Okay, so…part two of the party is finally ready. Sorry this took so long. I had lots and lots of problems trying to upload this, and kept getting error messages. So, many, many thanks to AriaAdagio (whose story everyone should read btw, because it's fabulous) for helping me figure out how to get this chapter up. And yeah, other than that, just thanks to everyone who's been reviewing. I really appreciate your feedback, and sorry to keep you hanging for so long as regards just what's behind that door!
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Part of the beauty of falling in love with you
Is the fear you won't fall
It hasn't felt like this before
It hasn't felt like home before you
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The door swung open with a shaky creak that moaned loudly through the silence. Meredith felt as if she were moving in slow motion; the door opening endlessly until suddenly, it just wasn't anymore, and she was staring straight ahead at a blinding blur of color. She staggered backwards slightly in shock, and a gasp escaped past her already parted lips. Her fingers managed to latch tightly onto Derek's arm just as the two of them were accosted by a swelling wave of sound, myriad voices crying out Surprise! in unison. Meredith could only blink, feeling as if she were trapped in a daze as she took in the densely populated room. People were squeezed in everywhere, waving and beaming at her delightedly as a cacophony of eager voices accosted her ears with further greetings. An enormous pink cake sat on the very center of the kitchen table, right next to a tumultuous tower of presents so high that she feared the slightest nudge from a stray elbow would result in a potentially lethal avalanche of ribbons and bows.
"Um," she croaked out at last, realizing that all eyes were still on her. Her face flushed and she leaned into Derek, wanting desperately to back right out the door and disappear. "Wow," she managed after forcing herself to take a deep gulping breath, the hand that wasn't clutching at Derek coming to rest shakily over her belly. "Hi…everyone." Derek was frowning at the room, holding onto Meredith protectively; his blue eyes dark and annoyed as he took in both the crowd ogling his girlfriend, and her rather shaky reaction to her apparent surprise party.
"Surprise," repeated Izzie, fighting her way over to them. She was once again beaming madly, and oblivious to the glare Derek shot her. "What do you think, Mer?"
"It's, um… I think it's a lot, Iz," stammered Meredith weakly. "I think you invited half the hospital."
"Yeah well, people kept asking me if we were doing anything for you," said Izzie quickly, shrugging and smiling some more. "So, I thought why not have everyone at your shower! It's okay, right?"
"Yeah," mumbled Meredith faintly, trying to smile. "It's…you sure did bring everyone." She eyed the mob scene in her kitchen as Izzie nodded happily, taking her words as a compliment.
"I know," she gushed. "God, it was impossible smuggling them all in." She turned back around, raising her voice to address the crowd. "Okay people," she called. "There's a big buffet set up in the front room, so go and eat stuff, and we can do the presents in a few hours. And don't forget to say hi to Mer and McFetus!" She beamed at Meredith once more before hurrying away, caught up in her game of playing hostess. Her words seemed to create the equivalent of a dam that had suddenly been breached, and the previously immobile crowd suddenly morphed into a loud and moving entity. Meredith and Derek found themselves separated as a crowd of women immediately rushed her, cooing and gossiping about the baby. Stumbling backwards, she was soon pressed up against a cabinet as a good half a dozen hands reached out uninvited to press against her stomach. Meredith forced a smile on her face, doing her best to answer the sudden bombardment of questions about her due date, and whether the baby kicked a lot, and if she had thought of names yet. Time seemed to flow in painful miserable bursts as she silently urged herself to be a good sport, and not shove away the women who were offering her nothing but kindness and excitement over her baby. But she felt crowded and tired; almost as if she were drowning. Her lower back soon throbbed with a steady, persistent ache that was accompanied occasionally by sharp twinges that ran through her abdomen. Her answers to the women's questions degenerated into halfhearted sighs and nods of her head as her eyes continually scanned the room as best she could, searching desperately for Derek. She caught sight of him at last in the farthest corner, caught up in what looked like yet another heated argument with his mother. And so, with a sigh, Meredith gave up on the idea of him coming to her rescue just then. She turned back to the women that seemed to come in droves, tolerating the unfamiliar hands that kept stretching out to feel the baby through her belly, and biting back the urge to scream as she answered question after insipid question about her pregnancy and the looming prospect of giving birth. But finally, Meredith felt a presence at her side that was familiar, and she turned towards it, filling with relief when she found her best friend standing there.
"Touch her stomach again, and lose a hand," snapped Cristina as a young rather giggly scrub nurse they worked with reached out for a third time to touch Meredith's belly. "She needs to sit down," she continued as the nurse's hand fell back to her side, looking chastised and a little bit afraid. Without further explanation, Cristina took hold of Meredith, and extracted her from the crowd. She steered her wordlessly towards the relative open space by the buffet that had by then been fairly picked over. Meredith smiled her thanks before collapsing into a chair, giving a confused shake of her head as Cristina plopped down beside her.
"How the hell did Izzie manage this?" she muttered, warily regarding the swarms of people milling about her house. "This is insane. I mean, the last time my house had this many people was when I let her throw that party for her boyfriend, and…" Meredith laughed dryly, shaking her head again. "I really should've seen this coming."
Cristina shrugged, reaching over to grab a handful of chips from the buffet table. "You survived the last one, right?"
"Yeah, but last time I wasn't eight months pregnant. I was drunk off my ass, and it wasn't my party. I was perfectly free to go have sex in Derek's car." She giggled a little at the memory as Cristina rolled her eyes.
