CHAPTER 14

THE STORM

Greg wouldn't go with me to Thanksgiving in San Diego. I was rather upset because we hadn't spent a Thanksgiving together since we were young. But I couldn't bear the thought of John and Blythe being alone on Thanksgiving. I did get Greg to commit to go home to San Diego for Christmas.

When we arrived at the airport in San Diego, Greg and I rented a car and drove to the old neighborhood. We passed my old house and I had to laugh, it looked beautiful, much better than when my family owned it. Someone had poured a lot of money into cleaning it up. Blythe and John were in the drive waiting for us with big grins. House rolled his eyes, "Oh, there he is in all of his splendor, welcoming home the prodigal daughter."

Blythe invited just about everyone we knew over for a party. We had a great time and Greg got a little tipsy. When we went to bed in our respective rooms I was ready to get some shuteye, I was tired from having gotten up early to clean house and help Blythe in the kitchen. About ten minutes after I turned off my light, the door squeaked open and Greg tiptoed into the room, sat down on the edge of the bed and whispered loudly, "Let me in."

"No! go back to your own bed." I gave him a push.

"Oh come on, they're asleep on the other side of the house. They won't hear us. I can leave before they get up."

"No Greg, I don't want to chance it. Let me tell your Dad tomorrow about us and then you can climb in bed."

"No, don't tell him, he won't understand." Greg shook his head wildly. "Come on, let me in and I'll go back in a little bit. Come on..." He started to get under the covers and push me over.

"It's a twin bed Greg, don't push me over too far."

He pulled me up against him and held me. He fondled my breasts and I could feel his breath in my ear. We didn't have sex, he just wanted to hold me. It felt good to be in his arms and before I knew it, I was dead asleep.

Greg's Dad always made me a breakfast of French Toast and sausages at least one morning when I would visit. He'd put it on a tray, fix it up nice with a sprig of flowers and deliver it to my room. I didn't expect him to do it this morning, he normally waited until just before I was scheduled to leave. Unfortunately, this was the morning he made me breakfast.

I heard his voice, "Wakey, wakey rise and shine. You've had yours, hive had mine, get up sleepyhead." Before it could register that he was just about to enter my room and that Greg was in my bed, the door opened. Greg lifted his head up and I raised myself up so quickly I almost got whiplash.

"Jesus Christ...what in the hell is going on here?"

I threw my hands up, waving them at him, "John, let me explain. Greg and I are in love. Please, let me just explain."

"I don't believe it!" He turned and looked at Greg, "You couldn't keep your hands off of her could you? You had to spoil her life too." He was yelling at Greg who was raised up on his elbows gritting his teeth and ready to explode.

I could see he was going to make one of his retorts, "Greg, don't say anything, let me handle this." I put my hand up to stop him from saying anything.

Blythe was on the scene by now and she was shaking her head in disappointment. "John, they've been together now for over a year. They care for each other, they always have! She was yelling. Her voice calmed down and she put a hand on his arm shaking her head, "It's no one's fault."

John shook his head, "Yes it is, Greg's almost ten years older than her. He's a grown man and she's not even 21." He turned back to Greg, "You are a real disappointment Greg."

"Yeah, well the feeling is mutual." He stopped short. He obviously wanted to say more but looked at the horror on my face, "Come on Maggie, get your things, we're leaving."

Blythe started to panic, "Greg, please don't go. Let's all sit down and talk about this." His mother was desperate.

I grabbed Greg by the arm as he tried to leave the room, "Your Mom's right, let's sit down and talk." I tried to sound calm.

John looked at me with venom, "What's there to talk about? I want him out of this house. When he grows up, maybe we can have a decent conversation." John was hurt and angry.

I said very sadly, "John, if you kick Greg out, I have to go with him. I love him, I really love him dearly. If he isn't welcomed here, then neither am I." I knew that this would hurt him, because John always thought of me as his daughter and treated me like a princess. I think he felt like Greg had committed incest...even though we weren't related and hadn't really lived in the house at the same time. He always thought of Greg as an older brother to me.

