So, hello. First of all, thanks so much to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. That was the most reviews I'd ever gotten for a chapter, and it made me so very bright and shiny. So very, very bright and shiny. So thank you so much to everyone who took the time to review. I really enjoy hearing what you think, and I'm very glad people liked the last chapter. As for the last chapter, yeah…Derek's family is currently not so nice. That's a bit of an understatement… They're rather flat out cruel. And yeah, Mer is a mess. And well, I know there's a lot of angst. But…I promise there's a point to all of it. So just, bear with me during the angst I guess is what I'm saying? Because this chapter, well…this chapter is really rather long, and this update is just the first half of the chapter because of the length. So, my point (I do have one) is that…I like angst? I don't know. We'll see at the end of the chapter. Anyway, that's about it for now. Please enjoy!

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I'm here by myself
I just wanna be happy
I'm drifting away violently
See through the static, the panic, the silence, the lull
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Meredith gaped up at Jacqueline wordlessly. She felt as if she'd just been slapped, and her mind was reeling, trying to come up with some sort of reply. She wanted to say something back. She knew she should say something back, but she felt as if she had forgotten how to speak. All she could manage to do was gasp in air as her cheeks flushed, staring wide-eyed up at twin masks of disapproval and disgust. "I'm…" she stammered out at last, shaking her head, and shuffling back a few steps. "I'm gonna…I'll go get Derek for you." She nearly choked on her words, but the act of speaking seemed to set her body free. She turned without waiting for a reply, hurrying up the stairs so fast that the small part of her mind that wasn't busy crumbling into pieces was amazed she didn't trip.

Her eyes started to sting as she made her way down the hallway of the second floor, and, by the time she pushed open the door to the bathroom, the corners had flooded with tears. Derek had his back to her, and was pulling on a pair of jeans, a towel slung over his bare shoulders to catch the droplets of water falling from his hair. "Hey, did you think of where you'd like to eat?" he asked, turning around at the sound of her footsteps. He had a smile on his face, but it faded away as he caught sight of Meredith. She stood framed in the open doorway--a pale trembling thing. "Whoa…" he gasped, his voice low and shocked as he instinctively crossed the length of the bathroom to reach her in one long stride. "Mer, what's wrong?" He placed his hands on her shoulders only to feel them shaking beneath him. She shrugged helplessly, eyes welling up, before leaning forward to press her face against the still damp skin of his chest. A small miserable whimper escaped her lips, but she offered him no explanation. "What is it?" he prodded gently, pulling her closer to him, and stroking her hair. She let out a strange strangled sob; free of tears yet full of pain, and Derek felt his heart break a little at the sound. "Shhh…tell me," he pleaded in a whisper, easing her back from his body to look into her eyes.

Meredith shrugged again and shook her head, blinking as she looked up at him. "We never…" she began, pausing to take a huge gulping breath. Derek nodded encouragingly, and she continued on in a rush. "We never said we would…that this was a… Well, I mean… I knew it would happen eventually, but this…this is a lot different than eventually. This is…now." She pressed the heel of her hand to her eyes, roughly blotting away tears as she stumbled over her words, Derek struggling to piece together what she was saying. "I can't do this now," she moaned, her voice apologetic as she gave a fierce shake of her head. "I'm sorry. I can't. They hate me… Already, they hate me." Backing away, Meredith slipped out of his arms, turning around within the bathroom almost frantically. "I've just…I've gotta go," she stammered desperately. "I need to go."

Derek frowned down at her; confused by her words, and alarmed at her obvious distress. She was still shaking, even her lower lip trembling, and so he caught her in his arms again, guiding her backwards to sit on the closed lid of the toilet. "Hey," he said quietly, dropping to his knees in front of her, and folding her small hands closely in his own. "It's gonna be okay." Meredith let out another anguished moan, and shook her head, unable to keep his mother's words from echoing over and over in her mind. The continued presence of the two women downstairs was only adding to her unease, and she bit down on her lip in a desperate attempt to still it. "Mer…I don't understand," he said, at a loss as to why she was so upset. "What happened? Can you try again? Who hates you?"

"Your mother," moaned Meredith, her voice thin and tremulous. She dropped her head to avoid his eyes, feeling suddenly ashamed. "And I guess…your sister. One of your sisters? Do you have a sister named Nancy?" She chanced a tentative glance at Derek to find him nodding his head, his expression one of pure astonishment. "Right…she's here too."

"My sister and my mother are here at your house?" asked Derek incredulously.

"Yeah. Downstairs." Meredith's voice was a quiet whisper as she watched the bewildered light in Derek's eyes darken into something more frustrated. "They want to see you," she added as he groaned, and ran a hand through the sleek wet curls of his hair.

"Great," he muttered, rocking back onto his heels. He was full of barely suppressed irritation, but, glancing back up at Meredith, it all evaporated, and he was left with nothing but concern. She was still trembling slightly, her eyes unnaturally wide and glistening beneath unshed tears. "Meredith," he said gently, getting to his knees once more. He let go of her hand to cup her face in his palm, trying to guess at why she seemed so incredibly shaken. "Take a deep breath," he urged. "This isn't good for you or the baby." His concern managed to draw the tiniest flicker of an amused smile from her, and she complied, seeming to relax a bit. "I'm sorry they just showed up," he continued, his voice apologetic. "They can be kind of determined. But, it's going to be okay. We'll go down there together, and I'll explain things to them, and…" He paused to grin at her, unable to keep from entertaining the idea of his mother taking to Meredith as quickly and completely as she had to Addison. "They'll love you Mer," he promised as she turned and pressed her lips to his hand. "You'll see."

She contemplated the idea for a moment--wishing she could believe him--before pulling her mouth from his fingertips to speak. "I'm sorry," she whispered, her eyes losing their color, and growing gray and solemn. "I can't. I can't go back down there." Meredith shook her head, shrugging helplessly. "You go," she stammered. "I'll just…I'll go somewhere else. I'll…" She trailed off, uncertain of where she would even go.

"Mer, they're my family," said Derek quietly. "I know they're a lot to take in, but…I want them to meet you. They're not going to hate you. Why do you think--"

"Why not?" asked Meredith, cutting him off. "I'm just the…the slutty intern who broke up your…" Her voice cracked as the sting of tears reappeared in her eyes. "Who wrecked your…" she tried once more before giving up, and simply staring down at her lap, a single tear finally escaping to trace a telltale path down her cheek.