"Oh please, we heard you having your sex-a-thon this afternoon. And, if you really need to, corner Shepherd, and just drag him back upstairs and go at it again. He won't say no."
"No," moaned Meredith, shaking her head emphatically. "Not happening. I'm not risking his mother catching me naked. It was bad enough when Bailey caught us."
"Wait, seriously? That was the night she caught you guys?"
Meredith just groaned. "Yeah…naked, in his car. It was humiliating. I mean, my boss walks up, and finds me straddling her boss…"
"Shut up, shut up," hissed Cristina, glancing anxiously over her shoulder. Meredith fell silent just as Bailey reached the end of the buffet table--her plate full as she turned to face them.
"Congratulations, Meredith," she said not at all unkindly, politely refraining from mentioning the snippet of conversation she'd overheard.
"Ah, thank you Dr. Bailey," answered Meredith with a glance down at her lap, her cheeks crimson.
Bailey nodded, her voice growing characteristically sharp as she turned to face Cristina. "Yang, I expect to see you tomorrow morning for pre-rounds. On time."
"Right, of course, Dr. Bailey," agreed Cristina before casting a glance at Meredith. "What about Meredith?" she pressed, not wanting to be singled out as a source of possible lateness.
Bailey just quirked an eyebrow, hands coming down on her hips. "Grey?"
"Um," said Meredith quietly, toying with her hair. "I start at twelve tomorrow. My shift's twelve to four." She rolled her eyes at the four hour shift she'd been assigned, the subject still a sore one with her.
"Exactly," agreed Bailey, shooting her interns a stern look before disappearing into the crowd.
"She invited Bailey?" hissed Meredith once their boss was thoroughly out of earshot. Without waiting for a reply, she wrapped her arms tightly around her stomach, screwing her eyes shut as she slunk further down in her chair. Cristina felt a sharp twinge of guilt as she watched her friend reluctantly look up every time someone came over to congratulate her; she smiled and spoke politely enough, but the air surrounding her was altogether miserable and overwhelmed.
"I'm sorry," Cristina blurted out awkwardly as yet another group of well-wishers moved away. Meredith let her head loll to the side, tilting a little to look at her as she raised a single confused eyebrow. "None of us realized just how insane Izzie's plans were until we showed up today," she elaborated. "I would've stopped her if I knew it was this many."
Meredith just shook her head. "It's okay," she mumbled, the words a quiet lie. "She was being nice. Everyone's being nice, and it's, ah…nice."
Cristina rolled her eyes, but didn't push the subject, letting things fall back into some thin semblance of normalcy. Growing more relaxed, Meredith finally told her the events of the previous day, gaining some strength thanks to her friend's anger on her behalf. It served to increase her resolve a little, getting her through the next wave of people who came to spew their congratulations, questions, and unsolicited advice. But eventually, Burke joined Cristina, having been one of the many, many surprise guests. She sat with the couple for awhile, however, without Derek beside her, Meredith couldn't quite shake the feeling of being a third wheel. Finally, she forced herself to her feet, muttering something about using the bathroom.
She wandered aimlessly through the crowd on her way back, wishing she'd just stayed hidden in the peaceful solitude of the bathroom, and suddenly found herself standing face-to-face with Nancy and Addison. The two older women stood close together--as if just managing to resist the urge to cling to each other like children--seeming almost as overwhelmed by the cheerful mob as Meredith. The trio blinked at each other for a moment, until Addison gave Nancy a discreet nudge, prompting the brunette into an apologetic smile.
"Hi Meredith," she began awkwardly, wanting to apologize further, but as unaccustomed to it as her brother.
Meredith nodded, her hands moving to the small of her back as it once again began to ache. "Hey…"
Nancy glanced down at her shoes, then back at the pale young woman standing in front of her--the color having drained almost completely from her face--and found herself full of a sudden rush of pity and regret. "I know I said I was sorry earlier," she continued, the words finally ringing genuine and unstilted. "But, I really am, Meredith. I was so rude to you. I didn't know the whole story, and certainly didn't give either of you the chance to explain it." Meredith just nodded again. Her throat felt dry, and, as hard as she tried, she couldn't come up with anything to say in reply.
"Derek's other sisters are much nicer," volunteered Addison into the silence that followed, her voice teasing. "They sent you the worst one." Nancy laughed guiltily at that, and Meredith managed a small smile.
"Right," she breathed, turning to look at Addison. The redhead looked almost as uncomfortable as she had when she'd first arrived in the den; a quiet discomfort visible beneath the usual well-polished serenity of her features. "I, um…" Meredith shook her head, uncertain of how to apologize, or even what exactly she was supposed to apologize for, but unable to shake the feeling that she should. "Sorry," she said at last. "This has to be really weird with the whole…" She glanced unintentionally down at her protruding stomach, shrugging her shoulders. "I mean with Derek and I and the, ah…I'm just making it worse, aren't I?" Meredith trailed off awkwardly, grimacing as she flushed with embarrassment.
"I'm getting used to it," said Addison diplomatically enough before running a nervous hand through her hair, deciding to admit the truth. She spoke in a rush, "Actually…yeah. I was kind of hoping to disappear once Nancy stops freaking out about the fact that she really only knows two of the hundred people here." She looked over at the brunette, shooting her a pointed look.
