So, lets see. New chapter. It's way too cold to even think about going outside today, so I stayed in where it's (sorta, kinda) nice and warm, and did a lot of writing. Which was fun, and brings us to this chapter. Anyway, this chapter picks up pretty much exactly where the last one left off, within a second or so… And, it's pretty much all Mer/Der for a change. Something the real show has apparently forgotten all about. (Grumble…grumble…grrr.) But yeah, what else? Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed last chapter. Hearing what you guys think is one of the best parts about writing this, so thanks for taking the time to comment. I really appreciate it! And, that's about it for now. Enjoy!

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Now I know that, no matter what ever befalls, I'll never let you go
I will hold you close, make you stay
Because love is the saddest thing when it goes away
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The door closed behind them, and Meredith shifted anxiously on the balls of her feet; unsure of what to say, of where to begin. Derek's hair was dripping slow drops of water that fell from the black strands to roll down his cheeks or collide with the slick wet surface of his leather coat. A small puddle had formed beneath his feet, tracking in the rain water. Without a word, Meredith turned and walked over to a basket of clean laundry someone had left at the foot of the stairs--she was guessing it was Izzie because she spotted a number of her own things which had undoubtedly been borrowed over the past week--and pulled a large white towel off the top of the load.

"Thanks," said Derek softly as she handed it to him. Meredith just nodded, watching as he dried himself from the rain. The toweling off of his damp hair made it wild, full of messy curls, and she found herself smiling slightly at the sight. Catching her smile, Derek returned it hopefully, and as he did, her own fell quickly from her lips. She glanced down at her feet, remaining silent. "I, uh…" Derek cleared his throat, setting the towel down and shoving his hands deep into the pockets of his jacket. Meredith nodded, but kept her eyes trained on the ground, not sure what to feel now that Derek was standing in her house. It had been months since he had last walked in her front door, and she could hear his uncertainty in the silence that surrounded them, coaxed on by her own inability to meet his eyes. "I thought you'd still be at the hospital," he said at last.

Meredith looked up, a small shaky hand pushing her bangs out of her eyes. "Your wife discharged me," she answered uneasily, her gaze traveling quickly across his face--trying to read him in a split second--before returning resolutely to the ground. She felt tense just referencing Addison, and she was gripping the banister with one hand, the knuckles nearly turning white. She barely heard her name the first time he called it. She heard it the second time, and managed an imperceptible nod of her head, but kept her gaze trained intently on the water-speckled floor.

"Meredith," tried Derek for a third time, and she found herself looking up. It had more to do with the gentle pressure of his hand fitting beneath her chin than any conscious decision of her own, but she gave in easily, raising her eyes to meet his. There was something fiercely earnest and sincere to his gaze, darkening the blue irises into a deep navy, and she shivered at the way he bored into her so easily. Meredith tilted her head slightly, trying not to give in to the soft brush of his skin against hers as his fingertips traced her jaw line, and sent shivers running through her. He wasn't even supposed to be here. He had a wife. "She's not my wife anymore," he continued as if he had heard her thoughts. She melted into the deep low sound of his voice--finally speaking words that she had longed to hear--and could only manage to blink in disbelief. Derek wasn't married anymore. Addison's mood now fit perfectly into place, and Meredith nodded slightly as things started to make sense.

Still, her voice was quiet and cautious as she spoke, as if she didn't dare to believe him completely. "You're not married?"

"No, I'm not," he agreed quickly, his hand still fitting around her face with a reassuring familiarity. "I spent the day at the lawyer's," he continued. "The papers are signed."

"Oh…" Meredith nodded more definitely this time, a smile pulling at the corners of her mouth. "That's…good, Derek," she said softly, unable to do anything other than stare up at him, temporarily forgetting how she had felt over the past few days as the dark blue of his eyes seemed to swallow her completely, pulling her into him. But the heavy heady silence that drew them closer and closer together was broken by the sound of a door opening upstairs, George's voice calling down to them.

"Hey Mer? Izzie wants to know if that was the doorbell."

Meredith extricated herself from Derek's arms, a frown quickly replacing her smile. "Umm," she began uncertainly, but was cut short as Izzie's voice floated down as well.

"Yeah Mer, who's at the door?" called Izzie, her footsteps echoing softly down the hallway overhead. "Did you order a pizza or something? Because I'm starving."

"No," answered Meredith, glancing awkwardly back at Derek. "No pizza."