"Slutty intern?" echoed Derek. He spoke incredulously as the concern written in his eyes morphed quickly into outrage. "What did they say to you?" he demanded.

"Nothing," mumbled Meredith, taken back by the undeniable anger in his voice. "It's fine." She shrugged, and tried to smile, adding, "It's true, really." Derek shook his head, grasping her hands firmly in his.

"Meredith, what did they say?"

She stared at him helplessly; wanting to speak, but finding herself unable to repeat what his mother had said. A paralyzing combination of guilt and mortification was running through her, making it impossible for her to look Derek in the eyes, and say that his mother thought she was a whore. "Nothing," she whispered at last, her face flushing as she squirmed further backward, wishing she had never even answered the doorbell. "I'm fine. It's not a big deal." Her voice sounded almost bruised--completely at odds with her words. Derek lay his fingers gently over the small slender circle of her wrist, his expression sad and thoughtful.

"It looks like it's a big deal to you. That makes it a big deal to me, okay?" He spoke softly, forcing his anger out of his words, and offering her nothing but concern. Meredith nodded, but didn't look up, pulling her hand from his to run the back of it across her bleary eyes. Finally feeling as if she'd regained some semblance of control over her emotions, she looked back up, and managed a small wobbly smile.

"See?" she asked hopefully. "I'm fine."

Derek shook his head, knowing intrinsically not to believe her. "What happened?" he tried for the third time, but Meredith gave a sharp shake of her head as well. "Mer…"

"No…please don't," she stammered, reaching forward to pull herself to her feet. The motion compelled Derek to take a step back, bending down again to help her up. His hands raced up her arms, slipping beneath the wide gaping sleeves of her top, fingertips tracing intricate patterns over bare flesh. His eyes were dark and searching as he stared at her, and Meredith had to fight the urge to simply melt into his gaze, knowing it would likely lead to loud howling tears. Derek cocked his head to the side encouragingly, clearly waiting for some sort of explanation. "If you do," she continued tentatively, "I'm going to start crying. So please, Derek, just…don't." Everything about her from her voice to her eyes was begging him to drop it, and let her hold onto the small shred of self composure she'd managed to find. Derek sighed uncertainly; again torn between the knowledge that--if he would just push her harder--he would get answers, and his own inherent repulsion to the idea of putting her through something she was opposed to.

In the end, he simply pulled her to him, and wrapped his arms tightly around her. "Do you want them to go?" he asked gently, bending down so that his forehead rested against hers. "This is your house. They can leave right now if you want, and we can go out to dinner like we planned."

"No," sighed Meredith, her voice still unsteady. "They're your family. They flew all the way out here to see you."

"You're my family too," he said simply. He spoke as if this were common knowledge; something as fundamental as the need to breathe in oxygen, or the tendency for it to rain in Seattle. But to Meredith, the words were like a welcome salve over an old and gaping wound. It warmed her from within, stilling her shaking hands and trembling lips, and spreading a soft smile across her face.

"I love you," she whispered in response, her voice tentative and hopeful--almost making a question out of the statement.

"I love you too," he promised, pressing his lips to her forehead as she relaxed in his arms at the sound of his voice. He moved to her mouth, brushing his lips softly over hers--a gentle skimming touch. But as Derek pulled away, Meredith leaned forward slightly, feeling suddenly needy. Sharp and painful doubts had been set spinning in her mind by his mother--things she couldn't express to Derek--but her need for him was something he seemed to understand wordlessly. Without a moment's hesitation, he pulled her even closer, and let his lips come crashing back over hers. Meredith opened her mouth to him as her hands tangled themselves tightly in his damp hair, gaining reassurance from the strength of his body pressed against hers. The towel fell from his shoulders to the ground as her hands left his hair; fingertips obliterating lingering water droplets as she ran them down over the taut muscles in his back. "Mer…" he moaned; a low guttural sound that blotted everything but him from her mind. Derek's hands were already lost beneath her shirt as they went staggering backwards, knocking a hairdryer off the sink, and startling themselves apart at the clatter.

"Oh," gasped Meredith, her face flushed as Derek reached out to steady her. Sighing, she leaned forward; both of them catching their breath as she let her head fall back to rest against his chest. His hands played at the hem of her top, absently slipping beneath again to press against bare skin. But as they did, Meredith gave a slight shake of her head, and pulled away. "We can't now," she murmured. The warmth of Derek's body still lingered over her flesh, and it served to strengthen her confidence; allowing her to tilt her head towards the door in an indication of his waiting family without trembling.

"I know," he agreed, his dejection obvious as he bent down and retrieved his towel, quickly drying off his hair. "I've got to go see them," he added as he pulled on a shirt, his fingers making quick work of the buttons.

Meredith nodded. "Before they come up here," she muttered, wrinkling her nose and sounding suddenly anxious. Derek grinned at her in response as she perched on the sink to watch him dress. She wished that she could slow time, putting off the moment when they had to move beyond them alone in the bathroom. All too soon, he'd pulled his sweater on over his dress shirt, and had crossed back over to her.

"Mer," he began cautiously, laying a hand on her knee, and standing between her open legs. "It's up to you. Do you want…do you want to come with me?" Tilting his head to the side, he studied her carefully. "It's okay if you want to stay up here. I can tell them it's not a good time," he offered--his voice gentle--trying to convince her that he wouldn't care. Thinking back to the way Meredith had looked when she came crashing into the bathroom, he felt wary about even letting his mother and sister near her again. But, at the same time, Meredith couldn't help but pick up on the quiet strand of hope running through him; the desire for the two halves of his family to come together and accept each other.

And so she lay her hand over his, trying to steel herself to go downstairs with the promise that it couldn't possibly get any worse than what she'd just been through. "I'll come," she whispered at last, shifting forward to slide down from the sink.

"Yeah?" asked Derek tentatively, searching her eyes.

Yeah," she agreed, and she tried to fill her voice with confidence, but she clutched his hand desperately as she followed him out of the room and towards the stairs.