"Maggie, you're always welcomed here, but if you have to go, I guess you have to do what you think is best." John turned around and left.

I was in my flannel pajamas, thank God, and Greg was in his boxers. His mother followed John out to the living room to try and talk some sense into him, but it was no use. Both John and Greg were being stubborn as usual. I felt so guilty, like I had brought this on. In some ways I was sure that Blythe was going to blame me too. We were all in pain.

Greg and I packed and checked into a hotel. I called Blythe and let her know where we were at. I apologized to her.

She just sighed, "It was bound to happen. We should have told him before you came." she said sadly.

"I begged Greg to let me tell him."

"I know. Well give it some time, maybe he'll accept it." she said halfheartedly.

I could see how upset Greg was. No matter how Greg tried to package it, he cared what his father thought and he felt this rejection keenly. I didn't know how to make it better. When Greg came back from his walk around the bay, I patted the bed next to me. He came over and laid his head down on my lap and I stroked his hair. He then looked up at me and we kissed. Our lovemaking was in silence and I had a horrible feeling about all of this, like it was all spinning out of control. When Greg climaxed, he simply turned over and went to sleep. I had been so upset and worried over him that it didn't occur to me until late that night that I did not have my diaphragm in. I just prayed we were ok.

Greg and I flew back to D.C. before Christmas Day and celebrated it quietly in our house. I roasted a turkey with all the fixings and we spent the day watching a Twilight Zone marathon. He was starting to joke around a little and I thought that was a good sign. He gave me a ruby ring that was inscribed, "Il mio amore sempre, Greg." I gave him a Rolex watch that was engraved on the back, "Your love is my world." Maggie May. We smiled at each other and held hands as we watched the Twilight Zone into the night. When we went to bed we kissed and turned out the lights.

CHAPTER 15

THE SILENCING

New Years Eve 1989 seemed to be nondescript. The year was welcomed quietly in our home with no fanfare. Greg was somewhat quieter than usual and at times he was mean to me, more so than his usual cutting wit. I was hoping it would pass soon. I knew he was still upset over his father and work was getting stressful again because of a new head of the department.

I returned to finish my senior year. My last semester wasn't going to be a walk in the park. I had a criticism class, two literature classes, my last science course, Biology and another writing course. I was worried that it might overwhelm me.

On my first day back to school I felt a little hot and started throwing up. Greg had warned me that there had been gastroenteritis running rampant through the area. I went home and straight to bed, sleeping through the night. I couldn't afford to miss any classes and I was nervous when I woke up the next day still sick to my stomach. Greg was on a rotation and wasn't suppose to be home until Wednesday. I forced myself to go to class even though I had to leave a couple of times to throw up. By Wednesday I didn't have an appetite but I wasn't throwing up. Greg came home and went right to bed after dinner. We didn't have time to talk.

I had a late night Thursday and still wasn't feeling my best. I arrived home and went to bed myself. I was dead tired. When I woke up on Friday, Greg and I made love. It was when he fondled my breasts and they hurt that I realized I might be pregnant. I was shocked when Greg rolled on his back after sex and said, "You're tired, you've got no appetite, your breasts are tender, they're larger and you haven't started your period. You better get a pregnancy test." And then he rolled away from me and went to sleep.

I was scared to death. This was a nightmare. I didn't want a child right now, not during my last semester and not with Greg acting so strange. But the reality was that I didn't have the emotional backbone to have an abortion. I just couldn't stand the thought of killing a baby that was part Gregory House.

I went to the drugstore on Friday and purchased a test. When I got home I read the instructions and had to wait for the next morning to take it. Greg was in bed when I got up and went into the bathroom. I peed on the stick and then waited for the result. As I was waiting, Greg came into the bathroom. He leaned up against the bathroom door and waited as I sat on the toilet lid. I read the results and started to cry. He looked at it, kneeled down and looked in my eyes.