"What are you doing up?" continued Izzie, her voice dropping to its normal tone as she started to descend the stairs and caught sight of Meredith at the bottom. "You didn't have to get up. Remember, we're here to be your slaves…" She trailed off as she caught sight of Derek leaning against the closed front door, stopping short on the stairs, and causing George to very nearly crash into her from behind. "Ouch," she hissed, glancing over her shoulder to frown at him as he reached out and steadied her, muttering an apology. "Try not to kill me George," she admonished before turning back around to survey the sight in the entranceway. "And uh…hi, Dr. Shepherd," she added as Derek nodded in response.

"Shepherd's here?" asked George, shuffling on the steps to see around Izzie. His expression darkened slightly, and he looked up at her, lowering his voice. "When did he…why is…when did he get here?"

Izzie rolled her eyes. "Well probably when the doorbell rang, genius."

"Oh…right," he agreed, once again peering around Izzie's shoulder down at Meredith and Derek. They were standing awkwardly a few feet apart, Meredith staring resolutely at the floor, her hand pressed against the small of her back. "Uh…we can just go right back upstairs," he offered, gesturing behind himself towards the second floor.

"Or actually," interjected Izzie, raising her eyebrows in Meredith's direction, trying to guess at what she wanted. "We can go far, far away. We can go to Joe's for a very long time."

George nodded in agreement. "We could sleep at Joe's. He has…booths."

Meredith shook her head, finally looking up at them. "You don't have to sleep at Joe's," she said. "It's fine. You don't have to go." She smiled reassuringly despite the fact that she knew whatever she and Derek still had to say to each other would likely be watered down by their presence. Izzie and George studied her skeptically before tilting their heads together, faces full of identical dubious looks.

"Do you think she wants us to stay?" asked George in a low voice.

"I don't know," answered Izzie, glancing back down at Meredith's visibly tense form. "She looks kinda…" She trailed off, shrugging and wrinkling her nose.

"Yeah," agreed George, looking back at her as well. "She does. Hey Mer," he continued, beckoning to her. "Can you come here for a sec?" Meredith shot Derek an apologetic look before nodding, and starting to climb the stairs. She had barely made it a step when Izzie realized what she was doing, and slapped George's arm.

"Don't make her go up the stairs," she scolded, tugging him after her down to the bottom of the steps. Meredith protested that she was perfectly fine to climb the stairs, but stopped immediately, and let them come to her.

"Yeah?" she asked when they had reached where she stood. She frowned up at Izzie who was looking past her, eyeing Derek skeptically. "Iz?"

"Right," continued Izzie, turning back to her. "Do you want us to stay, or go, or what?" she asked in a hushed voice.

"Umm…" began Meredith hesitantly.

"Do you want him to leave?" interrupted George, casting yet another suspicious look in Derek's direction. "Because, I could throw him out you know, if you did." Izzie snorted in disbelief, reaching out to squeeze his bicep.

"Right," she said slowly, shaking her head. "Meredith has a better chance of beating Alex in a fight than you do of throwing out Shepherd."

"I could take him," insisted George, his voice indignant as he stood up a little taller.

Meredith just rolled her eyes at them, and shook her head. "I don't want you to throw him out."

"Because he can't," teased Izzie, grinning as she ruffled George's hair.

"No," he snapped huffily. "I could. Meredith just doesn't want me to."

"Whatever you say George," said Izzie, her voice thoroughly unconvinced as she offered him a smug smile. "Do you want us to at least say hateful things to him Mer?" she asked, turning back to Meredith.

"What?" Meredith frowned in confusion, her eyebrows knitting together.

"We could," agreed George, scowling once more in Derek's direction.

"Oooh," continued Izzie as her eyes lit up. "We could call Cristina. She called him several not so nice names after you left, and I could try, but…I don't think I'd get the wording right."

George nodded, his expression seeming both knowledgeable and excited. "She could do it over the phone," he said eagerly. "Even over the phone it'd be scary."

Sighing, Meredith ran a hand through her hair. "No," she began, her voice quiet and slightly amused. "I don't need you guys to say hateful things about Derek." She glanced back over her shoulder at him, offering another apologetic smile, before turning back to her friends. "And he's right there, so can we please stop talking about this?" Izzie and George looked at each other, simultaneously shaking their heads.

"Are you sure you're okay, Mer?" asked George in response to her disbelieving expression. "Because well…he's been kinda…" He waffled about for the right term, which Izzie supplied with a roll of her eyes.

"He's been a total McBastard." Meredith started to protest, but Izzie held up a hand, looking at her worriedly. "If we leave you guys alone and go to Joe's, we're not going to come back and find you in tears again, are we?"