Meredith kept Derek's hand in a death grip as they descended the stairs together to find his family still waiting in the hallway. Both women had rather haughty bored expressions on their faces, and were talking together in lowered voices. However, as Jacqueline looked up and caught sight of her son, the cold exterior that had intimidated Meredith so seemed to melt away completely. Her harshness was softened by a warm smile, her blue eyes brightening radiantly as said her son's name. Crossing quickly to the foot of the staircase, she pulled Derek from Meredith and into her arms, kissing him on the cheek. From where she lurked behind them, Meredith found herself grudgingly admitting that Jacqueline Shepherd was beautiful--unable to miss the love and happiness written clearly in the older woman's features.

"Mom," greeted Derek as he pulled back from her, his hand moving instantly to find Meredith's again. "Hey Nancy," he added, turning to look at his sister.

She just rolled her eyes in response, saying, "Sure took you long enough." She arched an eyebrow, her expression slipping into a smirk as she glanced down at the joined hands of Meredith and Derek.

"What are you doing here?" asked Derek by way of reply, a definite edge to his voice. Looking down at Meredith, he found her almost cowering behind him, and tugged gently on her arm, pulling her closer until she was flush against his side. He smiled at her reassuringly, but she just bit her lip, green eyes wide and anxious.

Jacqueline's smile disappeared at his question, darkening into a frown as she watched him wrap an arm around Meredith. "I came to find out if you'd lost your mind," she said bluntly. "And apparently, you have."

"What?" asked Derek as a sharp frown flashed across his face. He held back a groan as Jacqueline shook her head, pursing her lips together in a gesture that--for as long back as he could remember--meant that his mother had a lot on her mind, and had no intention of letting anyone else speak until she'd said her piece.

"You need to ask?" she inquired incredulously, placing a long slender hand on her hip as she stared at her son--sharp and disapproving. Derek opened his mouth to reply, but she shook her head, cutting him off before he could breathe a single word. "As if disappearing to live in the middle of nowhere wasn't bad enough… Now you don't call, you don't write. You ignore your family." She ticked his offenses off on her fingers, scolding, "Don't think I don't know that it was Addie who signed your name on the Christmas card sent to me. I know your handwriting. I ought to. I raised you, after all."

"Mom," interrupted Derek, but she just held up a hand. She turned and started pacing back and forth in the dim hallway. Despite the distinct clacking of her heels, Meredith couldn't help but pick up on the similarity between mother and son; the motion a perfect echo of Derek's own tendency to pace.

"No," she continued, and the warmth with which she had greeted him vanished, replaced by an expression that was equal parts anger and pain. "Do you have any idea what it's like to try and invite your son and his wife back home for Easter since he's taken care to miss every other holiday, only to find out that the number you thought was his doesn't work anymore? And then when you try calling his wife's phone, she tells you that they divorced two months ago. Do you know what that's like, Derek? Were you ever planning on telling me?" Her voice wavered almost imperceptibly, and she shook her head, glaring at him. "Not to mention that you're having a baby, and haven't thought to let me know about that either. You're my son, and you don't tell me about my own grandchild?" She halted her pacing, casting a quick glance at Meredith; managing to fit in a brief yet intense look of disgust in the midst of everything else as she asked, "When were you planning on telling me that you're having a baby with some girl I've never even heard of, or were you just going to wait until I found that out on my own too?"

Derek sighed and turned to Meredith who was staring straight ahead, transfixed by the genuine hurt in Jacqueline's eyes. After their introduction, she hadn't expected anything other than cold cruelty, but the deep sense of betrayal the other woman was radiating was acute. She looked away as Derek squeezed her arm, letting her attention drift back to him. Still more than a little wary, she leaned into the support offered by his body. "Mother," began Derek quietly, feeling a pang, not so much of regret, but of guilt over the fact that his desire to escape everything New York now stood for had led him to push his family so completely from his life. "I should've told you. After everything that happened, I just needed to get away, to start over, but…you're right. I should've told you. So…" He paused, and looked down at Meredith again, giving her a reassuring smile. "My girlfriend and I are having a baby--a girl, actually," he continued proudly, unable to keep from beaming as he eased Meredith forward a little. Feeling their eyes swivel towards her once again, Meredith trained her gaze on the floor, instinctively keeping herself as close to Derek as possible. "And this is my girlfriend Meredith," he added, his expression bright and hopeful as he looked at his family expectantly.

"Hi," she mumbled quietly, forcing herself to speak for Derek's sake.

Jacqueline regarded Meredith coldly, looking more than slightly irritated over the younger woman's introduction into the conversation. She turned quickly back to her son, giving a prim little shrug of her shoulders. "Yes, I've already met her," she said dismissively, casting another disapproving look at Meredith. "She's very young." Nancy had been leaning against the far wall, languidly examining her manicure, but she looked up at that, nearly sneering at her brother.

"Robbing the cradle Derek, really?" she asked, and Meredith flushed, turning her face towards his shoulder as if to hide herself.

"Stop it," said Derek sharply, positioning himself slightly in front of her. "Talking about Meredith like she's not here and can't hear you? It's not going to happen." His voice was firm, and his eyes darkened as he spoke. He felt as if his blood hummed through his veins, burning with the shock he felt at their blatant disregard for her. Turning back to Meredith, Derek's expression grew first tender, and then concerned. The color had drained completely from her face, and he swore she was shaking again, her nails digging sharply into his arm--clinging to him. "Sorry," he murmured, brushing his lips against her temple in apology. "Do you want to sit down?" She gave a slight shrug, feeling as if she had lost her voice. "Mer," he tried gently, shifting so that he stood in front of her, turning his back on his family, and hiding them from her view. "You look pale. Are you feeling okay?" He swung her hand in his, and she gave another nondescript shrug as Jacqueline cleared her throat pointedly. "Why don't we all sit down," decided Derek, turning back around to lock eyes warningly with his mother. Herding Meredith past his family, he found himself alarmed at just how quickly she followed him without even the slightest echo of her usual protests.

"Is she okay?" asked Nancy, her voice losing its earlier disdain as she followed after her brother.

"What do you think?" he snapped, easing Meredith down onto the couch in the front room. Derek settled himself next to her; one hand resting protectively over her stomach as the other played with her hair.