"Maggie May, don't cry. We'll get through this." he looked at me with those beautiful, clear blue eyes.

"Will we Greg, will we?" I wasn't convinced.

We didn't talk about it until late that afternoon.

"You're in the middle of your last semester and you've already told me how rough it's going to be. I'm starting my nephrology residency and it's going to be hell the first few months as they rake the newbie across the coals. I'm just not the best candidate for fatherhood, especially now. You know this is probably the worst timing ever. Maggie, I know you're going to hate what I have to say, but I want you to have an abortion. I know its your decision, but that's my opinion." He actually had the courage to look deep into my eyes when he told me.

I threw up right in the middle of the living room. He was upset, but he helped me clean it up. I was sobbing and when he didn't come over and put his arm around me I knew things were going to get worse. We slept on separate sides of the full sized bed that night.

He didn't try to comfort me and I didn't reach out to him. It wasn't as if I wanted the baby, I just knew I didn't want to get rid of it. I stopped sleeping and we stopped talking. We especially didn't talk about the baby. When I was six weeks pregnant he came home and sat down next to me.

"You aren't sleeping, you aren't eating and you are going to have problems in school if you don't make up your mind one way or the other. I've made an appointment at the clinic for an abortion this Friday. You don't have to go, but if you do I will be there with you."

I wasn't able to think. My whole life was upside down and my best friend and lover wasn't really willing to discuss what was bothering me. He said nothing about options. I had no one to turn to. I didn't have Blythe, John or Greg. The three people I loved the most were not available to me for help. I was lost.

I woke up on Friday, the appointment was at 10:00 a.m. Greg turned over in bed when he realized I was awake. Tears were streaming down my cheeks and onto the pillow. He reached over and held my hand.

"You really think this is for the best?" I asked him.

"Yes, I do. We can have children later, when we are both in a better place."

"I'll get ready." I got up, took a shower and put on some loose clothes as was suggested by the handout Greg brought home. We drove to the hospital in silence with Greg occasionally patting my leg.

When we got into the clinic room the physician's assistant took one look at my eyes and said, "Honey, are you sure this is what you want? You look like you haven't slept or eaten for awhile. Do you want me to continue?

I was quiet for a moment. Greg squeezed my hand and I finally nodded my head yes. I laid back on the exam table and they prepared me. I couldn't watch the procedure but I heard what sounded like a vacuum and I experienced some pain and discomfort. When it was over, Greg was given the handouts with the aftercare instructions and they gave me a kotex for me to wear home.

I was numb. Greg had some Vicodin for me and I took them. When we got home I went straight to bed and to sleep. I had a dream of Greg and I walking on the walkway at the beach next to Belmont Park. We were pushing a baby stroller. We stopped to look at the sunset over the ocean. I kneeled down to take care of the baby and there was only a bloody receiving blanket. I woke up in a cold sweat. I must have jerked the bed when I did because I woke Greg. He turned over. All I could say was, "What have we done?" Greg tried to hold me and I pushed off of him. "No Greg, leave me alone. I just don't want to be touched tonight, leave me alone."

I spent the next few weeks trying to catch up in school. It was the only thing I could do to stop the feeling of guilt wafting over me. Greg tried to be kind, but I just couldn't deal with anything but school. The next few months were strained. I blamed myself more than I blamed anyone. After three months, Greg started to make comments about my sad looks, my demeanor, my vacant stares. He didn't know how to handle my depression. I just kept working at my classes, it was all that I could do.

I didn't know then, but I found out later, that Professor Perkins had called my house to get information for the scholarship and fellowship committee. Greg had answered the phone.

"Is this Maggie's boyfriend, the doctor?"

"Yes, who is this?"

"This is Professor Perkins. Is she there?"

"No, she's at the library on campus."

"Oh well, I guess I can run over there. If she gets home before I can talk to her, tell her we need her passport number and her social security number for the scholarship checks."

Greg played along, "Sure, the scholarship. Why do they need them?"