Folding her arms defensively in front of her chest, Meredith shook her head. "I'm not going to be in tears." Izzie's expression remained skeptical at best, and one eyebrow hiked up into a high arch. Meredith sighed, her voice dropping to barely a shred of a whisper as she mouthed, "He's divorced."

"Oh!" declared Izzie loudly, glancing over once more to where Derek was leaning awkwardly against the door. "Seriously?"

Meredith nodded. "It's what he said."

"Okay, I hate him slightly less than I did a minute ago. But still…Mer, are you sure you want to do this?"

"What…talk to him?" asked Meredith, frowning at her friends. "Yeah…of course." She shrugged, wrapping her arms tightly around herself. "Look…I know it's a mess, but we need to at least talk about it. I'll be fine. Seriously. It's just Derek."

"We know it's Derek," continued Izzie. "That's the problem."

"Izzie…" protested Meredith, her eyes widening slightly, hands slipping down to her hips.

"Okay. Sorry," she relented, shrugging her shoulders. "We're gonna go out then. Give you guys some privacy."

"Yeah," agreed Meredith, nodding slightly. "Okay." Izzie squeezed her arm reassuringly before jumping down past the remaining step onto the ground, and walking into the dining room in search of her purse. "They're uh…going to Joe's," explained Meredith awkwardly, leaning against the railing and looking over at Derek again. She had a feeling that their conversation hadn't been anywhere near quiet enough to keep him from overhearing, and, even if it had been, their blatant huddling in front of him would've left little doubt as to what was being discussed. However, Derek simply smiled and nodded his head.

"Meredith?" came Izzie's voice, calling from the other room.

"Yeah?"

"What did you do with my thing you borrowed?"

"Um," began Meredith, scratching her head in confusion. She had no memory of borrowing anything of Izzie's recently. "What thing?" she called back.

"You know…my thing that I like. My uh…sweater thing?" continued Izzie, her head appearing suddenly in the doorway, shooting Meredith a pointed look. "Can you come help me find it?" Meredith rolled her eyes at her friend's pathetic attempt at subtlety, but acquiesced, and followed her into the other room, leaving Derek alone with George. The younger man was seated at the foot of the stairs, tying his shoes. After a few moments of increasingly tense silence wherein George opened his mouth several times to talk, yet failed to make a sound, he finally swallowed hard and cleared his throat.

"She spent the whole day trying not to cry."

"What?" asked Derek, looking up in surprise at the sound of George's voice, his expression growing troubled. "What do you mean?"

George shook his head, not quite sure how he was managing to find the courage to speak up to his boss. Derek Shepherd intimidated him in more ways than one, and, for the life of him, he couldn't figure out how a guy like him had a girl like Meredith wrapped so securely around his finger; practically pining for him with every breath. He almost wanted to punch the guy for what he put her through, but he knew that wouldn't accomplish anything beyond possibly getting himself banned from the OR. And so instead, he glanced quickly down the hallway, ensuring that Meredith and Izzie were still out of earshot. His eyes scanning over nothing but an empty room, George returned his attention to Derek, saying, "She's Meredith. She's Meredith, and so she'll never admit it to you, but she thought you'd left her again. She's spent the entire day walking around like some kind of zombie."

Derek frowned darkly, looking slightly indignant. "I wouldn't leave," he began, shaking his head. "I was just…" But George rolled his eyes, growing quickly frustrated as he got to his feet.

"Dr. Shepherd, I don't care what you were doing," he said squarely. "It's…it's your business. But Meredith's our business. We're the ones who have to try to put her back together again every time you… Whenever you… Just, every time. And pretty soon, there's not going to be anything left to piece back together."

"George," interrupted Derek with a heavy sigh, but the younger man held up his hand.

"All I'm saying is please, if you can't be in her life for good, if you can't be in this and stay, if you think there's a chance you're just going to leave her again…then, go now, and just let her be."

"I'm staying," said Derek with another sharp shake of his head. "I'm not going to leave her again."

George nodded slowly, his expression still heavy with skepticism. "Okay," he agreed as the voices of Meredith and Izzie floated down the hallway, the two women making their way back towards the door.

"No. You don't need to call Cristina," hissed Meredith for a third time, speaking to Izzie in a low voice.

"I'm just saying…" began Izzie again, but Meredith shook her head, growing a bit exhausted of her friend's continual questioning as to whether she could handle talking to Derek on her own. She was starting to feel as if they all viewed her as some highly breakable invalid, and--were it not for the fact that she herself was apprehensive of just what she'd say when alone with Derek--she would've snapped at Izzie over it. But she was nervous, and so she just shushed her.