"No, the baby," continued Nancy flatly before turning to look at Meredith. "Do you feel alright?" she asked, her voice--while still not kind--suddenly grew politely professional. Meredith frowned and looked at her in confusion, saying nothing.

"My very annoying sister is an OB," explained Derek, speaking into Meredith's ear, and drawing a hint of a smile from her.

"Oh…" She glanced uncertainly at Nancy before nodding her head. "I'm fine," she said quietly, laying her hand over her stomach, and lacing her fingers with Derek's. "Thanks," she added, turning back to look at Derek who was eyeing her skeptically, full of concern. "Seriously Derek, the baby's good." She managed another smile, feeling slightly better now that she was sitting down, although she had a hunch that her improved mood also had something to do with the fact that Jacqueline hadn't yet come into the room. Derek's sister on her own was somewhat less intimidating.

"Okay," said Derek in response to her reassurance, turning to furrow his brow at Nancy. "Why are you here?" he asked. "I get mom flying out, but you…?"

Nancy shrugged and grinned at him, her dark eyes full of amusement. "I didn't want to miss the show," she said simply. Leaning forward, her voice grew conspiratorial as she added, "You should've heard mom when she first found out. Sarah had to drive up just to talk her out of staging a full family intervention."

"I don't need an intervention," said Derek sharply, offended at the idea. Nancy shrugged again; not commenting, yet saying plenty to the contrary with her eyes. He frowned and turned from her to find his mother standing in front of them, hands on her hips. Instantly, Meredith tensed, and huddled closer to Derek, not looking away from their clasped hands. Jacqueline was watching her son, her expression both expectant and demanding, and Derek gave a sharp jerk of his head towards an empty armchair. 'Be civil,' he mouthed harshly as his mother took a seat, crossing one leg precisely over the other, showing no signs of acknowledging his request.

However, after a moment of tense silence, Jacqueline turned to Meredith. "Are you feeling alright?" she asked in a clipped voice.

"Umm…yes," breathed Meredith, still not lifting her gaze from her lap.

Jacqueline continued her questions as a shallow tightlipped smile spread across her face, never making its way to the blue depths of her eyes. "And when are you due?"

"Six weeks tomorrow," said Meredith apprehensively; finding the rapidly approaching date to be nearly as intimidating as the woman seated in front of her.

"I see…"

"Yeah…" Meredith spoke quietly, and as her voice faded away, the four of them fell into another strained silence, Derek fighting back the urge to simply start shouting at his family. Finally, Meredith raised her eyes to him imploringly, desperate for him to say something…anything to destroy the deathly hush that hung over the room.

At her unspoken request, he cleared his throat, and looked back at his family. "Did you have a nice flight?" he asked, his voice still a little harsh.

Nancy shrugged, and leaned back in her seat, stretching out her legs. "Long," she supplied as she stifled a yawn. But, after a moment of reclining, she perked back up, her expression suddenly bright and eager. "Oh, how's Addie?" she asked. Derek's only response was a glare, and Nancy was halfway to muttering a begrudging apology when Jacqueline leaned forward, joining in the conversation.

"Yes, how is Addison?" she asked, turning to shoot Meredith a pointed look, her blue eyes growing dark.

"She's fine," Derek answered tersely. He closed his eyes for a moment, beyond frustrated with his family, and struggling to determine just which thin line he was supposed to walk through this whole ordeal; whether to yell, or explain, or simply try and keep the peace. Meredith was stirring uncomfortably next to him, wanting nothing more than to get as far away from Derek's family as possible.

"Drinks!" she blurted out suddenly, latching onto an idea as three pairs of eyes turned towards her in confusion. "Um…do people want drinks?" she reiterated, her voice growing shaky once again. There was something about the way the women stared at her that made her skin crawl; without a single word, they managed to equate her quite plainly with something unpleasant they might have the misfortunate of scraping off the bottom of their shoe. Still, Meredith forced herself to keep speaking--stammering really--promising herself that she could earn a few minute of solitude in the kitchen that way. "We have, well…water. Umm, there's wine too, and juice. Coffee… And I think there's beer, and…Coke, maybe?" She turned to look at her boyfriend, his tired expression giving way to a smile as he listened to her ramble on about drinks. "Do we have Coke, Derek?" she asked.

"Yeah," he nodded. "I bought some yesterday. When you sent me out at two in the morning with," he paused and grinned at her, his eyes teasing, "your extremely reasonable demand for pasta salad, chocolate ice cream, pretzels, and…what was the last one?"

"Chicken wings," supplied Meredith with a smirk, giving in to the way he was looking at her. But after a moment, her grin faded away as--out of the corner of her eye--she saw Jacqueline stiffen in sharp disapproval at the sudden turn their conversation had taken. "Right…" she muttered uncertainly, turning back to the Shepherd women, and getting quickly to her feet. "Can I get you anything?" As she spoke, she swayed noticeably; suddenly lightheaded from standing up too swiftly. She reached out a hand to steady herself, but Derek already had her arm, leading her straight back down to the couch.

"Sit," he said sternly, standing over her worriedly as she obliged, and curled back up. She pressed a hand to her head, surprised to find that she was still as shaky as she had been in the bathroom. But as she leaned back against the soft fabric of the couch, the disconcerting sensation faded, and she breathed a sigh of relief. She frowned softly as she realized Derek had turned from her, and was speaking to his mother and sister, collecting their requests. "And what do you want Mer?" he asked, turning back to look at her.

"What?" She blinked up at him, cold dread washing over her as she realized her plan had backfired, and now Derek was leaving her alone to go get everyone their drinks.

"To drink," he elaborated, concern still etched clearly into every line of his face as he looked at her. Tequila, thought Meredith bitterly.

"Water." She fixed a determined smile on her face as she inched forward towards the edge of the couch. "But, I'm fine. I can go get everything. I was just a little bit dizzy, but now I'm good. Besides, it's your…"

"Mer," interrupted Derek, halting the swift tumble of words falling from her lips. He ran a finger down the side of her ashen face, frowning at how wan and pale she still was. "You don't look well. You need to sit. I'll be right back, I promise." He cut off any further protests by bending down and kissing her, glancing warningly at his family before vanishing in the direction of the kitchen. Meredith stared down at her lap, her eyes wide and horrified as she wished with every fiber of her being for the floor to simply open up and swallow her whole.

