get my invisibility cloak." he said starting up the stairs.
Hermione pulled him back. "Oh I don't think we'll need it. It's almost 8 and they can't get us in trouble for being up a bit early can they?" she said as they left through the portrait hole. (And upsetting the Fat Lady for waking her so early.) "But I was saying how interesting the diary was. I mean really, from her perspective. And how do you suppose it got in the library? Maybe it had a spell that would make sure it got to you, and you never going to the library-"
Harry was only half listening to Hermione. Only she could turn the diary into something "fascinating". He just thought about it as something he could have of his mother. Something he could have to help him learn about his parents. Any information at all was good with him. He soon found himself and Hermione in front of the entrance to the Room of Requirement. They both walked by three times and entered the room. It seemed to be exactly the same as it had been the day before but Harry noticed it wasn't as unsettling as it had been.
There was a fire already in the fireplace and he and Hermione settled onto the same couch as before. Hermione sat cozily next to Harry and opened Lily's book to the next entry.
"I'm sorry I didn't finish the entry yesterday, Diary. I meant to put in more about what was happening now before closing. But the memory of that day had been so wonderful and James came home right after I had finished writing. Oh, he ruined everything! Here's what happened.
I was so happy to see him after reliving the day he gave me the pendent. I raced down the stairs and gave him a big hug and passionate kiss. He picked me up and swung me around. I was so happy! I knew that the pendent was still shining. That was until he put me down.
"So you're in one of those moods huh?" he said kissing my neck. I felt instantly depressed. But I thought maybe it had just been me. After I explained it he would be just as happy to be with me without anything else.
"Oh, you silly." I said playfully pushing him away. "Can't I just be happy to see you?" I asked.
He gave me a frown. "Well you could but now I'm in one of those moods." he said coming back over to me.
I had had enough! Couldn't he just want to be with me without being all over me. "James" I said sternly. "I really don't want to right now. Can't you just be happy with me? Can't you be happy with just love without lust?" I hadn't noticed my voice was rising.
He looked at me strangely for a moment. "Come on Lils you know I-" But I cut him off
"Don't you 'Lils' me!" I yelled. "Can't you for once just come home and say 'Oh I love you Lily.' or something? Maybe give me a day where we could just talk and cuddle on the couch. Where just being together would be enough for us. Like we used to. Like we always had. Why did it stop?" I asked.
He was completely dumbstruck. For some reason that just made me angrier. I waited for him to respond. All he said was, "I'm sorry." After I had practically begged him to just tell me he loved me and all he said was 'I'm sorry'!
I didn't want to fight with him. I knew I loved him. Why? I have no clue. But I knew I did and still do. I just told him it was ok and went to bed.
It's been an awkward morning. He seems almost scared of me. I don't know what to do!
Oh, I have to go now. Remus, Peter and Sirius are here! Maybe one of them can help.
Lily"
Hermione looked up from the book. She hadn't noticed Harry had moved a bit so he was leaning on the armrest. Hermione wasn't sure what to do. That was the end of the entry and it basically said Harry's parents weren't as loving as he had always thought. She decided to chance nudging him. Maybe he fell asleep.
"Harry?" She nudged him. "Are you alright?" She asked.
Harry looked up at her. At first Hermione thought he looked as though he might yell at her. She regretted her question. Harry sighed. "Do you think I'm alright Hermione? My mother hated my father!" he looked like he was about to cry.
"Oh I'm sure she didn't hate him! She said she loved him even after- She couldn't of-"
Harry put his hand up and cut her off.
"You read the damn thing! You can't tell me you don't thing she's on the verge of leaving him! And my father. He was such a- such a- a bastard!" Harry yelled.
Hermione put her hand on his shoulder. "Harry," she said trying to calm him down. "He couldn't have been. I'll-" She wasn't sure what she was going to do! "I'll read the next entry! You'll see. They'll forgive each other! I know it." In her mind Hermione was begging, Please, please, please let them be happy together!
She hugged Harry and he seemed to calm down. She took a deep breath and turned the page. Oh god no! Hermione thought when she saw the page. It looked stained with drops of water. Tears. She saw the first sentence and wanted to cry herself. This was not good. But she had to read it to him. He had to hear it all.
"I kissed Remus. I don't why or how it happened but oh gosh I don't know what to do!
I was so upset with James and I needed to ask someone for help! Then Sirius and Remus and Peter came over and they knew James better than anyone. Sirius and James never have secrets and I knew if I asked him for help he would just go tell James! I didn't want that. Peter, well Peter doesn't know much about these matters. He probably wouldn't understand half the things I would have said. But Remus, I thought Remus would be perfect to ask. He's sensible and kind and smart and I knew he could help. Or at least I thought he could.
We were just finished dinner and James was showing Sirius the TV I convinced him to get. Of course Peter had to tag along. Remus was already familiar with muggle electronics so I pulled him away. I brought him to the guest room and sat down with him. He was so nice to me.
I couldn't help but start to cry while I talked to him. He held me close while I cried and he told me everything I had ever wished James would say.