"Seriously," she insisted in a low voice. "Whatever he has to say, I can handle it. Now go say hi to Joe for me, okay?" Somehow, she managed to fill her voice with a veneer of confidence, and Izzie relented with a shrug.

"Fine," she agreed as they reached where George and Derek stood. "So, Joe's," she piped, beaming with an uncanny enthusiasm. "Yay!" She flashed George two thumbs up signs, before turning to button her coat. Moments later, he was leading the way out the door, opening an umbrella against the still pouring rain. Izzie tugged her hood up, raising an eyebrow at Derek. "Good luck McDreamy," she added, her voice tinted with sarcasm. "You're gonna need it."

The door closed; shutting out the sounds of the storm along with the cheerful pitch of George and Izzie's voices. In their absence, the hallway suddenly seemed to be filled with a deathly stillness. Derek was watching her carefully, his expression gentle, and Meredith shifted uneasily, growing more apprehensive than she'd expected. She felt awkward just standing there, but she wasn't sure where to begin, and so she turned away, her eyes darting wildly around the room. Her gaze landed on the laundry basket in front of her, and Meredith bent down, hoisting it up and resting the weight of it against her hip.

"Are you sure you can carry that?" asked Derek worriedly, eyeing the large brimming basket, and crossing over to where she stood.

Meredith just rolled her eyes. "Yes, I'm sure," she began, but he'd already reached out, removing it easily from her grasp. Derek cocked his head to the side, grinning at her as she let out an indignant gasp.

"Where do you want it to go?"

"Umm…" she said hesitantly, running her hand through her hair. She'd picked up the laundry simply for something to do, and had no further plans for the clothes. "Kitchen table," she instructed at last, unwilling to tell him to just set it back down. Derek nodded and she followed him through her house, dropping an empty glass off in the sink on her way. "Thanks," she mumbled softly when he had finally placed the basket on the table.

"Sure." Derek smiled at her once again, and she reached out nervously, pulling a shirt from the jumbled pile of clothes. Her hands shook a little as she smoothed out the wrinkles, her mind too busy trying to sort out what was happening to concentrate on folding.

"Sorry about George and Izzie," she stammered at last, glancing up at Derek, and offering him a small grimace of apology. "They're…well, you know how they are." She made another face, setting down the shirt and hastily latching on to a towel, folding it easily in half.

"It's fine Mer," he said quietly. He hesitated for a moment--sensing how jittery she was--and simply stared at her, his gaze traveling over her face and down the length of her body. And as it did, a sudden smile brightened his face, eyes filling with recognition. "Is that my shirt?" he asked, sounding somewhat incredulous as he gestured towards the large gray t-shirt Meredith had changed into once she'd returned home.

"Umm…" She placed the folded towel on the table, her hands running down the soft fabric of the shirt as she chewed nervously on the corner of her lip. "Yeah," she continued uneasily. "Sorry. I don't have, uh…my clothes don't fit anymore. And it was left from…before." Her cheeks flushed and she looked down, embarrassed that he now knew she'd not only saved his shirt, but worn it as well. Giving it an uncomfortable tug, she turned away slightly, adding, "Sorry, I can go change and give it back." But, before she had made it more than two steps, Derek reached out and caught her wrist, pulling her towards him.

"No," he said with a shake of his head, his hand skimming up her arm to rest protectively against her shoulder. "Don't change. It looks good on you." He tilted his head to the side, the blue of his eyes intensifying as he raised his eyebrows, his face split into a teasing grin. Meredith rolled her eyes, but smiled as well, not pulling away as he traced down the length of the shirt's collar--fingers coming to rest over the pointed 'V' that gaped low against her chest. She tensed as his fingertips finally brushed against bare skin; a thousand tiny shocks charging through her body. Gasping softly, she took a quick step backwards away from him, returning her attention to the laundry basket. Her lips pursed into a thin line as she tried to find the courage to steer the conversation back towards the end of his marriage, to what they were going to do now, to all the words that had been building up inside her for months. However, she remained silent, carefully avoiding Derek's eyes.

"Mer," he said cautiously, taking a step closer to her. She nodded imperceptibly, fighting off the urge to shiver as he drew near to her. It was difficult. The air surrounding Derek somehow felt changed; dense and alive, filling her with a phantom tingling as if she were pressed hard against him despite the space that still existed between them. Swallowing the lump in her throat, Meredith finally managed to speak.

