Thanks, as always, for the reviews. And my apologies for Stabler fans out there. He was a convenient antagonist for Bobby in this story, but I do ask that you be patient and see how the story evolves.
Disclaimer: Standard
Chapter Five
He won his battle for control as he walked down the long, grey corridor, out the door into the grey light, opened the car door and sat on the grey, fake leather seats, and drove down the long, grey drive. He continued to win the battle as he pulled out on the road leading into the small town and then on to the highway. But as he drove south he began to lose the battle, and roughly an hour into the drive he gave up. He turned the car into a rest area and pounded the steering wheel.
"Why! Why! Why!" he screamed. "Why does it have to be this way? Why can't she see? I'm trying to help her…I've always tried to help her. Why does it have to be me? I lost my childhood…I gave up a chance at a family…Why…why…why can't I help her…Why…"
The rage flooded away, replaced by despair. He stopped pounding the wheel and gripped it tightly as he fought against the sobs rising in his chest. "No…no…" he murmured, but this battle was as hopeless as his first. The sobs overwhelmed him, and he slumped in the car seat.
A bright, stunning light woke him. Bobby bolted up and blinked at the light. As his eyes adjusted, he saw a state trooper standing beside the driver's door. Bobby rolled down the window.
"Ok in there?" the trooper asked. His voice was friendly and concerned, but Bobby sensed the tension behind the words.
"Well, of course," Bobby thought. "There's a killer on this road…"
He swallowed. "Uh, yea…I was driving…got tired and thought I should pull over…"
The trooper nodded. "Could I just see your license, please?"
"Sure." Bobby pulled out his wallet and handed his license to the trooper, who studied it carefully.
"New York City…You're a little away from home…"
"I…I was visiting my mother…She's a patient at the…the psychiatric hospital in Carmel Ridge."
The trooper looked at him with pity, and Bobby felt the usual combination of anger and shame.
"Ok now?" the trooper asked as he handed the license back to Bobby.
"Yea," Bobby said as he placed the license in his wallet. "Just needed a little nap."
"Ok," the trooper said quietly. "Just be careful…stop at a hotel if you need to."
Bobby nodded. "Thank you…I will…"
He pulled out and knew that the trooper watched him. "He's probably writing down my license plate number right now," Bobby thought.
The ring of his cell phone broke into his dark thoughts. "Oh, God," he thought. "Please…not another…"
"Bobby…I'm sorry…if you're with your mother…" It was Alex, shaky and apologetic.
"Al…Eames…It's all right…I…I've left…what's wrong?"
"I…I…It's so stupid…I had a bad dream…" She was embarrassed and frightened.
"I'll be there…in about a half an hour." A wave of guilt swept over Bobby as he realized he welcomed the chance to devote his attention to Alex.
"Bobby…you don't have to…just hearing your voice…It's already made things better…" Her voice was less shaky.
"It's ok…really…It's on the way…and…" His voice was now the shaky one. "I'd like to see you."
"All right," Alex said. "I'll put the hot chocolate on."
With Alex as his goal, Bobby drove with renewed energy. The memory of his mother's rants and accusations faded with the miles on the highway.
When he reached Alex's home, he was relieved to see only a few lights in her windows. When he knocked on her door, she unbolted only one lock. When she opened the door, Alex looked pale and shivered, but her eyes were clear and calm.
"Hey," she said.
"Hey," he said.
"There's the hot chocolate…and I can get you some food…"
"I…I'm not hungry," Bobby said softly. "The chocolate will be great…" He rubbed the back of his neck. "It…it was a rough afternoon."
Her eyes were filled with…"No," Bobby thought. "Not pity…not from Alex…not her." He studied her. "Compassion," he thought. "It's compassion…"
He took the cup of the hot, rich liquid from Alex. Their hands met, and they briefly reveled in the shared warmth. When Alex finally released the cup to Bobby's care, their cheeks were slightly red.
"I…I…" He swallowed.
"It's ok…This seems to be one of those nights when we need each other." Alex's voice was calm and betrayed none of her fears.
Bobby sipped the chocolate. "Yea," he finally admitted.
"It's not just…just what happened to me," Alex said. She sat on her couch with her feet curled beneath her, a position that always caused Bobby to think of an elegant cat. "It's this case too…The thought that…that some poor woman…is out there…" She stared into her cup.
"I know," Bobby said softly. "But I think…the failed cop idea…may pan out…It's just a matter of slogging through all of the potential suspects…Huang and I are also pretty sure this guy must have gone through some pretty horrible abuse as a kid…almost certainly at the hands of his mother or some other female authority figure…If we can just find someone who fits all of that…"
"And frequents Route 15," Alex added.
"Yea," Bobby said. Alex watched as he disappeared into his thoughts.
"Hey," she said. "Earth to Bobby…What's going on?"
"Just…just a thought…" He shook his head. "Sorry…It's bad enough I can't shut my brain off…Now you can't…"
Alex touched his shoulder. "Don't," she warned him. "Don't blame yourself…You're here…You're helping me…"
"I think," he said. "We're helping each other."