"That eager to get away?" asked Nancy snidely, breaking the silence as she smirked openly at the intern.

"What?" gasped Meredith, her voice a quiet burst of sound as she looked back up. "Oh, no. I just…nothing," she concluded after a moment's hesitation, unable to come up with even an unconvincing lie. She looked back and forth between the two women, suddenly feeling as if she were being hunted, cornered and trapped. "Well…" she breathed into the silence, avoiding the sharp predatory look in Jacqueline's eyes, reminding herself that Derek was no more than a room away, that she could handle another two minutes alone with his family. Maybe they would even be two silent minutes.

As if intercepting, and promptly moving to shatter her hope, Jacqueline began speaking. "So, Miriam--"

"Meredith," mumbled Meredith for the second time that day--not quite sure why she was bothering when she knew the correction would go unheeded. Sure enough, Jacqueline continued speaking as if she hadn't even heard her.

"Tell us about yourself. How old are you?"

"Umm, I'm twenty-eight," she answered, her voice coming out very small. Her throat felt rough, and she swallowed painfully, trying to ease the dry constriction. Jacqueline was regarding her with raised eyebrows--apparently offended by the number--yet saying nothing. After another long moment of silence, Meredith realized that they were waiting for her to keep speaking. Pushing her watch around and around her wrist in nervous circles, she racked her mind for some sort of neutral fact she could offer. "I'm a surgical intern," she continued at last. "So, I'm usually at the hospital." She wrinkled her nose, realizing sadly that that was hardly even true anymore, and qualified, "Well…not so much at the moment what with the baby almost due." She looked back down at her swollen stomach and shrugged.

"I see," said Jacqueline, speaking slowly and drawing out each word. "That's where you met Derek?" The question felt more like a sharp barb than a simple inquiry, and Meredith flinched a little, weakening under the woman's unrelenting attitude.

"Yeah…sorta," she mumbled, unwilling to point out that they had technically met in a bar as a very drunken, very porny one night stand. Something told her that that would do nothing to strengthen her cause.

"Sorta?"

"I mean yes," amended Meredith, her face flushing. "Definitely. We met at work."

"But isn't he your boss?" continued Jacqueline swiftly, swooping in as if she had been waiting for just such an opening.

Meredith stared down at her lap, nodding imperceptibly. This wasn't supposed to bother her; the disapproval that came hand in hand with dating her boss. It was pretty much inherent in the situation, and she'd had plenty of it when she first started dating Derek, and again when she took him back. But somehow, the scorn in Jacqueline's voice was something sharper…something much more painful. "Yes," she managed at last.

"I see," repeated Jacqueline, once again drawling the words. "That's an interesting career move. Certainly not one that any of my daughters needed to make." Meredith turned pure crimson at that, her eyes starting to sting. She balled her hands into fists to stop their sudden shaking, and stared blankly at the ground, just barely managing to hold herself together.

Mercifully, Derek emerged from the kitchen moments later, doing his best to walk while balancing four very full glasses. As soon as he rounded the corner, his eyes went straight to Meredith, desperately searching her face to see if she were okay. He couldn't tell. She was staring down at her lap, her face impassive. Rolling her eyes at the slow shuffling pace at which her brother was moving, Nancy got to her feet, walking over to free him of her drink and their mother's. "So, what are we talking about?" asked Derek as he sat back down on the couch, glancing warily between the three women.

"Work," mumbled Meredith, closing her eyes as she drank deeply from her water, the liquid soothing her throat. She felt stretched thin and close to breaking, letting her head droop down to lay against Derek's shoulder despite the fact that she was sure it was earning her another death glare from Jacqueline. Her eyes were closed, and so…she couldn't see it, and she was trying as hard as she could to pretend that it didn't exist or, at the very least, that she didn't care. She wished desperately that she didn't care, but she couldn't shake the deep-seated knowledge that these people were Derek's family. They'd known him his whole lifetime, just as he'd known them, and surely that meant he listened to their opinions. Believed what they said… She shuddered at the thought of what they were bound to say to him when she wasn't present, almost missing the sound of Derek's voice as he spoke.

"Mer's a great doctor," he said proudly, knowing inherently that she had said nothing about her own talent. "She's going to make a great surgeon." Meredith felt a flicker of warmth within herself at his words, and she smiled slightly though she kept her eyes closed.

"Thank you," she whispered, her voice so soft that it reached his ears alone.

"Well she's got you teaching her," remarked Nancy, her dark eyes bright and amused. "How do you like learning from my brother?" Meredith looked up uncertainly at the question; feeling so scrambled within from their comments that she could no longer tell if the inquiry was one of simple curiosity, or if it were meant to be yet another jab at their relationship.

'Umm…it's good," she answered quietly, teeth pulling nervously on the corner of her lip. "He's--" Her comment was cut short by the sudden banging of the front door being swung open, followed by the sounds of three loud familiar voices. "Great…" muttered Meredith under her breath as Jacqueline's eyebrows shot straight up, and Izzie, George and Alex came stumbling into view. The two men were more than laden with shopping bags, their expressions frustrated as Izzie directed them gleefully towards the staircase.

"Mer?" called Izzie loudly. "We're home." Turning around, she caught sight of the group gathered in the front room, and instantly flung her arms out as if to block George and Alex from view. "Close your eyes!" she declared.

Meredith just frowned at her from her seat on the couch. "What?"

"Seriously Mer, I mean it," she continued. "It's baby shower stuff." She looked at Derek imploringly, adding, "Derek, don't let her peek!" He grinned at Meredith who sighed, and obliged by turning her head away from the trio gathered in her hallway.

"Izzie, this stuff weighs a ton," complained George, staggering under his very full armload before calling out a greeting to Meredith. She glanced back, and smiled wanly at him, which only managed to provoke Izzie further.

"I said no looking," she snapped, pointing a finger at Meredith. "And you," she turned back to George, "you know where my room is. Take everything up there, okay?" George grumbled, but headed towards the stairs with Alex following behind him. "Wait, Alex," she called out.