"So…um, you're divorced." Her voice came out very small, just a thin little whisper of a sound.

Derek nodded, agreeing, "I am."

"Okay."

He watched as she stared at the ground--her lip trembling ever so slightly--stubbornly refusing to look at him. There was something tense and uneasy to her posture, and her hands never ceased their nervous folding. As Derek looked at her, taking in everything from the almost dejected slump of her shoulders, to the cold pale silence of her features, he realized George hadn't been exaggerating in the slightest. "You really thought I'd left," he said quietly, his tone both shocked and regretful. Caught off guard by his statement, Meredith's head jerked up abruptly as her eyes widened and her lips parted in a soft expression of surprise. Catching her gaze, Derek stepped closer, his own eyes dark and disbelieving. "Mer…you know I wouldn't."

She shook her head, twisting the washcloth she'd been folding into a tight rope. "I didn't know what to think, Derek," she admitted flatly.

"I could never leave you," he insisted.

Suddenly she was laughing--a high bitter sound--as she rolled her eyes. "Don't say that when you already have before."

"Okay," Derek relented, not wanting to goad her into the sharp anger her voice had hinted at. "But…leaving you," he continued, silently willing her to not look away again. She nodded slightly as she stared apprehensively up at him. "That was the hardest thing I ever had to do." Meredith bit her lip, nodding her head more definitely, but turning away to grab yet another shirt from the laundry basket. "And the stupidest," he continued as Meredith closed her eyes, letting his voice wash over her. "And I'm never doing it again." She sighed, feeling as if she were being stretched thin, pulled in every possible direction. The rational, logical part of her brain--the half of her that had made it through medical school--was telling her not to trust him, that he was only lying, and would leave her again the way everyone seemed to leave her…sooner or later. But the rest of her--everything that felt and breathed and lived within her--was screaming at her to believe, that she needed to believe in him to truly be alive. Eyes still closed, she finally managed to speak, her voice a hopeful plea.

"Never?"

"Never," he agreed quietly, the words low and serious as they drifted to her ears. Meredith nodded, eyelids fluttering apart once again.

"Okay," she whispered as she leaned forward, pulling a sweater out of the basket, fingers trembling as she shook out the wrinkles, doing a terrible job of folding it. Derek took another step towards her, closing the distance between them, and pulling the sweater from her hands. He thread his fingers through hers, squeezing them tight, desperately wanting to bend down and kiss away the insecurity, the fear and hesitancy, that still lingered plainly on her face.

"I'm sorry Meredith," he said earnestly. "Please…believe me?" Derek's voice was suddenly as uncertain as her eyes, swollen with the fear that she wouldn't believe, that she would push him away. But he forgot his own worries as she looked up, and he caught sight of the tears that fell from her eyes, rolling in shimmering trails down her cheeks. She nodded, but turned her face from him, blinking in a futile attempt to stop her tears. "You're crying Mer," Derek observed softly. That only garnered a fierce shake of her head.

"I'm not," she said, her voice stubborn even as it cracked in two. Smiling slightly, Derek let go of her hand, raising his own to brush away some of her tears, the pads of his thumbs easily wiping away the heavy droplets.

"Why are you crying?" he asked, tilting her chin up slightly as she shook her head again, her face scrunching in an effort to hold off the tears that were intensifying.

"I'm not," she moaned, her lip trembling as she spoke. And as she did, Meredith let her head fall forward, burying her face against Derek's chest as her silent tears contorted into noisy, almost violent, sobs. His arms wrapped instantly around her; one reaching up to hold her head, his fingers threading through her hair, as the other moved to her back, pulling her close so that her stomach pressed against him.

"Meredith," he murmured, his voice growing low and soothing. "Shhh Mer, it's okay." But Meredith just shook her head, nails digging into his shoulders as she clung to him desperately, her crying escalating into sobs that shook her small frame. Feeling how much she shuddered against him, Derek bent forward slightly, lifting her effortlessly into his arms. She tucked her face close against his neck, and let him carry her to the couch without protest.

Meredith felt as if everything were disappearing save her tears; leaving her alone to drown in the same tormented sea that had been growing since the moment she'd first stared disbelievingly at the tiny blue plus sign on a pregnancy test. It felt as if some dam within her had been inexplicably breached, and everything she'd thought she had under control was just crumbling and washing away. There was nothing to do but cry, her hand stretching out desperately, fingers spread in an automatic instinctive plea for something to hold on to. And she felt Derek's fingers lace tightly with her own, enveloping her small hand in his larger one as he brought it to his lips, murmuring something low and gentle, something innately comforting, against her skin.