"I don't understand why James is acting this way." he told me. "He's the luckiest man alive just to have you by his side. I don't understand how he could be such a pig. Yes, you are beautiful but he should love everything about you. You're so caring. You always are willing to help others. You are always-" he stopped and wiped a tear from my eye. "You're always happy." I smiled at him and he smiled back. "And you're smart. One of the top in our year if I remember." he said.
I mock glared at him. "But you were the very top." I reminded him.
He turned my chin up toward his face. "That's true but not the point. The point is, you're a wonderful person, Lily. James is being stupid. You're absolutely right." he said. I smiled. He understood! Remus continued. "He should love you and appreciate you much more than he does. But everything will be ok. I promise." Just the way he said that, it was so sweet and heartfelt. It made me feel a bit lighthearted. Uh oh. But Remus kept going. "You're someone many people care about and" he stopped and sighed for a second then looked back at me again. "You're someone too many people love." he told me.
Oh why did he have to be like that! My stomach was tied in knots. I knew what was happening but I didn't care. He was so close to me. I didn't notice how close we were getting but I knew I was moving in too. I just suddenly felt his lips on mine and I didn't want to move.
I heard the door crash open and James yelling. Then I felt horrible pain. It was like a dagger of ice piercing my heart. I couldn't see or hear anything. I couldn't breath or scream. I put my hand to my chest trying to stop the pain. I felt the pendent and clutched it. The pain in my heart stopped but now my hand felt like a thousand needles were spearing through it. I tore off the pendent, dropped it on the ground and I felt that I could breath again and my vision and hearing started clearing. At first all I heard was yelling. Then, I started to be able to see. And I didn't like what I saw at all.
James and Remus both on the floor in a bloody fight! Well it was really James doing the fighting. Remus just laid there and got the stuffing beat out of him! I tried to pull James away and I yelled for him to stop. At first he waved me off but after I kept at it he turned to me, his eyes blazing.
"What the HELL is going on?" he yelled. I cringed at his voice. I'd never heard him yell like that before. I felt like I couldn't speak again.
"J-James I wasn't- I- I didn't. I-" I didn't know what to say really. It was what it looked like and I had chosen to. "I- I- I never..."
"Never what?" he cut in. "Never thought I'd walk in the door and catch you? Never loved me? Never..."
"James! Shut up!" I turned to see Remus getting up, rather shakily, and walk over to us. "You're the ass to talk! Saying 'never loved me' like you've endlessly loved her perfectly." he said, his voice rising. I didn't want another fist-fight so now I was trying to hold Remus back.
James glared at Remus for a moment. "Stay away from matters you don't understand" he told him. Then he looked at me. "I was so scared when it happened." he pulled his ring out of his pocket. Then immediately dropped it. He glared at me. "I see." I understood what he meant. Apparently his ring felt the same as my pendent. "Lily, when I felt my ring freeze I thought something horrible had happened to you. Not that it didn't" he added referring to what happened with Remus. "But I thought you had gotten seriously hurt or even died! Something that would make you unable to feel. I wouldn't have imagined that you could ever- That you might- That you didn't-"
"But I do!" I screamed. "I always have and I always will!"
"But you didn't!" he argued back. "Damnet Lily you didn't! I felt like my heart was being ripped out when I crashed in here!"
I wanted to cry. Maybe James loved me. But why couldn't he show it? Why did he have to be so insensitive? James didn't seem to want to say anymore. He walked to the other side of the room. Remus walked over to me. I was scared. What if I felt the same way I did a minute ago.
He put his hand on my shoulder. "I'm so sorry Lily. I shouldn't have done that. It was stupid. I was stupid"
I didn't know what to do then. I was so confused! I ran. I ran to my room and grabbed you, diary. Then I ran out the door into the backyard. Now that's where I'm sitting writing. Oh what should I do? Oh crap here comes James and Remus! Bye.
Lily"
Hermione looked up at Harry. He was going to cry.
"You said she'd forgive him." Harry told her. "She didn't. She kissed Lupin!" he yelled. He got up and started marching toward the door. "I'm gonna kill him!" he said. Hermione shot up from the couch and held him.
"Please Harry, think! It was just an accident!" Hermione pleaded. "Please Harry."
"It wasn't an accident!" he said back. "She knew what she was doing! And so did that damn Lupin!" He marched out of the room.
Hermione stood there for a second then went back to the couch and took the diary. "I wish I never found you." she muttered.
Suddenly the door burst open and Harry came storming in. He reached for a jar next to the fireplace. That wasn't there before thought Hermione. Then she realized. He must of went out and walked front of the door three more times for floo powder. Hermione got up and snatched the jar away.
"You know if you yell at him about it you'll have to tell him about the diary. Do you really want him to take it from you?" she asked. Harry didn't respond. He just slouched over and started out the door again. Hermione caught up with him and clung to his arm. "Will you come to breakfast with me at least?" she asked.
Harry sighed. "Alright Hermione. Can we read more later?" he said the last part a bit aggressively. Like he wanted more reason to kill Lupin.
"Of course."