He turned around with a raised eyebrow. "Yes, slave driver?" Meredith chuckled at that, and he shot her an amused look, but Izzie seemed oblivious--her mind completely caught up in organizing the shower.

"Can you take this too?" she asked as she swung her bag off her shoulder, and added it to his pile. He looked at her incredulously, but held off on protesting--simply adjusting the bags, and heading for the stairs. "Great," breathed Izzie, dusting her hands off as George and Alex disappeared from sight.

"Do all these people live here?" asked Jacqueline in a horrified voice, her expression scandalized.

"Just George and Izzie," answered Meredith quietly, fidgeting nervously with a loose thread at the hem of her top.

"Oh just two of them," interjected Nancy, filling her voice with over exaggerated false relief. She looked at her brother, and shook her head. "Derek, you're living in a frat house."

"They're just her roommates," he argued back as it finally seemed to register with Izzie that it was more than only Meredith and Derek gathered in the front room. She walked in, sprawling lazily against the back of Jacqueline's chair, the older woman turning around to look at her with raised eyebrows and a slightly curled upper lip.

"What's going on with the party in here?" she asked, looking past Jacqueline to cast a curious glance at Meredith.

"Derek's family," she muttered, causing Izzie's face to light up once more as she looked down at the woman in front of her.

"Aww, the Shepherds," she declared, grinning at Jacqueline. "How cute!"

"Ah…yes, this is my mother, Jacqueline, and my sister, Nancy," said Derek, tilting his head in their direction as he spoke.

"Great," continued Izzie, looking thrilled. "I'm Izzie…oh! This is perfect. You guys have to come to Mer's shower tomorrow. Seriously. This'll be perfect. There'll be more than enough stuff, and eight people just sounds so much better than six." She was still grinning at them winningly, but Derek felt Meredith's body tense as she leaned against him, and he turned to her, dropping his voice to a low whisper.

"They absolutely don't have to be here. At all," he said simply, reaching out and tilting her face towards him to find himself staring into eyes that were blank and helpless. "Don't think for a second that it would offend me," he urged, knowing that she was more than likely to put up with them for his sake.

"Of course," interjected Jacqueline loudly. She had been leaning forward, listening to their conversation intently, and she shot Meredith a challenging look. "I wouldn't dream of coming to my granddaughter's shower if you don't want me there." Her voice was calculating and artificially sweet, and Meredith could only blink at her.

"You're welcome to come," she said quietly, reflexively. Inside, her mind was screaming at her to tell the woman there was no way in hell she was coming to the party, but it felt as if everything within her had weakened. She couldn't even believe Derek because they were his family. All she could do was let herself crumble a little more; giving way, and bending over, and breaking off another piece of herself. Izzie's voice sounded far away, and the happiness within it painfully foreign as her friend nodded her head eagerly.

"Oh yay," she said with almost childlike joy; once again missing her friend's pain in the act of recreating what she never quite got to have for her own daughter. "It starts at four, so…don't be late." She turned to look at Meredith, adding, "I've got to go get stuff ready, and that means, whatever you do, absolutely no coming into my room." She pivoted on her heel and flounced out of the room and up the stairs, leaving the small group in total silence. Jacqueline and Nancy seemed completely taken back by the sight of Izzie at her most boisterous, and it was close to a full minute before the older woman's expression morphed from shock into disapproval.

"Derek," she began sharply, pursing her lips together. "You live here, with all these…? Well that girl can't be more than twenty-five, and…are you sure she's quite alright in the head?"

"She's perfectly sane," snapped Meredith, despite her own aversion to the baby shower and Izzie's newfound and unrelenting joy for it. The idea that Jacqueline would turn from attacking her to attacking one of her friends filled her with a brief burst of anger, giving momentary strength to her fading voice.

Nancy leaned towards her brother, her dark eyes shining. "So what is this, Der? Your attempt at a midlife crisis?" She laughed at his irritated expression, adding, "Don't get me wrong, it's impressive. I just think you're a few years early." Derek's jaw clenched, something within him tightening as he stared blankly at his family. Before he could think to reply, Jacqueline had resumed speaking; his sister and mother falling back into the pattern of speaking in quick succession; something all the women in his family seemed to have mastered.

"Whose house is this anyway?" she asked, turning in her seat as if taking in the room for the first time. "Rather large for an intern's salary."

"It's my mother's," said Meredith quietly.

"I see. And your mother, is she…?"

"She's in Seattle, just not here." Meredith frowned and stared down at the clear surface of her empty water glass, desperately wanting to avoid discussing her mother.

"That's got to be helpful," said Nancy, her voice genuinely kind for a change, "having her so close for all of this. I remember…" Meredith's face fell as the other woman spoke, and she shook her head, twisting in her seat nervously.

"No, she…ah," stammered Meredith. She felt Derek lay a reassuring hand on her shoulder, but she avoided his eyes and everyone else's, instead leaning forward to set her glass down on the small table with trembling hands. "She doesn't know I'm pregnant."

Jacqueline raised an eyebrow, peering at Meredith over the rim of her wine glass. "Really?" she asked. "Is that a trend with this pregnancy?"

"Mom, drop it," said Derek sharply, his eyes full of a warning. "Her mother is none of your business." Jacqueline just laughed disbelievingly, shaking her head.

"What?" she continued innocently, turning back to Meredith. "I'm just curious. Is not informing the grandparents in fashion these days, or were you just too ashamed to let your mother know that your baby broke up a marriage?" Meredith stared at the woman blankly. The whole world felt suddenly far away, the instantaneous angry sound of Derek's voice registering as something faint and indiscernible. Her mind was reeling with the memories of every visit to the nursing home she'd made since deciding to keep the baby, of the few times she'd tried to get her mother to look at the ultrasound scans, to understand enough to want to feel the baby kick, to…anything, really. Anything would've been enough, but there had been nothing at all. And now, apparently her daughter was something to be ashamed of. Fighting back a sob, Meredith got blindly to her feet, brushing Derek's hand away as he reached for her.

"Excuse me," she whispered, pushing past the group, and hurrying towards the stairs.

"Mer," he said worriedly, getting up to follow after her. She just shook her head, wanting desperately to be alone. She was used to being alone. It was safer…something she knew how to handle.

"Don't," she stammered. Her voice shook as she spoke, but she didn't look back.