"Breathe Mer. Just breathe…it's okay. I promise, it's okay." There were fingers running softly through her hair, and Derek's voice gave her something to cling to, an anchor that let her pull herself together enough to straighten up, managing a deep gasping breath.

"Derek," she sobbed, nearly choking on his name. Her eyes were wide; pale green glimmering beneath a heavy sheen of tears that still rolled resolutely down her face.

"Yeah," he said immediately, his own eyes equally wide, alarmed at just how hard she was crying. "I'm right here," he continued as she nodded her head, seeming slightly reassured. "Everything's okay." She stopped nodding at that, letting out a small moan as her expression changed back into one of fear and uncertainty. "Shhh, what is it?" he asked, still stroking her hair. "What's wrong?" Pulling her closer to him, Derek pressed his lips to the top of her head, holding her so that his body absorbed her shaking, reducing her crying down to simple tears.

"I'm…" she gasped at last, tilting her head back to look at Derek. It chilled him to see just how wide and raw her eyes were, but he simply nodded, keeping his expression encouraging. "I'm scared Derek," she stammered, her hand still clutching frantically at his.

"You're scared," he repeated softly, and she nodded her head, reaching up to dry her eyes with her free hand. Suddenly, the words came tumbling freely from her lips as she found a way to give voice to what she had been through during the past few months.

"Sometimes, I wake up in the middle of the night, and when I remember I'm pregnant, I'm so terrified that I can't fall back asleep." Derek let out a low pained gasp at her words, aching at the thought of her so fragile and alone in the dark of the night. He tilted his head to the side, studying her closely as she shook her head, a teardrop swinging dangerously from her eyelashes. "I don't know what I'm doing," she stammered in a small voice.

"Mer…" soothed Derek. "That's okay."

"No, it's not okay. I don't know how to have a baby," she continued, her voice escalating into a frightened gasp. "Derek, I don't know…I don't know what I'm going to do once it's born. I don't even know where I'm going to put it!" Meredith was staring at their tightly locked hands, looking suddenly small and helpless. "I haven't done anything for the baby because it was just me, and I didn't want to do it without you. I didn't want to think about having it without you, because…I don't think I can." She trailed off as tears started to spill more profusely from her eyes, her voice breaking down into a series of breathy gasps. "Derek, I can't. I just…I can't. You can't vanish like you did again. Please Derek…you can't not be here." Meredith leaned forward, starting to tremble once more as she pressed her forehead against his shoulder. "I can't do this without you," she cried, her voice a broken whimper. "I'm just so scared, and I can't…"

"Mer. Meredith," murmured Derek, speaking her name over and over until the sound turned into a sort of song--something sad and earnest and full of love. Finally, he laid a hand against her damp cheek, drawing her up to face him. "Listen to me," he said sternly, his voice breaking past her crying and causing her eyes to focus on him. "You are not going to be alone for this Mer. And you can do this. Wecan. I promise, we can." She nodded tentatively, her expression still uncertain. "You're not going to have to do it alone," he continued quietly, his voice tinted with awe as he laid his hand against her round stomach. "We're going to have our baby together, okay?"

Meredith nodded again, a little more definitely this time. "Okay," she whispered.

"Okay," he echoed as she settled back into his arms, her head against his shoulder. She stared down at the sight of his hand resting over her belly, and it was something comforting although it didn't completely erase her fear.

"I'm still scared though," she murmured after a moment, her voice small as she sniffled, blinking away the last of her tears.

Derek just laughed, his chin bumping gently against the top of her head as he nodded. "That's okay. So am I," he admitted, prompting Meredith to turn around once more, staring wide-eyed up at him.

"You are?" she asked incredulously.

"Yeah. Mer, it's scary," he said, his voice growing soft and low. "But we can figure it out together--how to be parents. We'll just take it one day at a time."

"Parents…" Meredith echoed, finding the word strange, and a little unsettling. But Derek's hands were reassuring; one still lingering over their child while the other smoothed the damp strands of hair away from her tear streaked face. And the silence they fell into while Meredith caught her breath from all the crying wasn't uncomfortable. But as her heartbeat finally returned to normal, her voice once again grew apprehensive. "You'll be there?" she asked quietly.

Derek let out a low sound of agreement before adding, "Of course Mer."