"Well, if she agrees to take the Fellowship then we need to get the scholarship checks converted into pounds sterling. We need to open an account for her in Cambridge so that we can transfer the funds. They need the passport number and social security number to do that. But we won't actually open the account until she agrees to accept the scholarship and fellowship"

Greg knew Perkins taught Creative Writing. "So this scholarship is for Creative Writing studies at Cambridge University?"

"Yes, didn't you know about this?" Perkins asked.

"Oh sure, but I couldn't remember if it was for law or creative writing, she's been thinking about both."

"Oh, well it's the Wilde scholarship for Creative Writing at Peterhouse College, Cambridge University. Please help me talk her into it. It's a great honor and she will regret it all of her life if she doesn't take it."

"When does she have to give you her decision?" Greg asked.

"By Monday, the last day of school."

"I'll make sure she goes." Greg hung up.

When I got home Greg said, "I feel like we're in the middle of a train wreck and I don't know how we're going to get out of it."

"We just have to give it time." I tried to smile at him.

"But you're never going to forgive me for arranging the abortion."

"I don't need to forgive you, I need to forgive myself. It just takes time. We have to ride this out together,. Don't worry, it will work out." I told him, hoping to convince myself as well as him.

It was Thursday and I had my last final. The last day for the faculty to turn in the grades was Monday. I tried to contact Professor Perkins to let him know that I would not be accepting the Fellowship or Scholarship but his answering machine was full. I decided that I would go into campus on Monday and tell him in person. I didn't want to give up on Greg and I knew that no matter what had happened, I loved him more than anything in the world. If I went away now it would probably be the end of us. That scared me more than anything in the world. I couldn't bear it if I lost him too.

Greg was suppose to get home Friday off of a 36 hour rotation. I decided to go get some groceries and sundries. I got back at 4:30 p.m. and was relieved to see his car in the drive. I took in some of the groceries and put away the cold ones. I figured Greg must be asleep. I went down the hall and heard movement in the bedroom. I opened the door and saw a naked Greg pounding away at the gorgeous and naked Donna Hall. He looked up and saw me, but kept going without missing a beat.

I was so woozy that I walked out to the kitchen and sat down. I didn't know what I was suppose to do or what I was suppose to feel. I went blank. Greg came out and grabbed some water out of the tap. "I haven't loved you for sometime now. I'm sorry you had to find out this way." And then he went back to the bedroom. A few minutes later they both came out and left.

I couldn't get my mind around what I had just seen or what he had just said. I didn't know if it was real. But it didn't matter, even if it wasn't real, he wanted me gone. I sat in the kitchen staring at the refrigerator for several hours. I finally got up and went back to our bedroom. I could smell the sex in the room. I pulled out the suitcases from the guest room closet and started to pack what I could. I grabbed all my texts and paperwork, passport, bank books and all the documents that I might need. I threw in some underwear and then started to fill the rest with clothes. I put it all in the car and then I grabbed other things, photos, pictures off the wall, my jewelry and my guitars. I threw them in the back seat and I waited.

I think he was disappointed that when he got home, I wasn't gone. He came in, threw his keys on the top of the piano and sat down on the bench. I was sitting, waiting for him on the couch.

"I just want to know if that was all staged for my view? It won't matter what you answer, you obviously want me out of your life. I'd just like to know if you meant what you said, about not loving me anymore.I know you want me gone, and I'm going, but did you really stop loving me – just like that?"

He looked at the floor and not at me. With a slow, deliberate voice he said, "Just like that."

I teared up and nodded my head. My voice cracked, "Well, it's hard for me to believe that someone can stop loving someone "just like that," but then Greg, you never cease to amaze me." I swallowed hard and looked around and snickered, "I've taken what I need, you can have whatever is left." I got up and put my purse over my shoulder. I waited a few seconds for him to make eye contact, "I really hope you find happiness again. I hope you find love." I turned and walked out of our house and out of his life.