"Addie," moaned Nancy, sounding suddenly anxious. Meredith just frowned, taken aback by the thought of Derek's sister ever feeling anything less than the overpowering self confidence she seemed to be continually radiating. "Come on, we said this would be fun…like, like being back in college!"
"Oh, get over yourself. I have surgery first thing in the morning. If you don't know how to mingle by now, I really can't help you."
Meredith shifted awkwardly back and forth on her steadily aching feet as the two women standing in front of her reverted to talking like old friends. She bit her lip as a twinge ran through her stomach, moving her hand to rub her side, and getting lost in her own worries. Time was drifting strangely again for her, but she glanced up in confusion when she heard Addison speak her name.
"Besides, Nancy, you're right here with Meredith. She's Derek's girlfriend now. Get to know her already." She smiled at Meredith, looking relieved to have found herself an out. And, with a quick flurry of goodbyes, she left the two women staring at each other in astonishment as she disappeared in the direction of the front door.
"Umm…" Meredith's voice was tremulous in the thick silence that followed, and she stared at Nancy uncertainly; somehow feeling even more unbalanced than she had with Addison present. "This is…awkward."
"Yeah," agreed Nancy. She quirked an eyebrow at her brother's girlfriend, still unable to shake the urge to apologize. "Thanks for letting us come over, after yesterday, I mean."
Meredith just shrugged. "You're Derek's family," she said simply.
"Even so…"
"I don't want him to lose his family because of me," she said in a rush, feeling strangely defensive. "Besides, now he owes me," she continued dryly. "If Cristina ever goes after him with a chainsaw or whatever, I expect him to give her a chance to explain herself." Her words were met with a polite yet confused smile, prompting Meredith to shake her head. "Never mind," she amended before falling silent again. Her hands drifted from her stomach towards her lower back, and her gaze drifted down in the direction of the floor. She chewed nervously on her lip, letting the silence linger on as she studiously avoided Nancy's eyes.
Nancy frowned, fidgeting with her jewelry. "I hope my mother and I haven't wrecked everything," she admitted at last, her voice almost lost beneath the sounds of the party. Meredith looked up, raising an eyebrow but still saying nothing, and the other woman moved to elaborate. "That I can still get a chance to know you. I know Derek would like us to…" She paused, and corrected herself with an apologetic smile. "I would like to get to know you, Meredith."
Meredith hesitated--part of her still wanting very much to just disappear from sight--but finally nodded her head. "Okay," she agreed quietly. "I guess that would be okay."
"Good," said Nancy hastily, clearly relieved. "Good." But as her voice faded away, the women fell back into silence. Meredith sighed tiredly as she once again shifted positions, trying to ease the ache that was filling her.
"Sorry, I, ah…don't know what to say," she admitted at last, her hands returning to the faithful distraction of fidgeting with her watch.
Nancy frowned for the briefest of moments, the expression suddenly replaced with a mischievous grin as if the proverbial light bulb had just gone off over her head. "Well, I'm Derek's sister…known him his whole life. I can tell you just about anything you ever wanted to know about him." She paused, and her voice morphed from the teasing pitch of an older sister into something gentler and more serious. "And, I'm an OB who's had three babies of her own. They're not so much babies anymore as two messy kids and one very sullen teenager, but…if you have any questions…"
Meredith laughed and nodded her head, feeling something within her finally start to relax. "I'm guessing just how bad is it going to hurt is a stupid place to start," she said, and with that she somehow found herself falling easily into conversation with Nancy. Time passed quickly, and it was no longer a struggle to force herself to speak. Questions flowed easily from her lips, and she found herself learning several embarrassing stories about Derek in the process. Nancy proved to be surprisingly protective of her as well, sheltering her from the jostling crowd of people almost as much as Derek would. But at last, her longing to see him grew sharper and sharper. Meredith frowned as she scanned the room--her gaze often blocked by people who towered above her--swearing to herself that she could hear something distant and angry that she thought could be the sound of Derek caught up in an argument. Intercepting her searching gaze, Nancy frowned down at her curiously.
"What is it, Meredith?"
"Nothing…"
"What?" insisted Nancy. "Do you need to sit down?" She shook her head at herself, adding, "I'm horrible. I can't believe I've kept you standing this whole time."
But Meredith shook her head as well. "No, I… I was just looking for Derek," she admitted sheepishly.
As if her words had been a command, Nancy turned immediately to scan the crowd. She was helped not only by her natural height but by the sharp spokes of her heels, seeing easily over heads and shoulders where Meredith could not. Within a few minutes, she caught sight of Derek making his way down the stairs, and waved him over with a long sweep of her arm. Everything about him seemed frustrated and exhausted, but he managed a smile as he locked eyes with Meredith from across the room.
"The two of you together," he stated, his voice teasing yet tired as he finally made it over to them, looping an arm around his girlfriend, and pulling her to his side. "Should I be worried?" The only reply he got was a series of smirks and shrugs as Meredith twisted around to smile at him. "Okay…" he grinned, unable to miss the glint in her eyes. "Now I'm worried."
"Mmm…" she murmured lightly, leaning back against Derek. She closed her eyes, her guard slowly falling down in his presence to reveal just how exhausted she was.
"How'd it go?" asked Nancy, tilting her head towards the second floor, and the conversation she instinctively knew had taken place there between him and their mother.