However, the panicked light in her eyes renewed itself, and she twisted back around, seeming almost to have not heard him at all. "When I have to have the baby," she continued, her voice growing frightened at the mere thought of giving birth. "You'll be with me Derek? For the whole thing?"

"For the whole thing," agreed Derek, hating that she seemed to think it possible for him to be anywhere other than at her side. "Meredith," he murmured, pressing a finger against the very center of her lower lip. "I wouldn't miss it for the world."

"You wouldn't?" she echoed hopefully; the knowledge that, at some point, the baby would have to come out losing some of its innate terror at the thought of having Derek there for it.

"Not a chance."

And Meredith finally smiled, the corners of her lips twitching hesitantly before making a definite upward turn. Derek's mouth mirrored her own, and they stared raptly at each other, words quickly becoming unnecessary. She felt her breath catch low in her throat as Derek's finger left her lip, and her tongue darted out to replace the warmth that had evaporated with the loss of his touch. With that tiny gesture, his eyes fixated immediately on her mouth, and she followed suit, her gaze drifting down to his lips. When they looked back up, their eyes were close to smoldering; as if a living flame burned somehow just behind the veils of blue and green, turning their eyes into embers that were simultaneously dark and burning bright. Meredith couldn't tell if they moved in slow motion, their faces inching closer and closer to close the space between them, or if their lips crashed suddenly together hard and fast. Somehow, it felt a bit like both; Derek's hands moved quickly, pulling urgently through her hair, but the shivers that ran down the newly exposed curve of her neck were long and drawn out, incredibly slow. Her skin was still moist from crying, and the press of her smooth cheek against his stubbled one was cool and damp, in high contrast to the warmth of their mouths as lips parted hungrily. Meredith moaned softly as their tongues found each other, Derek's teeth coming down against the curve of her lower lip, tugging on it as his hands dropped to her hips to move her forward, shifting her into his lap.

There was nowhere to move save closer together. To pull away wasn't even an option. Meredith had forgotten just how much she needed him--time serving to dull the ache--but his hands sliding beneath her shirt, trailing up over her spine and around to graze against her breasts, filled her with an old familiar longing. Shifting slightly, she kissed him again, harder this time as her fingers yanked his belt buckle undone in a single deft motion. Derek groaned as her small hands slipped even further downward, her name escaping as a rough whisper swallowed up in their kisses. But, after a moment, he forced himself to pull away from her lips, taking a deep breath to keep from simply using the sudden space between them as an opening to remove her top.

"Mer?" he asked in a low voice, and she tilted her head to the side, looking at him inquisitively. He raised an eyebrow, his gaze flitting down to her stomach before moving back up to search her face. "Can you?" Meredith just smiled and nodded, her hair swinging back and forth with the gesture. "We won't hurt the baby?" he pressed worriedly.

"No," said Meredith, leaning forward and giggling against his lips, making a quick mental note to buy Izzie a new pair of shoes. "We won't hurt the baby," she murmured, her voice growing low and soft as her hands tangled in the thick dark strands of his hair.

"Good," moaned Derek, capturing her mouth with his own once again. His voice was full of relief, and Meredith laughed as he moved down, trailing kisses along the smooth column of her neck. She slid him out of his jacket as his hands drifted once again beneath her shirt, this time easing the fabric up over her head, and letting the shirt fall to the floor. Derek looked up, relishing the sight of her hair raining back down in golden strands over her bare shoulders, but as it did, Meredith shifted uncomfortably, her expression growing suddenly apprehensive. Her arms folded self-consciously over her stomach as she eyed him warily, full of the knowledge that this was the first time he had truly seen her pregnant--without the distraction of clothes or a hospital gown and monitors. "Mer?" he asked, taking in the unexpected frown that was dulling the light in her eyes. "What is it?" She shrugged and shook her head, but didn't move in the slightest. "What's wrong?" he pressed, his hands running over her bare skin, trying to coax out an explanation for her sudden sharp change in mood.

"I'm…" she began apprehensively, biting her lip. She studied his face, eyes darting over his features as she tried to guess at what he thought of her now, wishing desperately that she didn't suddenly feel so anxious and so unattractive. Derek glanced down, noticing how she was cradling her naked stomach, and lay his hands gently over hers.

"What?" he asked softly, his thumb tracing reassuring circles around her slender wrist.

"I'm fat," she finally admitted, her voice growing into a thin whine that she despised instantly, cringing at the insecure embarrassed pitch to her words, yet powerless to alter the tone.

