Here it is, folks! Then next installment of The Sleepover Series! What shall befall Tseng as he delves into the the mysteries of what women do behind closed doors? Read on to find out!
I don't own FF VII or any of her characters. I just use them.
Tseng had no real recollection of how he came to be laying face down on one of the two beds in the room, wearing his own boxers and pajama pants. He didn't recall taking a shower, which he had somehow, considering his hair was wet. Tifa was putting up a towel she had used to dry it on the rack in the bathroom. He suddenly got frightened, thinking that the girls might have actually GIVEN him a shower.
Elena had joined them sometime while he was out of it. She was wearing the oversized shirt she always slept in, sitting cross-legged on the other bed. Tifa joined her, stroking her hair and asking what kind of conditioner she used.
"Some herbal thing. I just like the smell of it. It's not too bad."
"Here! You try mine. It'll make it soft and light and frizz free!"
"Would it really? I have such a hard time keeping my hair un-frizzy." Elena walked into the bathroom, and turned on the tub faucet. Tifa had followed, saying something about a blue bottle called 'Azure Essence'.
It then occurred to Tseng to wonder who it was that was sitting on his legs, massaging his back with a lemon scented oil. Their hands were stong, but gentle, working out knots in the muscles that he never knew were there. He turned his head slightly, lifting it up to see who it was. His eyes widened. Yuffie was the one sitting on him. She smiled at him when he made eye contact.
"You finally back with us, Tseng?" He nodded, not knowing what to say or do. He was spared a response when Elena and Tifa came back in, Elena with a towel around her hair. "Tseng woke up, you guys!"
Tifa clapped her hands excitedly, and rushed to his side. Elena just grinned and plopped back down on the opposite bed. Tifa was stroking the hair from his face, beaming at him.
"What...am I doing here?"
"You're being thanked! What else?"
"It isn't really..." He cut off at the glare he received from all three women. Yuffie was frowning at him, which made him worry about his health if he didn't yield to their wishes. He laid back down, trying to ignore the fact that Yuffie was sitting on him, massaging him. "I'd love to be thanked with a massage and your company."
"Good move, Tseng." Elena said, still drying her hair. She grinned at him, a small bit of sympathy in her expression. The two of them had been lovers once, but they quickly found that they were much better off as friends. There is only so much one can take of blanket hogging and a refusal to put shoes in their proper place. "You know, the guys are very curious as to what we do here."
"HA! I wonder how they'll try to spy on us this time?" Yuffie said, turning her attention to his shoulders.
"Well, it'll probably take a little bit for the Turk Boys to remember that they have a spy-bot in their bags and try and use it."
"You should let them see some of what you do." He said, careful to keep his tone even. "A small sample would have them frothing at the mouth." They all looked thoughtful for a moment, although Yuffie's face was not easy to see from his angle.
"Might be fun. Open the window, Tifa, so that they have an unobstructed view."
"I've got a frequency dial here with me, so that we can sabotage it when we want to." Elena added as Tifa opened the window. That accomplished, Tifa set about painting her toe nails bright pink, Elena watching with interest. How can watching someone paint their toe nails be interesting? "So, did he ask you yet?"
"No...he's so shy when it comes to some things. He's got no problem chasing me around the house naked, but he can't talk to me about what he's feeling." Tifa sighed, giving one nail a closer inspection before moving on to another. "I don't get it."
"Aw, Teef, he'll come around." The girls burst out laughing, Elena falling over on her side. "Just so long as he doesn't come around us we'll be happy." They laughed again, making Tseng wonder just where the idea that women were innocent of sexual things came from.
"Seriously, Tifa, how is the sex with Cloud?" Elena leaned forward, eager to hear.
"Great. Like I'm in heaven..."
"On a Cloud?" They all laughed again.
"Yes! One with blond hair, blue eyes and more muscles than I know what to do with." Tseng watched Tifa blush slightly. She turned to Elena with a gleam in her eyes. "And what about you, Elena? Who's the lucky guy you were telling us about on the phone?" It was Elena's turn to blush slightly.
"Rude."
"WHAT?" He winced slightly when Tifa and Yuffie both practically yelled in his ear.
"Yeah. I haven't slept with him yet, but I'm looking forward to it. You know what they say, 'once you go black, you never go back'." They all laughed again, but Yuffie's was short lived.
"What's wrong, Tseng? You're getting all tense again."
"What, exactly, am I allowed to say here? I get that I'm probably sworn to silence on the happenings in this room." They nodded emphatically.
"Damn right!" Yuffie said. "You tell about what happens here, and we hunt you down and give you a bikini waxing." He winced again, imagining the procedure and not getting very far before cringing. "And you can say whatever you want, just make sure it isn't mean! No mean-ness is allowed here." Tseng nodded to himself, letting his muscles relax once again, which made Yuffie happy. "Since we're on the subject of men in bed, how is this wonderful, spider-killing Turk in bed, Elena?"
"Wonderful. You should try him out, Yuffie!" Elena said it jestingly, but she and Yuffie were sharing a look that Tifa grinned ear to ear about.
"What do you say, Tseng? Want to go for a romp with me?"
"Yes, but now isn't the time, I think."
"At least you're honest!" Yuffie said, grinning down at him. He saw this from the corner of his eye, which he kept on her. This conversation was going in a direction he was not at all comfortable with. "What do you think you're like in bed, then?" He shifted slightly before answering.
"I've never had any complaints from my partners."
"Ooooh! Yuffie! He's being all vague and gentlemanly on us! That's so sweet! Un-necessary, but sweet!"