Derek groaned, rubbing at his face with the hand that wasn't holding up Meredith. "Hellish," he muttered.
"She'll come around," said Nancy sadly, sympathetically, before her gaze drifted down to Meredith's tired form; the intern seemed suddenly very young, clinging to Derek as if, without him, she was in danger of simply keeling over. She shot her brother a concerned look, and he glanced down at Meredith as well, finally realizing just how much of her weight he was supporting himself.
"Mer?" he tried, pressing a hand to her cheek. She sighed and straightened up at his touch, but her hands moved instantly to the small of her back, her head bowing forward. "Hey, are you doing okay?"
"Yeah, umm…maybe we could sit down for awhile?" she asked, her voice coming out small and hopeful.
"Of course, we'll sit down right now," he said, instantly scanning the kitchen for chairs, and finding the room curiously devoid of them; all having been relocated elsewhere to create more floor space for the guests that had crowded in at the party's start.
"Maybe try in there?" suggested Nancy, pointing to the small door that stood ajar at the far end of the kitchen. It led clearly to a pantry that, while not offering any chairs, did have what appeared to be a bench that hadn't yet been claimed by one of the guests. She shrugged her shoulders before slipping quietly away, sensing her brother's desire to be alone with Meredith for a little while.
Meredith moved almost as if she were in a daze, letting Derek usher her across the crowded kitchen and into the small and mostly bare pantry. "There you go. Sit," he ordered gently, forcing her down onto the small empty shelf that served as a bench, kneeling worriedly in front of her. He ran his hands though her hair and down over her shoulders, letting them finally come to settle against her stomach. "I'm sorry," he said, his voice rich with worry as he stared up into her eyes. "I didn't mean to leave you like that. It's just, my mother…" He paused and shook his head angrily, but Meredith shrugged, already feeling significantly better now that she was sitting down, and away from the loud swarm of people that were laughing and talking just outside the pantry.
"It's okay," she reassured him with a small smile. "Your sister was nice. She even told me some stories." She smirked at that, giggling and shimmying her shoulders back and forth, her eyes suddenly bright and teasing.
"What?" asked Derek, his voice cracking. "What stories?"
"Oh, just…stories," she answered airily, giving away nothing. She smiled again, feeling truly happy for the first time since she'd come downstairs. "You know, this is almost like hiding out in the closet after all," she teased, earning a matching grin from Derek as he nodded his head. But he seemed to be lacking his usual levity, and a frown flickered across her face. She reached out worriedly, laying a hand against his cheek as she contemplated the tired air that hung palpably around him. "How was talking to your mother?" she asked, her voice gentle.
He groaned, his eyes once again dark. "She's exhausting."
"Yeah…I know the feeling." Derek smiled wryly at her, a bitter burst of laughter escaping as he nodded his head in agreement. "I'm sorry," continued Meredith, tracing the little lines around his eyes with her fingertips. Derek looked up quizzically. "I know you're fighting with her because of me," she continued. "And I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make everything so…" But he just shook his head, silencing her.
"I thought we went over this already, Mer," he said sternly, his frustration with the whole situation seeping into his voice. "You don't apologize for this. You don't feel guilty. She's creating the problem here, not you." Meredith nodded, looking almost devastated thanks to her lingering traces of exhaustion, and so Derek smiled apologetically, steering the subject back to something a little less intense. "How're my two favorite ladies holding up?" he asked with a glance down at her belly and then up at her. "Feeling any better now? I know this is a lot."
Meredith shrugged, letting out a tired sigh that careened into a yawn. "The baby's restless," she muttered as she pressed the back of her hand to her forehead. "This is…this is insane, Derek. This is everyone we work with squeezed into my kitchen."
"I know," said Derek tersely, his eyes apprehensive as he watched her. "I'm not exactly happy with Stevens for pulling this." Meredith just shook her head, shrugging again.
"People like babies." She let her head fall back to rest against the wall behind her, her eyelids fluttering shut. "It's okay. I can make it to the presents easily enough. It's just…I've had more people touch my freaking stomach tonight than in the entire past eight months. I swear I'm this close to slapping the next person who tries it." Looking down, Derek removed his hands from where they rested over her belly as quickly as if he'd been burned, prompting Meredith's eyes to snap open.
"Don't be stupid," she said sharply.
"What?"
"What?" she echoed. "Seriously? You say what?" Frowning at him, she reached out and caught his wrists, placing his hands firmly back on her stomach.
"Oh…" Derek laughed, nodding his head in realization as he smirked proudly. "Right. I'm the exception to the 'I hate people touching my stomach' rule."
"You think?" snapped Meredith, grinning back at him. "And stop looking so smug. It's your baby, of course you get to touch the bump." But Derek just smirked some more, his blue eyes glinting teasingly at her as he let his lips curl with a touch of arrogance. "Seriously Derek, stop smirking."
He tilted his head to the side, enjoying her reaction. "Or what, Dr. Grey?" he asked challengingly. "What're you gonna do about it?" Meredith just shook her head, reaching out a hand to let her fingertips trail slowly across his lips. Without a word, she braced herself on his shoulders and dipped forward as much as she could, kissing him hard and deep, her tongue plunging into his mouth.
"That," she giggled as she finally pulled away, leaving him breathless, all traces of the smirk gone.
Derek chuckled appreciatively as he stared up at her from his knees, shaking his head in amazement. "God, I love you Mer," he said throatily.