"You're fat?" echoed Derek incredulously, a low chuckle escaping his lips as he shook his head. "Seriously Mer?" She nodded, wrinkling her nose and wishing she could hide the stretched skin of her stomach back beneath her shirt. However, Derek just shook his head again, his eyes bright and amused. "You're not fat. You are actually…a very little…tiny person," he continued, leaning forward and speaking in between kisses as his lips trailed over her chest and back up her neck to finally find her mouth again.

But Meredith pulled away uncertainly, still feeling painfully self-conscious. "It's just…" she began, sighing heavily, her face flushing. Derek frowned, not yet used to just how quickly she now swung from one emotion to another, falling easily into either insecurity or tears, or both.

"What?" he coaxed, leaning back against the couch to study her face, watching as she chewed anxiously on her lip. Her eyes darted back to his at his question, and she shrugged uneasily.

"It's just," she tried again, shaking her head. "I looked different the last time we had sex, and now I'm all…" She trailed off awkwardly, glaring down at the round bare curve of her belly.

"Oh Mer," said Derek instantly--finally understanding--his voice growing infinitely gentle and tinged slightly with disbelief. Reaching out, he took her hands in his, pulling them up and away from her stomach. Her eyes were still wary, full of doubt and embarrassment, and she tensed as his hand replaced hers, coming down to lay against the very center of her stomach. "Meredith," he continued earnestly, his voice giving her no option save to listen to him. "You're having my baby. It's not possible to look more beautiful than you do right now." She shook her head, about to protest further, but his eyes had darkened, growing almost reverent, and as his gaze moved back up to her face, she forgot what she wanted to say. It didn't matter that none of her clothes fit anymore, that she felt gigantic and slow and unattractive in every possible way. It was such a minor detail that it shriveled into insignificance as Derek's eyes bored into her as if he never wanted to look away. And somehow, Meredith could believe him. She leaned forward, and he kissed her again, his mouth a hard warm pressure against her lips; burning away all thoughts more complex than here and now,and some low breathy version of his name. They fell back into each others arms, shedding their clothes with a desperate heady urgency, freeing their bodies to finally come together again.

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So yeah, lots of Mer/Der in this chapter. While they sort of got back together in the hospital when Meredith was sick, they kept themselves in this happy little bubble that didn't really resolve all that much. And, it kinda had to be that way because Mer was sick, and Derek was worried about her, and they were both just so relieved that she and the baby were okay, that they didn't want to do much more than be happy about that. Plus, Mer was really tired. All of her issues were kinda laying low because she was so exhausted. But now, she's doing better, and the fact that she's felt scared and alone this whole time is something Derek needs to understand. The fact that he pretty much vanished on her for two days right after she thought everything was going to be okay with them served to sharpen all her doubts and abandonment issues, so that when he tells her he's never going to leave her again, it collides head on with all those issues. Because, even while she loves McFetus, she's terrified of how she's going to do the mom thing, and even having a kid with Derek in the picture scares her. When she thinks of doing it without him, it freaks her out, and blah-de-blah, she ends up crying so that Derek can finally start to understand how much she's been through, not just physically with getting sick, but just in her own head, freaking out about the baby. And, he's not quite used to how emotional she is now, because she is pretty emotional and needy right now, however he's really there for her this time, and is able to calm her down and all that good stuff.

And…what else? Izzie and George were there for a bit, doing the talking about someone right in front of them thing because well, they can be five sometimes. And, Mer's friends are very skeptical of Derek because he hasn't been there. They're the ones who've been helping her while she's been pregnant, and, as far as they can tell, he just tends to make things worse. However, they end up leaving and letting Mer/Der have their privacy because Mer is having his kid, and they know she really wants things to work with him despite the roller coaster he's continually putting her on.

And hmm…Derek. He's finally divorced. Yay! Despite his flaws and that he's been far from perfect, he does know how to comfort Mer. And he's starting to redeem himself. He does love her and their baby, but he has this problem where he doesn't always grasp how much he hurts her. Even when George pointed out that Mer thought he'd left her again, he didn't quite believe it because he knows he didn't leave her. He can't imagine just leaving her like that. It doesn't even seem possible to him, so he didn't quite get why Mer would think that. But then when they're talking together, he finally realizes that yeah…that's actually what she thought. And so he's finally starting to really understand where she is and what she's been through, however, he still has a ways to go. It's one thing to say all the pretty things in the world. It's something else entirely to actually be there when it counts, but…that's what he intendeds to do now.

Yep, that's about it for tonight. That was a long burst of rambling. Hee… Anyway, hopefully people are glad that Mer/Der are finally back together again. Thanks so much for reading!