Disclaimer: I do not own Ouran High School Host Club or any of its characters. That would be Bisco Hatori. Same goes for the song "Bang Bang," it belongs to its creator; the version in mind here is Nancy Sinatra's, heard at the beginning of Kill Bill.
Warning: BL, boy's love, yaoi, M/M, lalala. Tamaki/Kyouya love. Don't care for it, don't read it. And here's the tragic ending…and probably some OOCness. Also angst. (But that's Kyouya.)
Author's Notes: This is actually my favorite part, mostly because I write best in small amounts, like drabbles, and this verse is like a series of drabbles. I love connecting each little section. Because of that, I removed some of the spaceholding X's so the flow isn't disrupted. The ending…some bits still bother me, but I'm pretty happy with it. Er, sad.
So now…the conclusion.
X
Verse the Last
Now he's gone, I don't know why…
One day, Tamaki disappeared.
Not just from Kyouya's life. Not just from the "apartment" - more of a small mansion - they shared. Not just from the college he was attending in hopes of becoming a beauty consultant or a school counselor or a wedding planner or all three combined or maybe something even better.
He disappeared.
No one knew where he'd gone. Kyouya tapped his every resource. He searched the web, the media, the world, Japan and France and all the popular getaways. His private police force of a hundred men couldn't find a trace. Not even the Suou family knew where Tamaki had gone, let alone the Haninozuka, Morinozuka, and Hitachiin families. When he called Ranka-san, however, all became clear. Too clear. No matter how he tried to disguise it, to tuck it away in the recesses of his brain and forget it, to exclude it from his view as he looked out through his cracking stained glass window, he couldn't escape.
Haruhi was gone too.
X
And 'til this day, sometimes I cry…
Months passed. Seasons came and went.
No Tamaki.
Oh, how very foolish he'd been.
Friends and family visited and left again, offering condolences on his "loss" - as if that was all it was - and exhorting him to resume normal life.
Normal life. Without Tamaki.
Of course such a fragile existence hadn't lasted. Of course. Idiot.
The other ex-hosts understood best. They made no placations, no reassurances, not even offers of sweets. The twins at first tried to tease him out of it, provoke him into reacting, but they stopped after he reacted by breaking down in an uncharacteristic fit of tears. Their dual warmth was comforting; it lulled him to sleep amidst dreams of Tamaki's affection.
His impossible affection.
Hunny later told him he had talked in his sleep, at first, muttering about blue jays and sparrows flown out of reach. Mori had simply watched, seemingly impassive, yet in his lack of emotion was some strange comfort, detectable even from that other world. And under this sentinel's gaze, Kyouya was, somehow, able to sleep secure.
X
He didn't even say goodbye…
Once the initial mad hunt for Tamaki was over, Kyouya took his time searching their house itself. Various things had been left behind - namely school work, though not one beauty product had been neglected. Anything they had shared remained. Yet even though he read every single assignment left behind, perused everything again and again, Kyouya found no hidden message, no apology, no farewell.
Of course, Tamaki was never one for subtlety. That was the Shadow King's domain, even if he had discarded all those masks ages ago. And so, subtly, he let Ranka-san know that he would like to check Haruhi's room as well. The sympathetic okama readily obliged.
X
He didn't take the time…to lie…
Haruhi had not left a message, either. Unlike Tamaki, all her schoolwork was gone; becoming a lawyer was her life's goal, after all. Similarly mirroring yet complementing Tamaki - what was once Kyouya's job - not one dress had been taken out of her closet; her comb remained, and she had never possessed makeup to begin with.
But it wasn't what wasn't there that destroyed any shield of ambiguity Kyouya had retained. It wasn't even which of Haruhi's things had been left there. It was just the one thing that didn't belong there.
X
Bang bang…
Kyouya knelt, shakily, and picked it up. It was exactly as he remembered. A simple golden band, an exact twin of the one on his finger. The only non-decadent article he had ever convinced Tamaki to keep and wear, its simplicity was supposed to echo the simple trust of their relationship.
Tamaki's wedding ring.
He shot me down…
It burned his fingers with pain and memory. With an oath he hurled it against the wall, but in such a small room it rebounded and struck him forcefully in the chest, just above the heart, before rolling off towards a corner. He staggered back -
Bang bang…
- then with a bitter cry wrenched his own ring off so forcefully he scarred his finger to match his wreck of a soul and cast it down on the ground. It bounced a moment, landed on its side and rolled in a slow circle before falling still. Falling dead.
I hit the ground…
Falling to his knees with the thud of a corpse, Kyouya was only vaguely aware of Ranka-san behind him, urgently asking what was wrong. Wrong? Nothing was wrong, he thought vaguely, looking at the two almost but not quite touching rings. Everything was fine now. He had finally broken free of the delusional, foolish, fragile, impossible, idiotic world he had trapped himself in, finally disconnected himself from his one weakness. That despicable weakness; the memory of it was already fading away. What was it again..?
Bang bang…
"…Tamaki - "
Ranka-san's voice on the phone jolted through him like a bullet, but when he touched his hand to his chest there was no entry wound. No pain. And why should he feel pain at a name he didn't even know? Silly, wasn't it? Madness….
That awful sound…
Giggle.
He could hear it.
A shy giggle. Nervous. Self-conscious. Embarrassed, even.
Amidst all the talking and thinking and spinning, the living and dreaming and dying, kneeling captive there on the floor, Kyouya - was that his name..? - could hear a giggle.
It came from far away. Somewhere within him. Another world, perhaps. Summoned from his - Kyouya's - deepest, most crazed hell. Deeper even than the family that stifled him, driving him mad. That giggle made him more than mad.
He spread quivering, shaking hands towards the heavens, uncorking his laughter and letting it run free, shattering the horribly distorted windows, breaking the bottle and the memories so he never had to worry about them again.
Bang bang…
But no. Not free enough. Never free or wild enough. Some memory remained.
Damn.
Just after - hell, during - the most horrible experience a person could go through…
My daddy shot me down…
Ootori Kyouya giggled, and hot tears leaked down his cheeks.
X
Index: In case you didn't remember, an "okama" is a male crossdresser, like Haruhi's father.
Finale: So! It's horrible, but I love sad endings. I hope you all liked it okay. Thanks so much for the reviews, and let me know your parting thoughts!