"I love you too," she said, her voice gentle and melodic as she smiled slightly at him, looking rather pleased with herself for a change.
And as Derek stared up at her while their laughter faded away, he found himself unable to see anything save Meredith; nothing existed beyond the golden tumble of her hair cascading over her shoulders towards him, the shimmering yet sharp light that seemed to flicker endlessly behind the green veil of her eyes, the way that--in that moment--he swore she sat glowing in front of him like something angelic. Nothing existed beyond her. And as he stared, a piece of himself that had been misaligned for years shifted and fell finally into place. It was as if he were caught up in one perfect second that spiraled out into forever to fill his heart; something that defied logic to become endless as he took a deep breath devoid of oxygen, and found his whole world caught up in one tiny woman. He shook his head to clear the haze that seemed to be surrounding them and holding them immobile, but found it would not dissipate. Instead, words he'd thought of saying before--but certainly hadn't planned on saying then--came falling sudden and unbidden from his lips.
"Marry me."
Meredith just blinked, dark eyelashes tracing shadows over her cheeks as she stared at him wordlessly. Her lips were parted slightly in a perfect portrayal of surprise, the sentiment mirrored in the high arches of her raised eyebrows. "What?" she stammered out at last, speaking quietly, incredulously. "Because of the baby?" she asked, her old fear rushing back despite everything they'd been through--visions of her own shattered childhood flashing like a flipbook through her mind.
"No," said Derek softly, his hand finding hers. "No. Because of us. Because I love you." He smiled hopefully up at her, the words that had surprised him almost as much as her seeming to grow more and more right as he continued speaking. "Because I don't know how to be happy without you, and I don't want to have to find out. Because everything I ever thought I lost, I somehow find in you. Because you're how I breathe, and I… I want us to have forever." Derek shook his head again, and found himself staring straight up into her eyes, his whole life suddenly seeming to hang on her answer. "Please…marry me, Mer?"
Swallowing hard, Meredith struggled to see through the tears that had started to pool in front of her eyes. Derek was offering her everything the child she'd once been had dreamed of, and which life had stomped thoroughly out of her. She had learned not to believe in marriage and happily ever after. She didn't trust forever. Her life had seen the steady disintegration of those dreams until they were nothing more than ashes and dust and fragments of forgotten hopes. She didn't know how to believe, but she was even less sure of how to say no. The bench beneath her was sturdy, and yet she felt as if she were falling headlong into the piercing blue of Derek's eyes. He knew fear as he waited, but Meredith knew a rush of things; disbelief, uncertainty, old and faded losses, and finally, hope. Something within her that she had carefully locked up and learned to ignore came pushing forth steadily like a shoot passing through the soil to spring finally into life. After years of telling herself that she knew better, Meredith finally found herself wanting to believe again. Slowly, she opened her mouth to answer, only to find herself still wordless. That dark part of her that had thrived for so long was terrified and resolutely stubborn, and she stared down at Derek helplessly, trying to speak. The moment lingered on into uncertainty until at last she felt a familiar movement deep within her womb--his child stirring inside of her--and she found her voice.
"Okay." Meredith's face split into a sudden smile, and she nodded her head as a single tear spilled over to cut a shimmering path down the length of her cheek. "I will, I… Yes." She laughed then, feeling only happiness as she reached out and grasped his face in her hands. "Yes."
Derek looked up at her, his smile equaling hers. "Yes?" he echoed, almost not daring to believe his ears. But the word came again--sweet and beautiful and altogether perfect.
"Yes," repeated Meredith, and she started crying freely as she laughed. "I'll marry you, Derek Shepherd."
"Oh thank god," he blurted out in a rush of relief, rising up a little further to pull her mouth down to his. Everything dissolved into a series of messy, messy kisses, streaked with Meredith's tears and the sound of her laughing in amazement into his mouth. He let his hands twine through her hair, the golden strands looping thickly around his fingers as he pressed his lips to hers over and over and over. For a moment, everything was perfect; there was no world existing beyond the doorway. There was only him and Meredith and the possibility of forever suddenly blossoming into something tangible as she pulled back, settling against the wall, and smiling down at him.
"We're going to get married…" She spoke slowly as if testing out the idea.
"We are," he agreed.
"Married…" Meredith shook her head, laughing again. "Wow." Her hand drifted to his hair, brushing away a curl that had fallen forward over his brow, winding it around her finger. Slowly, Derek reached up and pulled her hand down, flattening her palm between his. He traced the slender lengths of her fingers, his expression suddenly growing troubled.
"I don't…have a ring," he admitted quietly, mentally berating himself for not proposing properly.
Meredith shrugged, still smiling. "I don't need a ring."
"Yeah, you do. I want to get you one. I just--" He trailed off, his face flushing as his thumb ran over her fourth finger as if to mark where the ring should be.
"You just what, Derek?" she asked gently, surprised to hear him sounding so unsure of himself.
He laughed nervously, shaking his head. "I just didn't do a great job planning this, I guess."
"Hey…" Meredith leaned forward so that her forehead rested against the top of his head, her hair tumbling forward as if to curtain them from view. "Stop that. I didn't need a big thing," she murmured. "This was perfect." She dragged his mouth back to hers, kissing him slowly, savoring the way his lips fit flawlessly around hers. When she straightened up, it was to cock an eyebrow at him, her voice suddenly full of laughter again. "Besides, when have you and I ever planned anything?"