"Just let her go," suggested Nancy, prompting Derek to whirl back around to face his family. His blue eyes had gone black, and his mouth was set in a thin rigid line. His whole body radiated disbelief, the set of his shoulders tense and angry.

"You have no right to talk to her like that," he snapped, turning to focus on his mother.

"What am I supposed to think Derek? She doesn't tell her own mother when they live in the same city? Clearly, the girl's ashamed, and she should be after what…"

"Hold your tongue," he growled, anger quickly escalating into something harder. Shaking his head, he ran a hand through his hair in frustration. "Her mother has Alzheimer's," he said, his voice growing deathly quiet. "Meredith visits her nearly every week, but her mother doesn't even recognize her anymore."

"Oh…" gasped Nancy sadly. Jacqueline just sat there staring up at her son, seeming for once to be completely at a loss for words.

"Not that any of that is your business," he continued sharply. "But for you to suggest that she's ashamed to tell her mother…" Derek's eyes darkened even more, and he gave a sharp shake of his head. "Meredith has nothing to be ashamed of," he said vehemently. "But you, the both of you," he glared at Nancy, including her, "you have a hell of a lot to be ashamed of." Without giving them a chance to reply, Derek turned abruptly, hurrying up the stairs, and leaving his family alone in the silent front room.

He made his way down the long hallway of the second floor. The door to Meredith's room hung wide open, but as he walked in, he found it empty. "Mer?" he called, his eyes drifting to the closed door of the bathroom. Crossing to it quickly, he tried the doorknob only to find it locked. "Meredith…" He leaned his head against the smooth wood paneling, listening carefully. He couldn't hear crying, but he thought he heard the ragged sounds of someone breathing. "Please open the door," he continued in a low voice, pressing his palm to the surface as if it would somehow bring her nearer to him. "I'm so sorry…they shouldn't have said any of that." Listening intently, hopefully, Derek let out a pained sigh when he got no reply.

Meredith sat on the other side of the closed door, curled against the cold surface of the tub with her feet tucked underneath her. She closed her eyes, pretending she couldn't hear his voice, pretending that all that was left in the world was breathing. If she could just keep breathing--in and out, and in and out--she was sure she would be okay. Somehow… Maybe, she would be okay. Eventually, her racing heart slowed down, and she brushed three fingers curiously over her eyes, surprised to find them perfectly dry. Everything within her felt raw and abused, and she wasn't sure how she was supposed to go about fixing that. She thought staying in the bathroom forever might be a good place to start, but as she leaned her head back against the edge of the tub, she could no longer blot out Derek's voice. The way he said her name was tortured and pleading, filled with worry; impossible to ignore. And so for him alone she stood up, crossing the bathroom on shaky feet to open the door.

The opening of the door cut his voice off, and they stared wordlessly into each other's eyes. She blinked up at him, her face blank and her eyes unreadable, the complete opposite of the whirlwind of emotions scrawled across Derek's features. He reached out for her almost tentatively as if they were moving in slow motion, fingers finally alighting just beneath her wrist. "Mer," he murmured, breaking the silence, and pulling her towards him. "I'm sorry. I am so, so sorry." He wrapped her in his arms, whispering apologies into the tangled strands of her hair. But she remained almost limp against him, her arms lifeless at her side, trying just to remember to breathe. Finally, he pulled back a little to look at her, his heart clenching at the bitter cold light in her eyes; at the way she cried without shedding a single tear. "Meredith please," he whispered, tracing the side of her face with a trembling finger--troubled by her stony silence, and desperate to hear her voice. "Say something to me. Anything."

Meredith frowned, running her tongue along her lower lip. "I'm okay," she said quietly.

He turned away from her at that, dragging a hand through the dark curls of his hair as he paced the length of the room and back to her. "Will you stop doing that?" he asked, and she cocked an eyebrow, questioning him silently. "Stop telling me you're fine when you're not," he elaborated, his face simultaneously earnest and frustrated. "You've been doing it for months now."

"I…" began Meredith warily, shaking her head. She hesitated, unsure of how to finally let down that last inner wall she'd raised so carefully around her heart, afraid of what would happen if she were finally to live completely without it. And so, clinging to what she knew, she smiled at him. "But I am fine," she assured him, struggling to keep her voice light and convincing. "You think that was bad?" She laughed nervously, shaking her head again. "You haven't heard anything until you've met my mother lucid." Derek's expression softened as he stared at her, and he reached out for her hand again, looping his fingers loosely with hers.

"Mer…" He spoke quietly, almost helplessly; at a loss for how he was supposed to help her, how he was supposed to make amends for what his family had done. "What did they say to you earlier?" he asked at last, remembering the pure devastation caught in her eyes when she'd first stood briefly unguarded in the doorway. Meredith felt herself seize up inside again, and she shook her head.

"You should go talk to your family," she said, looking away from his eyes. "They flew from New York to see you."

"No," said Derek flatly. "I have nothing to say to them. They're apologizing to you, and then they're leaving." She drew away from him a little more, balking at the idea of even going back down there to face his family again. Shifting on the balls of her feet, she frowned down at the floor, torn between her reluctance to be the rift between Derek and his family, and the way she still felt as if she were crumbling within as their voices echoed in her head.

"I have to clean up first," she stammered at last, gesturing towards her disheveled hair and blotchy face.

"Okay," agreed Derek, leaning against the doorframe, intent on waiting for her. Meredith just frowned at him, placing her hand flat against his chest and pushing slightly.

"I'm fine," she said again, finding it easier to get out the more she kept repeating it. "Go. I'll meet you downstairs."

"I'm not leaving you alone up here," replied Derek stubbornly, something deep within him telling him not to let her out of his sight right then. But Meredith just rolled her eyes, letting annoyance momentarily replace the pain that filled her.

"I don't need babysitting," she said, her voice just as stubborn. They stared at each other; their jaws both squared and their eyes unrelenting. Finally, Meredith sighed, and smoothed a hand over the mess of her hair. "You hurt them," she said quietly, glancing down at the ground, and then back up into his eyes. "Especially your mother…when you didn't tell them about your divorce, or the baby, or…me." She bit her lip, trying not to let the thought that he hadn't mentioned her to them become yet another thing plaguing her conscious. "And--" She shifted nervously, shaking her head. "I don't know…" She shrugged, and shuffled away from him towards the sink. Derek ran his hand through his hair yet again, the thick black strands nearly standing on edge from repeated tousling. A small reluctant part of him knew that she was right, and that there were things left to say to them that could be expressed that much easier if Meredith were absent.