"Would you rather I say I'm a magical sky-rocket of fucking and that I should try out for the Big Johnson contest?"
"YES!" All three answered at the same time. Tseng lifted his upper body to stare at the women in amazement. Yuffie used a hand to push him down on the bed. "Why are you surprised, Tseng? You think we don't use 'bad words' or that we shouldn't talk about sex?"
"No! I just...never heard of women acting like this before..."
"Poor Tseng..." Yuffie patted the shoulder she was working on. "Did you ever make a woman purr?"
"Purr?"
"Like a cat? You know, purr."
"No. But does the fact that I usually end up with claw marks down my back count?"
"Slightly." Tifa grinned at him, as did the other two women. Tifa looked back to her nail polish before going on. "I've been trying to find a guy that can do that, or at least try to pretend that he has."
"Why is that?" Yuffie asked, curious.
"I want to know if it can happen! I mean, I heard one guy say it at the bar, so I've always wondered."
"Admit it, you want someone to make you purr! Ask Cloud to do it!"
"No way! He'd just get that look on his face..." Tseng looked over at her.
"Look?"
"Yeah. It's like he's saying 'what the fuck did you just say' or something. It's fun to make him do it on purpose."
"I get that look all the time." Yuffie said. "Constantly, actually."
"Why? What are you saying to get it?" He asked, curious despite himself. He'd be much safer to just ignore the whole conversation and wait for them to kick him out, but he had never been one to keep safety in mind.
"Well, there was that one time I made a chocobo statue out of mashed potatoes..." He laughed. He couldn't help it. It was too ludicrous an image for him not to laugh.
"I can see you sculpting it with a spoon and butter knife..." Yuffie laughed with him, remembering.
"Then Cid came along and took a huge spoonful of it. It was the ass, too. I was like 'there's nothing like a great piece of ass, right Cid?' and he chocked on it. I got him back for that, though." Tifa raised her head from her inspection of pink nail polish.
"How did you get back at him? He usually rants and raves about your revenge tactics." Elena nodded her head in agreement. He wondered just what, and how often, they used 'revenge tactics'.
"Well, I just so happened to get his credit card number and purchase the Great Wutaian Challenge with it and had it delivered to his workshop. He opened it in front of all these young guys...he had to run out of there before they saw it!"
Elena and Tifa both guffawed, wheezing when they ran out of breath. Tseng just looked confused. He turned to Yuffie, raising an eyebrow.
"What is the 'Great Wutaian Challenge'?" Yuffie giggled, while the other two women fell over laughing again.
"It's a fifteen inch dildo that's three inches thick."
"They make them that big?" His other eyebrow had joined the first one, and he had the feeling that they were more amused by his reaction than by her giving it to Cid.
"Bigger. There's one that's like, three feet long."
"What...how can they even USE one that large?"
"It's not like they stick the whole thing in, Tseng. Just however much their loosey-goosey-vagina can take. Don't know how they let themselves get that way. Haven't they ever heard of Kegals?"
"Now, I'm not so sure Kegals do any good in that situation, Yuffie." Elena put in. "I mean, if you have bladder problems, yeah they help, but if you're that loose nothing can help." Yuffie turned her head to the side, thinking.
"They help the guy feel good during sex though, right?" She said in response.
"No, they don't." Tseng added, earning curious looks from all three. "Believe me when I tell you that having your penis squeezed that hard hurts more than anything else."
"But what if the guy's a masochist?" Tifa asked.
"More power to him. I like to enjoy sex, not wait to feel pain during it."
"Ha! A little bit of pain is okay. A little bit. An overzealous bite on the neck is okay." Tifa received another raised eyebrow, which made her giggle.
"No way am I into pain." Yuffie shook her head vigorously. "But, I love it when the guy grabs your hips and tries to just get deeper inside and you can feel his nails digging in slightly."
"Oh my gawd, I love that too!" Tifa said. Elena nodded in agreement. "It's like they just can't get enough of you."
"I know!" Elena chirped. "That gets me off so fast." Tifa agreed, but Yuffie didn't, surprisingly. Tseng was once again amazed at their subject matter. He had always thought women talked about nails and clothes and hair and shoes, not sex and their preferences during it. "You don't get off on it, Yuffie?"
"I love it, don't get me wrong, but it's not what'll just get me off like nobody's business."
"So what is?" Elena leaned forward, hands supporting her chin. She looked like she was eager for an answer.
"When he cums. I don't care if I've had three orgasms, I'll get another one when he cums. It's like, he's lost all rational thought because of me, and the way a man thrusts while he does it..." He felt her shiver slightly. "That is just the best."
"Any one position better than another?" Tifa asked, grimacing at a stroke of pink on her toe. Elena grabbed what looked like a pen and handed it to her. Tifa smiled her thanks and proceeded to rub the pen on the offending nail polish.
"Any of 'em."
Tseng decided to change the subject.
"What are you doing, Tifa?"
"Getting the nail polish off my skin."
"With a pen?" Tifa looked up at him with a small smile.
"It's nail polish remover. Kind of like a pen, but you use it to make sure you don't mess up the polish where it's SUPPOSED to be."
"You should just get a pedicure, Tifa. You don't have to deal with all that yourself." Yuffie said.
"No way! I don't like anyone touching my feet."
"You let Cloud touch them."
"Grudgingly. Doesn't mean I like it."
"Good point."
There you go! Now, lets all take a trip to Review Land, where people that read this story give reviews about it! YAY!
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