Derek grinned at her, the smile that followed her words full of relief. "Good point," he said, bowing his head to kiss her stomach. "But…I do want to get you a ring, okay?"
"Okay." Meredith nodded, but suddenly wrinkled her nose. "Nothing tacky, though."
"You sure?" he asked, feigning disappointment. "Tacky was gonna be my main goal." She laughed, swatting at his shoulder. After a moment, his expression grew serious again and he asked, "Do you want to pick it out with me, or should…"
"I want you to pick it out," interrupted Meredith earnestly as she laced her hands with his again.
He smiled at her. "Okay."
"You can ask Cristina if you're feeling completely clueless," she added with an impish grin. "She'd know… Wow, I have to tell her." Meredith laughed again, her words rushed and excited. Derek just stared up at her in amazement, not used to seeing her as such a blur of laughter and tears and happiness, but already growing rather fond of the sight.
"You do," he agreed.
"Yeah…"
Meredith sighed, her smile softening and slowly fading away. She lifted her hand again to trace down his cheek and along the curve of his jawbone, her eyes growing quietly wondering as they filled afresh with tears.
"Mer?"
She sniffled, shaking her head.
"Mer, what is it?" he pressed.
"It's stupid," she said huffily, growing irritated at the increasing insistency of her tears. She swiped at them with the back of her hand. "It's just the hormones or whatever." But Derek kept looking earnestly up at her, the light of his blue eyes steady and expectant, wordlessly urging her to continue. Finally, she heaved a reluctant sigh before muttering, "You're here."
He just cocked an eyebrow at that. "Of course I'm here."
"No," said Meredith as she shook her head. "That's not what I mean. It's… This party is a complete disaster, and I kind of want to kill Izzie, but…you're here. You're here and we're engaged and…." She trailed off into more disbelieving laughter, the sounds mingling strangely with sobs. Derek opened his mouth to speak, but her fingers moved instantly to his lips--silencing him. She forced down a gulp of air, continuing on in a quiet murmur, admitting, "I just… I didn't think you'd be here. When I first found out I was pregnant, I never thought that…" Meredith shook her head again as if fighting with herself to keep from dissolving into something sobbing and senseless. "Seriously, I took that stupid test three times I didn't want it to be true. I thought, you know…that I'd be doing it alone, I guess. I never thought that we'd get here. That we'd be having a baby shower, and be together, and..." She looked down at Derek in embarrassment, surprised to find the corners of his eyes glistening with tears. Sighing shakily, she added, "And I'm just-- I'm glad you're here, Derek."
Derek raised a hand slowly to her cheek, the pad of his thumb brushing at the thick droplets that rolled freely there. "I'm glad I'm here too," he said quietly, his voice a hoarse whisper that throbbed with emotion. There wasn't enough room on the small bench to sit beside her, but he scooted forward--unmindful of the rough floor of the pantry--enveloping her in his arms as she fell forward to rest against him.
Finally, Meredith sniffled again and straightened up, drained of tears. She took a deep breath, shooting Derek a warning look. "If you ever tell anyone how much I've cried in the past twenty-four hours, you will not be having sex for a very, very long time."
He just chuckled, nodding his head. "My lips are sealed."
-----
Jacqueline stood alone in the middle of the crowded kitchen, her slender arms wrapped close about her. She was not used to feeling so unseated; almost as if she'd been transplanted to the other side of the world, not just of the country. Everything about the house she was in was at odds with her lifestyle back in Manhattan, the change so severe that she swore she felt it in her bones. It wasn't that it was truly an unpleasant shift. There was a lively warmth to the atmosphere surrounding her that she couldn't deny. Everything was full of color and laughter and traces of reckless jubilance; hinting at the fact that many of the people surrounding her were still firmly entrapped in their youth. If she squinted just so, and wiped her mind blank of the events of the day before, she could almost call the whole thing infectious. The tall blonde who'd organized everything--while admittedly rather strange and high-strung--played hostess with a sort of wild enthusiasm that was altogether fascinating to watch. And the guests seemed decent enough as well. Not that she thought much of their clothing, but she supposed that that was a whole other story.
Still, despite the jarring liveliness of her surroundings, Jacqueline Shepherd was not having a good time. Her daughter had been distant with her since lunchtime, and was currently avoiding her completely, hidden somewhere in the sea of people. Addison, who she'd secretly hoped to rope in as an ally against the home wrecker that was Meredith Grey, had had nothing but polite things to say about the other women, and was currently nowhere to be found as well. She had managed to get some time alone to talk to her son, but that conversation had quickly dissolved into him berating her for sending Meredith Grey into hysterics the day before. And then, there was the problem of Meredith Grey herself. Jacqueline was trying to like her. Well, not exactly, but…she was entertaining the possibility of maybe trying to like her at some point in the future. It was just that--without even the slightest bit of effort--her mind managed to drum up a laundry list of flaws about the young woman. First of all, there was the home wrecking, which she hated. She had no idea how to begin getting past that one, but she supposed that if both Derek and Addison seemed fine with the idea of their home having been wrecked, she didn't have much to go on. It had been their marriage after all, not hers. Still…it certainly didn't win Meredith any points in her favor. And then, the girl was sleeping with her boss. That thought alone sent a thousand synonyms for slutty running through Jacqueline's brain. If she was going to be fair and logical about things, Derek was probably as much to blame for that as Meredith, but…he was her son. That was a good a reason as any to disregard fairness and logic. And, as if that weren't enough, there simply was nothing fascinating about Meredith Grey. Nothing catching. Nothing that could explain why her son suddenly claimed to love her more than life itself. At best, the girl was shy and timid. She obviously was intelligent, but there was something about her that just seemed weak--as if she were either unable or unwilling to defend herself. She didn't seem like a match for her son, but rather his inferior who could offer nothing in personality to make up for the fact that she was the sort of woman who destroyed marriages.