He sighed heavily, looking at her as she yanked her fingers from her hair. "Do you feel okay?' he asked worriedly, remembering how she had nearly fell before just getting up from the couch.

Meredith rolled her eyes, glancing back over her shoulder at him. "I feel great," she said dryly, her sarcastic tone tugging a small amused grin across Derek's face. "Seriously Derek," she continued as she turned back to the mirror. "Go on."

"You're sure?" His voice was still apprehensive, and he walked over to where she stood, turning her around to face him. Meredith rolled her eyes again, nodding her head. "And you'll come down when you're ready?" She gave another nod as he leaned down and captured her lips with his, wanting to erase everything his family had said to her from his memory. "I'm sorry about them," he said quietly as he pulled away, touching her cheek fondly. "They don't know what they're talking about."

And Meredith just nodded once more, feeling the sting of the tears she'd managed to hold at bay finally creep forward to threaten the corners of her eyes. "Go on," she whispered, slumping back against the sink as Derek finally left the room. She dragged her arm over her leaky eyes, wiping away the few tears that had came unbidden when Derek turned his back. Wearily, she shuffled around to face the sink again, staring at her reflection. Her skin was simultaneously too pale and too flushed, and she found it hurt to look into her own eyes. Sighing, she looked away and turned the faucet on, dousing her face in water so cold it had her fingers trembling as she groped blindly for a towel. Making one last valiant attempt to repair her hair, Meredith found herself wishing she hadn't sent Derek away so quickly. The solitude she had been craving was nowhere near as comforting as it used to be; without him there Jacqueline's voice simply resumed playing over and over again in her mind.

She leaned against the sink, resting her weight on the palms of her hands as she tried to steel herself to go back downstairs and face them again. She moved almost robotically, unable to let herself think of anything beyond putting one foot in front of the other as she made her way across the length of her room and back out into the hallway. But as she stepped out into the open air of the house, even that narrowed concentration failed her. Meredith could hear loud voices--angry and argumentative--floating their way up from downstairs. She stood there paralyzed by the blurred indistinct sounds of Derek arguing with his family, and the last bit of strength she'd reserved deep within herself inexplicably snapped.

She couldn't do this.

Like the tension in a tightly coiled spring finally being released, Meredith pivoted sharply, marching straight back into her room. Their voices were swelling louder and louder within her head as she searched blindly through her things, finally finding her purse and her keys. Lowering herself awkwardly to the floor, she fished an old pair of sneakers out from under her bed, and jammed her feet into them. She couldn't do this. That was all she knew. She couldn't do this. It felt like some bizarre survival instinct forcing her from her own house, but she could barely breathe around the people who'd invaded it. Tears seemed to come in reverse; not from her eyes, but welling up deep inside her lungs, leaving her smothered and uncertain, breathing in shallow breathy gasps.

The swell of arguing voices blotted out the sound of the backdoor being slowly eased open and shut. A single broken sob escaped Meredith's lips as she finally leaned against the back wall of her house. She was outside. She was supposed to be able to breathe out here, to feel freer and safer somehow. That had been the vague ghost of a plan in the back of her mind, but…nothing seemed to be changing. Shaking with frustration and exhaustion, she stared at the few faint strands of daylight lingering in the west, before forcing herself to swallow the rest of her tears, and stumble to her car. She leaned her head against the wheel as she slipped the key into the ignition, realizing she had no clue where to go. And she stayed like that for a long time, her shoulders shuddering and her breathing coming in shallow gasps. But finally, Meredith straightened up, and once again dried her eyes. She threw the car into reverse, backing down the drive, and turning sharply out onto the street. She had no idea where to go, but suddenly that seemed unimportant. Blinking back another fresh threat of tears, Meredith forced herself to keep breathing despite the fact that her lungs themselves seemed to be shuddering. Everything hurt, and she just…

She just couldn't do this.

-----

So yes, here we are. I don't know where exactly to start talking about this chapter, but I do have many thoughts. (My apologies if I get obsessively rambly.) Basically, we've got Mer going all over the place emotionally. When she went up to Derek originally, she was still very shaken by the arrival of his family. But she can't bring herself to repeat what his mother said to her because she's embarrassed and hurt, and she doesn't want him to see her as some tramp who broke up a marriage. She just wants to stay away from them, and avoid. But…Derek goes and calls her his family, which is big to her since she has virtually no family, and she knows these people are important to him. (He did say he'd want them there if he were in a coma after all!) So, she decides to go downstairs for his sake, and just hope that maybe things will get better. Only, obviously, it doesn't. Because Jacqueline and Nancy adored Adds. And Jacqueline's hurt that her son moved clear across the country, and has not spoken to his family in several months, and then she finds out he's divorced, and having a baby with one of his interns, and she feels very much as if Mer has stolen her son and turned him into this completely different person. Which, obviously is not the case, but she's charging ahead and lashing out as Mer as the easiest target, and, in the process, hurting her a lot.

And Derek is just…completely concerned for Mer. He doesn't get just how hateful his family was at first because Mer doesn't tell him, and the harshest things they say to her are when he's out of the room, but when they talk about her mother at the end and Mer runs upstairs, he finally gets just how cruel they were being. And he's furious with them. And Mer doesn't know how to deal with all of this. She's got a lifetime of handling everything on her own, and the fact that she doesn't just open up to Derek frustrates him. And she doesn't want to be this person coming between him and his family, coming in between something she never got to have herself. And at the end of the chapter, yeah, she's very much falling apart. She has no idea what she's doing, just that she feels like she needs to get away, she needs to breathe. But yes…none of this is very good for her at all.

So, coming up? More angst! (Sorry…) But, like I said before, it is going somewhere. I promise. And, that's about it for now. Next week is midterms at school, and unfortunately I will probably need to study for those, assuming I want to, you know, pass. So, the next update may be a little slower due to that, but hopefully not too long. Anyway, thanks so much for reading!