There was no question about where Bobby would sleep that night. He and Alex slipped beneath the covers of her large bed—Bobby occasionally commented that her bed was bigger than his; "Lucky for you," she snorted—and held each other.
"Ross would have a fit about this," Alex murmured.
Bobby chuckled. "Stabler would be furious…"
Alex giggled.
"What?" Bobby asked.
"Stabler," she answered. "He's the least stable detective on this case…"
Bobby smiled. "Oh, I think he has a way to go to catch me…"
"Bobby," Alex warned; she hated it when he joined the chorus of his critics. "You're not unstable…"
"Ok…eccentric then."
Alex considered this. "All right," she said. "Eccentric…sounds nice and not threatening…suggests you're rich…"
"Much better than weird," Bobby said. He rubbed comforting circles on Alex's back.
The slept well, if not long, and drove together into the city, Bobby happily turning over the wheel of his car to Alex. They'd arrived at work together so often for so long that it was no longer an item of interest to the rest of the squad. Ross had noticed it and questioned it.
"Habit," Alex responded simply. "His place is on my way…and we get to pick each other's brains…"
That was before the "thing"; before Bobby's near fatal confrontation; and his mother's illness. After those events, Ross appeared ill inclined to question anything that helped his best two detectives.
They were scarcely in the office when Bobby received a call. "Goren," he answered and looked across their desks at Alex. "Stabler…what…a break in the case? That's great…" Alex saw the tension slip from Bobby's body. "Can you…ok…sure…we'll be right over…"
"What is it?" Alex asked as he hung up.
"We need to get over to SVU," Bobby said. "Stabler thinks he's found something…said he needs to talk with us…"
"God…I hope it's something," Alex said.
As they drove to SVU, Alex and Bobby tried to restrain their speculations and hopes. The case had been horribly free of any breaks, and neither wanted to jinx the possibility that the situation had changed. Olivia Benson guided them to an interview room.
"I don't know what Elliott's got," she said. "He's being very mysterious about it."
"If he's got something that helps," Bobby said. "He can act any way he wants."
George Huang joined them. "What's this about? I got a message from Elliott saying he had information that might blow the case open."
"That's all we got, too," Benson said.
Stabler walked into the room. His jacket was off; his sleeves rolled up; his tie loose. He carried a very thick, slightly yellowed folder. He looked at Bobby in a way that sent all of Alex's protective feelings about her partner into full alert.
"Thanks for coming so quickly," Stabler said. Alex recognized the tone of his voice. It was the same tone she and Bobby and every detective used when they were trying to gain a suspect's trust. Stabler wasn't in Bobby's league when it came to employing that voice—few were—but he was very good. "Anyone need any coffee?" Stabler asked.
"Eames and I are already drowning in it," Bobby replied genially, but Alex knew Stabler's tone hadn't escaped her partner.
Benson leaned against the end of the table. "And you know I try to avoid the stuff around here, Elliott."
Huang smiled. "And for good reason."
"Ok," Stabler said, and sat at the long table. Bobby took a seat next to Alex, while Huang sat across from her. Stabler sat at one end of the table, separated from Alex by an empty chair. Benson eyed her partner warily from her perch.
"I want to be sure, " Stabler said calmly and clearly. He looked at Huang and then Bobby. "That I understand what we know about this guy…"
Stabler's hand covered the front of the file. Alex saw that Huang and Bobby's curiosity about that file was equal to or greater than her own.
"The only physical description we have is that he's big…probably white or Hispanic…certainly dark…"
"And," Bobby interrupted gently. "As much as I like Mrs. Czechowski, her identification wasn't definite…and we don't know if she saw the guy…"
Stabler nodded. "According to the profile Goren and Huang have put together, our suspect may be involved with law enforcement…maybe a failed cop…maybe even a cop…He's experienced a crisis recently…maybe several…recently…These are probably related to a woman…or women in his life…The victims resemble them…He was probably abused by his mother or another female authority figure…"
"That's about it," Huang said. "A lot of this is pretty basic, Elliott…"
"And profiling is an art…not a science," Bobby said wryly.
"Goren has also mentioned that it seems like the killer knows a lot about our investigation." Stabler's tone took on an edge.
Alex felt Bobby stiffen next to her.
"So, I've been thinking that this killer is close to us…very close perhaps…" Stabler's voice was colder.
Alex felt a bubble of rage form in her stomach.
"Get to the point, Stabler," Bobby said in a low, even voice. Alex struggled not to shiver as she recognized that voice. It was nearly always followed by an explosion.
"Dark…big…a cop…a very bright cop…frustrated by changes at work…A mother—a dark eyed and haired petite woman who was a librarian—who is ill…His partner recently attacked…" Alex jerked involuntarily; Bobby was eerily still.
Stabler continued. "A cop who was recently at the wrong end of a gun…"
"You've made your point," Huang said angrily.
"And this…" Stabler grabbed the file and smacked it on the table in front of Bobby. "From Child Protective Services…"
Alex stared at the fading letters on the file; they read "Robert O. Goren."
End Chapter Five