And yet, Derek defended her as if she were something rare and wonderful. His voice took on a tone that Jacqueline didn't recognize at all; something almost reverent. The contradictions sent her mind spinning wildly in confusion, and as she drifted aimlessly through the kitchen contemplating the couple, her gaze suddenly alighted on them.
They were located clear across the room, separated off in a small pantry. The door stood open, the molding like a picture frame around them, capturing their bowed forms in a portrait of happiness. Jacqueline had never watched them together unawares before, and she suddenly found herself unable to look away. There was something hypnotic about the sight of them together, ensconced in their own private world. The curve of Meredith's lips spoke of hope and happiness and love, and there was an endearing gentleness to her that Jacqueline had missed before. Letting her eyes drift down to her son, she found him on his knees. One hand lay over the large swollen weight of Meredith's stomach while the other stretched up idly towards her hair. His gaze never drifted from her face, but stayed fixed there like a star pulled into orbit. The look in his eyes was one Jacqueline had hoped to see from her son for years; a mingling of love and devotion that, if she were completely honest with herself, had always been a little bit lacking in his marriage. It wasn't that she doubted that Derek loved Addison, or had loved her…she supposed. But the way he was staring at Meredith was something else entirely. The man looked as if he'd just promised to fetch her the moon, and fully intended on keeping his word.
It took Jacqueline's breath away to see her son so happy, and she fiddled with her rings as she watched the couple interact, idly drifting closer towards them. Confusion filled her. It started in her chest as a sharp pang laced with guilt, but soon mellowed out to drift through her mind as an annoyingly persistent little thought. Jacqueline Shepherd was a woman prided herself on never being wrong, but, staring at them planted an inkling of doubt deep in her mind; a seed of possibility that maybe, this one time, she was. She shuffled a few steps closer, flirting with the idea of at least apologizing to Derek. She was deeply disappointed in him, but…he was her son. And as Jacqueline stared, trying to reconcile her medley of emotions over his divorce, her need to not lose her son, and the bafflingly intense way Meredith and Derek looked at each other, her mind finally drummed up an idea that she could accept. It seemed to be a missing puzzle piece of sorts, perfectly explaining everything that was going on: this was a rebound.
That had to be it. It would explain the enraptured looks, the intensity. She frowned to herself, nodding her head. After eleven years of marriage, who wouldn't mistake the sharp excitement of a new attraction for more than it was? Derek's heart had to have been tightly coiled by everything that had happened, and she only had to wait out the rebound--the wild, whiplash rebellion against good sense--to get her son back. This thing wouldn't last; it was too bright, too all-consuming to do anything other than burn out fast. And when it did, things could start to fall back towards normal again. All Jacqueline had to do was tolerate the idea of Meredith Grey until that happened, and perhaps speed the inevitable along if she could.
Having finally settled on a plan, she squared her shoulders. A vague scent of desperation seemed to hang around the whole thing, but she blotted the unwelcome odor out, studiously ignoring the tiny whisper in the back of her mind. It didn't feel quite like the truth, but it would have to do. It was something to hold on to. She took a few steps forward--intent on speaking to Derek again--when a hand reached out and caught her roughly by the elbow.
"Don't even think about it," said a female voice. The woman spoke quietly, but the words pulsed with something bitter and angry. As Jacqueline turned to see who had her arm in a death grip, she found herself staring down at a slight woman with wild black curls, and instantly filled with recognition. She'd met the woman earlier, in the den before the party had started. Cristina…she thought her name was. One of Meredith's friends.
"Excuse me?" asked Jacqueline stiffly, moving to pull her arm away. Cristina just gripped her that much tighter.
She scoffed bitterly, "You heard me. You're not going in there."
"I never said I was going--" began Jacqueline, denying her intentions of disrupting the couple. However, her words trailed off before they'd barely even started. Cristina was staring at her scathingly, seeming to effortlessly understand that she was lying. Clearing her throat, Jacqueline stood up a little straighter as she changed tactics. In a curt voice, she asked, "Why not?"
Cristina let out a strange bitter peal of laughter. It was almost triumphant, as if she'd been hoping for just such an opportunity. "Because," she said with a shrug, "Meredith doesn't like people." Her eyes raked disapprovingly down the length of Jacqueline's body, her lip curling slightly into something resembling a sneer. "And she certainly doesn't like you. Her party's nothing but a mob scene, and she's forced to pretend she's happy about it because she's Meredith, and she has this thing going on where she likes to suffer rather than speak up and possibly hurt her friends' feelings."
"That's…" tried Jacqueline, sighing in irritation.
"Oh, I'm not done," snapped Cristina. She crossed her arms over her chest, shifting so she stood between Jacqueline and the pathway to the pantry. "You," she quirked an eyebrow, eyes flashing, "You have been nothing but a bitch to her, and have plans to do nothing but continue being one." Jacqueline started to stutter out an indignant defense, but Cristina just shook her head and plowed on, speaking derisively, "Please, don't be Satan and a liar. I know you'd love nothing more than to go rip them apart right now, but you can't. Whether you want to admit it or not, they're going to be a family, and they need this. They both do."
"But he's my son," said Jacqueline huffily. "I'm his mother."
Cristina snorted. "He's a grown man, and frankly, I don't care who the hell you are. You're not going in there." She glanced over her shoulder at Meredith--finding her with her head bent towards Derek, their foreheads touching--and her eyes flashed with a fierce sort of loyalty. "You're not wrecking this for her. Not now."
"Meredith invited me!" The words came out in a defensive splutter, Jacqueline's usual certainty faltering in front of the strange angry woman staring challengingly up at her. "She wants me here."
"No," said Cristina, looking at Jacqueline incredulously. "She doesn't want you here. She wants nothing to do with you. The only reason you're here is because there isn't anything Meredith wouldn't do for Derek, which should give you an idea of just how much she loves your son." She crossed her arms over her chest, her voice growing brisk in anger. "And if you were a decent sort of person, you'd be happy he found someone who puts his happiness so consistently above her own."
Jacqueline's chin jutted out, her blue eyes sparking. "He had that," she said stubbornly. "He had that before her. He had a marriage."
"Right…" laughed Cristina, the word coming out mingled with a bitter peal of disbelieving laughter. "And that worked out real well for him." She paused, her voice taking on an overly sweet, mocking tone. "Nothing says 'Honey, I want you to be happy' quite like screwing your best friend."
Jacqueline just glared at her. "This is ridiculous," she huffed, straightening her jacket, and moving to sidestep Cristina.
Cristina simply moved right back in front of her. "You're not going in there," she reiterated, her voice gaining a harsh solemnity, something low and foreboding.
Jacqueline stiffened visibly, falling back a step. She started to move away, apparently deterred at last. However, halfway to leaving, she froze and turned slowly back around. Cristina stood just as she had been, arms crossed over her chest like some sort of wild and angry-haired sentry.
Jacqueline arched an eyebrow high into a single expressive arc; amazement and frustration mingling plainly on her brow. "Just who do you think you are?"
Cristina glanced over her shoulder at Meredith's oblivious form--still happily ensnared in a tiny perfect world that held only herself and Derek--before turning back to lock eyes once more with the other woman.
"I'm her person," she said simply, ignoring Jacqueline's obvious confusion.
She spoke the words as if they were answer enough. And they were.
-----
So yeah, that was part two. I think I may ramble a lot…because it's not insane o'clock yet, so I'm not falling asleep as I type. And well, I do enjoy rambling. Anyways, Mer first I guess. So this chapter is almost all her. Because it's her party. And it's really not the sort of thing that she wants at all. It's very much what Izzie would like, and the whole surprise party that Izzie threw for her was, in a way, rather selfish. (What…Izzie? Selfish? Why, I never…) But yeah, Mer is just trying to go along with it because Izzie did tell her about her daughter, and she gets that a lot of this is probably related to what Izzie felt she missed when she was sixteen. Besides, everyone is really excited and happy for her, and she almost feels guilty for not really being able to get into the whole thing. So yeah, the party? Very overwhelming and exhausting for Mer. She's uncomfortable. She's in pain. She just wants to hide, and have the whole thing be over already. However, it does give her time to talk to Nancy a little bit. And…they don't hate each other. They definitely started out on the wrong foot thanks to Nancy, but…they're making progress.
And Cristina did a lot of rescuing Mer this chapter, first with the crowd of people overtaking Mer at the start of the party, and then, without her knowing, from Jacqueline. She's guilty over just how crazy the party ended up being, and well, Mer's her person. Seriously. And she really has come around to the idea of Mer/Der despite tending to grumble about/tease them. She just doesn't want to endorse them too mushily to their faces, but she can do it to Jacqueline. And well, Jacqueline is not so nice, to put it mildly. However, she starts to get it when she's sort of spying on Mer/Der in the pantry. Basically, she sees him proposing to her, and, in that moment, you'd pretty much have to be blind to miss how in love they are. She starts to get it, that Derek's happy, that maybe, just maybe, she's been wrong about this whole thing. However, she doesn't want to be wrong, and she switches into the defensive. She doesn't know she saw them getting engaged, and so she's able to decide that the looks she saw aren't this huge love, but rather this intense, heated fling that's happening because Derek's finally free from his marriage. She's thinking it's something that's going to just blow over exactly while they're promising each other that they'll be together forever. And well, she doesn't quite believe her theory herself because she saw how they were, and that image is still very much in her mind. But, for now, she's clinging to the idea.
And yeah, Mer/Der. He…asked her to marry him. However, he didn't mean to. Had no ring. Definitely wasn't planning it. Derek just looked up at her, and the words sort of came pouring out. At first, he's almost as shocked as her. And at first, they're both terrified by what he's just asked, but, by the time Mer says yes, it's become exactly what they both want. And well, they're happy. They're about to have a baby, they're engaged. For once, they're not the problem in each other's lives. They're the good thing.
So yes…coming up, part three of the party, in which there are many, many presents to be opened. And things that need to be said are finally said. And yes, lots of drama. But anyways, that's about it for now. Thanks so much for reading!